Straight Dope Message Board

[Uncommon Sense]

Inspired by a video I saw where some millennials were offended by just about everything they said to each other while on a date.

The game is simple.

I'll post the first benign, purposely unoffensive comment and you make up some reason to be offended by that comment. Hyperbole and sarcasm a necessity.
(Be sure to quote the comment in your response.)

Then post your own benign comment, etc.

Example:
I drove the speed limit all the way to work today.

Next Poster:

I drove the speed limit all the way to work today.

Thanks a lot F***er, I was the guy stuck behind you while everyone else in the left lane was going 20 over! Couldn't pass you, was late for work. Again.


First comment;

Can't wait for spring to get here, it's been so cold lately.

[Annie-Xmas]

Yeah, right. When the warm weather gets here, I have to dig out my warm weather clothes and replace anything that doesn't fit anymore. And winter clothes add bulk. so people think that extra weight is clothes, not you. Now I have to diet AND get new clothes.

This cup of coffee really hits the spot.

[Cardigan]

Great just what the world needs - another freak probably extolling the virtues of cat poop coffee!

I just found a $100 bill! I should rush down to the gospel mission and donate it to some needy soul.

[Annie-Xmas]

Where they will probably spend it on hookers and blow.

I just won two tickets for Broadway's Frozen!

[kayaker]

Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas

I just won two tickets for Broadway's Frozen!

The producer of Frozen! raped my grandmother, I'll have you know. Twice.


So, my lunch was especially good today.

[Uncommon Sense]

Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas

I just won two tickets for Broadway's Frozen!

Do you have any idea what the carbon footprint of a Broadway show is?
I heard it was the equivalent of 63 Jumbo 747's flying to the moon and back.

I'm looking out the office window and it's actually snowing out.

[Shodan]

Originally Posted by Uncommon Sense

I'm looking out the office window and it's actually snowing out.

So you are one of those climate-change denialists? Don't you read?

I am looking forward to the weekend.

Regards,
Shodan

[burpo the wonder mutt]

nm

[iiandyiiii]

Originally Posted by Shodan

I am looking forward to the weekend.

Regards,
Shodan

How horrendous! Don't you know that victims of sex trafficking never have weekends to enjoy?

I made a Caesar salad and it was delicious.

[Riemann]

"Regards"? Is that some kind of passive-aggressive bullshit signoff or what?

I am trying to enlarge my vocabulary, my word for the day is protoplasm.

ETA: dammit, ninjaed

[iiandyiiii]

nm

[Beckdawrek]

Originally Posted by Riemann

"Regards"? Is that some kind of passive-aggressive bullshit signoff or what?

I am trying to enlarge my vocabulary, my word for the day is protoplasm.

ETA: dammit, ninjaed

I hate people who learn new words and just try to put them in a conversation. They sound so stupid.

My puppy smells so nice, I just picked her up from the groomer.

[iiandyiiii]

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek

I hate people who learn new words and just try to put them in a conversation. They sound so stupid.

My puppy smells so nice, I just picked her up from the groomer.

How dare you enslave another creature for your own enjoyment? Set it free, you monster!

I had a tasty glass of bock beer.

[Aspenglow]

Beer... do you know how many carbs are in that beer? I have a grain allergy! You people make me sick. Really. Physically sick.

Isn't it wonderful to see the beautiful spring flowers in bloom?

[Riemann]

Jesus, haven't you heard of trigger warnings? I have a pollen allergy! With your grain allergy, you really should know better.

I plan to spend Sunday morning watching Paris-Roubaix.

[Sunny Daze]

How nice for you. You get to lay in bed and watch sports. Some of us have to get up and work for a living!

Did you hear they've discovered a way to cure dementia in the elderly?

[Riemann]

Of course! They cured it years ago, but Big Pharma makes more money ripping off confused old people for the Medicare benefits.

Hitler seems like he had some pretty sensible ideas, I think he gets a bad rap.

[Beckdawrek]

Nm

[Shodan]

Originally Posted by Riemann

Hitler seems like he had some pretty sensible ideas, I think he gets a bad rap.

"Bad rap"? That's cultural appropriation! What are you - Bruno Mars?

I think there is too much divisiveness in our political discourse.

Regards,
Shodan

[k9bfriender]

nm

[Sunny Daze]

(He fires a nice, fast one, right over the plate.)

