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Old 12-04-2019, 03:54 AM
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Do women NOT like barbecue?


As a special treat my wife took me out to one of my favorite barbecue restaurants here in Kansas City (a city known for its barbecue).

Looking around I'd say about 80% of the customers were men. If their was a table of several people, it was all men. The only women there were seated with men. No groups of women together. Although nearly all the wait staff were women.

Groups are a big thing and I dont think I've ever seen say just 4 women going out together to a bbq joint. Now a group of bros or dudes going out together - yeah bbq! it doesnt matter if its a group of lawyers or construction workers, men all love bbq.

BTW, this wasnt some cheap bbq and beer dive (which I LOVE) but a very fine, respectable restaurant.

Why is that? Is it because barbecue is messy, greasy, and fattening?
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Old 12-04-2019, 04:04 AM
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Come down south. We wimmens likes some bbq.

Well, I do.
I suspect a group of women would go to a more niche cafe or restuarant. IMHO
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Old 12-04-2019, 04:45 AM
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My mom didn't really like barbecue or catfish restaurants. She went because my dad liked them.

I remember at barbecue she ordered a plate dinner that could be eaten with a fork. I guess she didn't like getting her hands dirty.
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Old 12-04-2019, 05:27 AM
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I'd go, group or not.

But yeah, sauce slathered BBQ is probably not the first choice for girly girls.
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Old 12-04-2019, 05:29 AM
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I would say women like barbecue just fine, for instance I do although I don't particularly care for ribs. (Greasy, messy, hard to eat, not enough meat for the work.)

However, in any group of four women there will probably be one vegetarian/vegan and one who's on a diet or not eating gluten or somesuch. They find a place where everybody can get what she wants. I have gone out for bbq with one other woman but not with three.

But a lot of bbq joints seem to want to attract men, with scantily dressed waitresses and lots of big-screen TVs showing sports. So that's a self-fulfilling prophecy right there.
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Old 12-04-2019, 05:30 AM
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BTW, this wasnt some cheap bbq and beer dive (which I LOVE) but a very fine, respectable restaurant.
I'm not sure that "fine, respectable restaurant" and "bbq" belong in the same sentence.
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Old 12-04-2019, 05:49 AM
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I'm not sure that "fine, respectable restaurant" and "bbq" belong in the same sentence.
Here is the place.


There is also a good place called Joe's which is also a working gas station.
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Old 12-04-2019, 06:55 AM
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There's only two pictures of food on that website there, and neither of them seem to feature such a thing as a vegetable. Now I like meat fine but ... and also greenery please?

Also, what HNS said.
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:19 AM
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I think it's the image people get from BBQ.

It appeals to men more than women, and it appears to some traditionally primal male trait. It's the using your hands, sauce everywhere, paper towels at tables, and the relationship to men doing the BBQ'ing, not to mention the flatscreens. It's a restaurant that appeals to the 'man cave' mentality. It is also a place that men can feel free to be more of themselves in a male way, let their hair down so to speak.

Perhaps a smokehouse would be a equivalent which would be more appealing to women, but once BBQ is somehow in the name, 'man cave' restaurant is what comes to mind.
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:19 AM
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I not a fan of huge amounts of meat and if everything takes on a smokey taint then it isn't for me.
I like a hint of smoke as an element of variety but too much is too much. I've been to traditional BBQ places in the states before and it has indeed been too much, too much meat, too much sweetness, too much smoke, too much food in general to the point where it is off-putting. All very well executed mind you, technically very well done but it is just not for me. (I'm a man)
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:33 AM
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The other side of the coin might be represented by the tea-house we went to a few weeks ago. They serve a variety of artisanal teas, sandwhiches, dips, etc. There were m/f couples, but no groups of men. There were several large groups of women.
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Old 12-04-2019, 08:30 AM
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My wife, Pepper Mill, certainly likes barbecue -- she perks up when I suggest going out to a BBQ place.

But certainly not all the time. She's picked up a vegetarian streak from our daughter, and so eats less meat, and what meat she does eat is generally chicken or turkey. But there's plenty of BBQ chicken, and she'll make exceptions for other BBQ.
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Old 12-04-2019, 08:34 AM
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That's because, even though it tastes great, it is fatty and salty and heavy and not particularly good for you if you are trying to maintain a healthy, trim body. The last time I had barbecue, it was 20 hours before my stomach desired anything other than coffee.
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Old 12-04-2019, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Aspidistra View Post
There's only two pictures of food on that website there, and neither of them seem to feature such a thing as a vegetable. Now I like meat fine but ... and also greenery please?

