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  #51  
Old 02-06-2020, 02:11 PM
Euphonious Polemic is offline
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Yeah, I could deal with all of the other teenage stuff - but not drugs. They knew from an early age that was my Achilles heel. Sex, taking the car, all easier than drugs.
That's because you're a fucking idiot who has been brainwashed by other fucking stupid idiots who got all their information from 1950's drug pamphlets that were created by even more fucking stupid idiots.

In case you are unclear, you're a stupid fucking idiot.
  #52  
Old 02-06-2020, 02:34 PM
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Yeah, I could deal with all of the other teenage stuff - but not drugs. They knew from an early age that was my Achilles heel.
Yeah, there's no possibility that this knowledge didn't somehow contribute to your sons' chosen path of rebellion.
  #53  
Old 02-06-2020, 02:34 PM
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Yeah, I could deal with all of the other teenage stuff - but not drugs. They knew from an early age that was my Achilles heel. Sex, taking the car, all easier than drugs.
Do you really think judging and freezing out your kids will make them stop smoking weed? What it's most likely doing is giving them more reason to smoke it. And maybe try harder stuff because it isn't dulling the pain of their mother's rejection.

Does your therapist agree with how you're treating your kids?
  #54  
Old 02-06-2020, 02:47 PM
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I realize you’re probably right. I should leave the family. I can’t imagine me getting past this incident.
  #55  
Old 02-06-2020, 02:52 PM
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The time my son stole my then husband's credit card, he charged up thousands of dollars of electronics and clothes and fast food among other stuff. He stole the bills out of the mail, and thank God my ex always paid attention to what bills came when and called the credit card company when he didn't get the bill. Otherwise we would have been nailed with late fees and interest and potentially trashed our credit.

Call me silly but I think that's worse than smoking a couple blunts.

The funny thing is he's Mr. Budget now like his dad
  #56  
Old 02-06-2020, 02:55 PM
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Looks like we're getting to the end of the performance.
  #57  
Old 02-06-2020, 02:55 PM
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If you’ve been following, madmonk, yes, that’s it I guess.
Cuz it’s not just disengaging because they once smoked pot in high school. It’s because the therapist sees that it has become a habit that his likely to continue. So in that case, I’m fine with missing my son’s events. And who are we kidding? He’s not getting married. He will barely be able to take care of himself. Why would he couple up? Unless it’s another pothead.

And yes, older son has already had sex. We know this. And I was fine with it. He used protection.
It is because of these kind of responses that are so disproportionate and unhinged that I suspect you are giving us a performance. I could understand hyperbole when you first learned of the pot smoking, but you have had ample time to put it in perspective.

What you are saying is well outside the norms of human behavior. Well adjusted people do not write off their children because of an incident like this. I urge you to get help from a trained professional. I give the same advice to a troll who needs this kind of attention, it is not normal, get help.

Last edited by madmonk28; 02-06-2020 at 02:56 PM.
  #58  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:01 PM
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I represent parents in juvenile dependency proceedings. What that means in plain English is I often defend child abusers. I have had clients who have raped or murdered their children. I have had far more clients who physically or emotionally abused their children, and far more still who have neglected or endangered their children. I have stayed up all night coming up with legal defenses for them. It can really suck sometimes. (Trigger warning 'cuz I'm gonna talk about it.)

But I've learned some surprising things along the way. For example, I've learned that the single most important factor in determining whether a social worker will ever take your kids away is poverty. We almost never see middle-class or rich families in this courthouse; when I hear of sketchy things happening among my extended circle of acquaintances, they always seem to get quietly shunted off to family court, where maybe a judge will grant temporary custody to grandma instead of the kids being ripped from their families and placed in foster care for eventual adoption. Another thing I've learned is that children are remarkably resilient as long as they feel loved. I'm in awe of the kids I see who survive being hit and screamed at, who continue to show up for school and fight for their place in the world. If you look closely, behind every one of those kids is someone who loves them unconditionally. But every day I'm also heartbroken to see kids falling through the cracks, kids whom no one ever laid a hand on but also whom no one has hugged in a long time. I think the former group is better off.

