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Old 12-30-2019, 01:26 PM
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Done with my sons


Ok, so Im a stay at home mom with two sons, 15 and 17. Iím the one who bakes cookies, plans parties for their accomplishments etc and so forth. On Christmas Day, I find out that they have been smoking and vaping weed since February. I have been completely destroyed by this seeing as weíve had all the discussions about drugs and their negative consequences. My husband is upset too, but is taking it much better than I am. Heís taken their phones, scheduled a doctors appointment to have a doctor share the medical concerns of weed and vaping on a developing mind. Heís also told them they will have to take random drug tests. But heís watching football with them, interacting with them. I am not there yet. I am so hurt by this that I canít even be around them without being angry. Is this because I had only one job? To raise them well, and I screwed it up? How can I get back to feeling warmth towards them?
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Old 12-30-2019, 01:32 PM
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I'm sorry this has kicked you in the gut but personally I'm not seeing the big deal. Yeah, smoking weed is not the best activity for teenagers but drinking would be a lot worse and if this is the worst rebellion they have you're dodging a whole hail of bullets. It's not a moral failing, they just like getting high, just like millions of other people. They're going to have to figure out their relationship with various substances and deal with that all their lives and they're working that out. They're still your little babies, they just have a bit more THC on board than previously thought. I mean, they've been managing to keep it from you for almost a year, that means they're managing pretty well. Maybe you might benefit from seeing a therapist to go into why this essentially harmless essay into grownup stuff is affecting your feelings towards your kids. It doesn't seem proportional to fell like they've turned into werewolves because they blew some weed, y'know?
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Old 12-30-2019, 01:47 PM
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You haven't screwed up. Kids are going to make mistakes, and must find their own way. Many, if not most, of the people who read this have done worse things and lived to tell about it.

That said, you are right that weed is NOT good for teenagers, and I'd be VERY concerned about them vaping it. That is killing people. Some people think weed is harmless, and occasional recreational use probably is for most people, but vaping it most definitely is not.
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Old 12-30-2019, 01:54 PM
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What your kids are doing is perfectly normal for their age. The NIH says that 12% of 8th graders, 29% of 10th graders, and 36% of 12 graders have used marijuana in the last year (cite: https://www.drugabuse.gov/drugs-abuse/marijuana). It's appropriate for you to be upset and want to do something about it. I felt the same way when I discovered that my high school age son was using marijuana. But based on your OP I think you are overreacting and sending a TERRIBLE message to your kids -- "if you screw up, I will reject you and stop loving you". You need to engage with your children and talk to them about it. Remember that they are not doing this to hurt you.
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Old 12-30-2019, 01:59 PM
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Vaping, per se, is not the problem and is not "killing people." Vaping flower is considerably better than smoking it and even vaping concentrates is fine--what they're discovering is that some manufacturers are using Vitamin E acetate to stabilize and plump up their concentrates and that's causing fat pneumonia. Adding in flavors is another culprit, as unaware manufacturers are using food flavoring additives that aren't meant to be inhaled. There's nothing inherent in the weed that's causing problems, it's poor manufacturing protocols that are to blame.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:11 PM
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I think you're over-reacting. Pot really isn't that bad. In most ways it isn't as bad as alcohol.

I agree about the vaping. Maybe explain if your going to smoke, try a hookah.

My kids don't smoke but I talked to them about it and about drinking. I wouldn't be heart broken if they did smoke pot. It has almost been a rite of passage for teens since at least the 60s.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:17 PM
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Ok, so Im a stay at home mom with two sons, 15 and 17. Iím the one who bakes cookies, plans parties for their accomplishments etc and so forth. On Christmas Day, I find out that they have been smoking and vaping weed since February. I have been completely destroyed by this seeing as weíve had all the discussions about drugs and their negative consequences. My husband is upset too, but is taking it much better than I am. Heís taken their phones, scheduled a doctors appointment to have a doctor share the medical concerns of weed and vaping on a developing mind. Heís also told them they will have to take random drug tests. But heís watching football with them, interacting with them. I am not there yet. I am so hurt by this that I canít even be around them without being angry. Is this because I had only one job? To raise them well, and I screwed it up? How can I get back to feeling warmth towards them?
The fact that children do things behind their parents' back is not necessarily a reflection on their parents. They heard your concerns about weed, and they made a pre-adult decision to ignore your concerns - for whatever reason.

