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  #1  
Old 10-10-2011, 11:48 PM
MeanOldLady MeanOldLady is offline
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Tell me stories about breaking into your own place that ended poorly

We've all been there.

You've locked yourself out of your home. You left your keys at the office, or locked the door behind you but left your keys on the coffee table, or haplessly found your way into some other set of circumstances that resulted in you standing on your doorstep lacking the *bleep*ing key to get inside. And this is a particularly bad scenario, like you live alone, for instance, or you're the only one who didn't go to the family field trip, so you're going to be SOL for a long time if you can't MacGyver your way inside. I don't want to hear any stories like "Well my wife gets home ten minutes after I do, so I'd just read the newspaper and wait." No. I'm talking about being truly fucked unless you find your way in. You have two choices: call a locksmith like a pussy, or break the fuck in.

Please share tales of your feats, particularly if they ended in failure and/or embarrassment.

I had to break into my apartment just now. I'm covered in cobwebs, shame and the stench of whiskey, but goddamn it, I'm inside my apt.

My sister actually has a pretty funny story. She had to make a long drive out to a friend's house way in the burbs and return promptly (something like an hour drive total), and when they got there, they realized they left the key back at her place. She said, "Oh fuck no," and instead of turning back and making the trip all over again, she picked the fucking lock. No idea how she did it, but there was a will and a way, and she made it so.

So....

Anyone arrested while entering their own home? Share. The cobwebs in my hair and I need to feel like less of an ass. Thanks.
  #2  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:04 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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When roomie moved in, I offered to show her where I keep the hideaway key. She said, 'No, you told me where it is.' Sure enough, she eventually locked herself out. Couldn't find the key. (In fact, I know where it is -- because I put it there -- and I had difficulty finding it.) Unbeknownst to me, a door to the trailer I use for storage was unlocked. She mounted the rotten stairs -- and broke through them -- and made her way through the connecting structure to the door to the house. The door that's padlocked from the inside. She managed to break in, breaking the door, and was sore for days.

She could have just found a neighbour or walked to the store and called me.
  #3  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:05 AM
Scarlett67 Scarlett67 is offline
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May 1993. Hubs and I both work the graveyard shift, in opposite directions from our rented house out in the sticks.

He gets out of work at 6 am to find a BLIZZARD. In May. Welcome to Wisconsin. He decides to meet me at work and escort me home. But he doesn't make it . . . because he goes ditch diving on the road between our house and my workplace.

Meanwhile I get out of work at 7 am and start trudging home in my car. Along the road I see a car in the ditch . . . it looks familiar. A few hundred feet later, I'm in the ditch as well.

Luckily there's a farmhouse right there. I knock and Mr. Nice Farmer agrees to give me a ride up the road to our house. I point out my car, and then Mr. S's, and we stop. Mr. S and Mr. Farmer agree that Mr. Farmer will give me a ride home, then come back for Mr. S and see about pulling us out of the ditch.

Mr. Farmer drops me off and leaves. I let myself into the house and change into my winter coat (I had been wearing only a light leather jacket, it being May and all), then go outside to retrieve our dog from her doghouse. (Crazy Landlord won't allow us to let her in the house, but I'm not leaving her out in a blizzard.) When we get back up on the porch, I discover that (1) I have locked the door behind me and (2) my keys are, of course, in the pocket of my leather jacket, which is inside the house.

I figure Mr. S won't be long, so I curl up on the porch chair. Doggie wonders why we aren't going in. I start to get cold and say fuck it, I don't care what Crazy Landlord says, I'm breaking in. I break the living room window and let us in.

I'm picking glass out of the carpet when Mr. S arrives courtesy of Mr. Farmer. I look up and announce that if he says one word about me locking myself out, I'll throttle him. He wisely remains silent. After the cars are retrieved, we lay out a futon on the living room floor (the power is out and the waterbed is ice cold) and go to sleep.

We wake up around 4 pm to a sunny green afternoon. No hint of the raging whiteout blizzard of the morning. The snow has all melted and the power is back on. We drive to town for a pane of glass and a generous gift certificate for Mr. Farmer. Mr. S fixes the window so that Crazy Landlord never knows we broke it.

That was one weird-ass day.
  #4  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:15 AM
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beowulff beowulff is offline
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Years ago, I locked myself out of my house. I was able to pry one of the cheap windows out of the bottom of it's track, and then use a piece of wood with a nail in it to unlock the the latch. It took around 30 seconds. After that, I made sure that all the windows had extra security locks on them, and I hid a key.