I'm still haunted by a case from four years ago. A teenage girl's mother committed suicide and she was adopted by her maternal aunt and uncle; dad wasn't in the picture. But the aunt and uncle weren't really up to the task; they were apparently still grieving and just couldn't open their hearts to this child. They came in to the system because they told the social worker they didn't want her anymore. I remember sitting alone in my office, bawling my eyes out, as I read the girl's interview in the social worker's report. "I don't understand," she told them. "I try to be a good kid. I made some mistakes, but I didn't hurt anyone. Why don't they want me?"

Shit, I'm tearing up again just typing this.

I thought my client would come around. I thought she was just frustrated raising a teenager, and once she had some space to think, she'd change her mind. She never did. The girl aged out of foster care. I think about her often and wonder where she is, if she's all right, if she can ever love and trust again after what my client did to her. I expect that, when I finally burn out, this will be the story I tell people about why I had to change jobs. Not the one where I had to look at autopsy photos of a two-year old with a subdural hemorrhage and bruises all the way down his skinny little back that even my expert said could not possibly be the result of accidental trauma. Not the one where I had to cross-examine the frightened thirteen-year-old outcry witness who was my client's victim's best friend, and who thought she was in trouble for telling the teacher now that the victim had recanted the allegations of sexual abuse. Not the one where my DV perp client physically intimidated me and the bailiff had to drag him off. I'm not saying that not loving your kids is worse than murder, rape, and violence. I'm just saying that of all the shit I've seen, it's "why don't they want me?" that still sends shivers down my spine.

So congratulations, Declanium. At least until I pick up another big one, you're the worst parent I've seen so far in 2020. I sure hope their dad sucks less than you do.
  #59  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:08 PM
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Wow, EspriseMe. Because I don’t accept drugs in my kids’ lives? I’m worse than ppl who rape their kids? Ok
  #60  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:22 PM
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Wow, EspriseMe. Because I don’t accept drugs in my kids’ lives? I’m worse than ppl who rape their kids? Ok
This is what EspriseMe wrote:

Quote:
I'm not saying that not loving your kids is worse than murder, rape, and violence. I'm just saying that of all the shit I've seen, it's "why don't they want me?" that still sends shivers down my spine.

So congratulations, Declanium. At least until I pick up another big one, you're the worst parent I've seen so far in 2020. I sure hope their dad sucks less than you do.
Can you (Declanium) get your head out of your ass long enough not to make this all about you? Try.
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Last edited by QuickSilver; 02-06-2020 at 03:23 PM.
  #61  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:24 PM
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But it’s pretty obvious why I don’t want them. It’s not gonna be a mystery to them in life.
Drugs and their use/abuse of them is the reason.

Last edited by Declanium; 02-06-2020 at 03:25 PM.
  #62  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:30 PM
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but even if Declanium is a troll
Should read "isn't".

