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  #701  
Old 07-19-2016, 06:51 AM
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Ulf, you're making me sooo happy for my local government right now... not for the dudes actually in it, just for it existing.

A couple of times I've had customers try to make me use their invoice format and I've been able to trump it with "my invoices need to be legal according to the laws under which my company is registered. Please see attached PDFs and verify that your format is compliant with all three."

Fuck that shit, it's me who's creating the invoice and I'm not changing formats for every Joe and Johnny. Does that customer from Hell change their invoice format for each of their own customers?

Last edited by Nava; 07-19-2016 at 06:52 AM.
  #702  
Old 07-19-2016, 07:44 PM
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Warning: loooooooooong rant ahead.

About a month ago, we had An Incident at work that involved me, a coworker, and a manager. The manager (henceforth known as A) oversees two sub-programs. Coworker (henceforth known as B) primarily worked for her, but also did about 8 hours a week on a program that I oversee. B had been looking for another job for over a year, for a variety of reasons. He's been REALLY open about searching elsewhere, and has had multiple meetings with A about it, as well as telling pretty much any of our coworkers who would stand still long enough to listen to his rants.

B came to me one day and said he got a job offer, but wasn't sure if he'd take it or not. He *specifically* said that he'd been talking to A, and that she was super supportive of not only his job search in general but also him going to the new place. A few days later, he posted on FaceBook that he'd had a long chat with his boss and felt that taking the new position was the right thing to do.

I went into work the next day and emailed my boss, plus my former boss and former grandboss who oversee our entire program (I should mention that my former grandboss is A's boss). I said "Hey, sorry to start your day off like this, but I've been informed that B is submitting his resignation. That leaves two people on my team (out of six), with no one qualified to interview. Any suggestions would be appreciated." I included former boss/former grandboss because they did the original hiring for my team, and because we've been working on a new bid on a contract for a similar program to the one I oversee, and having my team significantly short-handed would look really, really bad. Also because I reported to them until about four months ago, and old habits die hard.

Weeelllllllll... it turns out B hadn't actually talked to A, or told her he was resigning, so she found out when her boss called her at 7:30 in the morning (hey, I'd already been at work for an hour and a half by then! �� ). He came to me at 11:15 and said "Hey, did you tell (former grandboss) that I was quitting? Cause I wish you hadn't..." A apparently **lost her mind**, between B not telling her himself, getting caught flat-footed by her boss, and the fact that B gave *one* week's notice instead of the required three.

A's pissed off at me because she feels like I did an end-run around her, and went outside of my chain of command to do it. I was pretty pissed that B had blatantly lied to me, and definitely didn't mean to hurt her feelings. A went to my boss and basically unloaded on her; my boss came to me and was all "sooooooo... I don't think she's really mad at YOU, I think she's really mad at B... but don't do that again, please." I offered to apologize, got the OK to do so, and sent A a fairly lengthy email where I unreservedly apologized and laid out exactly why I did what I did (while stressing that the information was an explanation, NOT an excuse). Weeks go by and she hadn't acknowledged it at all, but now all of a sudden she wants to have a meeting with me and my boss 'to give (me) feedback on (my) long email' (which, really, I don't think the adjective was necessary in that sentence).

What's really surreal is if I'd done what A thinks I should have (gone only to my boss), it would've ended **the exact same way**, just ten minutes later, because my boss would have gone to the same people I did.

Both my boss and current grandboss are pretty much of the 'OMG LET IT GO' opinion, and can't figure out why my email (which both read) can't be the end of it. Either way, I have to sit through a meeting where the entire purpose is a nitpick of my apology. And I really, really think that if someone genuinely apologizes, you don't get to nitpick their apology in front of their boss. Accept the apology or don't, but suck it up, Buttercup.

TL;DR: I have to listen to a (in my better half's words) candy-coated bitch manager pick apart my apology for an unintentional slight that I made toward her, and somehow manage to *not* throat punch her.
  #703  
Old 07-19-2016, 09:33 PM
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::sigh:: I feel ya. I always think "I'm being paid well to do my job. Am I being paid well enough that it covers department drama, too?"

(Now that I look at it that way, maybe it covers a modicum of our 'middle school tantrums' and I should suck it up a half a buttercup's worth...)
  #704  
Old 07-19-2016, 09:59 PM
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...Weeks go by and she hadn't acknowledged it at all, but now all of a sudden she wants to have a meeting with me and my boss 'to give (me) feedback on (my) long email' ...
I have to sit through a meeting where the entire purpose is a nitpick of my apology. And I really, really think that if someone genuinely apologizes, you don't get to nitpick their apology in front of their boss.
Don't. Just decline to go to such a meeting.

