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  #51  
Old 03-27-2019, 07:33 AM
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And when I told him that I could see he was ready to start counting backwards by fives
  #52  
Old 03-27-2019, 11:02 AM
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His brain is more littered than Main Street after a big parade.
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  #53  
Old 03-29-2019, 12:06 AM
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The fork may be less impressive than the sword, but it doesn't cut your jaw off when you're eating.
  #54  
Old 03-29-2019, 08:05 AM
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To know a man's name is one thing, but to know what kind of whiskey he drinks is another.
  #55  
Old 04-01-2019, 05:28 PM
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That ain't gonna get the butter churned.
  #56  
Old 04-02-2019, 12:25 AM
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The man was toilet paper rich.
  #57  
Old 04-03-2019, 08:37 PM
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Let's rattle the bushes and see whose hard.
  #58  
Old 04-03-2019, 08:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
Let's rattle the bushes and see whose hard.
And see whose hard what?
  #59  
Old 04-04-2019, 08:53 AM
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Honeyed words can mask an artificial sweetener.
  #60  
Old 04-04-2019, 08:59 AM
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The difference between your excess weight and your money is that you can lose your money without effort in a day.
  #61  
Old 04-04-2019, 09:01 AM
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Dogs are outside and cats are inside; it's the way of the world.
  #62  
Old 04-05-2019, 08:23 PM
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He wouldn't squawk if you sat on his plums.
  #63  
Old 04-11-2019, 12:35 AM
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Peek under the stall only if you really want to know the truth.
  #64  
Old 04-11-2019, 01:31 AM
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He's upside-down in the rain, if you know what I mean.
  #65  
Old 04-11-2019, 01:34 AM
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If it were any other way it wouldn't have to be what it isn't because when it can't unless.
  #66  
Old 04-11-2019, 01:37 AM
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That was the fork that porked the pig!
  #67  
Old 04-11-2019, 01:39 AM
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A fallen orange is worth two taps to the nuts.
  #68  
Old 04-11-2019, 01:42 AM
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It's laddertime!
Lah-dah thyyyyyme
laddertime.
  #69  
Old 04-11-2019, 06:29 AM
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You can dance on the moon if you want but that ain't gonna get the hogs slopped.
  #70  
Old 04-11-2019, 08:09 AM
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After a few drinks he was all over the road like apples and cabbages.
  #71  
Old 04-11-2019, 03:00 PM
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Well shit the bed and call the police.
  #72  
Old 04-11-2019, 11:55 PM
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I feel fine. Finer than the fur on a frog.
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  #73  
Old 04-12-2019, 08:22 PM
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Who pissed in her sno-cone?
  #74  
Old 04-12-2019, 09:40 PM
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If I had a cigar for every time I heard that I'd be mayor,
  #75  
Old 04-12-2019, 10:42 PM
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You can't take that apart every Sunday.
  #76  
Old 04-12-2019, 10:43 PM
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Why thicken it with cornstarch when there's kale in the garden?
  #77  
Old 04-12-2019, 10:45 PM
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He's the kind that would dial his grandma in a hail-storm.

Last edited by Mr Zox; 04-12-2019 at 10:46 PM.
  #78  
Old 04-12-2019, 10:46 PM
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Cut it thinner and yell "Boola-boola".
  #79  
Old 04-12-2019, 11:45 PM
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Sometimes a cigar just a smelly weed.
  #80  
Old 04-13-2019, 01:59 AM
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Rattlesnakes make lousy welders.
  #81  
Old 04-13-2019, 06:09 AM
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I'm up to my armpits in armpits.
  #82  
Old 04-13-2019, 11:38 PM
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You can't whip cream with a feather-duster.
  #83  
Old 04-13-2019, 11:40 PM
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It's like sending a pig to Philadelphia
  #84  
Old 04-13-2019, 11:41 PM
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Ya gotta wear the pants life sews fer ya.
  #85  
Old 04-13-2019, 11:44 PM
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He may not know how to wire a house, but he can pan-fry a beet with the best of 'em
  #86  
Old 04-14-2019, 06:46 AM
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He's the kind of guy who would give Ghandi a wedgie while whistling show tunes.
  #87  
Old 04-14-2019, 09:01 PM
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Marxists may drink balloon air but I wouldn't even taste your shoes! Ha!
  #88  
Old 04-15-2019, 02:26 AM
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Yeah... don't load all your assets in that truck.
  #89  
Old 04-15-2019, 03:08 AM
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Confucious says, man with big nuts has many squirrel friends.
  #90  
Old 04-16-2019, 05:06 PM
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He's more Hai Karate than jai alai.
  #91  
Old 04-17-2019, 01:23 AM
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Well now, if that don't jim all the jams!
  #92  
Old 04-17-2019, 01:25 AM
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You can sing all the Barry Manilow you want, but that ain't gonna paint the gazebo.
  #93  
Old 04-17-2019, 05:34 AM
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You don't put dressing on a jellybean salad.
  #94  
Old 04-17-2019, 07:20 AM
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He busts moves like a potato.
  #95  
Old 04-17-2019, 07:31 AM
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If it’s you setting the clock, you’d better know what time it is.
  #96  
Old 04-17-2019, 07:32 AM
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He’s the kind of guy, you shake his hand, you’re afraid he’s gonna eat you.

Last edited by Isosleepy; 04-17-2019 at 07:33 AM.
  #97  
Old 04-17-2019, 07:33 AM
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...then take a left on Maple till you see the post office and, donuts and ham, there you are.
  #98  
Old 04-18-2019, 04:46 PM
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My momma roller skates with figs in her pockets but that don't make me Jesse James.
  #99  
Old 04-19-2019, 12:13 AM
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Inside his ten-gallon hat is all him.
  #100  
Old 04-19-2019, 02:44 AM
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You can lead a horse to the barn door, but you can't make me stop drinking.
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