View Poll Results: Do you go into the store with your SO, or do you wait in the car/outside?
I go inside with them 41 46.07%
I wait in the car/outside the store 18 20.22%
I do something else 4 4.49%
Depends on the weather 6 6.74%
Depends on something else 13 14.61%
Something completely else 2 2.25%
Gummi bears! 5 5.62%
Voters: 89. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 05-09-2019, 02:21 PM
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Shopping with the SO, for the SO: go with into the store or wait in the car?


You're out shopping with your significant other. One of the stops is specifically for your SO; this store has nothing that interests you whatsoever. There's nothing else nearby. Your SO just has to get a couple of things (or so they say).

Do you go into the store with them, or do you wait in the car/outside?
  #2  
Old 05-09-2019, 02:26 PM
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Wait. The last time I went in a store with Mr.Wrekker it was 'Bass Pro Shop', never again!
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Old 05-09-2019, 02:28 PM
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I tend to go inside the store with my wife. It's boring in the car, even with smartphones, and I like to know exactly what's going on, rather than sitting in the car wondering what's taking so long. Plus, if I'm outside there will surely be dilly-dallying.
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Old 05-09-2019, 02:32 PM
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I'd probably go in - unless I really felt I'd prefer a nap in the car. (I don't use my phone for recreation).

Generally, if we are running errands together, a big part of it is us being together. We'll chat on our way to/from the store, and in the store if looking for an object, waiting for service, etc. Sometimes one of us will want the others' opinion. And we an generally find SOMETHING to interest/amuse ourselves with in just about any store.
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Old 05-09-2019, 02:36 PM
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It depends. In general I'll go with her, but I've also sat on a bench outside of Sephora for ages (I can't deal with the level of volatiles in the air there).
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Old 05-09-2019, 02:41 PM
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May I be of assistance?

It depends on our mood. If I'm going shopping with my girl friends on a simple "expeditionary mission", the last thing we want is a guy under foot. So, that's simple.

If an SO is buying his lady a present, it gets more complicated. He needs to escort her so that, when she is finally done, he can pay the bill and then say, "Happy birthday", "Merry Christmas", whatever.

The thing is, when you accompany a woman on a shopping trip, it can get tricky. You need to seem interested, but you can't get underfoot or appear to be rushing her in any way. Often, your woman will cue you: "You can wait in the car or hit the sporting goods store, if you want. I'll text you when I'm finished." My brother likes to find a place to sit down and just play with his phone. This way, he is out of the way and in no way hinting that he's in a rush, yet he is readily available when wanted.

A cute story my brother shared with me: My brother was with my SiL at the Orland Square Mall and, luckily, there was a small lounge area right outside of "JJills" where he could relax. Well, he fell asleep for 45 minutes and, upon waking up, quickly checked for his wife. He couldn't find her anywhere so, anxiously, he asked a sales lady about her. She told him that she was in back changing and asked, "Should I let her know you're here?" He gave exactly the right answer; "No, I don't want her to think I'm rushing her." He then went back and dutifully sat down.
  #7  
Old 05-09-2019, 02:44 PM
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You can always be of some assistance, like holding potential purchases, looking for stuff, holding her purse while she tries stuff on, offering an opinion ("no that doesn't make you look fat"), etc. Maybe someday she will return the favor. And sometimes it would be helpful to remind her that you really are not interested in anything from this store. ("Yes, the pink sweater with poodles in the clearance bin is very cute and thank-you for thinking of me, but I'm not going to wear it.")
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Old 05-09-2019, 02:57 PM
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My husband and I alternate grocery trips. He goes to the lumber yard alone. I go to the feed store alone. As for the rest we pretty much shop on line. About the only stores we go into together are bookstores.

On one of our very first dates we went wandering around in downtown Albany (California; it's the town next to Berkeley) and he went into a stereo store. Something like 90 minutes later after I'd waited and then had a cup of coffee in a cafe by myself and then taken a walk and came back, and he was still absorbed in speakers, I told him I was going to go home without him, so he reluctantly dragged himself away. Can't believe I married him a couple years later.

