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Old 04-25-2018, 08:09 PM
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Chain story - - - - NO STUPID LIMITS!

Ok, nuts to the one word at a time and 3 words a time story threads. I present to you, friends, a place to run wild! Write as much as you want! One word? Fine! Hundreds of words? Go nuts! The only requirement is that you have to write something that relates to what has already been written. And maybe try not to be too dickish with the handwaving away someone else's efforts. In other words, try to not start your post with "and then they woke up! it was all a dream" type stuff too many times. Let's say once per page of posts? That's not a hard rule, more of a suggestion. If you have something brilliant that requires a dream or whatever, then go for it.

I'll start.

Chapter 1

Sam the Dracula had a weasel problem. And an orange problem. The weasels were constantly going after his oranges for some reason, even though they were wax, since he only feasted upon the blood of the innocents.
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Old 04-25-2018, 08:13 PM
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Reinfield was becoming bothersome again, demanding more flies, and following the weasels around, quite annoyingly, to capture the flies that swarmed on their poop.
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Old 04-25-2018, 08:28 PM
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"REINFELD!" Sam bellowed. "Stop smearing weasel shit on yourself and go find me some innocents to feast upon! I hunger!"

Reinfeld glanced angrily at Sam, his master, and slowly and deliberately ate a handful of fly-laden turd.
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Old 04-25-2018, 09:13 PM
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Rachel and Rebecca, replete in their innocent finery, strolled merrily along the lane of the small Transylbalkanian town, giggling over some look some boy had bestowed upon them a few moments beforehand, when they heard the well-rehearsed sound of a sick puppy coming from the dark alleyway before them.
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Old 04-25-2018, 09:33 PM
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Rachel looked down the alleyway curiously. "That sounds like a sick puppy!" she said as she started down.

"Rachel, don't!" Rebecca called out. "Remember the pamphlets they handed out during feshman orientation?"
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Old 04-26-2018, 07:28 AM
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"Oh, don't be silly, Rebecca," intoned Rachel. "He may be badly hurt!" She began walking towards the sound. Reluctantly, Rebecca followed.
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:40 AM
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At that exact moment, across town, Dr. Harrison Monroe was finishing up his lecture on Teutonic Sigilism and the Holy Grail. He looked up and felt a tremor in the Force.
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Old 04-26-2018, 09:28 AM
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Monroe touched his breast pocket to be sure the vial of Holy Water he always carried was still in place. He dismissed his class, and sat at his desk, contemplating his next action.
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Old 04-26-2018, 05:05 PM
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"Where should I start?" Monroe asked himself under his breath as he mindlessly started yet another game of solitaire.
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Old 04-26-2018, 07:52 PM
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The vibration of his smartphone shook Monroe out of his almost self induced trance. Apprehensively, he stared at the number on the screen, and horrified by what he saw, he knew, without needing to answer, that he had very little time to act.
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:15 PM
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Springing to his feet, Monroe grabbed his tweed jacket with leather elbow patches and was about to head to the door...but...that damn Ace on the screen was there...taunting him. Mocking him. A few more clicks won't hurt, will it? Sitting back down, he was determined to finish this one...last...game. Then, TO ACTION!

The last game didn't go as he hoped. But he was sure he would win this next game, he could feel it this time...

*three hours later*

Lucy, Monroe's slightly overweight assistant kicks open the door to Monroe's office.

"What the hell are you doing!?! I texted you hours ago!" She yelled to Monroe's great surprise and embarrassment. She was mad but she was already in her armor and held his armor out to him. "We need to get on this, NOW! Where's the key to the lab? We'll need The Device."

Last edited by snfaulkner; 04-26-2018 at 08:18 PM.
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:39 PM
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Monroe awoke with a start, and rubbed his eyes. Thank goodness, it had all been a dream, and a very strange one at that. He didn't know which part was stranger -- Reinfeld and his weasel shit fetish, or Rebecca & Rachel and their altruistic attitude towards...

The chair shook again. "MONROE!" Lucy shouted. "Are you listening to me? We need to get The Device from the lab! I texted you hours ago!"