I'd find out the reason. Why are they smoking weed? Are they depressed? Are they feeling anxiety? No offense, but your husband's approach is probably more productive because it keeps lines of communication (which is what you need) open.

It probably won't be the last time they make decisions when you're not around that you don't agree with. Move on, and communicate. They might need some counseling sessions or something - or maybe they need better friends, which is something else you can talk about.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:18 PM
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And I'm much less worried about what the kids are smoking these days--I had to get by with shitty Mexi-weed that was brown and probably sprayed with paraquat and every insecticide on the planet, kids these days get the good shit. Spoiled little boogers.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:18 PM
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Over reaction. You didn't fail in raising your kids. They're acting like normal teens, and normal teens don't do everything their parents want them to, or not do the things their parents don't want them to do. If you judge yourself as a parent based on what your teenage sons do then you are doing yourself a huge injustice.

Vaping is bad though, teach them how to roll and smoke a proper doobie.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:20 PM
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Joints are too much at once tho, a nice little glass pipe is better. With a small bowl, to discourage overindulgence.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:23 PM
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...
I'd find out the reason. Why are they smoking weed? Are they depressed? Are they feeling anxiety? No offense, but your husband's approach is probably more productive because it keeps lines of communication (which is what you need) open.
...
Very good idea to keep open the lines of communication, but also a good chance they're smoking pot for no other reason than the enjoyment of smoking pot. When I smoke, it was why I did so.

And yeah as SmartAleq said, our pot was crappy from everything I've seen and heard.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:27 PM
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Heís also told them they will have to take random drug tests.
One of my gf's nephews was caught with weed last year. His mom was bragging to me xmas day about how good her son was now, he had tested negative each time they tested him!

Meanwhile, he was obviously high (as was I) while mom was telling me this. I made eye contact with him and started laughing, which got him laughing.

OP: providing a clean sample is easy-peasy. I'd reconsider the testing angle.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:28 PM
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They were always going to be their own person.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:31 PM
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I realize I come from an unusual family, but my parents were pot smokers, I obviously indulge and I have two kids--one likes it, the other never touches it. Now the 20-something grandkid is onboard as well, and his mom and I both worry about him, not because of smoking weed but because he drinks a lot and that's really not good for his health and wellbeing. So that's four generations of weed smokers in the family and every one of us is self supporting, healthy, happy and socially well adjusted. We manage our habits as adults do, have zero issues relating to our weed smoking and the only substance abuse issues in the family have way more to do with alcohol and nicotine (the non-weed smoking kid is a tobacco fiend!) and there's one in-law who has more of a benzo/opioid preference than I find comfortable. Guess I'm just trying to say it's not a big deal, but showing your kids your love is conditional is definitely a problem.

Last edited by SmartAleq; 12-30-2019 at 02:32 PM.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:34 PM
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If this is the worst thing your kids ever do you have exceptionally well behaved kids.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:35 PM
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I hope this thread isn't going to turn into another vaping debate. Whether vaping is or isn't bad for adults, the evidence is fairly conclusive that vaping or smoking anything is bad for teens. (So is drinking alcohol.) That doesn't mean plenty don't do it, but there's no safety in numbers here.

OP, I can understand you're being upset. Your poured everything you had into raising your boys. You sacrificed for them. Worked hard at being a good parent. You did everything right, and now this. Am I right in sensing you're feeling betrayed by their decision to do weed? Have you also assumed that if you did everything right, your kids would never use?

Parenting has but one goal: to turn babies into competent adults who can think for themselves. But it's a messy process as kids hit adolescence and start making choices. The real measure of parenting isn't whether or not kids make bad decisions, as they inevitably will; it's how you teach them to deal with those bad decisions. You and your husband have a good plan in place for handling this.