I locked my keys in my F350 - with the engine running, and then found out how difficult it is to break into a modern vehicle. I finally just sighed, and smashed the vent window.
  #5  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:30 AM
bubba jr bubba jr is offline
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Worse lock out story. Where I used to work, first one in had to be there at 5:30am. The nursing supervisor on duty had to make sure the door was unlocked so we could get in. There was a bell and everything.

The lady who worked opposite of me, rang the bell, rang the bell, realized she was going to be late punching in and get written up for that, so she jimmied the break room window. She got caught crawling in the window by the nursing supervisor (after she had been ringing the bell for 25 minutes).

The nursing supervisor being a useless human being, called the cops to report a B&E, because a lady was breaking into her job to punch in on time.

That went over like a lead balloon. The cops thought it was funny too.
  #6  
Old 10-11-2011, 01:01 AM
flatlined flatlined is offline
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I have a magic handtruck. I don't need ID, I don't need paperwork. I just show up and tell people that I'm there to pick up their boxes. Actually, secured doors are often opened for me before I even say anything. Its the handtruck and delivery person attitude. Terrible security for legal offices, but anyhow.

My warehouse keys live on my hip. All of the doors lock automatically.

There was an OMG, my lack of planning is now your emergancy situation was happening when I left work for the day and when I came in the next morning and heard the phone ringing, I put my keys on my desk and answered the phone.

I grabbed up the van keys and scampered off to stomp out the fire.

Then had to call bosslady who had to call facilities to get someone to drive out to let me back in.
  #7  
Old 10-11-2011, 01:11 AM
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dwyr dwyr is offline
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It was about 2 a.m. I was in my pajamas and decided to quickly take the garbage out back before I went to bed. Of course I accidentally locked the patio door behind me. With no other viable options at that time of the night I decided to break in and applied my ample hip to the door, splintering the frame around the lock. It was scarily easy to do actually. Fortunately the bolt was open. It cost me a new door and some embarrassment when the workmen installing it wanted to know what the heck had happened.
  #8  
Old 10-11-2011, 01:16 AM
surrounded by literalists surrounded by literalists is offline
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I was able to open a window. It only opened far enough to let me get a leg in. Of course I 'high centered' myself on the window ledge. If I went back out, I would fall to the ground. To continue in, I would fall to the floor. And my boobs were stuck, the left one on the inside of the window and the right one on the outside. God, don't make me think about how uncomfortable the window track was jammed into my crotch. I will take cobwebs over, 'unintentional manual clitoral stimulation window track' anyday.
  #9  
Old 10-11-2011, 01:30 AM
Tamarin Tamarin is offline
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I was standing in the driveway looking up at my second floor apartment wondering WTF I was going to do. I must have looked highly distressed because my neighbor, a scruffy-looking guy who I'd never exchanged a single word with, came out of his apartment and asked me what was wrong. I explained about being locked out. He told me not to worry then he shimmied up the side of the building like fucking spiderman, popped my window open, slipped into my apartment and came out the front door. This took about 4 minutes...and the whole time I stood there like this:

He came back and said that he used to be a police officer and those windows were notorious for being easy to break into and recommended special locks for them. I bought the locks the next day and gave him my spare key. I figured that if he wanted in, he'd obviously find a way anyway.

So, I guess that didn't end poorly...hmm..

Ok. Here's one. My friends were trying to hook me up with this really gorgeous guy that was waaay out of my league. Somehow they managed to get him to give me a ride home from their house one afternoon. I had been planning on having one of my friends give me a ride, so I'd left my keys in their car. So, when Mr Gorgeous and I pulled up in front of my house, I realized that's where the keys still were...all the way across town. Mr. Gorgeous and I found that my roommate's window was partially open, so I tried to make it through while he helped me by trying to shove/lift me from behind ...but I am not a slender girl (remember that story about Winnie the Pooh?). So after a few humiliating minutes of that nonsense, he ended up climbing through the window himself and making his way through our disastrous house to the front door. Needless to say, we did NOT hook up.

I have more, but they are about locking my keys in my car. I am always losing my keys. It's a sickness really.
  #10  
Old 10-11-2011, 01:49 AM
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Tangent Tangent is offline
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I keep my keys on a small desk in my kitchen, and I grab them on my way out every morning. One day upon arriving home I realized that I had grabbed the keychain that had only my vehicle key. I had recently had my truck in the shop for some work and so I had the spare key on its chain lying on the table, and that's what I had grabbed that morning. No house key. At least I was able to open the garage door with the Genie remote, and the door from my garage to the inside has a small window in it. I was actually able to remove some of the framing around the window and pull it out without breaking the glass, and I let myself in.

