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  #101  
Old 01-01-2017, 08:22 PM
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Amy:

"Absolon hath kist hir nether ye,
"And Nicholas is scalded in the towte.
"This tale is doon, and God save al the rowte!"

Penny: What the hell was that?

Amy: Bernadette dared me to tell a dirty story. "The Miller's Tale" by Chaucer is the dirtiest story I know. It would have been hidden in sock drawers if people had worn socks back then.

Bernadette: I thought it was pretty spicy.

(To anyone not familiar with it, it's a pretty filthy story. Literal assholes are mentioned twice in the short part quoted here.)
  #102  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:27 AM
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Penny: Happy Birthday to me, theres tears in the frosting, Happy Birthday to me
  #103  
Old 01-02-2017, 06:26 AM
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Sheldon: I'm afraid I can't allow that. Pursuant to Starfleet General Order 104, Section A, you are deemed unfit, and I hereby relieve you of your command.
Leonard: General Order 104, Section A does not apply in this situation.
Sheldon: Give me one good reason why not.
Leonard: BECAUSE THIS IS NOT STAR TREK!
  #104  
Old 01-02-2017, 07:51 AM
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LOL!

That has to be the episode where they dress up as Next Gen. characters and get their car stolen. Even if it's not I'm still laughing my face off over here.

God bless it I'm tired as hell. It's 4 AM here. I only got out of bed cuz I couldn't sleep and to watch some BBT episodes to contribute to this thread.

Ok, I was going to quote the whole exchange but I think it's funnier for just this bit.



Sheldon: I'll have you know Mahatma Ghandi wore no pants and a nation rallied behind him.

Sheldon: My good man, now before you walk away, I know that I may appear deranged but I am in fact a world renowned physicist. Ask me the difference between a boson and a fermion. Ya go a head ask. Bosons have interger spin. Fermions have halfe interger spin. My legs are getting cold. Why won't anybody help me?


Thanks for starting this thread panache45 it's been a lot of fun.
  #105  
Old 01-02-2017, 10:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooky View Post
Penny: Happy Birthday to me, theres tears in the frosting, Happy Birthday to me
Uh, Amy....
  #106  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Drunky Smurf View Post
That has to be the episode where they dress up as Next Gen. characters and get their car stolen.
No, it's an ep that has nothing whatsoever to do with Star Trek. It's just Sheldon being... Sheldon.
  #107  
Old 01-02-2017, 10:23 PM
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I just performed a sheldonectomy.
Careful, if you don't get it all, it'll only come back worse.
  #108  
Old 01-03-2017, 08:45 AM
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Ah, memory impairment; the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle
  #109  
Old 01-03-2017, 10:19 AM
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Penny: I'll tell you what happened. We were young, we were very much in love, but we could only communicate through a time-traveling mailbox at my lake house.
Sheldon: It's not enough that you made me watch that movie, but now you mock me with it?!
  #110  
Old 01-03-2017, 11:51 AM
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No, it's an ep that has nothing whatsoever to do with Star Trek. It's just Sheldon being... Sheldon.
Seriously? I am off my game.
  #111  
Old 01-03-2017, 01:29 PM
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I need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formals squats the Toad of Truth.
  #112  
Old 01-04-2017, 02:35 AM
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Raj: Howard lives with his Mom

Howard:I live there to save money

Raj: Ya he doesn't need to buy food, he's still breast feeding
  #113  
Old 01-04-2017, 06:20 AM
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Sheldon: Good morning, Dr. Stephanie. I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night?
Leonard: Oh, come on! Sheldon, we don’t ask questions like that.
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over! How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
  #114  
Old 01-04-2017, 09:16 AM
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I thought hypochondria was an idiosyncrasy of Jewish people!
  #115  
Old 01-04-2017, 09:49 AM
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"A Neutron Walks Into A Bar And Asks How Much For A Drink. The Bartender Replies For You, No Charge"
  #116  
Old 01-04-2017, 10:43 AM
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I've said this before and I'll say it again: Aquaman sucks!
  #117  
Old 01-04-2017, 11:56 AM
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Too bad it's not French Toast Day.
  #118  
Old 01-04-2017, 12:41 PM
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Penny: A smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone before he tries to take nude photos of his girlfriend.
Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
Penny: THAT'S WHAT YOU TOOK FROM THAT?! THE GUY IS MARRIED!
  #119  
Old 01-04-2017, 02:03 PM
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Raj: I'm sorry I'm so late. I was on the phone with my mother.
Bernadette: How is she?
Raj: Pretty good. She bought the book Eat, Pray, Love, and used it to set my father's Mercedes on fire.
  #120  
Old 01-04-2017, 04:26 PM
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but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum
  #121  
Old 01-04-2017, 11:16 PM
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Penny: Holy crap on a cracker
  #122  
Old 01-05-2017, 04:06 AM
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Sheldon: [gasps] I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy?!
Penny: Well... [looks toward Leonard then back to Sheldon] yeah, I guess. But look, he signed it!
Sheldon: [visibly shaking] Do you realize what this means?!?! All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!!
Penny: Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.
  #123  
Old 01-05-2017, 09:09 AM
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I've said this before and I'll say it again: Aquaman sucks!
Oh, man, Scooter sucks. He's like the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies.
  #124  
Old 01-05-2017, 09:17 AM
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Amy is right. I do want to fling my poop at her.
  #125  
Old 01-05-2017, 09:28 AM
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Do you realize what this MEANS?!! All I need is a healthy ovum, and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!
Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
It's very simple. Look -- Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
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Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
Okay, all Iím giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eschereal View Post
It's not funny anymore, James
Then why am I laughing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
I came in to post this:

Carrie Fisher: It's not funny any more, James.
James Earl Jones: Then why am I laughing?