Send a very polite email saying that no meeting is necessary -- the matter was ended with your apology way back weeks ago, no feedback is needed on that, and we all are too busy working at our jobs to spend more time on past history.

Sounds like your bosses would agree with that, and probably approve of canceling this meeting.
  #705  
Old 07-20-2016, 03:31 AM
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Will someone feed the motherfucking email hamsters? They've died again! It's not Halloween, people, we're supposed to keep 'em alive

Last edited by Nava; 07-20-2016 at 03:31 AM.
  #706  
Old 07-20-2016, 08:03 AM
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Going to agree. Decline the invitation, decline to address the matter further.

Being the forthright asshole I am, I'd probably say something like "I don't feel that any further discussion of this issue is helpful. We're done here."
  #707  
Old 07-20-2016, 11:25 AM
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Will someone feed the motherfucking email hamsters? They've died again! It's not Halloween, people, we're supposed to keep 'em alive
Do I want to ask why you let your hamsters die at Halloween?
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  #708  
Old 07-20-2016, 11:41 AM
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Apparently somebody in our office has clogged the men's room toilet with paper towels.

Let me just say that this office is not open to the public and everybody here has at least a college education plus their own home. I shouldn't be surprised though, these are the same people who can't separate the plastic lid from the paper coffee cup to put each into the correct recycle bin.
  #709  
Old 07-20-2016, 12:43 PM
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Hmmmmm. I never considered rejecting the meeting outright. I may have to run that suggestion past the boss. Since I'm not really being paid well for my job OR to put up with drama, it's a viable response, IMO.

Soylent, our office is primarily masters level or above educated folks who work in the human services field, and we had someone (s) intentionally shoving rolls of toilet paper into the toilets, backing them up. It was INSANE. I feel your pain.
  #710  
Old 07-20-2016, 03:04 PM
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Do I want to ask why you let your hamsters die at Halloween?
Because necrophiliac hamsters count as "Halloween decorations for the server room", duh.
  #711  
Old 07-20-2016, 03:23 PM
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I'm curious why you felt the need to discuss Co-worker leaving with the various bosses. It seems to me it wasn't your place. (Did I miss something?)
  #712  
Old 07-20-2016, 03:40 PM
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Would it kill hiring managers to have a little fucking empathy and try to remember when the shoe was on the other foot? If this is a sign of things to come, I can't wait to get started!
  #713  
Old 07-20-2016, 05:28 PM
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Because necrophiliac hamsters count as "Halloween decorations for the server room", duh.
The hamsters screw the zombies?
  #714  
Old 07-20-2016, 05:45 PM
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My majorly nitpicky, Adrian Monk-like boss is having me create an exhibit in Adobe the same way I've created several in the past. Without describing the issue exhaustively, he remembers that I created them a certain way, and I know that I couldn't have created them that way because it would require my having far more skill in Adobe than I actually have. In fact, I don't believe it's actually possible to do it the way he remembers.

But he's right of course, and if I were to actually bring up examples from the past showing him that he's wrong, I'd be in the Monk doghouse.

Jeez, this guy's a little shit and I'm sick of him.
  #715  
Old 07-20-2016, 06:04 PM
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coworkers who are laughing and smiling at 10am and depressed at 4pm
  #716  
Old 07-20-2016, 06:21 PM
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Apparently somebody in our office has clogged the men's room toilet with paper towels.
In the men's room that is used primarily by the warehouse guys and training groups, someone had to put signs over the urinals explaining that no solids should be placed in them. Also, we've had people place huge wads of chewing gum in the recycle bin, despite the presence of a huge, colorful sign explaining in great detail exactly what can and can't be placed in the bin.

Dear supervisor: if you're going to assign me to a job, let me work on the fucking job. I've been working here longer than you...I'm quite capable of completing the forms AND writing the report AND helping the newbie inspector get all the parts transferred to the right departments.
  #717  
Old 07-20-2016, 06:22 PM
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Mini-Monk has just decided he only likes the look of documents printed on a distant printer in the office. My own high-speed printer next to my desk won't do anymore; I must hike the length of the floor to pick up documents from the other printer.
  #718  
Old 07-20-2016, 06:22 PM
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My supervisor is so fucking stupid, every time I ask her a question she gives me a quiz like I am a walking manual
  #719  
Old 07-20-2016, 06:46 PM
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Unfortunate about your Keurig taking too long
  #720  
Old 07-20-2016, 07:19 PM
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I am an INTP. At best, an INTJ. You see me at lunch, with my nose in a book about Western funeral customs? That's me. The real me. But on my job I need to toss that aside and be On, as drop the personable part-time comedian. That guy has fun, joking and maybe flirting, but the real me finds it exhausting. It is fortunate that the ladies I talk to pretend they haven't heard my spiel before.

