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  #51  
Old 04-07-2018, 02:58 PM
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Oh, sure, remind me of my ex-wife, why don't you?

Black Panther is certainly doing well at the box office.
  #52  
Old 04-07-2018, 04:16 PM
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My god, you racist. Are you implying Black Panther shouldn't be doing well at the box office? It's 2018, not 1888!!

Just endured a power outage and I'm sure glad it's back on again now.
  #53  
Old 04-07-2018, 04:23 PM
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Dude, check your carbon footprint. You are single handedly killing the earth.



I just won $1 on a scratch-off.
  #54  
Old 04-07-2018, 09:09 PM
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Lotteries exploit the poor and the innumerate. Good job being part of opportunistic state economic oppression.

I can't find my scissors; they were right here a minute ago.
  #55  
Old 04-07-2018, 09:22 PM
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Clouds are offensive, the ones that are portrayed as being beautiful, are always white. What happened to the "last post" about clouds, anyway?

I hardly ever use coins anymore.

Last edited by jtur88; 04-07-2018 at 09:24 PM.
  #56  
Old 04-08-2018, 10:57 AM
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Spoken like a smug middle class capitalist.

My partner just made breakfast.
  #57  
Old 04-08-2018, 11:36 AM
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I guess you're going to complain about the mess in the kitchen now.


Me and the dogs had a pleasant walk this morning.
  #58  
Old 04-08-2018, 12:54 PM
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Yeah, and I bet your dogs left some unpleasant surprises for others to step in.

I sure enjoy reading my Sunday newspaper.
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  #59  
Old 04-08-2018, 02:06 PM
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Why don’t you get up and do something instead of sitting around so lazily?
I just folded a load of laundry.
  #60  
Old 04-08-2018, 02:16 PM
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Don't you know the fibers in your clothing from doing laundry make their way into the oceans and taint the mollusk populations? Thanks to you, we're all eating weird stuff with our clams! If you really cared about the environment, you'd go nude.

I'm looking forward to fresh lettuce from the garden soon.
  #61  
Old 04-08-2018, 05:37 PM
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Lettuce? You're wasting your time and your garden space planting lettuce when you could be planting crops with more nutritional value, like kale and spinach and arugula?

I've been reading about foods and their nutritional value.
  #62  
Old 04-08-2018, 06:04 PM
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Well, aren’t you quite the smarty pants? Show off much? We’re all going to die anyway, might as well enjoy what we can.

I just came back from walking the dogs.
  #63  
Old 04-08-2018, 06:11 PM
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You meany, you made those dogs wait half a day to have fun. What next? Make them beg for their food?


I just watched Ice skating. It is so beautiful to look at.
  #64  
Old 04-08-2018, 08:16 PM
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Enjoy it while you can. Thanks to global warming, the movie Ice Pirates will soon be considered a brilliant prophetic masterpiece.

I hope I get a space herpe.
  #65  
Old 04-08-2018, 09:48 PM
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Do you mean herpes, or is that some kind of snake reference? It's common courtesy to define unusual terms, jerk.

Our sons' spring break ends today.
  #66  
Old 04-08-2018, 09:49 PM
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I hope I get a space herpe.
Quote irrelevant movies that nobody's seen much?

I think I'll go to bed at a reasonable time tonight.
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  #67  
Old 04-09-2018, 08:11 AM
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Yeah, probably because you were out partying and doing who-knows-what till all hours last night.

I just finished my cancer treatment today, and have been proclaimed cancer-free!!!
  #68  
Old 04-09-2018, 09:02 AM
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Shill for Big Pharma, huh? You're what's wrong with America!

I heard Spring is finally here!
  #69  
Old 04-09-2018, 09:54 AM
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Do you believe everything you hear? Wake up, sheeple!

My feet are a little hot; I think I'll take off my shoes.
  #70  
Old 04-09-2018, 10:05 AM
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They're hot because of all the fungus and rot growing on them. Green is not an attractive color for toenails, and you probably need a spoon to clean out the jam between your toes. Hand out gas masks to those around you first. I hear you are banned in Japan.

I'm taking the family to the circus tonight.
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  #71  
Old 04-09-2018, 10:15 AM
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Introducing the kids to their relatives, huh?

I'm in such a great mood!
  #72  
Old 04-09-2018, 10:21 AM
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Talking about your "great mood" is a slap in the face to everyone battling depression. Jerk.

We had leftovers for dinner tonight.
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  #73  
Old 04-09-2018, 10:23 AM
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Leftovers, what, you can't cook?

Look, is that the sun?
  #74  
Old 04-09-2018, 11:07 AM
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Are you trying to blind me, what is wrong with you?


I finished the whole cross-word in the paper today.
  #75  
Old 04-09-2018, 12:15 PM
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Huh. The orderlies in your mental ward trusted you with a pen?

I prefer purple to green.
  #76  
Old 04-09-2018, 12:33 PM
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Well I'm red-blue colorblind, and thanks for reminding me of my disability and triggering feelings of shame imposed by the ableist power structure. Resist!

Gosh, some people are touchy.
  #77  
Old 04-09-2018, 12:55 PM
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Gosh, some people are touchy.
You misspelled Douchey. I mean, really, open a tab in your browser and check the spelling before you put it out for the whole world to see.