And this one--ugh--i'm really not proud of. In college once after a full night of drinking, I was dropped off at my apartment complex by a buddy. I climbed the stairs to our third-floor apartment that I shared with two roommates and unlocked the doorknob. But when I tried to open the door, I discovered that the deadlock--the one with no keyhole on the outside--was locked. One of my roommates was out of town, and the other had been out drinking with the rest of us and had returned earlier and was in a drunken slumber in his room. I hammered on the door for a long time and yelled for my roommate to wake up, but he was sleeping like a dead man. Finally, I looked at the window next to our 3rd-floor landing and saw that it was unlocked. So I climbed over the railing and stretched as far as I could and opened the window while my drunk ass dangled 20 feet above the ground below. I managed to get in the window and crawl across the dining table, knocking over all sorts of things on the way. The next day I realized that in the stumbling-drunk state I had been in, it was a minor miracle I didn't fall and injure or kill myself.
  #11  
Old 10-11-2011, 07:47 AM
JacobSwan JacobSwan is offline
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I was 18 or so and had been out drinking. I staggered home about 2 am and then realised I didn't have my door key. I didn't want to wake my parents so I decided to try and open a ground floor window and get in that way.

My parents lived on a main road and just as I'd opened the window and started to climb in, a passing police car screeched to a halt and hit the lights and sirens.
I was hauled out of the window and before I could explain who I was my dad had come down to see what the trouble was.

The police thought it was highly amusing and offered to lock me up for the night, and my dad eventually saw the funny side, but I got stuck with a lot of chores to make up for it.
  #12  
Old 10-11-2011, 08:56 AM
jonesj2205 jonesj2205 is offline
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Originally Posted by surrounded by literalists View Post
I was able to open a window. It only opened far enough to let me get a leg in. Of course I 'high centered' myself on the window ledge. If I went back out, I would fall to the ground. To continue in, I would fall to the floor. And my boobs were stuck, the left one on the inside of the window and the right one on the outside. God, don't make me think about how uncomfortable the window track was jammed into my crotch. I will take cobwebs over, 'unintentional manual clitoral stimulation window track' anyday.
So how did you get out? Or are you still stuck and want us to call 911?
  #13  
Old 10-11-2011, 09:26 AM
Nava Nava is offline
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No B&Es, but I wish I had a pic of the elegant ensemble my mother was wearing that day she had to call me at school to come open the door for her. A neighbor had gone up to Mom's to borrow our folding table (Mom lives on the 10th floor, the neighbor on the 4th), Mom had helped her bring it down and forgotten to grab the keys.

Rollers, thick quilted robe, pink nightshirt with a print of tiny flowers and a lacy edge, fluffy slippers. Definitely not streetwear.

Last edited by Nava; 10-11-2011 at 09:27 AM.
  #14  
Old 10-11-2011, 09:33 AM
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Cazzle Cazzle is offline
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I accidentally locked myself in the backyard in my pyjamas. I had to climb a fence to get out (fortunately I lived next door to a park) and go next door, introduce myself, borrow the neighbour's phone to call my then-boyfriend who was at work (a 40+ minute drive away and not due home until late). He phoned his office and got one of his employees to go to the real estate agents and borrow the spare key (rental property) and bring it to me. I spent about 20 minutes on the front porch in my pjs. Awesome day.
  #15  
Old 10-11-2011, 09:52 AM
stpauler stpauler is offline
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Ugh, not sure if I really wanna share this, but...

I used to live in an old apartment in downtown St Paul. The 100+ year old building was formerly a hotel and had a lot of quirks to it and a lot of post hoc construction (and the owner is a bit of a slumlord on top of it).

So, one day I'm in the bathroom taking a shower. I lived alone and rarely shut the bathroom door but that day I did. After my shower, I toweled off, wrapped the towel around me and grabbed the doorknob to open the door. The glass knob fell into my hand while the other end slipped out the other side of the door with the long bar. After spending twenty minutes of trying different bathroom implements to get in the hole to turn the mechanism to release me, I decided to go out the bathroom window and go through the front door.

I put clothes on (thankfully) and shimmied down the wall and jumped the remaining 5 feet to the ground. My barefeet smacked hard against the pavement but I was happy to be out of the bathroom. I walk to the secured front door and my neighbor buzzed me in. I marched up the stairs to my apartment door to find it locked like it should be.

There was no caretaker/manager on site, but after getting my neighbor to take apart his doorknob and give me the long piece and then let me climb up his back to get back into my apartment to unlock the bathroom door, I was set.
  #16  
Old 10-11-2011, 09:57 AM
MeanOldLady MeanOldLady is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JacobSwan View Post
I was 18 or so and had been out drinking.
Say no more.