And isn't that the basis of M-F relationships since forever? The guy makes a lame joke, the woman, if she likes him or sees that the service he offers could benefit her, pretends he's funny?
  #721  
Old 07-20-2016, 07:26 PM
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Hope you're kidding around, dropsie. I'd much prefer the quieter, real you.

And that lame scenario at the end? That's the opposite of all my experience.

What is "all my experience"?:
Guy tries to be funny, woman tells him in no uncertain terms he's being an idiot.
Guy reforms, wins woman by being genuine.
She continues to roll her eyes every single time he tries to be funny or "ON" for the next 30+ years...
  #722  
Old 07-20-2016, 07:57 PM
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When I'm asked to help, I'm more than happy to do so. Just let me know when you're getting started and I'll walk you through it. Then that turns into me waiting for that call for help until 30 minutes before their shift ends, and it turns into, Oh, I'm not going to have time. Which turns into me having to do it myself. Whatever, active working time it takes to do the task is like 15 minutes. That's not the point, it's that now this person isn't trained for yet another week on something that would take them a total of 15 minutes, and not all at once, either.
  #723  
Old 07-20-2016, 08:03 PM
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Ahem. My job is to get medical offices to sign up to get their medical claims from certain payers through direct deposit instead of through paper checks. Weeks or months faster (current client's client is a slow pay, and I'm thinking of shifting to another that is beloved). I am calling medical office or billing managers "on behalf" of my company's client (as I said before, it's subcontractors all the way down) out of the clear blue, though I try to get my client's name and other payers out front early because most offices hate the client's client client. My wife worked in medical billing offices so I know how to talk to them, but she knows me and calls my sense of humor "corny." Don't care because I'm just trying to be reassuring. As women, a guy making lame, though inoffensive, jokes seems to be safe, because I will eventually need them to key in, sight unseen, their passwords and banking information. I succeed because several times a day I need to remind them that I, personally, do not want to know their banking account.

I've known for decades that women know we are laughable, pathetic, and lame*, and seem to judge us by how sincerely lame we are. I am sincerely offering a service that can help them do their jobs faster and easier. If calling the Captcha "hieroglyphics I have no hope of helping you with," makes them feel more comfortable with me because I'm so lame, I'll use it.


* - Ladies, if you haven't figured out that men are are laughable, pathetic, and lame, it's probably too late for you.

Last edited by dropzone; 07-20-2016 at 08:07 PM.
  #724  
Old 07-20-2016, 08:12 PM
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I'm curious why you felt the need to discuss Co-worker leaving with the various bosses. It seems to me it wasn't your place. (Did I miss something?)
yes -- that the guy who was leaving spent part of his time working in her area. Which was already under-staffed due to not hiring anyone to replace the previous 3 people who left. So she needs to alert her bosses that this additional departure will likely affect their ability to deliver work on time.
  #725  
Old 07-20-2016, 08:54 PM
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yes -- that the guy who was leaving spent part of his time working in her area. Which was already under-staffed due to not hiring anyone to replace the previous 3 people who left. So she needs to alert her bosses that this additional departure will likely affect their ability to deliver work on time.
Got it in one. Not only does it have a huge impact on a team that has been stretched to the breaking point for months already, it potentially impacts multiple other teams because our team can't perform. I needed people ASAP with access to HR records to identify potential eligible interviewees, and who could give me permission to look into those folks' work performance via their supervisors.