I don't think you should just put on a happy face. Figure out why you're feeling so angry (and betrayed?), then have a family talk where you tell your kids you're angry and why. Encourage and listen to their responses. Resentment isn't going to get you anywhere, and it's not going to resolve anything.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:38 PM
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Oy. Consider yourself piled on.

Here's the deal, speaking as a former teen and as someone who saw five of the little monsters through high school: You don't take the blame for the mistakes THEY make, and you don't get credit for their successes. They are not you, they are not part of you. They are not avatars of you 15-20 years ago that permit you to take a second crack at starting your life. They are their own humans just as you consider yourself to be. IME, parenting ends at around age 12. After that you're a mentor. They aren't going to obey you after then anyway unless they happen to agree with you, and you want them to develop an independent sprit so they aren't lost without you. Your job is to be a trusted and trustworthy benefactor, and to be waiting there on the other side when they screw up to show them how to recover from mistakes.

And the random drug testing plan is stupid. Don't do it. You'll be undermining your relationship with the kids just so you can demonstrate your authority and control over them. They will not respect you for sticking to your guns, they will find ways to subvert the test, or just stare back at you when the piss hot and say, "Yeah? What are you gonna do now?" And what will you do then? Take another thing from them? Further restrict their privileges? Kick them out of the house so that when they turn to crime to make ends meet you can smugly exclaim how you always knew they were trouble and good riddance to them? Just...don't.

Frankly...you should smoke up with them after dinner. I'm not even kidding.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:42 PM
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Exactly. Exactly this. I quit my career to stay at home and gave them all I could. Reading books, crafts, all that. And I guess you nailed it. I feel betrayed.
Like they took my advice and said “screw you. Hope it hurts.” I know that really isn’t how it went, but....
They seem to be shocked at how I’m handling this. It led to a big blowout in my house that they were not expecting.
Maybe counseling is in order.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:45 PM
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There's nothing to make a kid who's trying to be cool drop something faster than having their parents be okay with it so yeah, smoke out with the kids and they'll quit in a hot second unless it's something they just really like doing. I don't think it's in any way coincidental that with so many states onboard with recreational sales of weed and pot use being presented favorably in media that the kids these days are WAY less likely to get high than previous generations. I mean, really, that's what OLD PEOPLE do!
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:47 PM
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Exactly. Exactly this. I quit my career to stay at home and gave them all I could. Reading books, crafts, all that. And I guess you nailed it. I feel betrayed.
Like they took my advice and said ďscrew you. Hope it hurts.Ē I know that really isnít how it went, but....
They seem to be shocked at how Iím handling this. It led to a big blowout in my house that they were not expecting.
Maybe counseling is in order.
You're looking empty nest syndrome right in the face, this is probably a great time to get some assistance in getting over that hurdle. I've watched friends and family go through it after being super involved parents and some of them had an incredibly difficult time with seeing their babies fledge and fly. Good for you on recognizing that you're having a hard time with it--it's definitely a big change in life but it doesn't have to be a negative one. Best of luck to you!
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:48 PM
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There's nothing to make a kid who's trying to be cool drop something faster than having their parents be okay with it so yeah, smoke out with the kids and they'll quit in a hot second unless it's something they just really like doing. I don't think it's in any way coincidental that with so many states onboard with recreational sales of weed and pot use being presented favorably in media that the kids these days are WAY less likely to get high than previous generations. I mean, really, that's what OLD PEOPLE do!
I know right? My kids barely drink. The legal one really almost never. My son nothing bad. It seems like doing stuff we all did or do reduces the rebellion factor and makes the act seem uncool. After all if I did it, no way the act is cool.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:49 PM
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Maybe counseling is in order.
Yes. And for the record, four of my five went through a period where they were deliberately hurtful to the parents. It's a phase, probably normal, and probably plants the seed of regret that heralds introspection & empathy.
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Old 12-30-2019, 02:51 PM
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I know right? My kids barely drink. The legal one really almost never. My son nothing bad. It seems like doing stuff we all did or do reduces the rebellion factor and makes the act seem uncool. After all if I did it, no way the act is cool.
Exactly! I did SCA with the younger kid and advised him that alcohol would be easy to get into but if he ever got sloppy drunk and ended up getting us kicked out of an event that would be the last one he attended so he learned how to drink responsibly and not be an asshole about it. Nowadays he's in his forties and aside from cigarettes he's basically straight edge--teach kids moderation early and the lesson stays with them forever.