Quote:
My parents lived on a main road and just as I'd opened the window and started to climb in, a passing police car screeched to a halt and hit the lights and sirens.
Yes! Cops. These stories are always better when cops are involved.

So my story isn't that bad. I broke into a small ground-level window and entered through my laundry room. It was late, and after waiting around for a half hour, I realized no one was going to come by and save me.
  #17  
Old 10-11-2011, 10:01 AM
shiftless shiftless is offline
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Hanging out with with my new girlfriend at my place, I got a call from my old girlfriend who I still see from time to time. She had locked herself out of her house and needed help. New GF and I go over (a couple of blocks) and in trying to break in I manage to put my foot through a basement window, cutting myself badly. So, new GF and old GF get to hang out together for a couple of hours in the emergency room while they sew me up. I don't know what they talked about but the new relationship didn't last long.

I know a woman who locked her keys in her car while it was still running and just went on to work. I saw her in the afternoon when she came out and the car was still running! She evenutally got AAA there to break in but by then her car had been idling for over 8 hours.

Last edited by shiftless; 10-11-2011 at 10:03 AM.
  #18  
Old 10-11-2011, 10:35 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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One morning back when I lived in rural Texas I locked myself out of the house. I had to get back in or be hugely delayed for work, so I figured I'd knock one panel out of the multi-panel wood-framed window in the back door, reach in and unlock the door.

Unfortunately it was not a multi-panel window, but a single-panel window with a lattice-like wood frame, so the whole damn thing shattered. I did get in though.

Years later I was watching an episode of "Cops", in which a sheriff's deputy was trying to get into a house to check on someone's welfare. He committed the exact same error busting what he thought was a single panel of glass. It made me feel better.
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Old 10-11-2011, 10:44 AM
feppytweed feppytweed is offline
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In college, I left my apartment to go with my fiancée somewhere. She was using my old car since she didn't have a vehicle, and I normally took my truck. Since we were taking the car, I didn't feel the need to lug both sets of keys around. Turns out, only my truck keys also had the key to the apartment on them. No hide-a-key.

Well, it turns out, I had a balcony that faced the parking lot. Thankfully, I didn't have the door locked on it (I kept it open most nights for fresh air anyway). I called my buddy and he brought over a ladder and we put it up in the back of my truck (it was a short ladder) and hopped the balcony railing to get inside.

In our apartment now, we still don't have a hide-a-key, but my wife has a key now, and thankfully we've never been locked out. I guess we would have to break a window if we were.
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Old 10-11-2011, 11:32 AM
Lacunae Matata Lacunae Matata is offline
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Years ago, I locked myself out of the house, which wouldn't have been so bad: the landlord worked next door, it was pleasant weather, should have been no problem to wait 30-60 minutes for someone to retrieve a key and let me in. Except ... the baby (age 18 months or so) was inside. Eek! Yeah, I broke a small pane on the back door and let myself in ASAP. Then went next door and admitted what I did, and why. The landlord laughed, calmed me down, and told me he would have done the same.

My sister once locked her baby in the car - while the car was running. Fortunately, back then (20 years ago) police carried "slim jims" to unlock cars.
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Old 10-11-2011, 11:50 AM
Anaamika Anaamika is offline
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I have locked myself out occasionally, but the only significant story I remember is this one:

When I was a teen, I locked myself out of the house one day. We had a deck out back, so I climbed onto the deck, managed to maneuver the kitchen window up enough, and climbed in through the window. But somehow in the process I put a large crack in the kitchen window. I was terrified of my parents finding out - they weren't the kind of parents to just make me pay for it.

Well, they didn't come home until late at night, and so didn't see it that day. The next day, a hurricane happened, and the winds were at a record high, and stones were being flung against the walls and doors. When my mom came home and saw it that evening, she just assumed it was the hurricane, and I got away scot-free.
  #22  
Old 10-11-2011, 11:54 AM
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Dr. Girlfriend Dr. Girlfriend is offline
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My mom was babysitting my then- about a year old niece at my sister's house, and she had just put the baby down for a nap. Mom needed to run out to her car for something, and she accidently locked the storm door behind her. I guess it had one of those slider switches that can only be opened from the inside, I'm not real sure how it worked.

Mom realizes what she's done and panics because the baby is inside the house by herself. Mom's phone is inside too. She starts digging around in her car to find something to break the storm door glass with but all she can come up with is a rubber mallet. So Mom's standing at the front door of my sister's house, banging on the glass with a rubber mallet. Glass isn't breaking.