Hitler? The holocaust-espousing, invade Russia-in-the-winter, take-over-the-world madman - that Hitler? What did you drink with your Wheaties this morning?

The family is going to Disneyland next week.

[Sunny Daze]

Originally Posted by Shodan

"Bad rap"? That's cultural appropriation! What are you - Bruno Mars?

I think there is too much divisiveness in our political discourse.

Regards,
Shodan

(You get the baseball comment too.)

I don't know what planet you're living on, but from where I sit we call it the "United" States for a reason.

We're still going to Disneyland.

[Beckdawrek]

Quit bragging? So unbecoming.

I made a pie, anyone want to see pix?

[Uncommon Sense]

Pix...? Are you referring to Pixels? As in your shitty camera and it's heavily pixelated photos? No thanks.

I don't think Tiger will win the Masters this year.

[Riemann]

If he was a white drug-abusing philanderer who can't play golf any more you wouldn't say that.

I am having a nostaglic session re-watching Glee.

[Uncommon Sense]

Yup, and I'm having a nostalgic session of "sharp stick to the eye".

Do you know there's over 50,000 shades of white?

[Beckdawrek]

You are a racist, have you no shame?



All my flowers are blooming, my yard looks so nice.

[Cardigan]

n/m

[Thin Ice]

Flowers!? People are starving and you're looking at pretty flowers. You should be growing wheat and rice. Selfish.

I think I'll barbecue some ribs for dinner.

[Sunny Daze]

Don't you know how much air pollution barbecuing causes? You should eat raw food only.

I'm going to walk my dog.

[Elendil's Heir]

All the money I'm sure you spend on dog food could feed dozens of starving children in Africa instead. I hope you're ashamed of yourself.

There's nothing quite so soothing as a Bach piano sonata.

[Beckdawrek]

Yawn!! That is soooooooo boring. Put some real music on.




I am going shopping for spring outfits this weekend.

[Little Nemo]

Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir

There's nothing quite so soothing as a Bach piano sonata.

Maybe you should think about diversity rather than listen to art from a DWM.

I had a cinnamon roll for breakfast.

[susan]

Cinnamon is a known carcinogen.

I'm having a relaxing evening.

[Beckdawrek]

You are just so lazy. Get up and do something.




I am gonna have moose tracks ice cream for a snack.

[snfaulkner]

Say goodbye to your foot, diabetic Debby!

I'm gonna hide under my covers and sleep til thursday.

[astorian]

Right, and until Thursday the rest of us have to cover for you. We have to do our jobs AND yours!


Okay, gotta finish my tax return this weekend.

[Leo Bloom]

So what kind of off-shore trickery and loopholes are you going to use with your expensive 1% fancy-pants accountant?

Sometimes I turn off the computer and read a good book.

[susan]

Luddite.

I'm going to sleep.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Leo Bloom

Sometimes I turn off the computer and read a good book.

Well aren't you Mr Smarty Pants?! You arrogant prick. So you can read? Who cares? ��

I wake up each morning wishing all of humanity peace and contentment.

ETA: ninja'ed

[Beckdawrek]

What are you? A snowflake.

I painted my bathroom ceiling a beautiful blue.

[susan]

Peace, contentment, blue ceilings--you people are old hippies.

I made stir fry for dinner.

[Little Nemo]

Originally Posted by susan

I made stir fry for dinner.

How can you endorse China like that when they continue to occupy Tibet?

I just ate a bag of Fritos.

[Patx2]

Inhaled them is probably more like it.
I’m exhausted and I can’t sleep.

[Isamu]

Tribes of starving people in bangladesh don't even have time to think about sleeping!

It's Saturday here right now.

[CairoCarol]

Originally Posted by Isamu

It's Saturday here right now.

Maybe on YOUR side of the dateline it's Saturday, but it happens to be Friday where I am. Stop being so time-zone-centric.

My surgery to remove an anal polyp went well.

[Annie-Xmas]

You know why you have anal polyps? Because you one big pain in the butt.

The predicted snow bypassed us today.

[Patx2]

You people that are always bitchin’ and complaining about the weather, never freaking happy are you?
I’m chilling out surfing the Straight Dope right now.

[Beckdawrek]

Why don't you get a real life?


I just cleaned my kitchen, everything is spotless.

[Leo Bloom]

Man, you're some tight-assed clean freak. Probably the uncreative type who felt she had to stay within all the borders in coloring books.

What does that cloud look like to you?