Last edited by Ulfreida; 05-09-2019 at 02:58 PM.
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Old 05-09-2019, 03:05 PM
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This reminds me of something I saw on Facebook the other day (it was either this or something very like it).

Going with someone else while they shop is my idea of Hell. Or at least Heck. I'll just wait here in the car. Yes, of course I brought something to read.
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Old 05-09-2019, 03:19 PM
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Going with someone else while they shop is my idea of Hell. Or at least Heck.
As Sartre said, Heck is other people shopping.
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Old 05-09-2019, 03:21 PM
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Shopping with the SO is why they invented smart phones. I rarely wait in the car but I typically see if there is something I'd rather be doing or at worst a good place to post up out of the way and browse my phone.
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Old 05-09-2019, 03:26 PM
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My husband and I alternate grocery trips. He goes to the lumber yard alone. I go to the feed store alone.
Sneed's Feed and Seed (formerly Chuck's)?
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Old 05-09-2019, 03:59 PM
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I stay at home playing video games or I go to the bar.
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Old 05-09-2019, 04:38 PM
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I got in trouble once for waiting in the car.

The previous evening my GF at the time cooked us this wonderful meal. Great food, wine, stimulating conversation and romance.

The next day, as I was driving her home, she asked me to stop by 7-11 so she could get a cup of coffee. So I pull in and park, and just let her go in by herself since I didn't want anything.

I soon came to regret that decision. According to her, the very least I could have done was go in and buy her that 80 cup of coffee considering all the money she spent on the groceries for last night's meal.

I'm single now.
  #15  
Old 05-09-2019, 04:48 PM
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According to her, the very least I could have done was go in and buy her that 80 cup of coffee considering all the money she spent on the groceries for last night's meal.
Of course, if you had done that, she would have been offended at the implication that you treating her to a cup of shitty coffee was an appropriate quid pro quo for the meal.
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Old 05-09-2019, 05:09 PM
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I haven't had a SO in a decade and a half, but if I was going to be on the shopping trip with them, I'd go inside with them. Sitting in a car doing nothing doesn't do anything for me.
  #17  
Old 05-09-2019, 05:16 PM
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Go with them to make sure they don't run up the credit card! If we are going somewhere that I might buy a present for her I'd at least like to get a hint of what she likes there. Then I can go back and spend the money I saved by accompanying her on regular shopping trips.
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Old 05-09-2019, 05:45 PM
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I wait in the car. I've got the Kindle and Nook apps on my phone.
  #19  
Old 05-09-2019, 06:07 PM
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There is a reason I have a stack of undone NYT crossword puzzles tucked in the door panel.


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  #20  
Old 05-09-2019, 06:13 PM
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If I had an SO at the moment, I would vote "3". Shopping in groups is incredibly inefficient, even if two people want largely the same thing in the same store.

If I go shopping, I research what I want first. I'd rather not waste time going to a store without knowing how much something costs and where I can find it in the store. Needless to say, much of my shopping is done online. I've measured myself, so I know what my sizes are and don't need to "try on" clothes; instead I can buy them online.

Shopping is like a military operation. You identify the target, you locate the target, and you secure the target. That minimizes time spent shopping.
  #21  
Old 05-09-2019, 06:19 PM
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Of course, if you had done that, she would have been offended at the implication that you treating her to a cup of shitty coffee was an appropriate quid pro quo for the meal.

Did we date the same woman?
  #22  
Old 05-09-2019, 06:41 PM
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May I be of assistance?

It depends on our mood. If I'm going shopping with my girl friends on a simple "expeditionary mission", the last thing we want is a guy under foot. So, that's simple.

If an SO is buying his lady a present, it gets more complicated. He needs to escort her so that, when she is finally done, he can pay the bill and then say, "Happy birthday", "Merry Christmas", whatever.

The thing is, when you accompany a woman on a shopping trip, it can get tricky. You need to seem interested, but you can't get underfoot or appear to be rushing her in any way. Often, your woman will cue you: "You can wait in the car or hit the sporting goods store, if you want. I'll text you when I'm finished." My brother likes to find a place to sit down and just play with his phone. This way, he is out of the way and in no way hinting that he's in a rush, yet he is readily available when wanted.

