Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #251  
Old 07-15-2018, 11:39 PM
Patx2 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 3,878
bake me cakes.

One time I was very scared because...
  #252  
Old 07-15-2018, 11:54 PM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 19,083
They let us in the kitchen to cook (there were knives).


I love to eat when someone else________.
  #253  
Old 07-15-2018, 11:59 PM
Patx2 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 3,878
eats more than me.

I should go to bed, but...
  #254  
Old 07-16-2018, 12:07 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 86,311
Kate Upton is demanding I ravish her in the produce aisle instead.

I swear, if that girl doesn't leave me alone, _________
  #255  
Old 07-16-2018, 01:24 AM
snfaulkner's Avatar
snfaulkner is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: 123 Fake Street
Posts: 8,259
...there will be death..by snusnu!

A shattered pelvis...
  #256  
Old 07-16-2018, 01:25 AM
boson is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: East of the moon
Posts: 2,089
...I'll let my gut back out and remove the softpacks.

If I could accomplish just one thing this coming week, it would be...
  #257  
Old 07-16-2018, 01:28 AM
Ambivalid is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 14,111
Quote:
Originally Posted by snfaulkner View Post
...there will be death..by snusnu!

A shattered pelvis...
Is the punishment God doles out to those who engage in deviant sex.

Have you stopped beating your____?
  #258  
Old 07-16-2018, 02:06 AM
Spoons is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Lethbridge, Alberta
Posts: 18,452
I'm not sure where we are, as there seems to have been some confusion, so I will go with this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by boson View Post
If I could accomplish just one thing this coming week, it would be...
... to play my usual Wednesday afternoon golf game.

Peace and quiet on the course are only interrupted by ...
  #259  
Old 07-16-2018, 02:09 AM
snfaulkner's Avatar
snfaulkner is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: 123 Fake Street
Posts: 8,259
...ninjas stealth murdering the caddies.

Have you stopped beating your....
  #260  
Old 07-16-2018, 02:12 AM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 19,083
Dog? I am telling on you.


I am a tattletale, unless ______.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 07-16-2018 at 02:13 AM.
  #261  
Old 07-16-2018, 02:14 AM
snfaulkner's Avatar
snfaulkner is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: 123 Fake Street
Posts: 8,259
..., ninjas are a major problem so bring plenty of ninja spray.

Have you stopped beating your...
  #262  
Old 07-16-2018, 07:45 AM
Heffalump and Roo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,289
. . . rug lately; it needs more cleaning.


Repetition is the mother of ______________
  #263  
Old 07-16-2018, 09:24 AM
Knowed Out's Avatar
Knowed Out is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: North Kakkalakee
Posts: 15,176
... repetition.

All the world's a stage, and ...
  #264  
Old 07-16-2018, 09:50 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 86,311
Please use Preview Post to make sure you're responding to the most-recent post. Thanks!

none of us are being paid nearly enough for our costarring roles.

Shakespeare really knew what he was talking about when _______________________
  #265  
Old 07-16-2018, 11:39 AM
Patx2 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 3,878
he wrote “to be or not to be,” they seem to be the available options.

In Romeo and Juliet those kids are just idiots because...
  #266  
Old 07-16-2018, 11:44 AM
Heffalump and Roo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,289
. . . their parents might have come around to their view like most parents do when their kids show commitment.


True love is always ________________
  #267  
Old 07-16-2018, 11:48 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 86,311
elusive when you meticulously point out every single flaw of the women you're dating.

My last girlfriend thought I was perfect; _______________
  #268  
Old 07-16-2018, 12:58 PM
Heffalump and Roo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,289
. . . she left me for someone less intimidating.


In my next girlfriend, I'm looking for _____________
  #269  
Old 07-16-2018, 02:02 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 86,311
someone with both a pulse and low standards.

If I were any more picky, you'd better believe ________________
  #270  
Old 07-16-2018, 02:55 PM
Heffalump and Roo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,289
. . . I'd expect some hair too.

I look for all my girlfriends at the _____________
  #271  
Old 07-16-2018, 02:59 PM
Jasmine's Avatar
Jasmine is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 2,336
... local whore house.

After work, I plan ......
__________________
"The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the illusion of knowledge."
--Daniel J Boorstin
  #272  
Old 07-16-2018, 05:27 PM
Spoons is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Lethbridge, Alberta
Posts: 18,452
... to run a few errands, before heading home.

Among the things I'll get, are ...
  #273  
Old 07-16-2018, 06:49 PM
snfaulkner's Avatar
snfaulkner is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: 123 Fake Street
Posts: 8,259
...Herpes, syphilis, and maybe some pizza.

During the last herpes outbreak...
  #274  
Old 07-16-2018, 07:00 PM
Mr Zox is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 394
Quote:
Originally Posted by snfaulkner View Post
During the last herpes outbreak...
...we found out how many people think "herpe" is the singular form.

When in trouble, when in in doubt,_____
  #275  
Old 07-16-2018, 07:39 PM
Patx2 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 3,878
please do not contact me.

I got in trouble when I ...
  #276  
Old 07-16-2018, 07:55 PM
snfaulkner's Avatar
snfaulkner is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: 123 Fake Street
Posts: 8,259
...barged into the town council meeting and performed lewd acts.

Cameras can detect...
  #277  
Old 07-16-2018, 08:06 PM
RivkahChaya's Avatar
RivkahChaya is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,953
Quote:
Originally Posted by snfaulkner View Post

Cameras can detect...
...things going on when we are too bored to be paying attention-- which is when the good stuff suddenly happens.