Baby wakes up from all the noise, and is now screaming in her bedroom. Mom finally gets the idea to throw a rock at the door. She manages to crack the glass but not break it, so she holds the rock up against the glass and hammers on the rock with the mallet until the glass breaks and Mom can open the door.

Mom calls my sister all hysterical and crying, and my sister just laughs. Sister says they wanted to replace that storm door anyways. Mom pays for new door.
  #23  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:06 PM
Snickers Snickers is offline
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El Hubbo and I were leaving the house to take a walk. Our front door is rather strange - it's big wooden monstrosity of a thing (that looks beautiful) that doesn't lock. Or, rather, the lock is inside the door: there's a button on the side that you push to lock or unlock it. When it's unlocked, you then can depress the tongue thing on the handle to open the door. This goes nowhere when it's locked, so when you lock it and then close it, you'd best be sure. There's absolutely zero way to unlock it from outside the house - there isn't even a place for a key to be inserted!

Anyway, we're used to it now, so we just always leave it locked. We're leaving for a walk, and he pulls the door closed. Then I ask, "do you have keys?" No, he didn't. Neither did I.

Luckily, our garage is of the half-sunken variety and its windows are those old school, flip up cellar windows. You know, the half size long wide ones? Yeah, those. He broke out one of the panes, flipped the lock, then shimmied into the window and dropped into the garage below. And then went and fetched his keys. (Cobwebs, check. Shame, check. Annoyed husband, check. Whiskey, double check.)

Later, we boarded up where the pane was with some screws, which incidentally matched the other boarded up panes since those windows had been broken by the previous owner. (Maybe he had done the same thing; I dunno.) My husband's pretty thorough, so he cursed those screws pretty roundly the next time we did the same damn thing.

Now, I ask whether he's got keys before he closes the front door, and he's always careful to have them. (I really should get better about carrying mine, hey?) Which is a good thing, because he's really screwed in that window extra tight since the last time and the window on the other side is bricked in (we added a patio). And we've bought a new deadbolt and door knob for the door into the house from the garage, and it's always locked now.

I really should look into that spare key hiding idea.
  #24  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:12 PM
lindsaybluth lindsaybluth is offline
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Originally Posted by MeanOldLady View Post
Please share tales of your feats, particularly if they ended in failure and/or embarrassment.
It took me years and years to learn to take my keys and wallet with me. Usually I just had to wait or called for help (family member, etc).

Once in high school I was truly and absolutely fucked: I was staring down the barrel of 2 hours in the freezing cold. Nowhere to walk to, like a coffee shop, and just hang out. No cell phone.

So I stacked two redwood picnic tables on top of each other and one bench. I slowly climbed up the tables, stopped and paused to reconsider. I could die! I could hit my head and fall into the fountain and freeze!

Or I could just stop being a pussy and do it.

I took a deep breath and got into the bench, hands against the house. I figured one of my bedroom windows might be unlocked due to sheer forgetfulness.

I put one foot on a bit of shingle over a pillar and put some weight on a gutter, tearing away the window screen unceremoniously.

I pushed the window. It moved! Sorta hop-jumped from my position; I was at armpit level, arms inside the window. I half-somersaulted myself into my bedroom, hitting my head on the cast iron baseboard and cursing.

I was in!
  #25  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:19 PM
lindsaybluth lindsaybluth is offline
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Missed the edit:

We should all get one of these things. Keypad lock with the housekey in it.
  #26  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:21 PM
Jackknifed Juggernaut Jackknifed Juggernaut is online now
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2 years ago, Thanksgiving weekend:

I went out the side door to drop the recycling cans/bottles into the garbage can. I knew that the screen door handle was broken, but I always managed to drop off the cans and bottles and make it back before the door closed. Unfortunately, I was distracted by something and heard the door slam. Damn! It was freezing cold and I was in shorts and a tee-shirt. And I had recently replaced the screen in the door with glass (for the winter).

I could have walked to my family friend's house about a block away for my spare key, but realized that I had never returned it from the last time I borrowed it. I could still have went there just to use the phone to call my sister, who also has a spare. But it was cold and I was lazy.

So, I tried to see if I could pry back the frame that supported the glass. It seems like I could get my fingers in there if I used my nails. And it seemed like it was working. If I could just bend it enough to get a curved stick through and push the handle back, I'd be set. Unfortunately, real glass isn't that flexible. I bent it more and it shattered! Damn! Well, at least I could get in now.

Except....