A cute story my brother shared with me: My brother was with my SiL at the Orland Square Mall and, luckily, there was a small lounge area right outside of "JJills" where he could relax. Well, he fell asleep for 45 minutes and, upon waking up, quickly checked for his wife. He couldn't find her anywhere so, anxiously, he asked a sales lady about her. She told him that she was in back changing and asked, "Should I let her know you're here?" He gave exactly the right answer; "No, I don't want her to think I'm rushing her." He then went back and dutifully sat down.
Wait, why are you (or your brother) going to the shop at all if your lady will be spending ages shopping alone?

My husband and I do those trips by ourselves. The situation in the op only comes up if, say, we are driving past the drugstore on the way home from a trip and one of us needs one item. Then, it depends.

Last time, my husband waited in the car. And finally got frustrated waiting and went in to find me trying to hide my frustration as the sales clerk tried for the eighth time to ring up my purchase of sudofed. (Yes, she'd already run my driver's license twice. I'm still not sure what the problem was.)
  #23  
Old 05-09-2019, 06:49 PM
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I remember going shopping numerous times with my fianc, often just things like grocery shopping or wandering around Walmart window shopping. We'd chat about various things as we went; it was like dating, but all the money was spent on things that were still useful after the date was over!

Admittedly we were engaged at the time, so we still had to pretend to like each other's company.
  #24  
Old 05-09-2019, 06:56 PM
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If I had an SO at the moment, I would vote "3". Shopping in groups is incredibly inefficient, even if two people want largely the same thing in the same store.

If I go shopping, I research what I want first. I'd rather not waste time going to a store without knowing how much something costs and where I can find it in the store. Needless to say, much of my shopping is done online. I've measured myself, so I know what my sizes are and don't need to "try on" clothes; instead I can buy them online.

Shopping is like a military operation. You identify the target, you locate the target, and you secure the target. That minimizes time spent shopping.
Spoken like someone who really doesn't like shopping. I fully concur in all particulars.
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Old 05-10-2019, 09:13 AM
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I rarely take my husband with me when shopping for myself. There is nothing more annoying than hearing someone loudly sighing and acting like they're bored while you are trying to shop. And I hate going with him when he's at a home improvement store (unless I'm needed to pick out a paint color or something). If we're just window shopping or wandering around the mall, that's ok.
  #26  
Old 05-10-2019, 09:44 AM
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I remember going shopping numerous times with my fianc, often just things like grocery shopping or wandering around Walmart window shopping. We'd chat about various things as we went; it was like dating, but all the money was spent on things that were still useful after the date was over!

Admittedly we were engaged at the time, so we still had to pretend to like each other's company.
For a while in college, I worked at a basket shop in Trolley Square, a small shopping center in Salt Lake City. There would be a lot of couples come through in the evenings, probably while they were waiting for the movie to start.

I could tell how long the couples were together. The ones who came in together were newer couples. The ones where the guy would wait upside would have been together for a while. Decorative baskets are not really high on the list of shops most guys want spend time at.
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Old 05-10-2019, 10:00 AM
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Depends. My wife shops, I buy. It's a completely different mindset. We recognized long ago that if we want to stay together we should not shop together. That said, there are times that I will go to one of "her shops" and times she'll go to one of "mine". We both understand taht when the other says "I'm done" it's time to go - regardless of whether the goal of the stop has been met.
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Old 05-10-2019, 10:04 AM
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The OP says there's nothing else nearby, so I would go in with her. Even with my phone, it's boring in the car - I'd rather hang out with her.
Quote:
I could tell how long the couples were together. The ones who came in together were newer couples. The ones where the guy would wait upside would have been together for a while.
FWIW we are a couple of weeks shy of our 37th anniversary.

Of course if there is a book store nearby all bets are off. Unless we both go shopping for her, and then go to the book store together.

Shopping for me, my wife always comes along, because once I went out by myself to buy some dress pants. Bow ties were on sale, so I bought one. I came home and showed my wife and daughter what I had bought. My daughter turned to my wife and said, "See what happens when we let daddy go shopping by himself?"

