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  #101  
Old 04-11-2018, 07:08 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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And you just couldnít wait to tell everyone so theyíd all think how great you are, right? Did you do it for the tax break? Iím sure whatever the reason you had an ulterior motive, why not come clean and tell us what exactly was in it for you?

I helped my daughter with a homework assignment earlier this evening.
  #102  
Old 04-11-2018, 07:31 PM
gkster gkster is online now
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Helicopter parent alert! Did you "help" or did you hover over her and do all the work? How is your precious special snowflake ever going to learn to do anything on her own?

I need to vacuum my carpet.
  #103  
Old 04-11-2018, 07:35 PM
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snfaulkner snfaulkner is offline
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Yes, vacuum up all those dropped crack rocks so you can dump it on the counter and sort them out, you junkie fiend.

I rescued a poor bunny from being hit by a truck.
  #104  
Old 04-12-2018, 06:11 AM
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That's your excuse for grabbing a Playboy model's ass?!

I'm bringing donuts for everyone at work.
  #105  
Old 04-12-2018, 08:08 AM
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You mean you're bringing diabetes to your coworkers. People like you are why this country's having a health crisis.

It's time to walk my dogs.
  #106  
Old 04-12-2018, 08:15 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Nothing better than slipping on your dog's poop that you didn't pick up, falling down and bruising my knees.

The right bus pulled up just as I got to the bus stop this morning.
  #107  
Old 04-12-2018, 09:55 AM
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Cardigan Cardigan is offline
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Great, take the bus. Because we wouldn't want anyone to have to actually WALK to places anymore.

Looks like I'm getting nominated for yet another Nobel Prize... this time for chemistry.
  #108  
Old 04-12-2018, 10:55 AM
Uncommon Sense Uncommon Sense is offline
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Looks like I'm getting nominated for yet another Nobel Prize... this time for chemistry.
Great!! Really?.....Deplete the ozone much?.....by flying in your peers from around the world to gather at the ceremony. Congrats....enjoy the last few breaths of fresh air while you can.

I prefer slightly browning bananas.
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  #109  
Old 04-12-2018, 12:58 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Reverse parthenocarpic racist.

I just discovered a cure for cancer, and will share it with the world's medical researchers at no charge!
  #110  
Old 04-12-2018, 01:54 PM
Uncommon Sense Uncommon Sense is offline
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*looks up "Parthenocarpic"...................................*

giggles....
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  #111  
Old 04-12-2018, 02:19 PM
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Oh, so your response to the prospect for a cure for cancer is "giggle," "tee hee," "LOL," and any other inane way to express laughter? You sicken me.

North Korea is prepared to discuss disarmament.
  #112  
Old 04-12-2018, 02:23 PM
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Do you really trust that joker to tell the truth?
How dumb can you be?

I am at the sonic having a good ol' limeade
  #113  
Old 04-12-2018, 04:44 PM
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snfaulkner snfaulkner is offline
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Those clowns in the sonic commercial are unfunny and stupid and AND irritating. Plus I heard they are rapists. And actively promote rape. That's rape juice you're drinking. Hope you are proud.


I just solved all of the world.
  #114  
Old 04-12-2018, 06:02 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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Pat yourself on the back much? Thatís quite an ego youíve got going there.

It was a gorgeous day today!
  #115  
Old 04-13-2018, 12:20 AM
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Make fun of us dealing with rain and storms, would you? You have no empathy for the world outside of your tiny head.


I am watching Anderson Cooper. He's so nice.
  #116  
Old 04-13-2018, 07:21 AM
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Cardigan Cardigan is offline
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Sure go ahead worship folks that have famous parents and get everything in life handed to them on a silver platter. Guess the idea of "merit" doesn't mean anything to you.

