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  #201  
Old 07-26-2012, 12:40 PM
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In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.
  #202  
Old 07-26-2012, 12:55 PM
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If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?
  #203  
Old 07-26-2012, 02:03 PM
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That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.
  #204  
Old 07-26-2012, 02:39 PM
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I need to tell you something about all your skills. As of right now, they mean precisely dick.
  #205  
Old 07-26-2012, 03:37 PM
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Let me tell you what "Like A Virgin" is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick.
  #206  
Old 07-26-2012, 03:42 PM
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Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy, it's divine to own a dick, from the tiniest little tadger to the world's biggest prick.

So, 3 cheers for your Willie or John Thomas! Hurray for your 1-eyed trouser snake! Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your Percy, or your cock. You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can slip it in your sock,

But don't take it out in public or they'll stick you in the dock, and you won't come back. (THANK YOU VERY MUCH.)
  #207  
Old 07-26-2012, 03:53 PM
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I'm gonna walk down that stinkin' runway, open up this faggot robe and wiggle my dick at 'em! And do you know why? Because I want you to have a heart-attack and die so we don't have to do this shit again! You and your fucking fashion shows!
  #208  
Old 07-26-2012, 04:00 PM
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I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
  #209  
Old 07-26-2012, 04:07 PM
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You know, I think I understand what you're like now. You're very beautiful and you think men are only interested in you because you're beautiful, But you want them to be interested in you because you're YOU.

The problem is, aside from all that beauty, you're not very interesting. You're rude, you're hostile, you're sullen, you're withdrawn.. oh, I know you want someone to look past all that at the real person underneath. But the only reason anyone would bother to look past all that is because you're beautful.

Ironic, isn't it? In an odd way you're your own problem.
  #210  
Old 07-26-2012, 04:09 PM
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I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.
  #211  
Old 07-26-2012, 05:33 PM
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Fine. It's a fucking joke anyway. After all, I am paying you with your money.
  #212  
Old 07-26-2012, 05:38 PM
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Fuck you. Pay me.
  #213  
Old 07-26-2012, 05:40 PM
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Uhhh... the sea monkeys have my money...
  #214  
Old 07-26-2012, 05:42 PM
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I want my two dollars!
  #215  
Old 07-26-2012, 05:51 PM
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You know, this place sure speaks of a lot of money. You know what the problem with money is? Somebody's always trying to take it from you. Still, that's the only problem. And ain't that the awful, bloody truth?
  #216  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:00 PM
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First, you've got that bloody old fortress on top of that bloody cliff. Then you've got the bloody cliff overhang. You can't even see the bloody cave, let alone the bloody guns. And anyway, we haven't got a bloody bomb big enough to smash that bloody rock. And that's the bloody truth, sir
  #217  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:44 PM
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First, you've got that bloody old fortress on top of that bloody cliff. Then you've got the bloody cliff overhang. You can't even see the bloody cave, let alone the bloody guns. And anyway, we haven't got a bloody bomb big enough to smash that bloody rock. And that's the bloody truth, sir
When this is over, we'll meet at Simpson's, you can buy me lunch: roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, a nice little red wine.
  #218  
Old 07-26-2012, 07:09 PM
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And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
  #219  
Old 07-26-2012, 07:16 PM
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A dog is a fine meal.
  #220  
Old 07-26-2012, 07:24 PM
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Food is fuel. You get picky about what you put in the tank, your engine is gonna die.
  #221  
Old 07-26-2012, 07:32 PM
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Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
  #222  
Old 07-26-2012, 07:39 PM
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That'll do, pig. That'll do.
  #223  
Old 07-26-2012, 08:29 PM
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Are you talking to me? Are you talking to ME? They call me MISTER Piiiig!
  #224  
Old 07-26-2012, 08:40 PM
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.
  #225  
Old 07-26-2012, 08:42 PM
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Okay, this is me, planting an idea in your mind. I say: don't think about elephants. What are you thinking about?

Last edited by El_Kabong; 07-26-2012 at 08:44 PM.
  #226  
Old 07-26-2012, 08:45 PM
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Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
  #227  
Old 07-26-2012, 09:03 PM
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The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy; well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser, and your daughter's knocked up. I seen it a hundred times.
  #228  
Old 07-27-2012, 12:49 AM
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They're um... tooth fairies. Black Forest, 3rd century. They feed mostly on calcium: bones, skin, organs... But they do usually go after the teeth first. Hence the name, "tooth fairy".
  #229  
Old 07-27-2012, 06:04 AM
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All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.
  #230  
Old 07-27-2012, 06:21 AM
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Rape, torture, fire, animals, religion. Am I missing anything?
  #231  
Old 07-27-2012, 06:23 AM
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I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
  #232  
Old 07-27-2012, 06:30 AM
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What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area.
  #233  
Old 07-27-2012, 09:13 AM
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I don't know. A prisoner has the right to escape, hasn't he? And a guest don't need to.

I guess that makes us a little bit of both, huh?
  #234  
Old 07-27-2012, 10:23 AM
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One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion. Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!
  #235  
Old 07-27-2012, 10:37 AM
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One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion. Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!
You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
  #236  
Old 07-27-2012, 10:53 AM
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You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
Then you are either very brave ... or very foolish!
  #237  
Old 07-27-2012, 11:20 AM
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I thought you were incredibly brave. And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.

Last edited by astorian; 07-27-2012 at 11:21 AM.
  #238  
Old 07-27-2012, 12:55 PM
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What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?
  #239  
Old 07-27-2012, 01:24 PM
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Ah! He plays with Death as if it were a toy!
  #240  
Old 07-27-2012, 01:39 PM
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And over here, our bass player, the Duke of Spook, the Doc of Shock, The Man with No Tan, please say hello to Death himself, the Grim Reaper.
  #241  
Old 07-27-2012, 02:00 PM
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I stick my neck out for nobody!
  #242  
Old 07-27-2012, 02:18 PM
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I need him like the axe needs the turkey.
  #243  
Old 07-27-2012, 02:20 PM
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He's a shlep!
  #244  
Old 07-27-2012, 02:28 PM
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You're a Jew? Really? I didn't know that... so how come you ain't smart?
  #245  
Old 07-27-2012, 02:37 PM
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Mama always said, stupid is as stupid does.
  #246  
Old 07-27-2012, 02:38 PM
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Well you're plenty fucking stupid, I'll give you that. Do you know why they call him Frankie Four Fingers, Doug ? Because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay they give him the chop, Doug. And I ain't talking about his fucking foreskin, either.
  #247  
Old 07-27-2012, 02:47 PM
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Take a good look at that face, Floyd. Because if he ever finds out I can be beat by one lousy grifter, I'll have to kill him and every other hood who wants to muscle in on my Chicago operation
  #248  
Old 07-27-2012, 02:55 PM
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You ain't got a license to kill bookies and today I ain't sellin' any. So take your flunky and dangle.
  #249  
Old 07-27-2012, 03:24 PM
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It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. You take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have
  #250  
Old 07-27-2012, 03:36 PM
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Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force.
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