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Old 05-10-2019, 10:34 AM
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I'd be terminally bored sitting in the car, so I go in where I can more easily find something to do.
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Old 05-10-2019, 10:40 AM
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I go in with her. If she is taking too long I do not hide my sighs.
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Old 05-10-2019, 12:09 PM
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Depends on how long they will be. If it's a short visit and the weather isn't great (hot/cold) I will probably go in. If it's a longer visit I sometimes go for a walk or just wait in the car.
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Old 05-10-2019, 12:50 PM
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I go with her - why wouldn't I want to be with my best friend?
  #33  
Old 05-10-2019, 12:58 PM
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I go with her - why wouldn't I want to be with my best friend?
Because not everyone is codependent?
  #34  
Old 05-10-2019, 01:10 PM
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I wanted pie but I'll settle for GummiBears.

Actually it depends on a lot of variables; the store, the weather, do I have a book along, am I tired and maybe a dozen other things. I can be interested in a lot of places that hold no interest for me just by the people-watching alone but its a case of in-the-mood more than anything else.
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Old 05-10-2019, 01:13 PM
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Because not everyone is codependent?
Liking people enough to enjoy their company = codependency.

I apparently have even more psychological problems than I thought I did.
  #36  
Old 05-10-2019, 02:00 PM
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Liking people enough to enjoy their company = codependency.

I apparently have even more psychological problems than I thought I did.
Liking them so much you can't do with out them for 15 minutes seems a bit over the top to me.
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Old 05-10-2019, 03:12 PM
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I voted to stay outside the shop because the OP specifically said there is nothing of interest to me there and I'm always happy to sit down with my book/kindle. I would also expect some consideration from my SO and for them not to take literally hours
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Old 05-10-2019, 03:43 PM
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Liking them so much you can't do with out them for 15 minutes seems a bit over the top to me.
That a different goalpost. You answered "why shouldn't I want to spend time with my best friend" with "liking spending time with your best friend is a sickness".

I didn't go in with my fiance because I had to. I did because I wanted to. There is indeed a difference.
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Old 05-10-2019, 04:03 PM
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That a different goalpost. You answered "why shouldn't I want to spend time with my best friend" with "liking spending time with your best friend is a sickness".

I didn't go in with my fiance because I had to. I did because I wanted to. There is indeed a difference.
Well, I inferred "Why shouldn't I want to spend time with my best friend" as condescending towards those who are perfectly fine waiting in the car. Maybe I read MrDibble's post wrong.

Anyway, I apologize. I should have just kept quiet.
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Old 05-10-2019, 04:11 PM
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Well, I inferred "Why shouldn't I want to spend time with my best friend" as condescending towards those who are perfectly fine waiting in the car. Maybe I read MrDibble's post wrong.

Anyway, I apologize. I should have just kept quiet.
I was more bothered by your argumentative imprecision than any insult.

I was a little concerned about coming off a bit judgy myself - I've never really actually lived with any of my SOs, so spending time with them always seemed to have inherent value. Intellectually I can see how if one was constantly with them the novelty would wear off, so to speak, but having not experienced it it still seems strange to me.
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Old 05-10-2019, 09:08 PM
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I go inside with my husband, especially if he's shopping for clothes. I know EXACTLY what he looks best in, better than he does. And it's not as boring as waiting in the car.
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Old 05-11-2019, 12:03 AM
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This dad ain't goin' to the mall.

Haven't you seen those couples? She's in Hunter/Gatherer Mode. He's tagging along, looking bored and hen-pecked. He's saying... well, Absolutely Nothing. While she's critiquing everything, including him: "Oh, do keep up, Basil. And stand up straight. People will think you don't want to be following me around like a whipped puppy. Now stare at these dried flowers and give me half an opinion until I cut you off..."
(Yes, I've SEEN these miserable people...)

WHY would I want to use a minute of precious Weekend Time like that? It would be a WASTE.

The wife'll go to one store, I'll go to another across town. We can text if we need advice. Just today, Wife was at Pottery Barn, sent me a pic of a gorgeous rug with the caption "It's On Sale!" I asked price, then texted "Go for it!" (Later, she asked if I was SURE I liked it, and I replied "So when I'm watching TV, there's going to be some color and texture on the floor? Where I won't be looking? Don't really care, sorry, your call...")
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Old 05-11-2019, 12:23 AM
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It varies, mostly depending on how long she's planning to be inside. My options in no particular order.