I noticed a very large pool of blood on the ground around the broken glass. The glass had somehow mysteriously ripped open the heel of my hand. Blood was spilling everywhere. I grabbed a towel, wrapped my hand in it, and proceeded to drive to the ER. The blood quickly soaked through the towel, so I held it outside my car window, so not to stain my car seats.

I basically left a trail of blood from my house to the ER. 26 stitches later, I was much smarter. It's really annoying cleaning up broken glass with blood caked all around it, with one hand!

While I still haven't fixed the screen door handle, I also haven't replaced the glass, so I'm good for now.
  #27  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:30 PM
StGermain StGermain is online now
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I don't lock my house, so no stories there. Once, though, I was driving home in my subdivision (efore I moved out to the middle-of-nowhere). I saw my missing cat dart through a yard, so I stopped my car and left it running to chase down the kitty. Tackled the bewildered cat (who was NOT my Meg) and let her go and went back to my running car. Somehow the dogs inside had hit the automatic locks, locking me out of my car while it's running and in the middle of the street, with two dobermans and a German shepherd inside. I had to call the state troopers to come and pop the lock with their slim jim.

Meg was hiding in the spare bedroom and not lost at all. It's a lucky thing for her I went in to get a book, because she could've starved to death in there. As it was, she just looked at me when I opened the door and sauntered out.

StG
  #28  
Old 10-11-2011, 12:36 PM
Springtime for Spacers Springtime for Spacers is offline
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My stupidest story concerns not breaking in... I was on my way home in a mate's car and checked for my keys, which weren't in my bag, pocket or anywhere on my person. So I asked mate to drive me on to my boyfriend's flat as he had a spare. I told mate to go ahead and leave me there. Then I discovered that the outer door to the flats had been bolted from the inside by some idjit. I phoned my boyfriend but he had gone to bed early and left his mobile on charge in the other room so he didn't hear it. Leaving out some failed attempts to throw things at his window, I eventually phoned another friend and arranged to spend the night on her couch.

The kicker: Having picked up my message on his mobile, my understandably grumpy boyfriend met me with his keys early the next morning, but when we got to my house we found my keys -- where I'd left them, in the lock.

Then there was the spare key I put under a brick under the greenhouse and couldn't find next time I locked myself out. That turned up over ten years later when I was digging a big hole for a patio.
  #29  
Old 10-11-2011, 02:04 PM
Scubaqueen Scubaqueen is offline
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Back when the earth was still cooling, the then-boyfriend and I decided to go take in one of Indiana’s favorite events: the annual Bean Blossom Bluegrass Festival which has been a summer fixture since the mid 60s down in Brown County, Indiana. The county seat, Nashville, may be a shameless tourist trap, but Brown County is renowned for its foliage, music and its wineries, among other things, and it’s where the festival is held.

Did I mention the wineries?

We had a wonderful time, enjoying the music, the people smoking their favorite recreational drugs (this was the mid-70s after all) – and of course the wineries. They brought… samples… to the festival. Lots of samples. The then-boyfriend was more of a recreational smoker than a drinker, so I made up for his lack of beverage consumption by sampling more than my fair share.

Fast-forward to the end of the day and at last we’re pulling into my driveway so he can drop me off. He was fine to drive, but I’m feeling no pain. We say good night, etc, and then I make more or less for the back door to the house. Like the nice guy he was, he’s waiting until I’m in the house before driving off.

It’s late, probably 2 or 3 in the morning, but I’d told my mom I would be late. That wasn’t the issue. After all, I was a responsible 21-year-old, right? After several minutes of rooting around in my hobo bag, I finally realized through my lovely, wine-colored haze that I didn’t have my house key. And natch, the door is locked.
Well… rats. What to do, what to do?

“What’s wrong?” hissed the boyfriend when he saw me not going into the house. He was hissing because a goodly number of the house windows were open and he didn’t want to disturb anyone sleeping. Like my mother. He knew as well as I did she really did not need to find out first-hand the exact state of inebriation reached by her normally-responsible eldest daughter.

“No house key!” I hiss back, thinking furiously. Or trying to, given my state, so I can’t say for absolute about my brain’s ability to process much of anything at that point. Was there a key hidden around somewhere, was there one on the shelf in the garage --

He starts laughing. Not loudly of course. Can’t have that. “Not funny, Mike!” I snark. “I’m never going to hear the end of this if I have to wake up my sister to let me in!”

Still grinning, he just points at the ground floor window nearest me.

Oh.

Did I mention the house windows were already OPEN?

Let me explain ‘open.’ Our house was older, armed with what I long ago privately dubbed the Storm Windows from Hell. These were not the storm windows of ordinary, mortal man. I suspected they could have easily withstood a thermonuclear detonation.

