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  #1451  
Old 11-14-2018, 02:42 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Hey dopers of a certain age! Talk to me about dating in high school!
Is what I did "wrong"


Well Bret, I dunno that I'd call it "dating".
  #1452  
Old 11-15-2018, 04:33 AM
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MEBuckner MEBuckner is offline
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What typically happens during a church service?
Free Jeep!


The First Church of Oprah!
  #1453  
Old 11-15-2018, 05:28 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Your wallet gets stolen on vacation. How do you get home?
Is Japan really all that?


It better be, because you're not getting home!
  #1454  
Old 11-15-2018, 09:23 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Well, I'm being financially extorted
theres a war on cash ?


Yes. Cash is no longer good. Send all your cash to me, and I will direct deposit the amount into your bank account!
  #1455  
Old 11-15-2018, 09:23 AM
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Well, I'm being financially extorted

theres a war on cash ?

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'Cause my steady boy said "Avatar!" and joined the Na'avi."
  #1456  
Old 11-15-2018, 04:45 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Weird kids and funny events you remember from school
I've got camphor! What can I do with it?


Yeah, that was a laff riot, only surpassed by the time we spiked the lunchroom shepherd pie with ipecac.
  #1457  
Old 11-15-2018, 06:10 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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How do people react to the smell of food they've never had before?
I Just Got Laid Off


Well, it's probably not a good idea to tell the boss that the casserole she brought in stinks so bad, the E.P.A. will have to declare the break room a Superfund site.
  #1458  
Old 11-16-2018, 06:19 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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What actually makes a man's face handsome, or a woman's face pretty
"We are made of star stuff" - surely not all the particles?


All the good looking people's particles are.
  #1459  
Old 11-16-2018, 10:19 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Things you didn't catch until the second or third viewing of a movie.
Deviled Eggs


Thankfully they didn't break when I didn't catch them because they weren't raw eggs.
  #1460  
Old 11-16-2018, 11:57 AM
Malleus, Incus, Stapes! Malleus, Incus, Stapes! is online now
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This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife

Should we get a budgie?
  #1461  
Old 11-16-2018, 01:55 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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What Will Your Thanksgiving Be Like?
4 (four!!) Ducolax at once-colonoscopy prep-can that be safe??


Yes, but I'm a turkey and stuffing man myself.
  #1462  
Old 11-16-2018, 07:13 PM
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MEBuckner MEBuckner is offline
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Foods that make you think twice when you think/learn about what they are/how they're made...
This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife


As God is my witness, I thought the turkey had died peacefully of old age, just in time for Thanksgiving.
  #1463  
Old 11-16-2018, 07:23 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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A school shooting that DIDN'T happen
This turkey was killed by hand with a sharp knife


He just strutted into homeroom, and I couldn't stop myself...

Last edited by Jackmannii; 11-16-2018 at 07:23 PM.
  #1464  
Old 11-17-2018, 10:59 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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I love my bidet! Ever try one?
It's easier than you think! What should we try that assume is too hard?


Low-volume flush toilets. But if you're hesitant, the local community college probably offers a class.
  #1465  
Old 11-17-2018, 12:12 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Childhood Foods
Top three alcoholic mixed drinks
  #1466  
Old 11-17-2018, 01:03 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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It's easier than you think! What should we try that assume is too hard?
4 (four!!) Ducolax at once-colonoscopy prep-can that be safe??


It definitely won't be "too hard".
  #1467  
Old 11-17-2018, 01:11 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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How Many Crap Loads Go into a Shit Ton?
What's the most interesting car you saw today?


It's definitely got four wheels and flies.

I'm sensing a Sequential Threads theme-of-the-day.
  #1468  
Old 11-17-2018, 04:21 PM
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Hanna-Barbera.

Deviled Eggs

On turkey




"Great idea you had, Boo-boo, mixing this food from the pic-a-nic basket," said Yogi bear, between bites.
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'Cause my steady boy said "Avatar!" and joined the Na'avi."
  #1469  
Old 11-17-2018, 09:23 PM
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Foods that make you think twice when you think/learn about what they are/how
Poll: When is the last time you ate at Waffle House?


I mean, have you seen what those hashbrowns are actually smothered in?
  #1470  
Old 11-18-2018, 12:12 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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What is the scientific explanation for people being ashamed of nudity?
Is eating human flesh actually a crime?


Uh, these are interesting questions, but probably not a good idea to ask them at the homeowners association meeting.
  #1471  
Old 11-18-2018, 12:40 PM
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After prostate surgery...
Would you eat another guy’s mustache?


Heck, I wouldn't eat another guy's mustache before prostate surgery, either!
  #1472  
Old 11-18-2018, 02:22 PM
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Ever been to a "good" buffet?
Any birdwatchers here?


By the time I get to the four-and-twenty-blackbirds baked pie, it's usually half gone and all the juiciest birdies have been taken.
  #1473  
Old 11-18-2018, 06:55 PM
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40th anniversary of Jonestown tragedy
Unhelpful responses


"What are you doing to celebrate?" and "Is there a commemorative t-shirt?" were voted least helpful.
  #1474  
Old 11-19-2018, 11:00 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Anybody here ever visited the remote islands of St. Helena, Ascension Island or Tristan da Cunha?
D B Cooper - still?


So there's where he's been hiding.
  #1475  
Old 11-20-2018, 05:21 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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The morality of document / e-mail retention policies
D B Cooper - still?