Last edited by SmartAleq; 12-30-2019 at 02:52 PM.
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Old 12-30-2019, 03:01 PM
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Exactly. Exactly this. I quit my career to stay at home and gave them all I could. Reading books, crafts, all that. And I guess you nailed it. I feel betrayed.
Like they took my advice and said ďscrew you. Hope it hurts.Ē I know that really isnít how it went, but....
They seem to be shocked at how Iím handling this. It led to a big blowout in my house that they were not expecting.
Maybe counseling is in order.
Listen to everyone telling you this is no big deal. Get over it as quickly as you can and get back to being a loving concerned parent, and now one with a broader view of life. Do you remember all the times your children made you proud?
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Old 12-30-2019, 03:07 PM
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I do, Tripolar. But those proud images are being marred by the images of lost trust and anger
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Old 12-30-2019, 03:09 PM
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I know right? My kids barely drink. The legal one really almost never. My son nothing bad. It seems like doing stuff we all did or do reduces the rebellion factor and makes the act seem uncool. After all if I did it, no way the act is cool.
Heh, yeah. My kids are different than me. I smoked weed in my teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and now 60s. I love it and feel it has enhanced my life. I drink daily. Meanwhile, my daughter will have a glass of wine with dinner, but that's it. My son will have a beer with me to be sociable, and he's tried weed, but didn't like it.
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Old 12-30-2019, 03:12 PM
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And tbh I have no one in my area with similar experience. Everyone is going on about how great their kids are...smart, motivated, responsible and trustworthy. No drug experience at all. Isolated here
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Old 12-30-2019, 03:34 PM
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And tbh I have no one in my area with similar experience. Everyone is going on about how great their kids are...smart, motivated, responsible and trustworthy. No drug experience at all. Isolated here
If that's the case, they're all lying.

OK, maybe not "lying", but definitely"putting their best foot forward". All kids screw up; so do all parents.

What exactly is the issue with what your sons did? Is it the fact that they were smoking/vaping? Is it the fact that it was weed? Is it the fact that they concealed it from you? Figure out what it is that you're angry about, and address that.
  • If it's the fact that marijuana is illegal where you live (which it almost certainly is for minors), then address that fact.
  • If it's the health issue, then address that (which it sounds like your husband is doing).
  • If it's not so much "what they did", but the fact that they hid it from you, then talk to them about "trust".


And I'll echo the statement above; forget about the random drug testing. All that does is guarantee to your sons that you do not, and never will, trust them.
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Old 12-30-2019, 03:41 PM
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I think punishment such as drug testing will only break any bond of trust. There are many ways to mask that, anyway.

At least they weren't drinking. No one has ever died from smoking pot.
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Old 12-30-2019, 03:58 PM
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You are "done with" your sons because they smoked weed? Yes, I do think counseling would do you some good.
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Old 12-30-2019, 04:06 PM
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If that's the case, they're all lying.

OK, maybe not "lying", but definitely" putting their best foot forward". All kids screw up; so do all parents.
Yep. Your boys are the only ones in the neighborhood doing this. In fact, they've been growing their own and distilling out the vaping liquids on the downlow because there's nobody else in town they can go to for the stuff. And they figured out what weed was, and the myriad ways to ingest it, all on their own. No demand = no supply, after all. Or...they learned it at school from kids who've been keeping their parents in the dark just a little better than yours have kept you.

Definitely counseling.
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Old 12-30-2019, 04:07 PM
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I do, Tripolar. But those proud images are being marred by the images of lost trust and anger
You'll get over that. Something worse will probably make you forget about this, and I say that because it's not really a big deal and the worse thing probably won't be that bad either. And even if it is they'll still be your kids and you'll still love them.