Also, what HNS said.
Well, they do serve cole slaw, and I'm sure there's some celery in the potato salad.
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Old 12-04-2019, 09:05 AM
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Well, they do serve cole slaw, and I'm sure there's some celery in the potato salad.
They serve these awesome onion rings. Almost an inch thick, hand breaded. You really bite into them. They also have fried pickles, triple cheese corn, jumbo fried mushrooms, grilled broccoli, and vegetable kabobs. Do those count?

Oh and carrot cake.
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Old 12-04-2019, 09:10 AM
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That's because, even though it tastes great, it is fatty and salty and heavy and not particularly good for you if you are trying to maintain a healthy, trim body.
And women are unfortunately under a lot more social pressure than men are to not put on a lot of weight. Eating BBQ very often is going to add to your weight.
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Old 12-04-2019, 09:31 AM
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Why is that? Is it because barbecue is messy, greasy, and fattening?
If you ever saw my wife clean a rib bone or a Buffalo wing. . .
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Old 12-04-2019, 09:36 AM
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Barbecue is just okay as far as I'm concerned. I'll eat it but the real reason I'll go to a barbecue place is to get some damn macaroni and cheese! Oh yeah.
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Old 12-04-2019, 09:38 AM
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I don't think it's that women don't like barbecue, because I know a few who REALLY like barbecue, and a lot who like it just fine.

I do think that many (most?) women are very concerned with their weight and health, and deliberately forego many foods that are perceived as highly caloric, fatty or unhealthy, like barbecue, burgers, Tex-Mex, etc... or if they do go to those places, they choose stuff like barbecued turkey or chicken, or get veggie fajitas or stuff like that, and only occasionally indulge in brisket and sausage, big greasy cheesburgers and a plate of enchiladas.
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Old 12-04-2019, 09:39 AM
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I was think ladies don't like to eat ANY messy food stuffs in public.

In the privacy of their own home though, they can chow down with the rest of us.

Last edited by Grrr!; 12-04-2019 at 09:39 AM.
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Old 12-04-2019, 10:00 AM
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My Wife and I love hot wings. The hot ones only (no honey whatever). So the mess and eating like a caveman is not an issue.

Now I'll try just about any type of BBQ, but my Wife does not like it. I think it's because of an underlying sweetness. She doesn't like any type of 'Chinese food' that has a sweet component either. Sweet and sour pork is right out.
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Old 12-04-2019, 10:14 AM
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I was think ladies don't like to eat ANY messy food stuffs in public.

In the privacy of their own home though, they can chow down with the rest of us.
This, as others have stated as well. Messy foods just aren't something most women pick as a group eat. You'll never hear a woman say "Them was some good ribs! Just run me through the car wash. I'll hold on the the luggage rack.*" Plus, there is something primal about big slabs of meat and ribs cooked low and slow with lots of smoke. More of a guy thing to both cook and consume.


* - Thus settling once and for all the question of the "Smarter sex."
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Old 12-04-2019, 10:36 AM
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I'm not sure that "fine, respectable restaurant" and "bbq" belong in the same sentence.
I'd amend that to say that "fine, respectable restaurant" and "good" BBQ probably don't belong in the same sentence. In particular, advertising "our spacious restaurant, complete with a full-service bar, dark woods, polished brass" doesn't bode well.*

I haven't been paying a lot of attention to customer gender at our main local BBQ hangout. There certainly are a lot of women eating there.

Female abhorrence of messy, fattening foods isn't an obvious thing in Ohio, as exemplified by the Ladies Night Out phenomenon at Mexican restaurants, where full-to-oversized meals are generally accompanied by plenty of margaritas and shrieks of drunken amusement.

*there was a character in one of Calvin Trillin's books about food, who inquired suspiciously about a recommended BBQ place, wondering if they had plates (not a good omen).
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Old 12-04-2019, 10:43 AM
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I don't think it's specifically gendered, as much as a question of constitution.

The dainty and delicate of any gender will have a problem with BBQ done right. It's assertive, it's overpowering, it's hearty and fatty and messy primal.

My wife loves a good barbecue, especially mine .