Last edited by bobkitty; 07-20-2016 at 08:55 PM.
  #726  
Old 07-21-2016, 01:01 AM
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Because necrophiliac hamsters count as "Halloween decorations for the server room", duh.
The hamsters screw the zombies?
Yeah, that was my reading also. I love learning how other cultures celebrate holidays.
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  #727  
Old 07-21-2016, 06:55 AM
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Hey IT folks, quit making changes that screw up my scheduled jobs. I have one that runs weekly, it takes image files from one server that have been processed that week, puts them in a zip file, and uploads them to our FTP server. Then another job on another server downloads the zip file and sends it to our customer. Twice in the last month, the first job failed because the IT folks uninstalled the zip software from the server and didn't tell anyone. This week we discovered that they made changes to the FTP server accounts over the weekend and now we can't upload or download files. Meanwhile we get angry calls from our customer wondering where their image files are, and we have to explain to them why our jobs have failed three times in five weeks. Thanks IT guys for making us look like idiots!
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  #728  
Old 07-21-2016, 07:19 AM
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Congratulations, you just passed a course on corporate jargon without:
1) Shooting yourself
2) Throwing your laptop and all its attachments through a window
3) Making the course's writers wish they were in Guantánamo, it would hurt less
4) Burning down the building
5) Any, all or perhaps something else of the above
  #729  
Old 07-21-2016, 07:57 AM
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The great thing about The 'Fapper' Initiative (FAPR = Fleeting Acronyms, Persistent Ramifications) at my work is that all the buzzwords change every four-to-six months. So a few of us curmudgeons sit back and watch the eager young'uns fill their powerpoints with this week's acronyms and spend months rewriting their StrategemHierarchiesInTime to bring them in line with QUISP/NOTQUISP protocols.

What they don't realize is that by December, no one will even mention NOTQUISP, because a VP went to a seminar on QUAKE, and we'll be re-writing everything...

And the 20-somethings are SO motivated and always tell me I'd better hurry up with my re-writes because they'd just read that "both QUISP and NOTQUISP effect-ables need to be monumentized in refraction of and proximal to the Proto-QUISP and Pre-QUAKE protocols."

And I feel like Stanley on The Office as I kick back in my chair and drawl "Yeaaaah, I should get to that, but I got this comic book for my Professional Development, and it ain't gonna read itself..."
  #730  
Old 07-21-2016, 09:17 AM
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digs? Can I come sit on your lawn? I'll bring a cooler and drinks.
  #731  
Old 07-21-2016, 01:05 PM
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I'm curious why you felt the need to discuss Co-worker leaving with the various bosses. It seems to me it wasn't your place. (Did I miss something?)
I think it's because, with B leaving, the OP's department was going to be down to 2 people, when it normally should have 6.
  #732  
Old 07-21-2016, 03:26 PM
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digs? Can I come sit on your lawn? I'll bring a cooler and drinks.
My plan is to be the old fart that not only doesn't mind people on his lawn, but supplies the beer. So make room in that cooler...
  #733  
Old 07-21-2016, 05:53 PM
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A manager at our other location wonders to me about contingency plans for when a manager is out on vacation or something. I say, the other manager is the contingency. She says, well, what about when they're both out? I say they shouldn't do that. Oh, but they did. Overlapping vacations over the same 10 days. Yeah, y'all should have talked that one over and perhaps planned differently.
  #734  
Old 07-21-2016, 06:15 PM
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The great thing about The 'Fapper' Initiative (FAPR = Fleeting Acronyms, Persistent Ramifications) ...
I was never officially attached to IT, but I did their work often enough to relate to that. We not only had a flaky IT manager but also the president managed according to what book he was reading, so I had to do a lot of reading just to get a clue about what hare-brained 1990s get-productive-fast scheme he'd come up with next.

My current bosses set up a bookshelf of the same shit, since they have never worked elsewhere and have no real training in how to run a company beyond what the owners, still living in 1956 though it's the third generation (they laughed one brother/grandson out of the company because he tried to use what he learned when he got his MBA, calling him "college boy"), taught them when they tried to rise above being telemarketers. I looked at the books and mentally ticked them off, "Read it. 7 Habits could've been a two-page article in Parade. Read it; it was bullshit. Oh, Napoleon Hill brings me back."
  #735  
Old 07-21-2016, 06:34 PM
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My job has a planning committee that has sales on PAY DAY and want you to buy stuff
  #736  
Old 07-22-2016, 06:04 PM
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ok, this is not a rant, but I don't really have any one else to tell. I have been at this company for 8 years. 6 months ago I was promoted from Traffic Coordinator to Traffic Analyst, I had my mid year review and told my boss I was still trying to really learn this position but sometime in the distant, long time from now, future I would like to become the Traffic Manager. Working more with all of our other locations even more than I already am. Guess what? The VP of Compliance of our parent corporation had already approached the President of the corp. and told him, "I need someone in this position and I want Adhemar." President said "make it so."

Damn I am speechless. no more surfing the Dope at work anymore, I will actually have to work.
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Old 07-22-2016, 06:14 PM
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Dude, that his in the Happy Milestones thread in MPSIMS. Congrats!
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  #738  
Old 07-22-2016, 06:15 PM
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Congratulations, Adhemar. We need the occasional bright spot amidst all the gloom, doom and incompetence that seems to be the soul of this thread.

Good luck, and if we ever see you posting during working hours again, you'll hear from us!