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And tbh I have no one in my area with similar experience. Everyone is going on about how great their kids are...smart, motivated, responsible and trustworthy. No drug experience at all. Isolated here
They're lying or they don't know. Don't measure yourself by other parents that way, they are absolutely biased and they aren't airing their dirty laundry in front of you.
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Old 12-30-2019, 05:18 PM
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Are their grades on point? Are they still living up to their responsibilities?

If so, then I think your kids are doing just fine.

Also, let's get past the myth that kids need to be depressed or stressed to consider trying weed. When I tried it at 12 years old, I did it because I was curious. Nothing else.
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Old 12-30-2019, 05:22 PM
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I think punishment such as drug testing will only break any bond of trust. There are many ways to mask that, anyway.

<snip>
I completely agree with this - drug testing is punitive and, as noted here and upthread, super easy to fake a clean test. Also, if you flip out over this, they might hesitate to disclose other, potentially more serious, mistakes.

That said, as a fellow mom, I can totally understand your sense of betrayal, embarrasment and rage. We never want to believe our kids would do something like use drugs recreationally, particularly after we've gone through so much painstaking effort to make sure they know all the facts. And it's so isolating because you feel like because they've fucked up so royally you can't tell anyone because that's one of those things that "other kids" do, not yours and that your parenting skills will be called into question. (Edited to add something I think you need to hear: you're a good mom. You really are.)

But like mentioned earlier, I'll bet dollars to donuts that those kids whose parents think they're angels are just way better at hiding it.

Counseling may be a good idea, if only for yourself. And I don't mean that in the sense, "there's got to be something wrong with you for losing your shit," but in the sense, "this is a lot to take in, get someone neutral who can help you untangle your thoughts."

If it helps, I recently went to a counselor for a somewhat similar reason. It didn't fix the problem, but it did help to have someone with some authority tell me that what happened was normal and give me a framework within which to think about it.

Last edited by overlyverbose; 12-30-2019 at 05:23 PM.
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Old 12-30-2019, 05:27 PM
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At least they weren't going to jazz concerts and dancing with black people.

Yet

I can understand worrying about the effects of drugs on a growing mind. But if you are too strict with your kids, they'll just become wild when they turn 18.
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:13 PM
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They deceived you and smoked some pot? Get over yourself. I went through a daughter's pregnancy and abortion and forgave her. I went through two of my sons not speaking to me for years after I divorced their mother. I forgave them and we now have good relationships. My third son was an opioid addict and an unrelenting alcoholic who allowed it to kill him. I haven't forgiven him yet, but I will. I envy you. I wish to christ it had only been pot I had to deal with.
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:18 PM
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I’m sorry about your son, Chefguy. And that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. That my sons will also be opioid addicts and will eventually succumb to it. Isn’t that a valid concern? I don’t get why I’m getting shit for this.
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:24 PM
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If that's the case, they're all lying.

OK, maybe not "lying", but definitely"putting their best foot forward". All kids screw up; so do all parents.
This, for certain. If you're convinced that your sons are the only ones among their peers who are smoking pot, you are almost undoubtedly incorrect. Odds are incredibly high that a lot of their peers are drinking, smoking weed, and having sex (a fair number may well be doing harder drugs, too). Frankly, it's what a lot of teenagers do, even those from "good families" with good parents.

It's possible that some of their parents are oblivious to it, but it's much more likely that the parents just don't want to admit it publicly, because it isn't part of that "perfect family" vibe that they want to portray to the world.
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:29 PM
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Iím sorry about your son, Chefguy. And thatís exactly what Iím afraid of. That my sons will also be opioid addicts and will eventually succumb to it. Isnít that a valid concern? I donít get why Iím getting shit for this.
yeah. I've no advice, but the amount of smugness and condescension in this thread is appalling.
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:34 PM
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Iím sorry about your son, Chefguy. And thatís exactly what Iím afraid of. That my sons will also be opioid addicts and will eventually succumb to it. Isnít that a valid concern? I donít get why Iím getting shit for this.
Look, you'd be getting REAL shit if anyone suspected you weren't concerned about your kid getting deeper than you could help with. What's going on in this thread is the equivalent of the rolleyes a mom of 5 gives to a new mother feeling like a failure because the brat got diaper rash.