Oh good, I discovered a bag of M&M's I left in my desk from Halloween. Guess it's snack time!
  #117  
Old 04-13-2018, 07:39 AM
Uncommon Sense Uncommon Sense is offline
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Oh good, I discovered a bag of M&M's I left in my desk from Halloween. Guess it's snack time!
Have you no self control? If you found a loaded pistol in your drawer would it be shoot up the office time?

This is the first phone I've had where I haven't had to do a factory reset during the first year of owning it.
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  #118  
Old 04-13-2018, 10:12 AM
astorian astorian is offline
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Yeah, I bet you always bought the cheapest piece of junk on the market, and then whined that it didn't work like an iPhone. Customer Service must've loved dealing with your crap .


Awwww, but I can't stay mad when my widdle doggie is so cuuuuute!

Last edited by astorian; 04-13-2018 at 10:13 AM.
  #119  
Old 04-13-2018, 10:29 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Your babytalk disgusts and literally sickens me.

Aw, my pen just ran out of ink.
  #120  
Old 04-13-2018, 01:06 PM
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Dude, all I gotta say is T. M. I. Next time before you announce your 'pen runs out ink', well, you should know they've got pills for that kind of thing now.


This year I intend to travel to Paris and see the Eiffel Tower.

Last edited by Cardigan; 04-13-2018 at 01:06 PM.
  #121  
Old 04-13-2018, 01:14 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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This year I intend to travel to Paris and see the Eiffel Tower.


Have fun supporting terrorism and human trafficking, you monster.





My son recited his entire ABC's today in school.
  #122  
Old 04-13-2018, 01:34 PM
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He's a 6th grader, about time Jethro learned something.


We are having a nice spring shower and my grand babies came over to show off their new raincoats and rain boots. Sooooo cute!
  #123  
Old 04-13-2018, 01:37 PM
Uncommon Sense Uncommon Sense is offline
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My son recited his entire ABC's today in school.
You sound happy about this, which I can only assume means you intended on having this child. You and your ilk are the reason why this planet is bursting at the seams with mouths to feed.

I'm leaving work an hour early today.
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  #124  
Old 04-13-2018, 02:01 PM
astorian astorian is offline
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We are having a nice spring shower and my grand babies came over to show off their new raincoats and rain boots. Sooooo cute!
Nice for YOU, but I had tickets to the ball game, which is rained out. Screw your adorable grandkids.



Maybe a nice cup of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich will make me feel better.
  #125  
Old 04-13-2018, 04:26 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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Sure, feed your problems away, letís talk when youíve put on an extra 20 pounds.

Weíre going to my in-laws for pizza, nice I donít have to cook.
  #126  
Old 04-13-2018, 04:37 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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How nice for them that you're sponging off them. I don't suppose you'll offer to chip in for the pizza, either.

I prefer sausage to pepperoni on my pizza.
  #127  
Old 04-14-2018, 05:59 AM
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Whoa. I didn't know what you meant by "preferring sausage" until I checked Urban Dictionary. Sicko!!


Perfect day to work in the yard!
  #128  
Old 04-14-2018, 06:44 AM
Aspidistra Aspidistra is offline
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What, raping the environment with your oh-so-perfect overwatered lawn? Let the weeds grow, man!

I like pie.
  #129  
Old 04-14-2018, 07:26 AM
Thin Ice Thin Ice is offline
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Who doesn't? Get over yourself!

Man, I can buy anything in the world from Amazon.com.
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  #130  
Old 04-14-2018, 08:18 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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In case you haven't noticed, amazon is putting all the brick-and-motar stores out os business, costing people jobs and making everyone nuts from having no human contact.

I got a raise at work today.
  #131  
Old 04-14-2018, 09:55 AM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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You probably kissed up to your supervisor and didnít really deserve it, what about the other hardworking employees just trying to make ends meet, have you considered that youíre taking food out of their mouths?

I slept good last night.
  #132  
Old 04-14-2018, 10:28 AM
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Oh, you call what are "awake"?