Last edited by Roderick Femm; 07-22-2016 at 06:15 PM.
  #739  
Old 07-22-2016, 06:56 PM
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Congrats adhemar!

During my never-ending job hunt, I've often thought about what it would be like to go through an entire work week without needing my iPod or my stack of science/engineering magazines...
  #740  
Old 07-23-2016, 10:03 AM
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Damn I am speechless. no more surfing the Dope at work anymore, I will actually have to work.
That is tragic.

  #741  
Old 07-23-2016, 01:56 PM
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Update: I want that 30 minutes of my life back.

I went to the meeting, which was literally a critique of my apology email- she gave me a copy when I walked in, and had her own copy with highlighted portions- with comments regarding word choice, information I chose to include, and the overall presentation, all couched in "I really like you and want you to do better, and part of that is showing you how things might come across to others." She spoke for a ridiculously long time, my boss thanked her, I thanked her, and we were done.

But I am fairly certain my boss flat-out lied on my behalf, so props to her. I take back 25% of the stuff I've said about her over the past few months.
  #742  
Old 07-23-2016, 03:09 PM
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Yeah, I've had to play "Bite My Tongue" and act contrite like that before. Congrats for surviving it.

A friend of my son just reminded me of the first time my kid saw me do that. We pulled into Boy Scout summer camp with a full load of young hellions... and both side doors of our van open, blaring Black Sabbath.

Well, an apoplectic elderly Scoutmaster-for-Life with a uniform full of patches and medals (some had swastikas, as I recall) came hobbling over and screamed at me for "driving on the freeway with the doors open and those kids could've fallen out! In fact, I wish they had so we could charge you with manslaughter!! I could send you all back home again IM-medi-ATE-ly!!!"

When it became clear that he didn't care that we had only opened the doors in the parking lot at 3 mph, I had to sit there in front of six middle school boys and nod "Yes, sir. I understand why you're upset, sir. Won't happen again this week."

The boys dissolved into guffawing as soon as we were out of earshot, which I remember whenever I have to do that at work.
  #743  
Old 07-24-2016, 06:41 PM
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My workplace doesn't answer the phone after 5pm, and that's when we get the most business. I have to explain to people why we don't have someone sitting around at a phone to answer questions that are available on our website. It's cheaper to just not answer the phone.
  #744  
Old 07-24-2016, 08:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Channing Idaho Banks View Post
My workplace doesn't answer the phone after 5pm, and that's when we get the most business. I have to explain to people why we don't have someone sitting around at a phone to answer questions that are available on our website. It's cheaper to just not answer the phone.
Think how much you'd save if you just unplugged 'em!

Or set up an outgoing message that says "You've reached our National Service Center, where serving the nation from its center is our middle name. No one is in the country to take your call right now. Please check our website for the answer, and if by chance the answer isn't there, only then may you call back and leave a message. Beeep."
  #745  
Old 07-25-2016, 02:37 AM
Nava is offline
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Idiot Boss went on vacation, leaving several shared documents open and therefore blocked for edit. Yes, we can make copies, but the problem there is which is the correct version, and did he do something in his copy which isn't reflected on the site?
  #746  
Old 07-25-2016, 08:31 AM
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The building's server* room is two doors down from me. Something in there has a battery that went bad last week. The replacement is "on order".

It's been chirping every three seconds. Three days last week. And still doing it this morning.


* no actual servers; it's just a switch hub.
  #747  
Old 07-26-2016, 12:35 PM
cg16 is offline
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Why go to the lunch room to eat lunch if you are going to sit alone and not talk to anyone? Makes more sense to sit at your desk and eat lunch
  #748  
Old 07-26-2016, 01:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cg16 View Post
Why go to the lunch room to eat lunch if you are going to sit alone and not talk to anyone? Makes more sense to sit at your desk and eat lunch
Why would you not go to the lunch room to eat your lunch? It's not called the "sit and socialize" room. If I eat at my desk, I continually get interrupted by people wanting me to do things. I much prefer to sit quietly by myself and eat lunch without being disturbed by anyone.
  #749  
Old 07-26-2016, 01:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatBaldGuy View Post
Why would you not go to the lunch room to eat your lunch? It's not called the "sit and socialize" room. If I eat at my desk, I continually get interrupted by people wanting me to do things. I much prefer to sit quietly by myself and eat lunch without being disturbed by anyone.
How can u be disturbed if it's your lunch break?
  #750  
Old 07-26-2016, 01:36 PM
Kimballkid is offline
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You're kidding, right? You can't really be this stupid, can you?
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