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Wow, EspriseMe. Because I donít accept drugs in my kidsí lives? Iím worse than ppl who rape their kids? Ok
The problem, as you've been told over and over and over but are either refusing to listen to or think it's fun to pretend to ignore, has nothing to do with not accepting drugs in your kids' lives. It has to do with not accepting your kids in your heart.
  #63  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:30 PM
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But itís pretty obvious why I donít want them. Itís not gonna be a mystery to them in life.
Drugs and their use/abuse of them is the reason.
Probably been asked but I can't bear to read the other thread...: Would you feel the same way about alcohol abuse?
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  #64  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:37 PM
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But itís pretty obvious why I donít want them. Itís not gonna be a mystery to them in life.
Drugs and their use/abuse of them is the reason.
The very fact that you don't want your own children because they are not perfect people is the problem here, and it is YOUR problem. They haven't murdered anyone, they have not raped anybody, they didn't run down somebody in a wheelchair or blow up a school, they didn't do anything at all that has irreversible consequences, and you have discarded them like so much trash. **YOU** chose your perfect life over your kids, and you seem befuddled that most of us think that is an appalling choice, far more detrimental to your kids' future well-being than smoking pot will ever be. YOU chose to damage your kids. YOU are abusive. If you can honestly say "I don't want my kids," then you should never have had them, because you don't have what it takes to be a mother.
  #65  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:37 PM
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In truth, if I had found a beer bottle in room, it would have been bad, but not as bad. Weed is worse because he had to meet with a dealer. And it was over a 10 month period.
And the aforementioned weed worship which is over the top.
If it had in fact been beer, I could have opened up more to others I think. I know others who have been in that place. Kid got drunk underage. For some reason, that is addressed frequently in the coming of age narrative. The weed, no. More taboo. No one chats about that.
  #66  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:39 PM
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Slash2k, the marijuana use disorder also has irreversible consequences
  #67  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:39 PM
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Alcohol addiction is FAR worse than pot. This is not hidden information.
  #68  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:40 PM
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Gee, I wonder what hole in his life this teen is trying to fill?
  #69  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:43 PM
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Just out of curiosity, where is their dad in all of this? Does he share your opinion or is he taking a more moderate approach?
  #70  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:45 PM
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But itís pretty obvious why I donít want them. Itís not gonna be a mystery to them in life.
Drugs and their use/abuse of them is the reason.
Youíre a troll, posting for reactions. You donít believe what you say and I sincerely doubt you have any kids. Worse, youíre a boring troll. I suggest stepping up your game. Next post, try telling us youíve bricked your kids up in your basement ĎCask of Amontilladoí style. Or perhaps just nonchalantly mention youíre looking for a good place to rent a wood chipper. That kind of thing. Just donít forget the bug-eyed maniacal laughter. Thatís whatís gonna sell it.
  #71  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:46 PM
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You can believe what you want, needscoffee. But prior to finding this out on Christmas Day, we had spent Xmas eve together, baking cookies, drinking cocoa and watching Christmas movies, as per our tradition.
We were a typical family. No one is perfect but we had a good time. Family vacations, get together with relatives. Sleepovers and pancake breakfasts. I don’t know what void they were trying to fill.
  #72  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:49 PM
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In truth, if I had found a beer bottle in room, it would have been bad, but not as bad. Weed is worse because he had to meet with a dealer. And it was over a 10 month period.
And the aforementioned weed worship which is over the top.
If it had in fact been beer, I could have opened up more to others I think. I know others who have been in that place. Kid got drunk underage. For some reason, that is addressed frequently in the coming of age narrative. The weed, no. More taboo. No one chats about that.
You seem to think pot is much worse than it really is so let's compare like with like. Say you found a bottle of Jack Daniels in his room. Still not as bad as pot?

Also, do you live in America? If so, where have you been hiding? Are you aware of the fact that pot is legal in many states and more to come in the near future? Are you aware that pot legalization has been part of the national conversation for longer than your kids have been alive.
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  #73  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:50 PM
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Husband as I’ve said is in denial.
His family has addiction issues.
  #74  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:52 PM
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Yes, but obviously I disagree with legalization of pot.
  #75  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:53 PM
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LOL. It's so obvious now that this is just performance art from a troll.

You oversold it. You're not supposed to go full on loon.
  #76  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:53 PM
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Slash2k, the marijuana use disorder also has irreversible consequences
It is possible there may be, yes, but at this point you have no idea whether there will be any consequences at all, much less irreversible ones, from their use of marijuana.

However, there ARE irreversible consequences from your decision (YOUR CHOICE) to treat your kids like trash.
  #77  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:54 PM
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No one starts out with meth
Probably started with weed
See ...

