Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #801  
Old 03-24-2012, 07:41 AM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
Well, as I was telling mummie and Marvin, things is pretty bad there at the moment but I do see some hope for a constitutional settlement.
  #802  
Old 03-24-2012, 08:27 AM
Ken001 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,689
Good, well you're in then, well done, well done. Now, one small thing I noticed back here, where are we? Ah yes, your middle name Olbalinskavichski, not Russian are you?
  #803  
Old 03-24-2012, 08:32 AM
Ken001 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knorf View Post
One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
  #804  
Old 03-24-2012, 01:28 PM
Knorf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Living the Dream
Posts: 8,583
Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
  #805  
Old 03-24-2012, 05:39 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
"It's hotter than a monkey's bum in here, Your Majesty," he said, and the Queen smiled quietly to herself.
  #806  
Old 03-24-2012, 07:25 PM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir View Post
"It's hotter than a monkey's bum in here, Your Majesty," he said, and the Queen smiled quietly to herself.
She's a good Sheila, Bruce, and not at all stuck up.
  #807  
Old 03-24-2012, 10:45 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you, amen!
  #808  
Old 03-25-2012, 08:57 AM
SiXSwordS is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: The River, In winter!
Posts: 3,081
Mrs. Brown: Makes you feel so, sort of insignificant, doesn't it?

Repair man: Yeah, yeah. Can we have your liver then?
  #809  
Old 03-25-2012, 01:09 PM
Knorf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Living the Dream
Posts: 8,583
You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through this wood alive!
  #810  
Old 03-25-2012, 01:15 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
...then did we bust the Harry Tony mob, who did seek to import Scandinavian filth via Germany. For six years they cleaned up a packet - the day I got whiff of them through a squealer and within one week did a mop-up right good. They're now languishing doing five years' bird in Parkhurst.
  #811  
Old 03-25-2012, 01:24 PM
Knorf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Living the Dream
Posts: 8,583
All right, all right, all right. We'll kill him first ... and then have tea and biscuits.
  #812  
Old 03-25-2012, 02:26 PM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
What's all this then?
  #813  
Old 03-25-2012, 07:31 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
Ooo, that's a good one!
  #814  
Old 03-25-2012, 09:08 PM
Askance is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 7,037
... when Dinsdale was very depressed, Norman could be anything up to eight hundred yards long.
  #815  
Old 03-25-2012, 09:42 PM
Runestar is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Carmel, Indiana
Posts: 846
My husband, like many men his age, is fifty.
  #816  
Old 03-25-2012, 09:58 PM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
Ee ecky thump!
  #817  
Old 03-25-2012, 10:02 PM
SiXSwordS is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: The River, In winter!
Posts: 3,081
Incontenentia Buttucks
  #818  
Old 03-26-2012, 10:05 AM
Knorf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Living the Dream
Posts: 8,583
Good evening. Tonight 'Spectrum' looks at one of the major problems in the world today: that old vexed question of what is going on. Is there still time to confront it, let alone solve it, or is it too late? What are the figures, what are the facts, what do people mean when they talk about things?
  #819  
Old 03-26-2012, 11:46 AM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
Mrs. Scab, you have twelve hours to beat the clock!
  #820  
Old 03-26-2012, 02:08 PM
Runestar is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Carmel, Indiana
Posts: 846
Believe it or not, our board of directors questioned the need to employ a pantomime horse at all!
  #821  
Old 03-26-2012, 07:36 PM
Askance is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 7,037
... last year, the Government spent less on the Ministry of Silly Walks than it did on National Defence!
  #822  
Old 03-26-2012, 07:42 PM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
You try any of that here young man, and we'll slit your face!

Last edited by BMalion; 03-26-2012 at 07:42 PM.
  #823  
Old 03-26-2012, 09:04 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
Well, never mind. I'll just take the Lord Lieutenant in Nylons, then, and these two copies of Piggie Parade. Thank you.
  #824  
Old 03-27-2012, 03:24 AM
Ken001 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,689
Listen...chaps...there's still a chance. I'm...done for, I've...got a gamy leg and I'm going fast; I'll never get through. But...some of you might. So...you'd better eat me.
  #825  
Old 03-27-2012, 08:32 AM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
No, no, I mustn't. It makes me throw up... oh, I'm so bleeding happy.
  #826  
Old 03-27-2012, 08:50 AM
Nars Glinley is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Sweeping down the plain.
Posts: 5,742
I'd like to welcome the pommey bastard to God's own Earth, and remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.
  #827  
Old 03-27-2012, 10:30 AM
Knorf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Living the Dream
Posts: 8,583
This man commands a cwack legion!
He wanks as high as any in Wome!
  #828  
Old 03-27-2012, 07:51 PM
Askance is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 7,037
Now will you please tell me what in God's name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?
  #829  
Old 03-27-2012, 08:41 PM
Ken001 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Askance View Post
Now will you please tell me what in God's name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?
Michelangelo: It works, mate!