It's all said with different kinds of tones, but I guarantee you nobody commenting was ever "proud" their kids got into the devil's lettuce, the liquor cabinet, or their age-appropriate gender of choice person from down the street. Kids are gonna do that, and frankly a parent should be a little uneasy if none of it ever comes up, but it's more a rite of passage than the crisis you painted it to be. That's all. Well, and what overlyverbose said. You care, you're a good ma.
  #41  
Old 12-30-2019, 06:36 PM
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Iím sorry about your son, Chefguy. And thatís exactly what Iím afraid of. That my sons will also be opioid addicts and will eventually succumb to it. Isnít that a valid concern? I donít get why Iím getting shit for this.
Your feelings are valid.

The idea that marijuana leads to anything but more marijuana is, however, not valid.

The growing acceptance of weed as a recreational drug proves that idea wrong.
  #42  
Old 12-30-2019, 06:38 PM
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Add me to the list of people that think maybe you need to talk to someone about why you are taking this as such a personal affront. From what you posted here it seems like you are probably a good parent. I had good parents too, but all their good advice about life went out the window when I got together with my friends. (Well, not all of it.) I tried pot, liked it and smoked a lot of it in my teens and twenties. Then I kind of outgrew it. I still smoke it once in a while, maybe once or twice a year, at parties if someone offers but haven't bought or possessed any for myself since the 80s. I haven't achieved a lot in life but not because I smoked pot when I was young and I have known highly successful people that have smoked pot for decades. If your kids are doing OK in school and socially and have activities and interests other than being high all the time I wouldn't sweat it too much.
One thing that seems reasonable to me is to suggest that if you have reason to think they are getting high they won't be driving your vehicles or be on your car insurance. If applicable.
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:39 PM
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And tbh I have no one in my area with similar experience. Everyone is going on about how great their kids are...smart, motivated, responsible and trustworthy. No drug experience at all. Isolated here
I have a friend. When her daughter was in high school she was damn-near perfect. Straight A student at the governor's school. Ballet dancer. Beautiful. Confident. She got a full scholarship to an excellent university, where she did very well.

Fast forward to today. She's in her late 20s. Unemployed. Alcoholic. Credit card thief. Self-absorbed and hateful. Attracted to the very worst men. I suspect all the drinking has fucked up her brain.

My friend did everything right with her daughter. But her daughter's dealing with demons that have nothing to do with her.

Try to get some perspective here. You don't know what "everyone" has got going on behind closed doors. And if "everyone" isn't dealing with shit now, they will inevitably deal with it later. If the worst you have on your hands is some weed, count your lucky stars.
  #44  
Old 12-30-2019, 06:42 PM
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On Christmas Day, I find out that they have been smoking and vaping weed since February.
Put it another way. They've been smoking pot for 10 months. Presumably you were around them for those 10 months and you didn't notice. So maybe pot doesn't have that big of an effect.
  #45  
Old 12-30-2019, 07:00 PM
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Iím sorry about your son, Chefguy. And thatís exactly what Iím afraid of. That my sons will also be opioid addicts and will eventually succumb to it. Isnít that a valid concern? I donít get why Iím getting shit for this.
Because you are describing a kid smoking weed as a 'drug user.' I mean, technically, yeah, but would you be using the same description if it was nicotine or alcohol that they were using?

Point being, in today's age, marijuana is not thought of as a hard drug, such that it portends a lifestyle of risk, debauchery, and harm. Research reflects that it's not necessarily a gateway drug, and claims of long term debilitation are overdone. There's no evidence your kids are heading to opiate addiction.

Having said that, I do agree that teenage brains don't need to be getting high, so I don't begrudge you forbidding it and punishing them.

But do try to keep it in perspective. They aren't bad kids all of a sudden; they didn't turn to the dark side. There is a very very good chance that they will continue with their good grades and extra-curriculars and thrive as they've always done.