It's not the policy of his company to ever throw away his documents!
  #1476  
Old 11-21-2018, 06:02 AM
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Channing Idaho Banks Channing Idaho Banks is online now
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  • New trans-man sex-reassignment procedure makes the surgical part a lot quicker)
  • Pitting my doctor's front office staff
  #1477  
Old 11-21-2018, 10:19 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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New trans-man sex-reassignment procedure makes the surgical part a lot quicker
SDMB Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2018


All I want for Christmas is a quick sex change

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 11-21-2018 at 10:19 AM.
  #1478  
Old 11-21-2018, 10:35 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Your wallet gets stolen on vacation. How do you get home?
Best cheap new car
  #1479  
Old 11-21-2018, 10:39 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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I Have an Awful Confession....
Who else loves Christmas horror movies?


That's awful!
  #1480  
Old 11-21-2018, 11:40 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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What was the point of a dive bomber?
Automated Scammer Responses


"So, go to the URL I gave you and make a credit card payment of $500 or the I.R.S. will seize all your assets, and...wait, is that a Stuka I hear??!?"
  #1481  
Old 11-21-2018, 10:04 PM
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Anyone use CarShield?

D B Cooper - still?
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"Blue, Navy Blue, he's as blue as he can be;
'Cause my steady boy said "Avatar!" and joined the Na'avi."
  #1482  
Old 11-21-2018, 11:48 PM
Mama Zappa Mama Zappa is offline
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The Camp Fire Thread -or- Northern Cali Is Like SOOO Hot Right Now

I've got camphor! What can I do with it?


Er.... "camphor" and "camp fire" are NOT the same thing. Really. Spreading the wrong one around California would appear to be a very bad idea.
  #1483  
Old 11-22-2018, 10:47 AM
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Hearing issues on the phone

Who should I talk to?






Unhelpful responses

Being the last poster of a thread and then it dies
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"Blue, Navy Blue, he's as blue as he can be;
'Cause my steady boy said "Avatar!" and joined the Na'avi."

Last edited by CalMeacham; 11-22-2018 at 10:49 AM.
  #1484  
Old 11-22-2018, 06:14 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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What's your usual GET A HOT MEAL ON THE TABLE ASAP meal?
Cranberry Sauce


Just plop it out of the tin and nuke it! (eww)
  #1485  
Old 11-23-2018, 09:18 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Woohoo, finally got a bag of crap!
When did the first 24/7 day anything open in your area?


Back in the '80s we could go to the 24-hour Dung-A-Rama in Toledo, but these days everyone orders shit over the Internet.
  #1486  
Old 11-23-2018, 10:56 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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I need an electrician's help
Why were gliders not invented WAY earlier?


The extension cords weren't long enough, duh.
  #1487  
Old 11-24-2018, 11:23 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Question regarding a cruel Viking practice.
Got the bill for the "free" colonoscopy screening...WTF?


Ulf told me if I liked my health plan, I could keep it.
  #1488  
Old 11-24-2018, 01:55 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Am I the only one who like their sweet potatoes UNSWEETENED?
The pumpkin pie edict.
How do you eat your turkey sandwiches the day after thanksgiving


Now I'm hungry.
  #1489  
Old 11-24-2018, 11:15 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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should we intervene with the Sentinelese under any circumstances?
Elevator Safety.


It's the Otis pledge: neither rain nor sleet nor hail of arrows will stop them from delivering a recall notice, even on 40,000 year old equipment.
  #1490  
Old 11-25-2018, 09:16 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Do you still have to pay the mortgage if your house burns down?
How long can you leave things in lockers?


I keep all my stuff in lockers so I don't have to take out a huge mortgage.
  #1491  
Old 11-26-2018, 08:01 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Cat owners: Do you always keep the toilet lid down so cat doesn't fall in?
I believe that the universe is teeming with life. What say you?


I say it's long past time for you to clean your toilet.
  #1492  
Old 11-26-2018, 08:07 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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What ethnic customs / superstitions do you follow/do?
How are school lockdowns these days?


Joyous occasions with song and merriment.
  #1493  
Old 11-26-2018, 06:57 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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When and how did green grapes get so big and plump and tight?
Is there a PVC pipe cementing system that fits this description?


Oh yeah baby, my pipe is big and plump and tight and ... green.
  #1494  
Old 11-27-2018, 06:14 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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How is someone like Christine Ford supposed to prove her case?
Simply Giving Money to the US Government.


If an investigation is blocked, try good ol' bribery!
  #1495  
Old 11-27-2018, 08:35 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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So... what's new?
Horse-drawn Wagons and Pick-up Trucks


It takes Arkansas awhile to adopt new technology, but they're rolling now.
  #1496  
Old 11-27-2018, 09:40 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Unhelpful responses
I Had a Telemarketer Hang Up On Me!


Well, that wasn't very helpful, was it?
  #1497  
Old 11-27-2018, 11:17 AM
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Do You Own a "Car?"

Ran my car over a concrete parking block
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'Cause my steady boy said "Avatar!" and joined the Na'avi."
  #1498  
Old 11-27-2018, 04:54 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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I'm going to be boarding my cat. What should I do to make it comfortable?
Stores/Merchants you stopped business with due to Moral or Political reasons


It just didn't feel right, sending Fluffy to "It's Just A Cat Fer Crying Out Loud Boarding Service".
  #1499  
Old 11-28-2018, 10:56 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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I just had Brussel Sprouts at a restaurant - how did they make them taste great?
Any Sugary Liquid That CAN'T Be Fermented?


Fermentation improves Brussel Sprouts!
  #1500  
Old 11-28-2018, 04:09 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Is it odd for an adult American to never use stove, oven, or microwave
I believe that the universe is teeming with life. What say you?


Well yeah - Norovirus, Salmonella, Clostridium botulinum and fungus have as much right to live as you, so just eat all your food raw and hope for the best.
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