Oh crap, it wasn't a dream! Which means his friend Reinfeld really does enjoy smearing weasel shit all over himself...
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:48 PM
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Monroe accepted the sword, strode to the doorway, and punched in the code that would open the door to the device, a garlic infused with holy water and silver nitrate bomb that would take out vampires, werewolves, and most unholy monsters.
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:52 PM
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Reinfield leapt up, and pressed the chloroform cloth against the innocent girl's face. He realized there was another girl, and tackled her. He pressed the chloroform against her innocent face too, and dragged the unconscious young women towards his master.
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Old 04-26-2018, 09:01 PM
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"I bagged a couple fresh'uns fer ya, maaaster." He hissed is a way that Sam could never quite tell if it was sarcastic or not. "Plus a few more of these damn things." throwing two pamphlets titled The Horrors of Transylbalkanianton into the garbage that was already overflowing with pamphlets. "What a waste of paper" Reinfeld mumbled to himself.

Last edited by snfaulkner; 04-26-2018 at 09:02 PM.
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Old 04-27-2018, 09:43 AM
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However, what Reinfeld didn’t realize, was that one of those papers held an ancient code that up until now had remained unbreakable, but it’s dark secrets had the power to change everything.
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Old 04-27-2018, 10:10 AM
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Rachel awakened on a bed with the still sleeping Rebbeka lying next to her. A strange little man sat next to a window, nibbling on something. He held a handful of spiders. He offered his hand to her. "Want one?"
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Old 04-27-2018, 10:18 AM
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Alarmed by the bright orange restraints holding her down (which definitely clashed with her outfit), Rachel tearfully but innocently asked, "Oh, Mr. Man, whatever do you plan to do with us? We have never done anything to you." And, after a moment's pause to deliberate, "Is the puppy all right?"
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Old 04-27-2018, 10:36 AM
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Reinfield belched. "Pardon me" he muttered. As Rebecca began to stir, Rachel noticed two small wounds on her throat.
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Old 04-27-2018, 10:55 AM
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"Are...are you a vampire?" Rachel begged.

Reinfield smiled with a shit-eating grin (literally) and replied, "Oh no, not me. That was my pet weasel Rossie." Reinfield held the baby weasel tight in his arms, scritching its throat and occasionally checking its diaper.
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Old 04-27-2018, 12:57 PM
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"He's so cute!" cooed Rachel, and, feeling that she had gained some connection to the horrible little man, continued "Don't you have any blue rope? This silly orange stuff clashes horribly with my clothes."
Renfield picked a spider leg from his lower lip. "Don't worry about your clothes", he hissed, "just obey the Master!"
The glare from his eyes in the twitchy face assured Rachel that he was insane.
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Old 04-27-2018, 03:09 PM
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(Because, obviously, his snacking on spider legs and chewing weasel feces seemed perfectly rational.)
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Old 04-27-2018, 03:45 PM
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Rebekah, meanwhile, was pissed and could feel the violent throes of a headache at the edges of her temples.
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Old 04-27-2018, 03:48 PM
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This
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Old 04-27-2018, 04:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buddha_david View Post
(Because, obviously, his snacking on spider legs and chewing weasel feces seemed perfectly rational.)
(In the Bram Stoker novel, Dracula's minion Reinfield eats flies and spiders, believing that taking lives gives him...something. "Give me lives, Master!" He was a a patient in the mental hospital where one of the protagonists was employed, so he was fucked up to begin with.)
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Old 04-27-2018, 04:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sicks Ate View Post
This
caused Rebecka to wonder how the hell she spelled her name. The migraine wasn't helping. She became more awake, and aware of Reinfield. "Oh my God this is gross!" she mumbled, twisting at her bonds, "And the color is soooooo icky. Where did they buy it, Wally World?"
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Old 04-27-2018, 05:05 PM
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Back at the lab, Lucy finally got Monroe armed and armored and in the van.

"I'll drive. You navigate." She commanded as she hopped in the driver's seat and fired up the war wagon.

"Navigate? How the hell do I know where we are going?" Monroe asked, strapping himself in the passenger seat.

"Just use your phone, ya idiot! I installed the app for you last week, remember?"