So, go ahead and punish them, but there's no need to turn it into some complete shift in your relationship. In fact, maybe you can relate: I'm guessing that weed was never your thing, given your reaction, but perhaps you snuck out of the house without your parents knowing, or lied about who you were with while you were out, or snuck some wine coolers with your friends. Think of those times when you talk to your kids - as a teen, you probably weren't thinking horrible thoughts about your parents when you did such deviant things; you were just trying to have some fun.
  #46  
Old 12-30-2019, 07:19 PM
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I think punishment such as drug testing will only break any bond of trust. There are many ways to mask that, anyway.

At least they weren't drinking. No one has ever died from smoking pot.
I agree that smoking pot is pretty ordinary these days and I think the OP's reaction is more from what she sees as betrayal of her values than the use of pot itself. This generation of parents and children is so close to each other that the inevitable move toward independence can be a shock. My generation kept secrets from our parents, lived in a world of our own, and frankly, couldn't wait to be out of the house and away from supervision.

[My bold] Having said that, vaping IS dangerous and people have died from it. Pulling smoke into your lungs is bad enough, but with vaping, you're not quite sure WHAT you're taking in.

Last edited by ThelmaLou; 12-30-2019 at 07:19 PM.
  #47  
Old 12-30-2019, 07:47 PM
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Iím sorry about your son, Chefguy. And thatís exactly what Iím afraid of. That my sons will also be opioid addicts and will eventually succumb to it. Isnít that a valid concern? I donít get why Iím getting shit for this.
Sorry. I'm still easily triggered on these sorts of things. Wonder if I'll ever get past it.

Anyway, I'm sure you already know this: a drink doesn't lead to alcoholism; a joint doesn't lead to opiate or heroin addiction. There is a case to be made for genetic disposition towards these things, but if this isn't a chronic problem in your family (no pun intended), your kids are ahead of the game. There are any number of awful things out there that can lead to dependency, from injuries to clinical depression, but experimenting with pot or booze isn't on the list.

Sounds like you've worked hard on their character development and I'm sure that they are devastated that they've wounded you. Make up with them, let them know that you still love them and always will, and mete out an appropriate punishment so they know there are consequences for their actions. Then move past it.
  #48  
Old 12-30-2019, 08:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Declanium View Post
Iím sorry about your son, Chefguy. And thatís exactly what Iím afraid of. That my sons will also be opioid addicts and will eventually succumb to it. Isnít that a valid concern? I donít get why Iím getting shit for this.
Love your sons and talk to them without recrimination about pot. It isn't a gateway drug except in the concept it might put people in contact with dealers that sell harder stuff. Smoking pot is something that 70%* of adults below the age of 70 have done. I smoked for a bit when I was between ages 15-25, I stopped for a variety of reason. I was in more danger from some overindulgent nights with alcohol than pot could ever come close to making me.

Pot is a minor drug, it has few ill effects. It makes you mellow, not hostile. You don't want to jump off roofs, it doesn't make you think you can fly, you don't speed down the road while high, mostly you ride a couch and think you're thinking deep thoughts or laughing really hard at comedies.

What are the laws in your state? Have you ever tried Pot? Have you at least educated yourself on it? This is a far cry from "real drugs" like Heroin or Meth. It really is less dangerous and less habit forming than alcohol. Far less dangerous than tequila.

Kids will experiment, if it is only pot, you're getting off easy.




* Yes, I just pulled that number out of my ass, but it is probably close to correct.
  #49  
Old 12-30-2019, 08:08 PM
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* Yes, I just pulled that number out of my ass, but it is probably close to correct.
Actual number: 52%. But, as that's from a poll, and two years old, it would not surprise me if the true number is a bit higher, as there may well have been some poll respondents who were unwilling to admit having smoked pot at some point, as well as the fact that the recent growth in legalization has created some first-time users.
  #50  
Old 12-30-2019, 08:15 PM
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Actual number: 52%. But, as that's from a poll, and two years old, it would not surprise me if the true number is a bit higher, as there may well have been some poll respondents who were unwilling to admit having smoked pot at some point, as well as the fact that the recent growth in legalization has created some first-time users.
Actually, that poll doesn't cover what I said. I said adults below age 70. But I can't find a poll or survey to support my 70%. But we do know there is an age point were people who used pot drops a lot. So maybe we can compromise and say it is closer to 60%?
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