I ate a poptart for breakfast, ah, memories of childhood.
  #133  
Old 04-14-2018, 04:06 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Clogged arteries ahoy!

It's raining here at the moment.
  #134  
Old 04-14-2018, 06:31 PM
astorian astorian is offline
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Acid rain, scarring the landscape and killing fish. But what do YOU care!



Oh hey, looks like I'll get a nice tax refund this year!
  #135  
Old 04-14-2018, 06:32 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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Would you rather have no rain and end up with a drought? A little rain never hurt anyone so get over it.
Iíve been a bit congested all day, I think Iím coming down with something.
  #136  
Old 04-14-2018, 07:42 PM
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Acid rain, scarring the landscape and killing fish. But what do YOU care!



Oh hey, looks like I'll get a nice tax refund this year!
You'll just go out and waste it, like last year, and the year before. You're a freaking spendthrift.



My dog is being so sweet today. A real cutie-patootie!
  #137  
Old 04-14-2018, 09:34 PM
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Yeah, until cutie patootie becomes poopie dapoopie all over your kitchen floor because you overfed the mangy mutt with doggie bonbons.

I just finished filing my taxes.
  #138  
Old 04-14-2018, 10:20 PM
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snfaulkner snfaulkner is offline
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How much hookers and blow did you try and write off as a business expense this year?

This chorizo burrito is fucking awesome!
  #139  
Old 04-14-2018, 11:09 PM
Isamu Isamu is offline
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Thanks for sharing sweary McSwearington.

I have nothing but good things to say about the next poster.
  #140  
Old 04-14-2018, 11:34 PM
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snfaulkner snfaulkner is offline
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You're obviously an idiot. Because I'm a total asshole.

That chorizo burrito is already murdering my butthole.
  #141  
Old 04-14-2018, 11:46 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Whoa, whoa, TMI, man! What, were you raised by wolf proctologists or something?

I have never actually met a wolf proctologist.
  #142  
Old 04-15-2018, 09:26 AM
Thin Ice Thin Ice is offline
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I can hear the disappointment in your voice. But you probably need an elephant proctologist instead.

I just can't get over how well my Microsoft operating system runs.
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  #143  
Old 04-15-2018, 10:20 AM
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You are just so geeky. Do you think that makes you look smart or something?


I am making cookies for my grandkids. M&M and chocolate chip. Yum.
  #144  
Old 04-15-2018, 12:24 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Sure, get 'em started on diabetes early. That's grandmotherly love for ya.

Both of my grandmothers died years ago.
  #145  
Old 04-15-2018, 01:32 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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I never knew any of my grandparents, you donít hear me throwing myself a pity party, do you?
I just had a few delicious strawberries.
  #146  
Old 04-15-2018, 03:23 PM
romadea romadea is offline
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I never knew any of my grandparents, you donít hear me throwing myself a pity party, do you?
I just had a few delicious strawberries.
My niece was recently hospitalized with anaphylaxis after eating strawberries. She could have died, you know.

My dog is extra cuddly today.
  #147  
Old 04-15-2018, 06:20 PM
astorian astorian is offline
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Probably fat because you feed him too much and never walk him.



I think deep down, there’s more than unites us than there is that separates us.
  #148  
Old 04-15-2018, 10:43 PM
gkster gkster is online now
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Platitudes! And why do you presume to think that there's anything at all that unites _Me_ with you?

I'm getting old. I'm not overweight at all, my BMI is 23, but my knees ache when I go up the stairs.
  #149  
Old 04-16-2018, 02:47 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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You think you are the only old person with aches and pains. Try living with a hand that suffered a snapped off wrist bone!

A friend I lost touch with came into my workplace today, and we're now going to keep in touch.
  #150  
Old 04-16-2018, 04:07 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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Isnít that what you always say? This friend has probably reached out to you before and youíve just been ďtoo busyĒ with your own little life to care.

We had a lot of rain today, Iím very happy it wasnít snow.
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