Troll, only a troll would say this, in this day and age. Come on people, no one thinks this way anymore.
  #78  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:54 PM
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Husband as Iíve said is in denial.
His family has addiction issues.
OK, but denial is a pretty broad word. He's aware they are smoking, you said you found the evidence together. What is he doing? Is he talking to them about it? Is he talking to you about it? What does he say when you bring it up?
  #79  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:57 PM
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Yes, but obviously I disagree with legalization of pot.
Is pot worse than Jack Daniels (alcohol use)?
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  #80  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:58 PM
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He doesn’t like discussing it. He avoids conversation about it - like when I tell him what the therapist says, he tunes out. He wants to just bury his head in the sand and hope that they stop on their own.
  #81  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:59 PM
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Yes, pot is worse. The fact that he met the dealer in our street is bothering me.
  #82  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:02 PM
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Youíre a troll, posting for reactions. You donít believe what you say and I sincerely doubt you have any kids. Worse, youíre a boring troll. I suggest stepping up your game. Next post, try telling us youíve bricked your kids up in your basement ĎCask of Amontilladoí style. Or perhaps just nonchalantly mention youíre looking for a good place to rent a wood chipper. That kind of thing. Just donít forget the bug-eyed maniacal laughter. Thatís whatís gonna sell it.
I agree. Baking cookies Christmas morning, disowned by evening. No mother would react that way to good kids who, at worst, screwed up and did something "unforgivable." Shit, I have a kid who attended a Trump rally, and I still let her in the house. (if she admitted she voted for Trump, then sure, she'd have to go.)
  #83  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:03 PM
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Yes, pot is worse. The fact that he met the dealer in our street is bothering me.
Okay. So you object to the seediness of him getting pot from a local dealer. Is that worse than buying a bottle of JD from an older friend with a fake ID?
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  #84  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:04 PM
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Yes, pot is worse. The fact that he met the dealer in our street is bothering me.
"Dealer," that's cute.

I had a college roommate who sold pot to other students. It was a huge paid, because people were knocking on our door all hours of the day and night. I think he's a judge now.
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Old 02-06-2020, 04:04 PM
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I agree. Baking cookies Christmas morning, disowned by evening. No mother would react that way to good kids who, at worst, screwed up and did something "unforgivable." Shit, I have a kid who attended a Trump rally, and I still let her in the house. (if she admitted she voted for Trump, then sure, she'd have to go.)
You'd let her go?? Luxury!
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  #86  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:07 PM
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You'd let her go?? Luxury!
I guess I wasn't clear. I'd disown her. Immediately and without recourse. No counseling either.

Last edited by Procrustus; 02-06-2020 at 04:10 PM.
  #87  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:07 PM
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You can believe what you want, needscoffee. But prior to finding this out on Christmas Day, we had spent Xmas eve together, baking cookies, drinking cocoa and watching Christmas movies, as per our tradition.
We were a typical family. No one is perfect but we had a good time. Family vacations, get together with relatives. Sleepovers and pancake breakfasts. I donít know what void they were trying to fill.
Uh, maybe the void caused my an ignorant dipshit for a mother who flies of the rails over something so petty?
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Old 02-06-2020, 04:09 PM
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Yes, pot is worse. The fact that he met the dealer in our street is bothering me.
So if he got it legally from a dispensary, then you'd love him again?
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Old 02-06-2020, 04:11 PM
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You are either trolling hard or seriously fucked up. I hope you're trolling. But if you're not, yes you should probably stay away from your sons because they need a real parent, not an extreme thinker who believes it's perfectly fine to disown their teens because they smoke cannabis.

I'm thinking you're trolling though especially with that silly "dealer" comment.
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Old 02-06-2020, 04:12 PM
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I guess I wasn't clear. I'd disown her. Immediately and without recourse. No counseling either.
So you'd set her free, out there in the world, to vote for Trump, again?
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  #91  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:14 PM
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Ok, rushgeekgirl. You’re a mom.
How do you deal with your kids smoking weed for a year? Spending $1000 on it?
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Old 02-06-2020, 04:17 PM
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How do you deal with your kids smoking weed for a year? Spending $1000 on it?
Depends. How's the kid doing otherwise? How are his grades? Is he socially well adjusted? Does he have hobbies/interests? Play sports? Part time job? Good friends?

What else is going on with him?
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Old 02-06-2020, 04:18 PM
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Okay. So you object to the seediness of him getting pot from a local dealer. Is that worse than buying a bottle of JD from an older friend with a fake ID?
Yeah, how come going to somebody for illegal alcohol isn't going to your 'dealer' but pot sales are? It'd probably be the same classmate, anyway.

