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  #151  
Old 07-10-2018, 12:50 AM
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... is not something I can help you with.

I can, however, help you with ...
  #152  
Old 07-10-2018, 01:09 AM
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... that embarrassing itch you are reluctant to talk about.

As for me, the last time an itch embarrassed me I solved the problem by ...
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  #153  
Old 07-10-2018, 01:21 AM
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Rolling in sand.


The Doctor told me________.
  #154  
Old 07-10-2018, 01:25 AM
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...from within a biohazard suit "you'll be just fine. Wait here for just a moment " and then nervously left.

Five minutes later...
  #155  
Old 07-10-2018, 01:55 AM
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... I left too, and went to the hospital cafeteria for coffee and a sandwich.

Nobody dropped dead, but a few people ...
  #156  
Old 07-10-2018, 02:14 AM
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...'s faces rotted off as they fled in panic.

The cafeteria potato salad...
  #157  
Old 07-10-2018, 10:07 AM
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made even the inexorably deadly pandemic all around me worthwhile. It must be the paprika.

My mom's potato salad, on the other hand, ____________________
  #158  
Old 07-10-2018, 10:10 AM
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must be what evil tastes like.

The only acceptable way to cook potatoes is....
  #159  
Old 07-10-2018, 10:10 AM
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. . . baking them.

The best book I've ever read was __________________

Last edited by Heffalump and Roo; 07-10-2018 at 10:11 AM.
  #160  
Old 07-10-2018, 10:24 AM
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'The Joy of cooking.'



My favorite chapter is 'Pies', in it I found_______.
  #161  
Old 07-10-2018, 10:26 AM
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written by Dr. Seuss.

I like to read about...
  #162  
Old 07-10-2018, 02:07 PM
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pirates in love.

I've often dreamed of sailing....

Last edited by Alpha Twit; 07-10-2018 at 02:07 PM.
  #163  
Old 07-10-2018, 07:30 PM
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...in a sea of cheese.

I arrived at the river styx...
  #164  
Old 07-10-2018, 07:58 PM
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With a bag of pretzels.



It turned into a real_________.
  #165  
Old 07-10-2018, 11:01 PM
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...pretzel styx orgy!

One of the things I learned is that pretel styx (or sticks) are useful for...
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  #166  
Old 07-11-2018, 12:42 AM
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…nostril appendages during congressional hearings.

I also use pretzel sticks ….
  #167  
Old 07-11-2018, 12:54 AM
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...in black magic blood rituals for salt replacement.

After extracting the still-beating heart...
  #168  
Old 07-11-2018, 01:16 AM
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... I passed it around so every member of the medical school class could have a close look.

While holding it, one student said, ...
  #169  
Old 07-11-2018, 08:41 AM
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"This looks just like my Great Aunt Edna's!"

When he cackled maniacally, _____________________
  #170  
Old 07-11-2018, 11:39 AM
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…Great Aunt Edna woke up in the operating room.

She screamed to her nephew,”…
  #171  
Old 07-11-2018, 12:06 PM
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. . . I just saw Heaven. Get me a pen!


She started to write ________________
  #172  
Old 07-11-2018, 01:22 PM
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...a suicide note.

But when I _____
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  #173  
Old 07-11-2018, 02:08 PM
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...explained to her that heaven had very limited seating and that she'd failed to call ahead for reservations, Aunt Edna grew furious.

"Now look here, sonny boy ___________
  #174  
Old 07-11-2018, 06:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cardigan View Post

"Now look here, sonny boy ___________
________ When there are grey skies,
I don't mind the grey skies,
You make them blue, Sonny Boy!"


"If it's Tuesday. . .
  #175  
Old 07-11-2018, 06:07 PM
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...you get cheap tacos.

On Wednesday...
  #176  
Old 07-11-2018, 06:13 PM
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It's ham for hump day. Yum.




After slicing the ham I had__________.
  #177  
Old 07-11-2018, 06:19 PM
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a craving for some pineapple.

After slicing the pineapple...
  #178  
Old 07-11-2018, 09:55 PM
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I just stare at it and wonder on the complexity.

But when it's all peeled and crushed...
  #179  
Old 07-11-2018, 10:13 PM
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I realize the error of my ways. Pineapples have feelings too.



So, I run to join the________.
  #180  
Old 07-11-2018, 10:22 PM
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...French foreign legion.

Soon I was deployed to the nuclear test site...
  #181  
Old 07-11-2018, 10:35 PM
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...where I lovingly caressed the Big Red Button until I came to my senses, and ran away with hot tears of shame running down my cheeks.

In the desert where I found myself bereft of companionship, not to mention food or water, I...
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  #182  
Old 07-11-2018, 11:02 PM
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pondered the futility of life without purpose.

As I brought the axe down again and again, fear giving way to hate and then finally to...
  #183  
Old 07-11-2018, 11:32 PM
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a realization that I now had plenty of firewood for the cold, cold winter that my friend the invisible stoat told me we should expect.

Invisible stoats aren't always the best meteorologists, but _____________
  #184  
Old 07-11-2018, 11:40 PM
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To be safe I believed. Really. I promise.


At the risk of sounding disingenuous, I further added_____.
  #185  
Old 07-12-2018, 12:41 AM
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2 and 2, and got 547.

However, when dividing, I always _______

Last edited by Mr Zox; 07-12-2018 at 12:42 AM.
  #186  
Old 07-12-2018, 12:58 AM
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... have to put myself in the mindset of a single-celled organism at reproduction time.

It's a little uncomfortable, but the good news is ...
  #187  
Old 07-12-2018, 01:07 AM
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...I save a lot of money on condoms.

I use the extra cash...
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  #188  
Old 07-12-2018, 01:37 AM
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For other lewd and lascivious fun things.



It get me in trouble everytime I_______.
  #189  
Old 07-12-2018, 06:24 AM
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listen to Beckdawrek.

The voices in my head say I should listen....

Last edited by Alpha Twit; 07-12-2018 at 06:24 AM.
  #190  
Old 07-12-2018, 09:39 AM
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to the silence where the invisible stoats roam.

Since I left the ham and pineplle behind...
  #191  
Old 07-12-2018, 10:03 AM
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....I knew there were no suitable ingredients for a pizza to be had.


If only I had some nice cooked rabbit to put on this pizza, then...
  #192  
Old 07-12-2018, 01:54 PM
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...I could feed it to unsuspecting guests.

I never knew why I could never.....
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  #193  
Old 07-12-2018, 03:18 PM
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find any unsuspecting guests, though; all of mine were 'way too suspecting.

The police generally frown at kidnapping people for your dinner parties; I should know, because ______________________
  #194  
Old 07-12-2018, 03:28 PM
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I was once a victim of circumstance.


In that case, we should_______.
  #195  
Old 07-12-2018, 03:38 PM
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...relax and watch what happens.

On, it's just one more ....
  #196  
Old 07-12-2018, 03:47 PM
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two-letter word I've sworn never to use except in Urdu. Or Sanskrit, if you ask me nicely.

As I painting toy stoats with Billy Idol last week, he said (in Urdu, oddly enough), _________________________
  #197  
Old 07-12-2018, 04:58 PM
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Don't take it so seriously.


As I tend to be uptight, I have never_________.
  #198  
Old 07-12-2018, 05:45 PM
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...jammed a red hot poker up my ass.

Life in the fast lane....
  #199  
Old 07-12-2018, 07:05 PM
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is very challenging when bowling, it surely makes you lose your mind.

Once I got a turkey...
  #200  
Old 07-12-2018, 07:24 PM
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That gobbled up my score.


So, I quit bowling and started_______.
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