Pope: Works?

Michelangelo: Yeah! It looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny ones.
  #830  
Old 03-27-2012, 10:52 PM
Askance is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 7,037
I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
  #831  
Old 03-28-2012, 12:05 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
Look, we are not Tudor persons. We are the police.
  #832  
Old 03-28-2012, 09:12 AM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
Toledo Tit Parade?
  #833  
Old 03-28-2012, 10:12 AM
Knorf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Living the Dream
Posts: 8,583
Sure is. It's real Hawaiian food served in an authentic medieval English dungeon atmosphere...
  #834  
Old 03-28-2012, 08:53 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
I know what literature is, you Dago dustbin.
  #835  
Old 03-28-2012, 11:58 PM
Askance is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 7,037
As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless. When, suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack...
  #836  
Old 03-29-2012, 07:47 AM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
Reg: There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Romans once and for all.

Dissenter:Uh, well, one.

Reg: Oh, yeah, yeah, there's one. But otherwise, we're solid.
  #837  
Old 03-29-2012, 09:15 AM
Knorf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Living the Dream
Posts: 8,583
It was a day like any other and Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Brainsample were a perfectly ordinary couple, leading perfectly ordinary lives--the sort of people to whom nothing extraordinary ever happened, and not the kind of people to be the centre of one of the most astounding incidents in the history of mankind ... So let's forget about them and follow instead the destiny of this man, Harold Potter, gardener, and tax official, first victim of Creatures from another Planet.
  #838  
Old 03-29-2012, 09:35 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
The one I was really after was Arthur Hotchkiss's Devonshire Country Churches.
  #839  
Old 03-29-2012, 09:42 AM
Runestar is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Carmel, Indiana
Posts: 846
Good evening. It's just after eight o'clock, and time for the penguin on top of your television to explode.
  #840  
Old 03-29-2012, 09:50 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
My Lord of Warwick! Raise high the drawbridge. Gloucester's troops approach!
  #841  
Old 03-29-2012, 06:52 PM
Askance is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 7,037
I wonder if you might have "The Amazing Adventures of Captain Gladys Stoutpamphlet and her Intrepid Spaniel Stig Amongst the Giant Pygmies of Beckles"...volume eight?
  #842  
Old 03-29-2012, 07:17 PM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
Hello? Ah, Mr Victim, I'm glad to say that I've got the go-ahead to lend you the money you require. Yes, of course we will want as security the deeds of your house, of your aunt's house, of your second cousin's house, of your wife's parents' house, and of your grannie's bungalow, and we will in addition need a controlling interest in your new company, unrestricted access to your private bank account, the deposit in our vaults of your three children as hostages and a full legal indemnity against any acts of embezzlement carried out against you by any members of our staff during the normal course of their duties... no, I'm afraid we couldn't accept your dog instead of your youngest child, we would like to suggest a brand new scheme of ours under which 51% of both your dog and your wife pass to us in the event of your suffering a serious accident. Fine. No, not at all, nice to do business with you.
  #843  
Old 03-29-2012, 08:44 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
Assistant: Your suit is fair and goodly cut. Was't from Antwerp?

Gaskell: Shut up. It's a disguise. Right! Confiscate the smutty books, Maddox.
  #844  
Old 03-30-2012, 09:50 AM
Knorf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Living the Dream
Posts: 8,583
Larks' tongues. Wrens' livers. Chaffinch brains. Jaguars' earlobes. Wolf nipple chips. Get 'em while they're hot. They're lovely. Dromedary pretzels, only half a denar. Tuscany fried bats.
  #845  
Old 03-30-2012, 10:44 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
Listen, I can prove to you I'm a policeman. I can give the names of all the men down in 'F' division at Acton: Inspector Arthur Perry, Superintendent Charles Frodwell, my best friend, police dogs Butch, Wolf, Panther, Maudling. How would I know those names if I was Sir Philip Sidney?
  #846  
Old 03-30-2012, 11:12 AM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
"That was an excerpt from the latest West End hit 'It all happened on the 11.20 from Hainault to Redhill via Horsham and Reigate, calling at Carshalton Beeches, Malmesbury, Tooting Bec, and Croydon West'. The author is Mr. Neville Shunt."
  #847  
Old 03-30-2012, 03:08 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
It's German television, they're filming an award-winning documentary about me!
  #848  
Old 03-30-2012, 03:10 PM
Wargamer is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Guilford Courthouse
Posts: 1,919
Romani est domum!
__________________
Where's the kaboom? After 500 posts, there should've been an Earth-shattering kaboom!
  #849  
Old 03-30-2012, 09:11 PM
BMalion is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 9,716
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wargamer View Post
Romani est domum!
"People called the Romans they go the house?"
  #850  
Old 03-30-2012, 09:41 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 83,868
This is the last time - I'm warning you! I'm not Sir Philip Bleeding Sidney. I am Superintendent Harold Gaskell and this is a raid!
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:21 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright 2018 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017