They were solid reinforced wood, with some kind of glass that was much thicker than you’d expect for a window. They also weighed about a ton and were impossible to handle. They had two latches at the top and two at the bottom and those securely sealed the window against the frame to defend against Indiana winters, which can be maximum nasty. Allegedly, you could simply lift up and remove them from the outside frame for cleaning.

Yeah, right.

As it was a houseful of women and because the storms were all such a major pain in the ass to work with, we never did take any of them off. Mom had decreed some ago that none of us wimmenfolk had any business being up on a ladder at the second floor wrestling with these things.

Instead, we bought a batch of dowel rods and had them cut to certain lengths. We used them to prop the storms open so you could get fresh air coming into the house.

So.

He was pointing at the downstairs bathroom window, not ten feet away from me, which was propped wide open. Groovy! Problem solved. At least until I had to actually perform the mechanics of getting my inebriated ass and voluminous peasant skirt through said open window without getting hung up on the latches.

It… wasn’t pretty. I managed to bend the interior screen completely out of shape to the point I eventually had to take it to the hardware store to be redone. Then, struggling to get past the storm frame, I tore the hell out of my skirt on the bottom latches and scraped my back up pretty good too in the process.

And then there was the pièce de résistance: a full face-plant in the bathtub when I finally over-balanced and fell through the opening. I was lucky I didn’t break a tooth, my jaw - or my neck - or in the process. Why I didn’t rouse the entire house, I’m not sure. Unless my mother was holding out on me… If she was, she kept it to herself. Probably laughing herself silly at her ‘responsible’ daughter.

For the rest of our time together, every time Mike saw me he’d hum, ‘She Came in Through the Bathroom Window.’
  #30  
Old 10-11-2011, 02:17 PM
Mama Zappa Mama Zappa is offline
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1980, living in a dumpy apartment in a college town. Second floor. No pets allowed, but we had a cat anyway.

The back door was chained shut. The front door.... the knob had been wonky for a while, and this day it quit working entirely. So we call the landlord's maintenance department from a neighbor's phone, all the while thinking "oh shit, we are BUSTED" because of the cat sitting pretty in the front window, wondering why we weren't coming in.

We wound up saved.... the next door neighbor's boyfriend came home, said "I bet I can get in through the attic!" - and did. Yeah, the attic areas were connected, and there was a ceiling trap (I don't recall whether it was just a removable panel or actual pulldown stairs).

So, "ended poorly" not so much, but at least we got in - and were able to hide the cat in the bedroom before the repairman got there.

Funnily enough, I got into my NEXT apartment the same way a year later - a 2-story townhouse-style, I walked out the door, forgot I had the knob set to lock.... and the neighbor got in through the pulldown stairs.
  #31  
Old 10-11-2011, 02:28 PM
Zsofia Zsofia is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: South Carolina
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Well, not arrested, but when I first moved into my house I did lock myself out - I'd absentmindedly turned the thumb lock on the laundry room door (which had been an outside door before the laundry room was added), took the trash out, and then realized I couldn't get back in. I couldn't even get out of the back yard because I'd locked the padlock on the fence behind me, which had been open when I got there and I didn't have the key.

I was in my pajamas, by the way, with standing up hair, no bra, no shoes, etc.

So I had to climb the fence to get out of the back yard, and of course I caught my pajama pants on the fence top and tore a great big hole in the ass.

And of course the front door was locked, because I'm conscientious about that.

So I had to knock on doors to get somebody to lend me their phone. Not my finest hour. I hadn't even met any of my neighbors yet, and there I was with dirty bare feet and Edward Scissorhands hair holding the back of my pants together.
  #32  
Old 10-11-2011, 02:52 PM
bump bump is offline
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Location: Dallas, TX
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Haven't had to break into my home, but I have had to break into my own vehicle a couple of times, and the last time I did so, I was using a slim-jim to try and unlock the door, pulling upwards, and the thing popped loose, and I managed to punch myself in the eye hard enough to make that eye hurt and dilate, so that one pupil was bigger than the other.

Didn't give myself a concussion, and didn't even end up with a black eye, but for the rest of the day, that pupil was larger than the other.
  #33  
Old 10-11-2011, 03:02 PM
picunurse picunurse is offline
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Location: Seattle
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We don't usually lock the kitchen door, but we had a break-in, so started being more responsible.
One night I took the trash out in my holey old nightgown, only to find the door closed and locked behind me.
My husband was at the gym (3 hours) my neighbors weren't at home. I sat freezing on the porch for three hours.
The neighbor got home and offered to climb into the bedroom window. He's not the most mechanical guy in the world, in fact, he couldn't figure out the extention ladder. I got the ladder up for him. He climbed up to the window just as my husband got home and saw someone breaking into our house.
He didn't notice me at the bottom of the ladder. He roared out of the truck claiming to have a gun (he didn't) and saying he was calling 911 (he did). I yelled at him that it was only Dave, and I'd locked myself out.
He called 911 back to cancel, but the 911 operator said she still had to send someone. So, we got to explain it all to the officer. At least I got to put on clothes before he got there.