"O..oh yeah." Monroe said, but he was lying. He didn't remember. He usually glosses over when she talks tech. He studies old things. Not these new damn things. He nervously looked around on his phone for the app as Lucy raced out of the garage. Where is the app? Is that it? No. Is it on this screen?...no. Damn this thing. I wonder if this thing has solitaire. Oh! Oh it Does! Check that out! Neat! Oh look, I already got some aces....
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Old 04-27-2018, 05:40 PM
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Daylight.
Sam slept in his coffin, secure in a secret crypt beneath the mausoleum that not even the idiot Renfield knew about. The malignant psycho was easy to control, but Sam wanted him to have no knowledge of his resting places. Seven of them, provided with his native earth. He fed on both of the young women. With two, he could keep them from changing, or dying for some time. He did like wandering the city in the night, feeding rarely. It was much safer for Renfield to capture women, and keep them in a safe house. They would eventually disappear, leaving no clues to a vampire stalking the city. In his sleep, he dreamed of the glory and joy when he was the ruler of much of Central Europe.
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Old 04-27-2018, 06:36 PM
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"You stupid, stupid, stupid, ssst.....GAH!" Lucy loved Monroe, but it was all she could do to choke on her rage. "It's daylight already! Look!" She yelled, pointing out of the window. "We've been driving around in circles for hours! Now it's too late! AGAIN!"
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Old 04-27-2018, 07:12 PM
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Sam's dreams changed. Someone was looking for him. He could go about in the sun, his shoe soles filled with his native earth, clothes and gloves, Ray Bans. He must find his enemies, and defeat them.
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Old 04-27-2018, 10:49 PM
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Lucy and Monroe stopped at a diner for breakfast and to discuss their next moves.

"I've got an 11am class, but I can just have them watch a filmstrip. I need you to print up a new batch of pamphlets. Maybe change the font to something scarier?"
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Old 04-28-2018, 12:38 PM
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Lucy replied, “We need to get some rest and rethink this. I knew we should’ve ordered decaf.”
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Old 04-28-2018, 02:04 PM
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Story from the Collinsport Times:

The discovery early this morning of the body of a young woman behind Tom & Jerry's Bar and Grill is disturbing. Medical study of the body show a very low red blood cell count. The Collinsport coroner, Dr. William Board, believes the woman to have been quite ill. The only marks on the body are two puncture wounds on the neck. The body is identified as that of Deborah Rhodes, a sex worker with the "trademark" of bright red lipstick, who used the working name "Little Debbie". Ms Rhodes was know to be ill nourished and generally in poor health. The cause if death has been ruled natural causes. Ms Rhodes was known to drink heavily. "She neglected her health", Board said, "with fatal consequences."
There are no known relatives. Funeral arrangements will be made by the county.
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Old 05-02-2018, 07:18 PM
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"See! They found another one! Just over in Collinsport, two towns over!" Wanda Ducksworth said to her husband. "I just know something has happened to Rache and Becca! We haven't heard from them in weeks! I just knew we shouldn't have let them apply to Transylbalkanianton Tech! The yelp reviews are horrible!" Wanda collapsed onto the couch sobbing.

Her husband, Frankie, tried to console her. "They're just off exploring their new world and busy with classes. We'll hear from them soon enough." But deep down, Frankie felt something was wrong too. Maybe later he'll call the number on the back of that pamphlet that came with the girls' acceptance letters.
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Old 05-02-2018, 07:39 PM
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"Monroe!" called Lucy and turned up the volume on the blue tooth speaker.
"Two sisters, students at Transylbalkanianton Tech were reported missing three weeks ago. Originally dismissed as "student frivolity" by the Collinsport police, a major investigation is now underway at the insistence of their Mother. "Bitch wouldn't shut up for three god damn...the parents of the young women are understandably concerned", said officer Obie of the Collinsport police department. "We have intensified our investigation into their mysterious disappearance."
It is significant to note that one Sarah Bernhardt, a waitress at Ben & Jerry's, has been reported missing for three days. The young woman is known by the patrons of the restaurant as "a free spirit" and is know as liberally displaying her affections.""

"Oh fuck." said Monroe, touching the Holy Water in his pocket.
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Old 05-02-2018, 07:43 PM
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Sam writhed, disturbed in his usual peaceful sleep.