Power nap.
Kindle app.
Quick trip to a different store I need to visit.
Quick trip to nearby coffee shop to surprise her when she comes out.

Any combination of the above.
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Old 05-11-2019, 06:44 AM
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Well, I inferred "Why shouldn't I want to spend time with my best friend" as condescending towards those who are perfectly fine waiting in the car. Maybe I read MrDibble's post wrong.

Anyway, I apologize. I should have just kept quiet.
It struck me the same way. I am sure it wasn't intentional, but it did seem to imply that there was No Good Reason anyone who had a sincere relationship with their partner wouldn't want to go shopping with them, which I disagree with.

I would rather be pulled over broken glass than go in a store with my husband. He likes to poke through clearance bins. He finds something on sale--say a type of meat--and wants to then go back several rows to find the stuff he now needs that he didn't need before. All this drives me INSANE. I get so bored. I get tired. I am just plodding along because I don't have any opinions about any of these things.

But he's having a blast. Except he loves me, so he can tell if I am bored and unhappy, so it makes him feel rushed and sucks out his joy. So I stay in the car and grade papers or read, and he (and usually our son) shop, and everyone is happy. And because I have done my grading or gotten my "quiet time reading" fix, it clears up more time for us to spend together later.

So yeah, there are lots of answers to the question 'Why wouldn't I want to spend time with my best friend?" that aren't "because I have a sham relationship and I don't really love them". I don't think that's what Alessan meant to imply, but I felt the sting of it as well.

Last edited by Manda JO; 05-11-2019 at 06:45 AM.
  #45  
Old 05-11-2019, 10:57 AM
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Because not everyone is codependent?
I don't think you know the real meaning of the word. Friendship is not codependency. Taking pleasure in the conversation and company of another human being is not codependency.
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Originally Posted by Grrr! View Post
Liking them so much you can't do with out them for 15 minutes seems a bit over the top to me.
Which has absolutely zero relation to what I said. I can do without my wife, we do plenty of things apart. I just think her company is more fun than sitting in a car by myself, in the situation described in the OP.
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Well, I inferred "Why shouldn't I want to spend time with my best friend" as condescending towards those who are perfectly fine waiting in the car.
Did I say word one about anyone else? That's a conversation that happened entirely in your head. Waiting in the car is perfectly fine for those who prefer to do that. Plenty of people who wouldn't want to go shopping with their platonic best friends, too, I'm sure.
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Maybe I read MrDibble's post wrong.
Ya think?
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Anyway, I apologize.
That's a nice gesture, but instead...
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I should have just kept quiet.
...I'd rather you just think about how this went down, and next time start with this.

Last edited by MrDibble; 05-11-2019 at 10:58 AM.
  #46  
Old 05-11-2019, 10:59 AM
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Yeah, I'd go inside with MrsDibble, she sounds like fun.

  #47  
Old 05-15-2019, 05:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manda JO View Post
So yeah, there are lots of answers to the question 'Why wouldn't I want to spend time with my best friend?" that aren't "because I have a sham relationship and I don't really love them". I don't think that's what Alessan meant to imply, but I felt the sting of it as well.
Wait, what?
  #48  
Old 05-15-2019, 06:56 AM
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It depends on the circumstances. Shopping mall? Stay in the car, even if it's for a couple of hours. Grocery store or produce store? Then I help out, because I'm much faster and efficient.

The equation has changed a bit since the arrival of our daughter, usually towards my favor. I can say, "We'll wait here; it's easier than taking out the baby."
  #49  
Old 05-15-2019, 08:22 AM
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I remain confused. Why are you and the baby in the car at all if your spouse plans to spend a couple of hours at the mall? Why didn't your spouse just go to the mall alone, leaving you and the baby comfortably at home?
  #50  
Old 05-15-2019, 08:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by puzzlegal View Post
Why didn't your spouse just go to the mall alone, leaving you and the baby comfortably at home?
When my kids were babies it was because their mom had their food (she nursed and never pumped).
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