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  #51  
Old 12-27-2016, 11:11 AM
SuperAbe SuperAbe is offline
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Mike: Hey, Froot Loops, want to hit your fan switch?
Howard: Check.
Dimitri: He calls you Froot Loops because of your very gay haircut?
Howard: No, it's 'cause I live with my mom and she makes me Froot Loops.
Dimitri: Go with gay story, people are more accepting of that.
  #52  
Old 12-27-2016, 11:14 AM
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Wolowitz: Raj, did you ever tell your sister about the time Sheldon got punched by Bill Gates?
Priya: Oh, God, you're kidding.
Raj: No, Gates gave a speech at the university. Sheldon went up to him afterwards and said, "Maybe if you weren't so distracted by sick children in Africa you could have put a little more thought into Windows Vista."
Leonard: Bam, right in the nose. Made me proud to own a PC.
  #53  
Old 12-27-2016, 01:56 PM
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The more you cling to this construct the more you're hurting your partner.
  #54  
Old 12-27-2016, 02:02 PM
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I can't keep a secret. I have more nervous tics than a Lyme disease research facility.
  #55  
Old 12-27-2016, 02:10 PM
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Leonard: Come on, we need a four person team, we’re four people.

Sheldon: By that reasoning we should also play bridge, hold up a chuppah, and enter the Olympic bobsled competition.

Penny: I want tickets to that, please!
  #56  
Old 12-27-2016, 02:38 PM
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Oh it's a tiara! Tiara! I have a tiara! Put it on me! Put it on me!
  #57  
Old 12-27-2016, 03:12 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Bernadette: Little warning before you jump into this marriage business. You're not just marrying him, you're marrying his family.
Penny: I think Leonard's mom's okay with me.
Bernadette: It doesn't matter if she's okay with you. The question is, can she go to the bathroom by herself?
  #58  
Old 12-27-2016, 03:23 PM
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that's not how we roll in The Shire
  #59  
Old 12-27-2016, 04:07 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Bernadette: Aww, Raj did the dishes.
Howard: How do you know I didn't do them?
Bernadette: Because once when all the knives were dirty, you cut a bagel with your keys.
  #60  
Old 12-27-2016, 04:24 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Science is my lady!
  #61  
Old 12-27-2016, 04:30 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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I'm glad I got that mocha. And you know what else I'm glad about? I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!
  #62  
Old 12-27-2016, 04:54 PM
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And here's Uranus!
  #63  
Old 12-27-2016, 05:29 PM
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It's not funny anymore, James
Then why am I laughing?

Last edited by eschereal; 12-27-2016 at 05:29 PM. Reason: bye bye, Princess
  #64  
Old 12-27-2016, 06:46 PM
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Leonard: My parents focused on celebrating achievements, and my being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them.
  #65  
Old 12-27-2016, 07:57 PM
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Penny: Sheldon I need you
Sheldon: To what?
Penny:To take me
Sheldon: I'm not taking you anywhere till you put a shirt on
  #66  
Old 12-27-2016, 10:59 PM
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Tonight they're running an episode with Bob Newhart. That man is a national treasure.

Professor Proton: Oh this, this is weird. Most of my robes open in the back.

Professor Proton: Oh wait, what is this?

*Pulls out lightsaber and waves it around.*

Professor Proton: *laughs* Neat-O.

Professor Proton: I'm uh, I'm, I'm going to need a band-aid.
  #67  
Old 12-27-2016, 11:09 PM
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I've got a hot former fat girl with no self-esteem, I got a girl who punishes her father by sleeping around, and an alcoholic who's two tequila shots away from letting you wear her like a hat.
  #68  
Old 12-27-2016, 11:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick Kitchen View Post
Amy: I guess it must have been back when I was in the Girl Sprouts.
Bernadette: Girl Sprouts?
Amy: My mom made it up as an alternative to the Girl Scouts. She didn't want me selling cookies on some street corner like a whore.
This is also in the episode I am watching right now. Man this show is great.
  #69  
Old 12-28-2016, 08:44 AM
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Tepid water, please.
  #70  
Old 12-28-2016, 08:53 AM
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Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off Orange Chicken as Tangerine Chicken, and I intend to confront them.
Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what they're passing off as chicken.
  #71  
Old 12-28-2016, 09:05 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Originally Posted by eschereal View Post
It's not funny anymore, James
Then why am I laughing?
I came in to post this:

Carrie Fisher: It's not funny any more, James.
James Earl Jones: Then why am I laughing?

One of the best episodes ever. In tribute.
  #72  
Old 12-28-2016, 11:48 AM
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Penny: Has Leonard ever dated any regular girls?
Sheldon: Well, I assume that you're not talking about digestive regularity, because I've come to learn that such inquiries are inappropriate.
  #73  
Old 12-28-2016, 12:18 PM
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Hawking: You made an arithmetic mistake on page 2. It was quite a boner.

Sheldon: No that can't be right I don't make arithmetic mistakes.

Hawking: Are you saying I do?

Sheldon: No of course not. I was just thinking..Oh gosh golly I made a boo-boo. And I gave it to Stephen Hawking. *faints*

Hawking: Great, Another fainter.
  #74  
Old 12-28-2016, 12:23 PM
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Raj: We just got back from that exhibit of those plasticized cadavers.
Howard: Some of those skinless chicks were hot.
  #75  
Old 12-28-2016, 01:19 PM
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Apparently there is no law of diminishing comedic returns when it comes to space poop.
  #76  
Old 12-28-2016, 10:49 PM
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Penny: Oh come on I touched one onion ring.

Sheldon: And then you put it back compromising the integrity of all the other onion rings.