I can only assume the OP is so fucking stupid that she doesn't realize that a teenager getting alcohol is getting it from...a criminal. (And I'm not exaggerating. I'm currently defending a guy against criminal charges because he let his kids invite some friends over to have a small party where there was drinking).
Ö
By the way, as somebody who has spent many hours in a therapist's office, the advice I'm sure a trained person who be giving Declanium would be along the lines of, "Get off your cross." We called it the 'martyr complex'.
  #94  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:18 PM
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Ok, rushgeekgirl. Youíre a mom.
How do you deal with your kids smoking weed for a year? Spending $1000 on it?

Make fun of the stupid troll.
It's sounding desperate.
Time for your next sock,
this one has no credibility left.
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Old 02-06-2020, 04:25 PM
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I realize you’re probably right. I should leave the family. I can’t imagine me getting past this incident.
Yeah, you really should.

My family has always been a place of unconditional love. The one constant in my life is the knowledge that they will always love me and always be there for me no matter what I do or how badly I fuck up. And I’ve fucked up. And my other family members have fucked up even worse.

And no matter how many problems or challenges are caused by these fuck-ups, my beautiful dysfunctional family will always be my port in a storm. I can’t imagine life without them.

I feel sad and sorry for your kids. They deserve so much more.

ETA: I’m 63. Most of my friends and family members smoke weed with their adult children. It’s fun.

Last edited by Ann Hedonia; 02-06-2020 at 04:28 PM.
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Old 02-06-2020, 04:33 PM
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Yeah, ok Ann Hedonia. Another comment suggesting that smoking drugs with your kid is fun.
Not gonna happen.
Try to think of something you’re not into at all. I dunno - maybe like a church service. I could suggest to you that I go with my family to church and you might think “nope, not my bag.”
  #97  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:37 PM
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Declanium, in case you're not a troll (which is pretty questionable based on your out-of-proportion responses), you don't seem to understand how parenting works. You signed up for the job. You don't get to sign out over something like pot smoking. You're behaving like a self-centered narcissistic child.

Statistics show that the larger percentage of pot experimenters will give it up. You've ignored all the posters here who have attested to this. Grow up.

Last edited by needscoffee; 02-06-2020 at 04:37 PM.
  #98  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:41 PM
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Yeah, ok Ann Hedonia. Another comment suggesting that smoking drugs with your kid is fun.
Not gonna happen.
Try to think of something youíre not into at all. I dunno - maybe like a church service. I could suggest to you that I go with my family to church and you might think ďnope, not my bag.Ē
Iím not into church at all. Iím not a religious person and I donít believe in God. But I go to church often enough.

Because itís important to some members of my family and sometimes they want me to go, on holidays, special occasions or maybe one of them is singing or speaking. I do this because I love them and I love sharing experiences with them. Just like I might go to a movie or restaurant Iím not particularly into, because a family member wants to go. Because Love.
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Old 02-06-2020, 04:42 PM
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The thread that spawned this one in the pit is without doubt the weirdest shit I think I've ever read on this board. Maybe, MAYBE if it was 1950, I could understand the fear around the evil weed, but 2020?

Dope has been around since I was a kid. I've smoked it, lots of it in my youth, and if someone offers me a joint today I'll happily partake. But it's probably 3 years or so since I've had any, and most likely will be another few before I'll get another opportunity. Oh, by the way, I'm 59.

So Declanium, if you're not a troll, you're a very sick puppy for even considering abandoning your kids over something so fucking trivial. Grow the fuck up.
  #100  
Old 02-06-2020, 04:45 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2001
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Quote:
Originally Posted by needscoffee View Post
Declanium, in case you're not a troll (which is pretty questionable based on your out-of-proportion responses), you don't seem to understand how parenting works. You signed up for the job. You don't get to sign out over something like pot smoking. You're behaving like a self-centered narcissistic child.
This bears repeating non-stop until it sinks in
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