Call me. . .
  #278  
Old 07-16-2018, 08:41 PM
Patx2 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 3,878
when you have no problems and no doubts.

I mistyped a text yesterday it ended up saying...
  #279  
Old 07-16-2018, 11:17 PM
Spoons is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Lethbridge, Alberta
Posts: 18,452
... "I'm just heading out to take my god for a walk."

While on our walk, my dog ...
  #280  
Old 07-17-2018, 01:57 AM
Ambivalid is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 14,111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spoons View Post
... "I'm just heading out to take my god for a walk."

While on our walk, my dog ...
Saw a god being walked and barked.

Nobody is above the law, not even_____.
  #281  
Old 07-17-2018, 02:01 AM
snfaulkner's Avatar
snfaulkner is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: 123 Fake Street
Posts: 8,259
Steven Segal.

One morning I opened my door and Steven Segal...
  #282  
Old 07-17-2018, 10:02 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 86,311
asked me if I had six large pepperoni-and-anchovy pizzas I could immediately feed him.

So of course I said, "Steven, I'd love to, but ____________________."
  #283  
Old 07-17-2018, 10:20 AM
Knowed Out's Avatar
Knowed Out is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: North Kakkalakee
Posts: 15,176
...you're a washed-up pot bellied wanker and no longer relevant."

He then attacked me with ...

Last edited by Knowed Out; 07-17-2018 at 10:21 AM.
  #284  
Old 07-17-2018, 12:43 PM
Prof. Pepperwinkle's Avatar
Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 60,310
...a neatly folded newspaper, causing me near-lethal paper cuts!

Fortunately, the milk...
  #285  
Old 07-17-2018, 03:14 PM
Heffalump and Roo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,289
. . . acted like a salve to the paper cuts.


Then in walks Katey Sagal (no relation), who starts screaming ____________
  #286  
Old 07-17-2018, 03:24 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 86,311
"Leave him alone, Steven, or so help me, I will personally see to it that you never eat pizza for the rest of your worthless, bloated, no-tal, D-list life!"

I must say, Steven seemed to take affront to that, and _____________________
  #287  
Old 07-17-2018, 04:20 PM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 19,083
Stomped a kitten. So mean.


I never saw any of his movies, I would rather______.
  #288  
Old 07-17-2018, 05:53 PM
RivkahChaya's Avatar
RivkahChaya is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,953
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
I never saw any of his movies, I would rather______.
eat roadkill.


This is my letter. . .
  #289  
Old 07-17-2018, 06:30 PM
snfaulkner's Avatar
snfaulkner is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: 123 Fake Street
Posts: 8,259
...to my congresscritter.

Dear Representative Doucherocket...

Last edited by snfaulkner; 07-17-2018 at 06:31 PM.
  #290  
Old 07-17-2018, 10:22 PM
Mr Zox is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 394
Quote:
Originally Posted by snfaulkner View Post
Dear Representative Doucherocket...
...please eat a sprocket and a locket, then socket - - - to me.

I then further maligned him by writing______
  #291  
Old 07-17-2018, 11:19 PM
Spoons is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Lethbridge, Alberta
Posts: 18,452
... "Representative Doucherocket Sucks" on the wall opposite his local office, so that every time he looks out the window, he will know that he sucks.

While watching the All-Star baseball game ...
  #292  
Old 07-17-2018, 11:30 PM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 19,083
I dreamed of my own baseball career. Such as it was.


I like to joke *Spoons* and his athletic skills because they are_______.
  #293  
Old 07-17-2018, 11:34 PM
Ambivalid is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 14,111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
I like to joke *Spoons* and his athletic skills because they are_______.
So laughable.

As long as i was attracted, I'd definitely date a_____.

Last edited by Ambivalid; 07-17-2018 at 11:35 PM.
  #294  
Old 07-17-2018, 11:50 PM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 86,311
lemur, capybara or marmoset, but only if Mom said it was OK.

Mom is usually pretty easy-going about interspecies dating, but I have to admit, _______
  #295  
Old 07-18-2018, 12:11 AM
Spoons is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Lethbridge, Alberta
Posts: 18,452
... she had a point when she said, "Mammals only."

After all, the problem with dating a turtle is ...
  #296  
Old 07-18-2018, 12:28 AM
snfaulkner's Avatar
snfaulkner is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: 123 Fake Street
Posts: 8,259
...they are usually racist shitbag Tae Kwon Do instructors.

Flipping through the channels...
  #297  
Old 07-18-2018, 12:32 AM
Beckdawrek's Avatar
Beckdawrek is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Boonies??
Posts: 19,083
Nothing bad. They are snappy dressers, after all.



My pet box turtle used to say_____.
Ninja'd..sorry.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 07-18-2018 at 12:35 AM.
  #298  
Old 07-18-2018, 01:06 AM
Spoons is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Lethbridge, Alberta
Posts: 18,452
I'll go with this one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by snfaulkner View Post
Flipping through the channels...
I found "Racist Shitbag Tae Kwon Do Turtles," on channel 306; but I opted instead to watch ...
  #299  
Old 07-18-2018, 01:29 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: my Herkimer Battle Jitney
Posts: 86,311
Pet Box Turtles Say the Darnedest Things.

I was a little surprised to learn it's won a Peabody Award and six Emmys; after all, ________
  #300  
Old 07-18-2018, 01:39 AM
Spoons is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Lethbridge, Alberta
Posts: 18,452
... the turtles, being unable to speak English, say nothing we can understand.

Still, the show is enjoyable, because ...
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:36 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright © 2019 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017