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  #101  
Old 07-06-2018, 07:20 PM
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causing seizures and having other severe ill effects on the viewing public.

Last night I dreamt...
  #102  
Old 07-06-2018, 07:37 PM
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I was Hillary and came out of my pantsuit at a cabinet meeting.



At the cabinet meeting___________.
  #103  
Old 07-06-2018, 08:02 PM
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...they all reviewed videos of karl Rove performing lewd acts.

When the pirates boarded...
  #104  
Old 07-06-2018, 11:55 PM
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, they immediately declared nude Hillary pics a crime against Web-based humanity - and quite properly, too.

I tell ya, it's a crime the way some people _________________

Last edited by Elendil's Heir; 07-06-2018 at 11:56 PM.
  #105  
Old 07-07-2018, 12:17 AM
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Perform lewd acts.



The room was full of________.
  #106  
Old 07-07-2018, 01:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
Perform lewd acts.



The room was full of________.
Dawn donuts and debauchery.

These pretzels are making me______.
  #107  
Old 07-07-2018, 01:11 AM
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Twisted and salty.


I like cheese on_________.
  #108  
Old 07-07-2018, 08:51 AM
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marshmallows.

There's so much potato salad left over from the holiday, I'm going to...
  #109  
Old 07-07-2018, 09:11 AM
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. . .start another holiday.

Crickets chirping in the wind. . .
  #110  
Old 07-07-2018, 10:30 AM
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reminded me to put my pants on before I went outside.

Going outside without pants...
  #111  
Old 07-07-2018, 11:13 AM
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generally causes more problems than it solves.

My pant are too...
  #112  
Old 07-07-2018, 01:15 PM
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. . .slobbery.

I saw the best minds. . .
  #113  
Old 07-07-2018, 03:07 PM
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Act like idjets, taking off their pants and panting.


The movie I am watching___________.
  #114  
Old 07-07-2018, 03:55 PM
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is not nearly as entertaining as this thread.

Spaghetti and meatballs...
  #115  
Old 07-07-2018, 05:05 PM
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Will ruin a white tee-shirt.


When I wear white____________.
  #116  
Old 07-07-2018, 10:36 PM
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I feel compelled to get married again, but I usually get over it.

My cousin T.K. has been married five times; you'd think ____________
  #117  
Old 07-07-2018, 10:44 PM
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he'd skip the costly and time wasting divorce settlement and just burn half his stuff every few years.

When I asked Jenny to marry me, she said.....
  #118  
Old 07-08-2018, 12:16 AM
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"I have Ebola "

While oozing her liquified organs through her pores...
  #119  
Old 07-08-2018, 01:32 AM
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I sprayed air freshener.



While cleaning a closet _________.
  #120  
Old 07-08-2018, 01:38 AM
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... I found a book that my ex-wife borrowed from the public library that was seven years overdue.

While cooking dinner tonight, ______
  #121  
Old 07-08-2018, 01:48 AM
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...I burnt the drifter's pancreas.

For 2 bucks, I would...
  #122  
Old 07-08-2018, 02:01 AM
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Write you a poem. Not a good poem, but still...


I went a beat-nik coffee house and_______.
  #123  
Old 07-08-2018, 02:11 AM
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...asked for directions to the nearest bar.


Anál nathrach,
orth’ bháis’s bethad,
  #124  
Old 07-08-2018, 02:34 AM
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... And that's what I said in an Irish pub, after imbibing far too many pints.

As a result ...
  #125  
Old 07-08-2018, 02:38 AM
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I followed a Leprechaun to a pot o' gold!


I went shopping with gold and__________.
  #126  
Old 07-08-2018, 02:54 AM
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Bought 3 magic beans.

When planted, the beans...
  #127  
Old 07-08-2018, 12:26 PM
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sprouted really fast-growing stalks that poked me right in the eye. Now I'm gonna sue that magic-bean salesman for every penny he's got!

Magic-bean salesmen, as a rule, ___________
  #128  
Old 07-08-2018, 12:41 PM
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Are blind.


The salesman's seeing-eye dog_________.
  #129  
Old 07-08-2018, 02:28 PM
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was a Shih Tzu wearing a bow tie and argyle socks.

In his brief case...
  #130  
Old 07-08-2018, 05:25 PM
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... the Shih Tzu had an extra bow tie and an extra pair of argyle socks.

The salesman, on the other hand, was carrying ...
  #131  
Old 07-08-2018, 05:26 PM
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...pamphlets describing the features of the toilet of the future he was selling.

Halfway through his pitch...
  #132  
Old 07-08-2018, 05:37 PM
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I needed to take a peepee, so I excused myself.

When I came back into the Parlor_________.
  #133  
Old 07-08-2018, 06:01 PM
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...he was lying face down in a pool of his own blood next to a broken candlestick.

To solve the crime...
  #134  
Old 07-08-2018, 06:07 PM
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... I invited all the famous detectives I could think of.

The only ones to take me up on my offer were ...
  #135  
Old 07-08-2018, 07:01 PM
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...Hercule Poireaux and Data, dressed up as Sherlock Holmes for hijinks in the holodeck.

When I saw just what kind of "hijinks" Data was up to, I...
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  #136  
Old 07-08-2018, 07:05 PM
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Left the scene rather quickly.



Dr. Watson met me running out the door and said________.
  #137  
Old 07-08-2018, 07:11 PM
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I’m positively certain, Mrs. Peacock had something to do with this.

When we get the results of the lab work...
  #138  
Old 07-08-2018, 10:08 PM
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... we will know for sure whether it was Mrs. Peacock or Professor Plum.

Still wondering, though, about the murder weapon, which ...
  #139  
Old 07-08-2018, 10:15 PM
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I thought was the letter opener I found under the chair.



When I went to retrieve it, I found_________.
  #140  
Old 07-09-2018, 11:18 AM
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Judge Crater's business card, Amelia Earhart's last flight plan and a photo of a Yeti holding yesterday's issue of The New York Times.

Every time I read The New York Times, _____________________
  #141  
Old 07-09-2018, 11:28 AM
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....I think to myself that one of these days I'll have to read something in it other than the comics and crossword puzzle.

The movie Uncle Drew is to motion picture history as.....
  #142  
Old 07-09-2018, 11:40 AM
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retrophrenology is to medicine.

I'm told that all the spicy food I've been eating has caused my.....

Last edited by Alpha Twit; 07-09-2018 at 11:45 AM.
  #143  
Old 07-09-2018, 12:18 PM
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. . . nose to become runny.

Tonight, I'm looking forward to my favorite dinner of __________.
  #144  
Old 07-09-2018, 01:09 PM
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plomeek soup, grilled Lombardy Pudding Elk cutlets and mashed smackles.

If you recognize all three of those references, __________________________
  #145  
Old 07-09-2018, 04:37 PM
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...then your name is probably Orson Bean.

There once was a man from Nantucket...
  #146  
Old 07-09-2018, 04:48 PM
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He kept his golf balls in a bucket.



Meanwhile, back at the golf course ________.
  #147  
Old 07-09-2018, 05:18 PM
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the caddy told the ball washer to suck it.

The ball washer replied ...
  #148  
Old 07-09-2018, 10:11 PM
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"Three for a dollar. Same price as downtown."

An no point do I want to....
  #149  
Old 07-09-2018, 10:23 PM
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Go downtown.


All the way uptown there are__________.
  #150  
Old 07-09-2018, 10:34 PM
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Crocodile infested pools with vines to swing over them.

The treasure you seek...
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