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  #101  
Old 01-22-2019, 11:41 AM
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Do you ever pull a "double feature" at the theater?
Euphemisms for sex in Rock & Roll


This is why I always bring a box of Handi-Wipes when I go to the movies.
  #102  
Old 01-23-2019, 08:15 AM
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And the Grammy for Best Use of the F-word in a Song goes to ...
ideas for FRESH GREEN BEANS plz


Jeez, hip-hop has gotten ridiculously tame.
  #103  
Old 01-23-2019, 08:26 AM
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Confiscation of guns: What do gun owners fear exactly?

Concrete colored paint?





Don't ask me why
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #104  
Old 01-23-2019, 11:31 AM
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What is the most fanatical fandom currently active? (not meant as an insult to anyone)

Danny Partridge


It's true they're a small group, but they are REALLY dedicated.
  #105  
Old 01-23-2019, 04:00 PM
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Why do Brits find Gingers so horrifying?
Only 4 percent of women think they are beautiful?


At least, 96% of British women find gingers horrifying.
  #106  
Old 01-23-2019, 07:31 PM
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Hitting sixty and begining to freak out.
Most Ridiculous Injury you have ever had in your life?


Paper cuts from opening all those AARP mail solicitations.
  #107  
Old 01-24-2019, 07:53 AM
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Why is everything so dark?
No Candy Hearts this Valentine's Day.


That brings everybody down.
  #108  
Old 01-24-2019, 09:29 AM
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I've seen fire and I've seen...
Amanda Knox
  #109  
Old 01-24-2019, 10:26 AM
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Fermi Paradox. What am I missing?
When did mold become evil?


We can't communicate with the intelligent mold that is inhabiting most other solar systems. On the other hand, it's evil, so that might be a good thing.

Last edited by Ludovic; 01-24-2019 at 10:26 AM.
  #110  
Old 01-24-2019, 01:46 PM
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The saddest comic strip of all time. .
No Candy Hearts this Valentine's Day.


Charlie Brown *SIGH*
  #111  
Old 01-24-2019, 02:04 PM
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Was there ever a time in your memory when people were optimistic about the future/economy?

The mind is pictures?



I picture people snuggling up with cuddly, big GNP numbers.
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #112  
Old 01-24-2019, 04:43 PM
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Euphemisms for sex in Rock & Roll
Anyone have a great apple strudel recipe?


IF you know what I mean
  #113  
Old 01-24-2019, 06:03 PM
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Lemme tell you about my cats.
Ask the guy who is so sick of your shit right now


Have you considered switching to dry food?
  #114  
Old 01-25-2019, 01:57 PM
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What happens to street gang members as they get older
When did mold become evil?


The Crips found out when they took on the Dimorphic Fungi.
  #115  
Old 01-25-2019, 04:22 PM
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Really stupid phishing
Going Minimalist


So now they're just sending you a link that says CLICK HERE TO GIVE US ALL YOUR MONEY.
  #116  
Old 01-28-2019, 08:16 AM
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Most depressing movie
Baking pork


Well, I cried all through Fried Lasagna and Fried Lasagna II.
  #117  
Old 01-28-2019, 10:55 AM
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When to clean crab
Baking pork


Welcome to another exciting episode of "Non-kosher Cooking for Dummies"
  #118  
Old 01-28-2019, 11:33 AM
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What happens to street gang members as they get older
Taking food to the local baker to bake in the oven: payment?


"You bettter bake these donuts for free, dude, if you know what's good for you."
  #119  
Old 01-28-2019, 01:07 PM
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Worst typo you ever made?
Was CERN’s Large Hadron Collider a financial failure?


I won't tell you what the typo was. I'll just say that penis ensued.
  #120  
Old 01-28-2019, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. View Post
Worst typo you ever made?
Was CERN’s Large Hadron Collider a financial failure?


I won't tell you what the typo was. I'll just say that penis ensued.
Heh! I looked through that second title looking for a typo and totally forgot that one, and I've made dozens of jokes about it myself. Way to go!

Last edited by Ludovic; 01-28-2019 at 01:09 PM.
  #121  
Old 01-28-2019, 01:15 PM
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Most depressing movie
My wife’s bachelorette party?
  #122  
Old 01-28-2019, 01:23 PM
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What happens when someone abandons a property and it falls into disrepair?

Home invasion in Texas
  #123  
Old 01-28-2019, 04:50 PM
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Beckdawrek is a bad, bad, bad person!
Home invasion in Texas
  #124  
Old 01-29-2019, 06:35 AM
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Bumping headlines on the Wikipedia home page.

There is a Did You Know item next to a picture with a caption pertaining to a different item on the list.

The item is

Did You Know ... .. that the jellyfish Sanderia malayensis has a life cycle that includes a number of different types of asexual reproduction?

And the picture caption is
The Duke of Windsor inspecting German troops in 1937

But the lines are arranged so the first item reads
Did You Know ... .. that the jellyfish Sanderia malayensis has a life cycle that includes a number of German troops in 1937
  #125  
Old 01-29-2019, 08:48 AM
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Mississippi state flag

Frozen Alligators, Anyone?