One of the best episodes ever. In tribute.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooky View Post
Penny:" Holy crap on a cracker!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
Sheldon: Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of 'Rock-Paper-Scissors', players familiar with each other will tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest 'Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock'.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: It's very simple. Look -- Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
Raj: Okay. I think I got it.
Sheldon and Raj: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock! [both play Spock and groan in frustration]
Quote:
Originally Posted by ivylass View Post
One more time?

Certainly. Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooky View Post
Penny: Holy crap on a cracker
Man, that show has a lot of reruns.
  #126  
Old 01-05-2017, 10:19 AM
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I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.
  #127  
Old 01-05-2017, 04:25 PM
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Barry: We'we aww pathetic and cweepy and can't get giwws. That's why we fight wobots. If you'we not thewe, you'ww be exposed to widicule.
Raj: I'm curious, what part of America is that accent from?
  #128  
Old 01-05-2017, 07:06 PM
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You do understand that it will distract you from obsessing over the rich variety of sweet loving that your ex-boyfriend is currently receiving from the fiery jewel of Mumbai.
  #129  
Old 01-06-2017, 12:10 AM
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Is having a real life girlfriend that want's to have sex with you,
getting in the way of your board games?
  #130  
Old 01-06-2017, 02:11 AM
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Amy: Well, Howard and Bernadette had their baby.

Sheldons Mom: Oh that's wonderful. Now have they decided to raise it Jewish or regular.
  #131  
Old 01-06-2017, 03:52 AM
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Penny: Oh, Leonard. If we moved in together, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: And you thought my acting classes were a waste of money.
  #132  
Old 01-06-2017, 03:41 PM
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Penny : You better snatch up bernadettemaryannrostenkowskiwolowitz.com before someone else beats you to it.
Bernadette: Oh, Howard's already taken care of that.
  #133  
Old 01-06-2017, 07:19 PM
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You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
  #134  
Old 01-06-2017, 08:44 PM
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Lol! That episode is on tonight in my area.

Now if you live east of me and it already did air in your neck of the woods and that's why you quoted it then just ignore me.
  #135  
Old 01-07-2017, 02:21 AM
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That is my spot. In an ever-changing world it is a simple point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be [0,0,0,0].
  #136  
Old 01-07-2017, 09:48 AM
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If you're short of cash, there's always a couple of fifties in Green Lantern's ass.
  #137  
Old 01-07-2017, 07:59 PM
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Howard: [about Summer Glau] I have eleven hours with her in a confined space. Unless she's willing to jump off a moving train and tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz.
Leonard: [short pause] My money's on tuck and roll.
  #138  
Old 01-08-2017, 07:16 AM
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I keep telling you if I wasn't an Astrophysicist, I'd be a party planner!
  #139  
Old 01-08-2017, 09:53 AM
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Sheldon: You hear about this on TV, but you never think it will happen to you.
Leonard: So they steamed your dumplings. Get over it!
  #140  
Old 01-08-2017, 04:26 PM
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Sheldon: Excuse me Officer Hernandez? Any leads on a person who stole my belongings?

Officer Hernandez: Not yet.

Sheldon: Perhaps I can help. Sherlock Holmes always says, "When you eliminate the impossible whatever remains however improbable must be the truth." Now, now, have you tried doing that?

Officer Hernandez: Nope.

Sheldon: Well, maybe you should. There's lots of books called Sherlock Holmes and there's no books called Officer Hernandez.

Last edited by Drunky Smurf; 01-08-2017 at 04:26 PM.
  #141  
Old 01-08-2017, 08:02 PM
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Thor and Dr. Jones!
Thor and Dr. Jones!
One plays with lightning...
The other plays with bones!
  #142  
Old 01-08-2017, 08:51 PM
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Howard: Let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Howard: So there IS a number!?
  #143  
Old 01-09-2017, 10:46 AM
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I can't be in your debt, you might someday ask me to help you move, or kill somebody
  #144  
Old 01-09-2017, 12:41 PM
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Raj: Boy, I'm so hungry today. I wonder why.
Howard: Because you had sex the other night?
Raj: You know what, that might be it. By the way, it isn't like riding a bike. I fell off a few times.
  #145  
Old 01-09-2017, 01:02 PM
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Stuart: Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: "More wrong"? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is; it's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.
  #146  
Old 01-10-2017, 09:36 AM
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And I don’t know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up!
  #147  
Old 01-10-2017, 10:29 AM
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You're not supposed to be enjoying this.
Then maybe you need to spank me harder.
  #148  
Old 01-10-2017, 01:45 PM
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You know... I’m given to understand that there’s an entire city in Nevada… designed specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems... and replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
  #149  
Old 01-10-2017, 03:53 PM
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Leonard: Oh, hey, Stuart. This is Penny. She's looking for some comic books.
Stuart: Oh, really? Blink twice if you're here against your will.
  #150  
Old 01-10-2017, 07:56 PM
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What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?
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