Another time we went out to play trivia at a local pub. We got home only to find neither had keys.
Hubby decided to climb in tha same window Dave had, only he was too fat. We went back to the pub and asked one of the waiters who was just getting off work if he'd help. He climbed in without incident. We tried to give him money for his trouble, but he wouldn't accept it. Instead, he gets tons of mileage out of the story.
  #34  
Old 10-11-2011, 03:29 PM
MeanOldLady MeanOldLady is offline
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Location: At long last, home
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Heh. Why am I not surprised that more than one of these stories involves drinking? I especially enjoy the ones that involve humiliation, skirts tearing in direct view of attractive boys, heads banging into furniture, near-injury and the like. I feel like less of an ass for crawling into my laundry room now. I had no other choice. It was night, and I seriously waited around for a half hour, before trying to pick the lock with a bobbing pin! Btw, when I finally broke in, as I slapped around for the light switch, I accidentally put the carbon monoxide detector somehow and set off some loud beeping. I kept slapping around until it stopped, then I ran upstairs as quickly as I could, hoping no one would notice me. No one did.
  #35  
Old 10-11-2011, 05:05 PM
Dolores Reborn's Avatar
Dolores Reborn Dolores Reborn is offline
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We have this one. Who needs keys?



I have keyless entry on my car, too. In the past, I was notorious for locking my keys in the car. I can't remember ever locking myself out of the house. I've always had to have the key to lock the door.
  #36  
Old 10-11-2011, 05:56 PM
cards cards is offline
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I see that several ladies seem to get locked out in their PJs/nightgowns. Please know I'm always available to help out in these situations.
  #37  
Old 10-11-2011, 06:11 PM
ENugent ENugent is offline
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Location: Seattle area
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My mother locked herself out of her apartment when going on a date with my father when they were in college. He had to climb into a window to let her back in. The only reason the story might qualify for this thread is that they were going to a costume party, so he accomplished this feat barefoot and wearing nothing but a short lava-lava. And I think maybe some shell necklaces.
  #38  
Old 10-11-2011, 06:38 PM
salinqmind salinqmind is offline
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Not my own place, well, it was my parents house. They left me alone for the weekend, me being all of 16. For some odd reason (because I lived on a block completely surrounded by the houses of close relatives and no one - no one! - ever locked their doors even at night) - yes, I locked myself out. The back door hadn't been locked in 20 years, and I managed to do it. I didn't know what else to do except break a basement window, a smallish rectangle, and squeeze through and drop to the floor. I did that but missed some broken glass and badly scratched my thigh, and the drop to the floor was further than I'd thought. I did have the brains to put a piece of cardboard in the broken window and tape it up good so the house wouldn't be full of mosquitoes...For all my pain and efforts, I got called an asshole by my father when he got home, pissed about his broken window. And bits of broken glass kept rising up and breaking through my skin for a year after. ... What else was I supposed to do? Call the police to bust down the door? Go stay somewhere else?
  #39  
Old 10-11-2011, 07:32 PM
JacobSwan JacobSwan is offline
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Location: Epping, UK
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I have another one that sort of counts, but doesn't involve alcohol I'm afraid.

About 15 years ago I moved into my current home. I pulled up in a van with a couple of friends and most of my worldly possessions, only to find a car blocking my drive.

I'd had a long day of moving heavy furniture into the van and then 4 hours stuck in traffic and so I was pretty pissed off. I went around knocking on various neighbours doors and tried to be polite but I was basically accusing them all of blocking my drive.

No-one owned the car or had ever seen it before that morning. I eventually gave up and decided to go open the house up and put the kettle on. We'd just have to move all of the furniture around the car and across the lawn.

When I opened the front door, there on the mat was a set of car keys and a rental agreement. You see I had some business driving to do first thing on Monday morning and I'd ordered a hire car through my employers. I'd asked for it to be delivered Sunday evening, but they decided to drop it off on Saturday morning instead and I hadn't twigged.

So for the next few days my neighbours got to watch me driving around in the car that I had accused them all of parking in front of my drive. My reputation has never really recovered from that!
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