Also, note that the rather stereotypical "KC style" barbecue (which is sweeter and more heavily sauced) isn't the only variety. Texas-style dry BBQ with a hot but not-too-sweet sauce available at the table is our favorite, followed closely by East Carolina smoked pork with vinegar/mustard mop.
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Old 12-04-2019, 12:52 PM
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I like barbecue. I've never really been much of a girly-girl type, though. Dunno what groups of women in general do, it's been ages since I've been out with a group that wasn't mixed-gender.
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Old 12-04-2019, 12:55 PM
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I heard that a real Southern belle can eat an order of BBQ chicken and nothing gets sticky beside her fingertips.

Dennis
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Old 12-04-2019, 03:35 PM
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I'm a guy who doesn't like BBQ.
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Old 12-04-2019, 03:41 PM
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Ah, you're doing one of those user name/post type thingies.
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Old 12-04-2019, 04:21 PM
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That's because, even though it tastes great, it is fatty and salty and heavy and not particularly good for you if you are trying to maintain a healthy, trim body. The last time I had barbecue, it was 20 hours before my stomach desired anything other than coffee.
I ecall some woman telling me, "I treat my body like a temple. You treat yours like a tent."

Mrs. Plant (v.2.0) loved ribs.
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Old 12-04-2019, 05:22 PM
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So you went to one restaurant, one time and concluded that women simply don't like BBQ?

I see mostly women at my local coffee shop. Is it reasonable of me to question if men even like coffee at all?

Maybe women don't frequent that place or other BBQ places as much as men. I really only go out to a place to eat if I'm with my family, which includes men. Although I have gone to Famous Dave's with a girl friend, too. Meanwhile, my dad goes out to Famous Dave's all the time to eat with old coworkers. It's less 'I don't like BBQ' (because I love BBQ) and more, 'I don't go out as much, and when I do I like to go to varied places, rather than the same place all the time'. And that's still just me - I'm not speaking for other women at all.
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Old 12-04-2019, 05:28 PM
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I do think that many (most?) women are very concerned with their weight and health, and deliberately forego many foods that are perceived as highly caloric, fatty or unhealthy, like barbecue, burgers, Tex-Mex, etc... or if they do go to those places, they choose stuff like barbecued turkey or chicken, or get veggie fajitas or stuff like that, and only occasionally indulge in brisket and sausage, big greasy cheesburgers and a plate of enchiladas.
Which is kind of interesting because women are still (slightly) more likely than men to be obese in the US.
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Old 12-04-2019, 05:44 PM
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* - Thus settling once and for all the question of the "Smarter sex."
Settling it which way?



I'm not fond of barbecue. Most actual barbecue I've encountered has included rather more "charred black" than I prefer - you might call it manly and primal, but I call it burned. It's mediocre if you're lucky. And I have no interest in making a mess of myself (sauce in my manly bread? Heck no!) so if I can't eat it with a knife and fork, fork that.
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Old 12-04-2019, 05:51 PM
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Perhaps the annoyingly common trope of restaurants serving BBQ in a psuedo-picnic format of bench tables, paper plates, cafeteria trays, with a paper towel roll in front of you is a turn off? I never understood why a great steak dinner can be had in a civilized atmosphere, but the presence of bbq sauce means that your dining experience needs to be treated with the refinement of a prison slop line?
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Old 12-04-2019, 06:04 PM
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Perhaps the annoyingly common trope of restaurants serving BBQ in a psuedo-picnic format of bench tables, paper plates, cafeteria trays, with a paper towel roll in front of you is a turn off? I never understood why a great steak dinner can be had in a civilized atmosphere, but the presence of bbq sauce means that your dining experience needs to be treated with the refinement of a prison slop line?
You talkin' to me? In my observation when you're talking about BBQ sold at an establishment (as opposed to cooked on a grill in somebody's backyard) the atmosphere is part and parcel with the food. You get a roll of paper towels because the food is messy, and the food is messy because if it wasn't messy it wouldn't be barbecue, it'd be something else, like that steak dinner you mentioned.

The fact that most of it's covered with burned strips is just an attempt to replicate that "amateur with a grill" experience as well.
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Old 12-04-2019, 06:12 PM
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Perhaps the annoyingly common trope of restaurants serving BBQ in a psuedo-picnic format of bench tables, paper plates, cafeteria trays, with a paper towel roll in front of you is a turn off? I never understood why a great steak dinner can be had in a civilized atmosphere, but the presence of bbq sauce means that your dining experience needs to be treated with the refinement of a prison slop line?
I agree that much of the BBQ experience is trope-ish. For example, I like BBQ but I don't like country & western music, yet many restaurants have a strong C&W theme. However, there are some practical differences between a steakhouse (or fine Italian, Asian, etc. restaurant) and BBQ. You don't eat steak, pasta, etc. with your fingers, but much of BBQ (chicken, ribs, corn on the cob) is eaten with the fingers and covered in sauce or dry rub. Chicken can be eaten with a knife and fork, and corn with cob-holders, but I've never seen ribs eaten any other way than with one's fingers. As ninja'd by begbert2 the roll of paper towel is a very welcome practicality and not merely a reverse affectation.
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Old 12-04-2019, 06:16 PM
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Ms. P doesn't like it, but she's vegetarian. She'll go to a BBQ joint with us and order all sides, or fish if they have it. Sons and I all love it.
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Old 12-04-2019, 06:19 PM
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I love barbecue.