Now I'm in the mood for onion rings.
  #77  
Old 12-28-2016, 11:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
I came in to post this:

Carrie Fisher: It's not funny any more, James.
James Earl Jones: Then why am I laughing?

One of the best episodes ever. In tribute.
I think I read that that was the first time the two of them ever met.
  #78  
Old 12-28-2016, 11:23 PM
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That's pretty interesting. I had always just assumed that main actors would at least have lunch or dinner together even if they weren't on screen together.



Penny: What's wrong?

Sheldon: I don't understand my food. Chinese noodles with Korean BBQ and a taco.
  #79  
Old 12-28-2016, 11:42 PM
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I can identify every insect and arachnid on the planet. Not that that's going to keep me from having to move in with my daughter in Oxnard. And we're not talking Oxnard at the beach. No! We're talking Oxnard in the onion fields.
  #80  
Old 12-29-2016, 04:40 AM
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Leonard: Whoa, I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim, Leslie Winkle... [long pause indicating the end of the counting]
Sheldon: Notify the editors of The Oxford English Dictionary: The word "plenty" has been redefined to mean "two".
  #81  
Old 12-29-2016, 01:08 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Queen Penelope AFK...WHA-AT?
  #82  
Old 12-29-2016, 09:02 PM
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Excuse me. Are you currently involved in a sexual relationship?

No ... ?

Would you like to be?
  #83  
Old 12-29-2016, 11:13 PM
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Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend hanging out together? That can only be good for you.
...
You are a mean little man.
  #84  
Old 12-30-2016, 12:31 AM
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Raj: Hey dude, you're killing me with Claire.

Zack: What are you talking about?

Raj: Come on look at you. You're classically handsome. You got a swimmers body. Next to you I look like me.


Classic Raj.
  #85  
Old 12-30-2016, 12:40 AM
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Bernadette: We found out Howard's family and my family used to be neighbors back in Poland.

Penny: Oh, that's nice.

Amy: No, it's not. I'll explain it to you later.
  #86  
Old 12-30-2016, 04:00 AM
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Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14, and I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make paper-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava.
  #87  
Old 12-30-2016, 09:17 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Penny: Ok, now you gotta help me get my arm into the sleeve.
Sheldon: Ok.
Penny: Is that my arm?
Sheldon: It doesn’t feel like an arm.
Penny: Then, maybe you should let it go.
Sheldon: All righty.
  #88  
Old 12-30-2016, 09:33 AM
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Penny: Can I tell you a secret?
Raj: Yeah.
Penny: I screwed up. Leonard's a great guy. Never should have broken up with him.
Raj: Well er, to paraphrase Shakespeare - It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography.

Last edited by Cardigan; 12-30-2016 at 09:34 AM.
  #89  
Old 12-30-2016, 09:41 AM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Hello, Mummy, hello, Daddy...I'm not drunk.
  #90  
Old 12-30-2016, 03:13 PM
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Howard: I believe one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
Leonard: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species and someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.
  #91  
Old 12-30-2016, 09:20 PM
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I mix pancake batter in this!
No, that cup has always been for urine.
You had time to make a label for everything else in the apartment but you couldn't find ten seconds to make a label that says "urine cup"?
It's right there on the bottom.
Oh.
I guess I owe the Betty Crocker company a letter of apology.
  #92  
Old 12-31-2016, 05:31 AM
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You know what? If it's creepy to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I'm creepy.
  #93  
Old 12-31-2016, 12:03 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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James Earl Jones: Let me guess. You like Star Wars. You know, I’ve been in other movies. But you don’t care about those, do you? I have one thing to say to people like you. I like Star Wars, too. Care to join me?

Sheldon: Thank you. My friend Leonard said if I bothered you while you were eating, you’d think I was a creepy stalker.

James Earl Jones: Well, your friend Leonard sounds like a real weenie.

Sheldon: He is, Mr. Earl Jones, he is.
  #94  
Old 12-31-2016, 12:25 PM
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Penny:" Holy crap on a cracker!"
  #95  
Old 12-31-2016, 03:01 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Oh, good God, what have we done?
  #96  
Old 12-31-2016, 04:50 PM
epbrown01 epbrown01 is offline
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"Gravity, thou art a heartless bitch."
"The smell! You can sort of feel it in your eyes."
"I'll point out that I'm at the top of my profession, while you' preside over the children's table of yours."
"Too bad that guy in the painting isn't here to help you move it."
"Dr. Rostenkowski, saying "whee!" does not make the land speeder go faster."

Howard: I can always feel when Raj is in trouble!
Bernadette: How close were you two before we got married?
Leonard: You don't want to turn over that rock...

I can't bring home a white boy - my parents would have a cow, which is a much bigger deal in India.

Leonard, how come you never mentioned this woman who lives across the hall, and comes over in the morning in her underwear?

Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts.

He said I could drive a car on Mars.

Last edited by epbrown01; 12-31-2016 at 04:52 PM.
  #97  
Old 12-31-2016, 07:15 PM
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Sheldon: Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of 'Rock-Paper-Scissors', players familiar with each other will tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest 'Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock'.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: It's very simple. Look -- Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
Raj: Okay. I think I got it.
Sheldon and Raj: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock! [both play Spock and groan in frustration]
  #98  
Old 01-01-2017, 02:18 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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One more time?

Certainly. Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
  #99  
Old 01-01-2017, 03:02 PM
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Earlier this evening, she threw a digital sheep at some guy named Mike. Who's Mike? Why does he get a digital sheep and not you?
  #100  
Old 01-01-2017, 03:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooky View Post
Penny:" Holy crap on a cracker!"
You probably don't want to go in there.
Why, what are they doing?
You know, the only way I could explain it would be in a therapist's office, with dolls.
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