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  #151  
Old 07-20-2019, 01:15 PM
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Well if that doesn't just about put the baby in the ashtray.
  #152  
Old 07-20-2019, 11:49 PM
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That guy would watch a chicken cross a road and start crying.
  #153  
Old 07-21-2019, 11:15 AM
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If somebody were bleeding out in the middle of the road, she'd be saying "But look how pretty the color of the blood is!"
  #154  
Old 07-21-2019, 02:11 PM
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You know, it's like they always say: you can bless the rains down in Africa but you can't take the antelope out of the the Serengeti.
  #155  
Old 07-21-2019, 07:53 PM
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Fish fry shit pie poke him in the middle eye.
  #156  
Old 07-21-2019, 09:23 PM
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I'm telling you she's gone completely Hagrid since she got that thing.
  #157  
Old 07-21-2019, 09:26 PM
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He's got puppy-dog eyes and a smile like a cotton mouth.

Last edited by TruCelt; 07-21-2019 at 09:29 PM.
  #158  
Old 07-21-2019, 09:28 PM
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That ole truck'll rattle you there and it'll rattle you back, but it won't stop you nowhere in between.
  #159  
Old 07-21-2019, 11:05 PM
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She's the only one here not sleepwalking.
  #160  
Old 07-22-2019, 04:56 AM
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Stick an ice cube up her ass and call the plumber.
  #161  
Old 07-22-2019, 07:33 AM
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Quote:
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He's got puppy-dog eyes and a smile like a cotton mouth.
I think we've got a winner. I really like that one.
  #162  
Old 07-26-2019, 06:55 PM
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If Twitter was scripture, we'd all be St. Paul.
  #163  
Old 07-29-2019, 03:55 PM
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Don’t whistle for a shark with a fish up your fanny.


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  #164  
Old 08-01-2019, 08:54 AM
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Just remember, 'snark' rhymes with 'fark'
  #165  
Old 08-01-2019, 06:55 PM
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He's got the nutsack of a hunchback.
  #166  
Old 08-01-2019, 07:03 PM
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There's no "O" in "versatile."
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Last edited by CairoCarol; 08-01-2019 at 07:04 PM. Reason: Broke the rule.
  #167  
Old 08-02-2019, 07:31 AM
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There's no "Y" in "unwelcome."
  #168  
Old 08-02-2019, 04:27 PM
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My grandmother's rotary phone is smarter than him.
  #169  
Old 08-02-2019, 07:33 PM
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You're smoking the wrong end of the burrito.
  #170  
Old 08-02-2019, 10:35 PM
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That ole truck'll rattle you there and it'll rattle you back, but it won't stop you nowhere in between.
I think this is my favorite so far. I can easily imagine an grandpa telling you this


That girl's got a voice on her like a cow hollering in the rain.
  #171  
Old 08-09-2019, 07:26 AM
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She had a mouth like a chainsaw.
  #172  
Old 08-11-2019, 08:12 PM
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You can suck the chocolate off all the Goobers but that don't make you queen of the valley.
  #173  
Old 08-12-2019, 12:21 AM
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The crowd scattered like horse piss on a flat rock.
  #174  
Old 08-12-2019, 08:17 AM
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He got the trots faster than a filly at Belmont
  #175  
Old 08-14-2019, 09:12 AM
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She's the kind of gal who twists Oreos counterclockwise.
  #176  
Old 08-14-2019, 02:11 PM
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Don't let the water leaking in get into your milk.
  #177  
Old 08-14-2019, 02:57 PM
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Chips in a can, chips in a bag: they're still potato chips
  #178  
Old 08-14-2019, 08:21 PM
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You can't farm turnips in a lava pit, Yolanda.
  #179  
Old 08-23-2019, 10:54 AM
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You can't farm turnips in a lava pit, Yolanda.


You’ll step on my Lego before the sun shines.


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  #180  
Old 08-28-2019, 09:37 AM
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He's a Major Tom that prefers Peter Schilling over David Bowie.
  #181  
Old 08-29-2019, 10:47 PM
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She'll pour rock salt on a lean steak.
  #182  
Old 08-30-2019, 07:30 AM
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Like serving pudding to an atheist.
  #183  
Old 08-30-2019, 08:01 AM
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You can't get maple syrup from an oak tree.
  #184  
Old 09-01-2019, 11:13 PM
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He prays to an atheist.
  #185  
Old 09-03-2019, 07:56 AM
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You gotta decide: leggo my Eggo, or be in good hands with Allstate? Can't have it both ways.
  #186  
Old 09-03-2019, 10:35 AM
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Putting Leggos on Eggos before toasting them is never a good idea.
  #187  
Old 09-03-2019, 10:44 AM
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Never dance on a ninja's grave.
  #188  
Old 09-03-2019, 10:48 AM
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Evidence gathered through the use of science is easily dismissed through the use of idiocy.
  #189  
Old 09-03-2019, 10:50 AM
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A shut mouth enhances hearing.
  #190  
Old 09-03-2019, 10:57 AM
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Half right is all wrong.
  #191  
Old 09-04-2019, 09:26 AM
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like putting a quill and a fountain pen in the same inkwell.
  #192  
Old 09-04-2019, 09:44 AM
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If it aint news, it don't dance.
  #193  
Old 09-04-2019, 10:00 AM
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That's about as kosher as a bacon and cheese bagel.
  #194  
Old 09-04-2019, 10:56 AM
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That's about as kosher as a SCALLOP, bacon and cheese bagel.
  #195  
Old 09-04-2019, 11:04 AM
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He was so slow he couldn't even catch his breath.
  #196  
Old 09-04-2019, 11:53 AM
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He’s so predictable eyes roll every he opens his mouth.
  #197  
Old 09-04-2019, 11:59 AM
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As useful as a solar-powered umbrella.
  #198  
Old 09-04-2019, 12:13 PM
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He don't know a shoe from a shit-hole!
  #199  
Old 09-04-2019, 12:22 PM
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True beauty can be seen in the dark.
  #200  
Old 09-04-2019, 12:33 PM
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Carpe gaudium-Seize the joy.
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