I can't believe it's STILL snowing out.
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  #78  
Old 04-09-2018, 04:35 PM
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You chose to live in the frigid wastes. Embrace the snow and frostbite or move to where it's warm and sunny, dumbass!

Speaking of warm and sunny, I think its gonna hit 92 here today.

Last edited by snfaulkner; 04-09-2018 at 04:36 PM.
  #79  
Old 04-09-2018, 04:52 PM
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"I think its gonna hit 92"!?! Really???? Calling the grammar police! You mean "it's" and not "its"! You mean "going too", not "gonna"! And how about "hit"? Do you really need to use language that implies violence?


My cat is sleeping on the couch.
  #80  
Old 04-09-2018, 06:52 PM
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And you are probably thinking about laying down and napping too. Go get some exercise, it’s good for you in case you haven’t heard.

I’m working a half day tomorrow.
  #81  
Old 04-09-2018, 08:10 PM
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I cannot believe how lazy some people are. Makes more work for the other guy. Have you no shame?


I made a great meatloaf for dinner.
  #82  
Old 04-09-2018, 11:08 PM
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Meat is murder. Try something soy-based next time, would you, please, you culinary criminal?

Time to clip my toenails, I think.
  #83  
Old 04-10-2018, 08:07 AM
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Ick. Is there anything worse than stepping on a clipped toenail leaving that idiots like you leave on the floor?

Try to brush and floss my teeth.
  #84  
Old 04-10-2018, 08:11 AM
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Passive-aggressive dental hygiene, huh? Guess you're so f--king lazy that you can't - or won't - do it yourself.

I like donuts.
  #85  
Old 04-10-2018, 08:16 AM
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People who use dashes in the word "sofa king," as in sofa---king lazy, are reptiles.

I like women in short skirts on ladders.
  #86  
Old 04-10-2018, 08:24 AM
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Pervert!

I took a lovely walk around the library instead of standing still, waiting for it to open.
  #87  
Old 04-10-2018, 04:40 PM
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Great, now the security has been alerted. That's gonna cost the library money for the false alarm. TAX money. Why do you hate children and learning?

How about that local sports team?
  #88  
Old 04-10-2018, 04:44 PM
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Great, now the security has been alerted. That's gonna cost the library money for the false alarm. TAX money. Why do you hate children and learning?

How about that local sports team?
You mean that relic of the gender-segregation era, which normalizes the notion that males and females can't compete with each other? I'm sure they're doing fine, reaping the profit which comes of pandering to such outdated notions, unless you're actually talking about the team relegated to the Female Leagues.

Does anyone else here still DX shortwave broadcasts?
  #89  
Old 04-10-2018, 04:55 PM
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Does anyone else here still DX shortwave broadcasts?
Shortwave radio? What are you, some kind of Communist sympathizer sending info to your buddies in North Korea so Kim knows where to aim the missiles?

I'm helping my friend quit drinking.
  #90  
Old 04-11-2018, 05:57 AM
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With a friend like you, your friend needs all the intoxicants he can get his hand on.

I finally got my desk organized.
  #91  
Old 04-11-2018, 06:52 AM
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Wow, and it only took you six months. Maybe now you can actually do some work for the company that's overpaying you.

I just got that red Ford pickup I've been drooling over. It's got 600 horsepower and I can't wait to take on those wimpy Chevies and Dodges
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  #92  
Old 04-11-2018, 08:20 AM
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Yes, I can just see you going 100 mph while texting. And if you hit someone, it will be their fault for not paying attention when they were in the crosswalk, crossing on a green light.

My employer is buying us pizza and soda for lunch. Free Food!
  #93  
Old 04-11-2018, 09:32 AM
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How is it free if someone is "Buying" it. And soda and pizza ain't the healthiest. We'll be paying your medical bills at some point, I imagine. Numbnuts.

I just got a new work laptop. So much faster than the last one.
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  #94  
Old 04-11-2018, 10:02 AM
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Ah, first world joys. Must be nice.

Katy Perry just agreed to go on a date with me! Wonder where I should take her?
  #95  
Old 04-11-2018, 11:02 AM
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"Take her"? Is she an object? A mere plaything? Do you own her? Sexist patriarchal scumbag. Yeesh.

I was just complimented on my shirt.
  #96  
Old 04-11-2018, 11:06 AM
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You actually put clothes on? In your line of work, I thought clothing was optional!


I had a pleasant meeting with my nutritionist.
  #97  
Old 04-11-2018, 11:08 AM
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nm.

Last edited by Aspenglow; 04-11-2018 at 11:09 AM.
  #98  
Old 04-11-2018, 12:37 PM
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I had a pleasant meeting with my nutritionist.
Please spare us having to hear any of the tawdry details of this tryst, or what did you call it.... 'meeting' and how 'pleasant' it was.


Yay, it's hump day! Only two more days left and then the weekend is here!
  #99  
Old 04-11-2018, 01:54 PM
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Yeah, you're looking forward to the weekend. Meanwhile, I'm dreading it because my mother-in-law is arriving Friday for what she refuses to call anything but "a somewhat lengthy visit." Thanks for reminding me of the old battleaxe!

I'm getting my niece interested in stamp collecting.
  #100  
Old 04-11-2018, 05:13 PM
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Stamp collecting? Haw Haw! She is paying the post office to do NOTHING. They sure hornswaggled her!

I sold all my possessions and gave all the money to homeless charities.
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