I give up, which state flag IS it that has frozen reptiles on it?
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #126  
Old 01-29-2019, 11:07 AM
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Should we get a budgie?

Ask the trans woman.



Well?

Should we?
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #127  
Old 01-29-2019, 11:40 AM
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What happens when someone abandons a property and it falls into disrepair?

Being the last poster of a thread and then it dies
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #128  
Old 01-29-2019, 11:56 AM
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is it illegal to talk to the driver while the bus is in motion?
Physics problem - mass of a container plus its contents


Taken together, the mass of a bus and all its passengers is equal to the outrage that will ensue if it goes off a bridge, because you were yakking with the driver about cellphone apps.
  #129  
Old 01-29-2019, 01:00 PM
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What one food would you put in your "people feeder" to attract the most and varied kind of people?

Would you want to own a bar?




Kodos: I don't understand. All the people we get in here are drunk!
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #130  
Old 01-30-2019, 08:04 AM
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Frozen Dopers: Who is caught in the 2019 Polar Vortex and freezing their tushies off?
Why won't my toilets flush?


Because the polar vortex is causing the water to spin backwards.
  #131  
Old 01-30-2019, 02:16 PM
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The temperature is negative 7 °F, not minus 7 °F!
Should we get a budgie?


Like the canary in the coal mine, if a budgie freezes into a statue in your living room, it's time to turn up the thermostat.
  #132  
Old 01-30-2019, 08:39 PM
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What are the lowest and highest temperatures you have experienced?
Does the government often fabricate statistics?


Once I experienced 139F in Libya, but I think it was the government fabricating statistics!
  #133  
Old 01-31-2019, 12:32 AM
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The temperature is -45
"Well, I won't be going back to THAT restaurant any time soon!"
  #134  
Old 01-31-2019, 02:58 PM
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What do you get out of hashtags/Twitter?
Netbook recommendations?


And I use Facebook Likes to see what car I should buy.
  #135  
Old 01-31-2019, 04:11 PM
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what was this California juice drink from the 1980s?
Fondue with broth


Sounds yummy!
  #136  
Old 02-01-2019, 09:37 AM
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Would you want to own a bar?
Constantly feeling like you "should be doing something else".


He says "Bill, I believe this is killing me."
As the smile rang away from his face.
"And I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place."
  #137  
Old 02-01-2019, 12:00 PM
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How is the bump stock ban supported by law?
"Well, I won't be going back to THAT restaurant any time soon!"


They're limiting my rate of fire, and the portions are so small.
  #138  
Old 02-01-2019, 04:39 PM
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Visiting West TX an NM - Tell me where to go!
Let's Talk About Fancy Mattresses!


Well, the Days Inn in Odessa has a selection of Simmons Beautyrest that can't be beat. But for my money, check into the Motel 6 in Fort Davis and ask for the room with Magic Fingers.
  #139  
Old 02-02-2019, 10:04 AM
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Who Else is Caught in the Polar Vortez and Frezzing Their Tushies Off?

Why Won't My Toilets Flush?

Sounds painful...
  #140  
Old 02-02-2019, 10:13 AM
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Freezing. Sheesh. Also I have a hard time doing bold font on my phone.
  #141  
Old 02-03-2019, 03:42 PM
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Can you explain Massive Gravity simply?
How likely is it that I'll die due to sinus rinse?


Well, all that fluid has to drain out somewhere. Just make sure you don't do the rinse in a really tiny bathroom.
  #142  
Old 02-03-2019, 06:02 PM
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Need Suggestions for Kidnapping a Boyfriend (locked thread)
Thoughts about apologizing to an ex?

I just wanted you to know that I'm really sorry about the kidnapping thing. In retrospect, it was a really bad idea, and I hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me.
  #143  
Old 02-03-2019, 07:24 PM
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Cool new words you've learned
"No shirt, Shitlock!"
  #144  
Old 02-03-2019, 08:20 PM
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Cool new words you've learned

In which bad naming ensues

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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #145  
Old 02-04-2019, 07:47 AM
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What exactly qualifies as blackface? What forms are offensive and why?

Removing grease stains from clothes





...like from greasepaint.
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #146  
Old 02-04-2019, 08:34 AM
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Don't hurt yourself in the MMP!!!

Spectacular Car Crash!
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #147  
Old 02-04-2019, 09:35 AM
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What makes a "good Republican?"

NIMBY fucking morons.
  #148  
Old 02-04-2019, 09:52 AM
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Removing children from “sponsor” homes would harm them
The Cruelty is the Point
  #149  
Old 02-04-2019, 09:55 AM
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Super Bowl: What are you eating?
Follow Me Back to The People's Republic of Ankh Morpork...


So .. more pork?
  #150  
Old 02-04-2019, 12:20 PM
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What exactly qualifies as blackface? What forms are offensive and why?
Is it objectively and unquestionably racist if a company does this...


If you are talking employees in blackface, definitely
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