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  #51  
Old 07-04-2018, 12:08 AM
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... it didn't turn out well.

I had to put on a sweater because ...
  #52  
Old 07-04-2018, 12:12 AM
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...I needed to hide the bloodstain on my shirt from the murdered hobo.

The downward spiral began when...
  #53  
Old 07-04-2018, 12:26 AM
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I attributed naughty words to Cecil Adams in this thread.

I never curse, myself; instead, I ______________
  #54  
Old 07-04-2018, 12:31 AM
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^^^^called my attorney, I am charged with lewd acts, again.


When I get off the phone_________.
  #55  
Old 07-04-2018, 12:31 AM
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Internalize and suppress.

The worst actor in the history of the world HAS to be...


ETA: Simulpost with Beck

Last edited by Ambivalid; 07-04-2018 at 12:33 AM.
  #56  
Old 07-04-2018, 02:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
^^^^called my attorney, I am charged with lewd acts, again.


When I get off the phone_________.
I curse the name of who called me, break down in tears, turn the music back up, and open a beer.

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Internalize and suppress.

The worst actor in the history of the world HAS to be...


ETA: Simulpost with Beck
Charlemagne, because how often to I get to say charlemagne?

The last time Charlemagne was brought up...
  #57  
Old 07-04-2018, 02:22 AM
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... I was asleep in history class, and failed the test.

Now, I was awake for Henry VIII, and ...
  #58  
Old 07-04-2018, 03:11 AM
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^^^^^^the big divorce.



On my way to the chopping block________.
  #59  
Old 07-04-2018, 03:21 AM
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... my trusty steed and henchmen appeared, defeated the king's guardsmen, and we made our escape.

One day, at archery practice, Little John said, ...
  #60  
Old 07-04-2018, 03:59 AM
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Where's Robin Hood and Friar Tuck?



Back in Sherwood forest.....
  #61  
Old 07-04-2018, 04:02 AM
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... Friar Tuck got into the wine--again.

Robin solved the problem by ...
  #62  
Old 07-04-2018, 04:22 AM
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putting the Friar in AA.


Maid Marion was very_________.
  #63  
Old 07-04-2018, 05:17 AM
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... unfair, by always taking Robin's side.

The Sheriff pointed a dagger at Marion and threatened...
  #64  
Old 07-04-2018, 05:42 AM
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... to cut her hair.

Maid Marian responded by saying ...
  #65  
Old 07-04-2018, 10:24 AM
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"You're not my stylist, darling, and I have no respect for your technique, so back off!"

Visits to Sherwood Forest inevitably ___________________
  #66  
Old 07-04-2018, 12:25 PM
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end in drunkenness, theft, fighting, or fleeing from the Sheriff of Nottingham.

Why anyone ever visits Sherwood Forest __________
  #67  
Old 07-04-2018, 05:12 PM
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...when they can just watch Kevin Costner in Robin Hood over and over is beyond me.

A journey to the beyond...
  #68  
Old 07-04-2018, 05:20 PM
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sounds like too much work.

A journey to the buffet....
  #69  
Old 07-04-2018, 07:14 PM
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... would be nice, since I don't feel like cooking tonight.

When hiking in the woods, it is important to ...
  #70  
Old 07-04-2018, 08:10 PM
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avoid taunting bears; they really don't like that.

Taunting bears will almost certainly get you _____________
  #71  
Old 07-04-2018, 08:19 PM
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...the secret green gem you need to cross through the portal on level 7.

Level 7 is a bitch because...
  #72  
Old 07-04-2018, 08:22 PM
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there are bears taunting you at every turn.

If you accidentally drop the green gem...
  #73  
Old 07-04-2018, 09:21 PM
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... put the game on pause while your gem insurance claim is processed in the next three to eight weeks.

In the mean time you can amuse yourself with a ball and stick by...
  #74  
Old 07-04-2018, 09:48 PM
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Playing the game fairly.




After I get a homerun_________.
  #75  
Old 07-04-2018, 10:00 PM
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...I am arrested for lewd acts.

An inside the park homerun is slang for...
  #76  
Old 07-05-2018, 12:25 AM
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... something you'd never say in front of Grandmother.

Potato chips are a great snack, but ...
  #77  
Old 07-05-2018, 12:28 AM
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too salty.


The salty old sailor__________.
  #78  
Old 07-05-2018, 07:46 AM
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walked up to an old mate at the bar and said, "Long time no sea."

The last time I shipped out ___________
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There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up. - RS
  #79  
Old 07-05-2018, 07:56 AM
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...I got thrown in the brig for lewd acts.


I wish I was in the land of cotton.....
  #80  
Old 07-05-2018, 08:13 AM
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because the lands of rayon and polyester are no longer in fashion.

For Independence Day, I shot off a...
  #81  
Old 07-05-2018, 10:04 AM
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harshly-worded letter to the White House.

I don't why I even bother writing those anymore; ______________________________
  #82  
Old 07-05-2018, 06:46 PM
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I never learned to write and the president never learned to read.

At the time of his death...
  #83  
Old 07-05-2018, 08:50 PM
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my great-grandfather Jacob was so old that he farted dust.

On the other hand, my great-grandmother Eunice _______________
  #84  
Old 07-05-2018, 09:00 PM
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...died of dysentery on the Oregon trail.

The bodies were found...
  #85  
Old 07-05-2018, 10:37 PM
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Half eaten, they were a party of Donners you know.



When I prepared dinner________.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 07-05-2018 at 10:38 PM.
  #86  
Old 07-05-2018, 10:51 PM
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nobody ate the splayed hobo scrotums.

Step number 7 is to...
  #87  
Old 07-06-2018, 01:09 AM
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…is to try to hide the shock on your face.

When I stutter though an explanation…
  #88  
Old 07-06-2018, 01:20 AM
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...it means The Voices are loudest in my head.

If you inject a t-rex egg full of crack...
  #89  
Old 07-06-2018, 01:26 AM
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You fly to heaven (or hell).


In my afterlife I discovered_________.
  #90  
Old 07-06-2018, 01:59 AM
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... that it was a lot different than Sunday school had led me to believe.

While driving home from work today, I saw ...
  #91  
Old 07-06-2018, 02:20 AM
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A hitchhiker from way down south, with a sign saying: "can y'all give a gal a ride?"



When I got in the car_____________.
  #92  
Old 07-06-2018, 02:20 AM
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A man kiss another man.


Don't you eat that yellow______.



ETA: Dammmit. AGAIN Beck!

Last edited by Ambivalid; 07-06-2018 at 02:21 AM.
  #93  
Old 07-06-2018, 02:26 AM
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Flower.


Sorry, Ambivalid, I am as quick as a_____.
  #94  
Old 07-06-2018, 03:12 AM
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... race car with a nitro boost.

Speaking of racing, I once saw a racehorse ...
  #95  
Old 07-06-2018, 08:06 AM
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....take his sweet time peeing.


I always bet on the horse that......
  #96  
Old 07-06-2018, 09:38 AM
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is the least hung. Less air resistance.

A horse is a horse of course unless...
  #97  
Old 07-06-2018, 11:31 AM
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its not.

The last time I had pizza...
  #98  
Old 07-06-2018, 04:49 PM
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Was in a Mexican eatery.



On the pizza was___________.
  #99  
Old 07-06-2018, 07:17 PM
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a bunch of red peppers, some ground beef and about thirty miniature sombreros made of shredded cheese.

It wasn't what we'd ordered, so of course we told the waiter _______________
  #100  
Old 07-06-2018, 07:22 PM
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We hoped he died a slow, torturous death.

Online nudes of Hillary Clinton have been______.
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