Last edited by carnivorousplant; 05-02-2018 at 07:43 PM. Reason: Hey, writing vampire stuff is tough!
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Old 05-03-2018, 05:07 PM
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The faint but definite scent of garlic wafted its redolent way into his coffin.
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Old 05-03-2018, 06:53 PM
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"An fenebe is! " growled Sam quietly, and took a 1911A in each hand. Fangs and supernatural strength were good, but you couldn't beat .45 ACP when someone came at you with a stake at two feet.
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Old 05-04-2018, 08:48 AM
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"'Allo, Sammy," smirked the bespectacled Dr. Abram van Helsing, "it's about time you woke up."
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Old 05-04-2018, 12:55 PM
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"Szent szar, Abe, you know better than to sneak up on me like that" sighed Sam.

A chain saw started up, and Reinfield charged into the room, or rather waddled, holding the spinning chain saw at waist height. "I'll save you Master" he exclaimed as van Helsing ran behind Sam. Reinfeild kept coming, and van Helsing continued to keep Sam between them.
"Reinfield, you idiot!" exclaimed Sam, "He's on our side!"

Reinfield sulked as put the chainsaw down and pulled a dead bird from his pocket.
"And turn that damned thing off."
Reinfield took a bite. "I do like the sound that the bones make when they crunch."
Van Helsing paled.
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Old 05-05-2018, 11:16 AM
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"Vhat kind of silliness be thees, then?" said the Count as he floated into the room.

"You" [he pointed at Renfield] "Get thee back into the cellar killing and eating vermin, as is your wont and proper station in life."

"You" [he then pointed at Sam] "are a rather pathetic excuse for a minion. Begone from my sight!"

"Now" [as he addressed Van Helsing] "With all of that idiocy now dispensed with, I believe we can finally start up our weekly game of Canasta. You can have first deal."

Last edited by John DiFool; 05-05-2018 at 11:16 AM.
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Old 05-05-2018, 03:38 PM
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Sam dropped a No. 2 lead pencil down the barrel of the .45 and shot the Count in the heart from three feet. Sam toed the pile of dust. "I never did like that son of a bitch. Treated me like shit for three hundred years. Renfield, clean this up, will you?"

Turning to van Helsing, Sam continued, "We have to see about releasing the girls downstairs. We will need a bad guy, since the real one is dust."

"Let's give them the gunsel." Said van Helsing.
"Hunh?"
Van Helsing turned towards Sam, away from Renfield who continued with his sparrow snack. He mouthed slowly, "Renfield." Van Helsing made a circular motion with his finger beside his head. "Crazy mother fucker", he mouthed.
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Old 05-11-2018, 12:08 AM
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"That will do. Reinfeld, make the arrangements."

Reinfeld let out an exasperated sigh "Of course, maaaaster" he sneered.

"Don't give any of that attitude, you twit! Just get it done! I have much to discuss with the esteemed van Helsing." After taking a deep breath to calm his ever growing rage, he then turned to van Helsing. "Now then. What are we to do about professor pamphlet and his over enthusiastic assisstant?"
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Old 05-11-2018, 12:09 AM
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"Also, lose the garlic"
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Old 05-11-2018, 07:11 AM
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"We must arrange for them to come to the rescue," remarked Sam, "and remove Reinfield during the process."
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Old 05-11-2018, 04:06 PM
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"Lucy!" exclaimed Monroe, "I found a letter in my mailbox!"
"That is hardly remarkable, Professor." replied Lucy. "The postal service delivers thousands of them every day."
"Look!" the exasperated Professor exclaimed, and handed the missive to Lucy.

"You will find the missing women confined in the basement of a house at 1809 S. Harrison, Collinsport. There is not a moment to be lost! Beware, they are held by a madman who is armed with a chainsaw and other dastardly weapons!"

"Christ on a crutch." muttered Lucy.
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Old 05-30-2018, 02:56 AM
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"We need to get them, but this feels like a trap. Just like the...uh...incident...a few yrs ago." Monroe said hesitantly to Lucu. "Back...uh...before I hired y-you. You never asked why there was a job opening..." he trailed off.
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Old 05-30-2018, 07:02 AM
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Lucy turned a bewildered face towards Monroe.
"WHAT?" she exclaimed.
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Old 05-30-2018, 06:02 PM
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Realizing his slip up, Monroe tried to recover by mentioning again the letter he’d received. Lucy, for her part, wasn’t having any of it. “What the hell is going on, Monroe? What haven’t you told me, you son of a bitch?”
  #50  
Old 05-30-2018, 07:28 PM
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"It may have just been low blood sugar", mumbled Monroe, "except...the blood sugar was low because there was so little blood...left."
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