I'm also aware that it isn't very good for me (salt, fat, sugar) and it isn't good for my dental work (damn it). So it is a rare treat. But I talked to chef at a cafeteria I frequent about putting the slaw on the pulled pork sandwich (because he didn't have pickle chips to put on them) and after that experience, he implemented just about every suggestion I gave him. Now, I'm not claiming to have thought up this wonderful tradition, but it's not well-known here in MN.
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Old 12-04-2019, 06:51 PM
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They serve these awesome onion rings. Almost an inch thick, hand breaded. You really bite into them. They also have fried pickles, triple cheese corn, jumbo fried mushrooms, grilled broccoli, and vegetable kabobs. Do those count?

Oh and carrot cake.
Just got my attention

I adore good BBQ, and historically have not minded getting messy for good food *however* crutch and chairborn has changed things - I don't want to get anything on my crutch grips [a lovely purple soft molded silicon] and wheel rims can get ones hands slightly dirty and I detest using baby wipes on my hands then eating - carries the nasty taste along with the food.

But I have absolutely no issue having hubs bring good Q home =) I can have him bring me a slightly soapy wet wash cloth, a rinse cloth and a hand towel so I can clean the gorp off my hands before hobbling to the sink to wash up properly.

[though I have to admit, at home we frequently cheat and toss a flat of ribs into the sous vide still sealed in the heavy from the abbatoire to the grocery plastic caseing, let it perk along at 160 for about 36 hours and drain out the juices, and a quick process of removing the meat from the bones and cartillage and I can use a fork and not get my hands gorped up =)
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Old 12-04-2019, 09:09 PM
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I liked gates BBQ when I was in Kansas city.

According to a grub hub pdf I looked at, men are 50% more likely to order meat dishes than women.

https://get.grubhub.com/blog/online-...ut-dining.html
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Old 12-04-2019, 09:25 PM
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I like barbecue just fine. It’s a big favorite in my family and our “go to” for large gatherings, we order a couple of trays of barbecue, rolls, slaw, beans, etc. and we’re good to go. Although I usually make a big green salad - something the women appreciate more than the guys.

That respectable restaurant in Overland Park seems to have a masculine vibe, though. Flat screen TV’s (showing sports, I bet), hunting trophies on the wall, and, yes, a menu that’s rather short on light options - it’s not the type of place a group of women would tend to select for their night out. Unless they all had a simultaneous craving for barbecue, which is a much higher bar than liking barbecue.
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Old 12-04-2019, 10:55 PM
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Men, we have found the key to a Safe Space: a menu dominated by Fatty Meat.

FWIW my anecdotal experience is that the lady who was our office Legal Counsel, during a visit to Austin, spoke quite, um, passionately about the brisket.

And from my own travels, why yes, I can definitely see how Greater KC is the place where you'd find BBQ in a "fine dining" context.

Last edited by JRDelirious; 12-04-2019 at 10:56 PM.
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Old Yesterday, 01:29 AM
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Men typically like meat more than women, and women typically like sweets more than men. Combine that with the cultural association of BBQ with masculinity*, and you have BBQ places with a lot more men than women. Just as somebody trying to make a woman happy will give her a box of chocolates, rather than a steak.

* Even in the silly "cooking is women's work!" period, an exception was made for the backyard BBQ.
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Old Yesterday, 01:51 AM
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I don't know what to say.

I love BBQ. I ate so much of it on our cross country trip a few years ago. Everywhere from Jack's Stack in Kansas City to Hog Heaven (a shack near Vanderbilt University) to Top's in Memphis, and many others.

I think Hilarity N. Suze nails it when she says in any group of women you're going to have at least one on a diet and/or one who's a veggie. It's the case for me when I go out with some of my friends. We end up someplace where everyone can find something to eat.
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