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Old 06-30-2018, 12:06 PM
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Finish my sentence, and start a new one!


Most of my encounters with the police _______________
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Old 07-01-2018, 12:51 AM
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Most of my encounters with the police have ended up on You Tube.

When I get really mad _______________
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Old 07-01-2018, 01:29 AM
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When I get really mad I curse.


When I walk my dogs we_________.
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Old 07-01-2018, 09:18 AM
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When I get really mad I curse.


When I walk my dogs we_________.
When I walk my dogs we both use the same hydrant.

I had to go the the pharmacy to pick up my __________.
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Old 07-01-2018, 10:55 AM
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I had to go to the pharmacy and pick up my date.

When I watch a movie_______.
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Old 07-01-2018, 04:10 PM
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I can never stay to the end due to various bladder problems.

My doctor said my bladder problems _______________
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Old 07-01-2018, 04:39 PM
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^^^^^are genetic.


My young daughter just told me_________.
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Old 07-01-2018, 04:42 PM
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"When I get old enough, I wanna marry someone just like the President!"

I have a black stapler, but I still __________________
  #9  
Old 07-01-2018, 07:15 PM
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favor my blue one.

When I get up in the morning...
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Old 07-01-2018, 07:36 PM
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...I cry myself back to sleep.

This will be the day that...
  #11  
Old 07-01-2018, 07:45 PM
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^^^^^I quit my job to write the great American novel.


I graduated from_________.
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Old 07-02-2018, 10:13 AM
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Starfleet Academy, but I've found it hasn't really helped me find a good job dirtside.

The next time I head out into space, ___________________________
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Old 07-02-2018, 10:35 AM
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I'll remember to take my bunny slippers, instant cocoa, and chewable vitamins.


If I had a hammer ____________

Last edited by Cardigan; 07-02-2018 at 10:36 AM.
  #14  
Old 07-02-2018, 11:25 AM
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I wouldn’t hammer in the morning, that’s just rude.

I really have a craving right now for...
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Old 07-02-2018, 11:32 AM
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... pickles and raspberry ice cream.

I've got an appointment with ...
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Old 07-02-2018, 01:27 PM
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the White House Communications Director, if I can just figure out who it is today.

The last time I visited the White House, ________________________________
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Old 07-02-2018, 01:40 PM
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_____was over 10 years ago.

I plan not to visit the White House again until _______
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Old 07-02-2018, 03:27 PM
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___it is a smoldering pile of wreckage.

The Alien invasion began_____
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Old 07-02-2018, 05:03 PM
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the day I was born.

It is so freaking hot outside...
  #20  
Old 07-02-2018, 05:55 PM
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...I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

I mixed my JELL-O with....
  #21  
Old 07-02-2018, 07:06 PM
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... 7-Up instead of water, and it didn't work out well.

I went to the library, but ended up ...
  #22  
Old 07-02-2018, 07:17 PM
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... in jail for lewd acts.

While in jail...
  #23  
Old 07-02-2018, 10:38 PM
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, it is generally advisable not to brag about the many profitable years you spent as a police informant.

The SDMB Postcard Exchange this summer _____________
  #24  
Old 07-02-2018, 10:50 PM
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^^^^^was quite the experience.



The last time I wrote a real pen and paper letter it was___________.
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Old 07-02-2018, 10:52 PM
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A ransom note/communist manifesto.

When I close my eyes I can...
  #26  
Old 07-02-2018, 11:50 PM
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...more easily walk into walls...with a decent excuse.

When I cover my ears...
  #27  
Old 07-03-2018, 12:45 AM
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...the voices telling me to kill grow louder.

Screaming to make them stop does....
  #28  
Old 07-03-2018, 01:04 AM
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... nothing but annoy the cat.

The last time I had a drink at a bar ...
  #29  
Old 07-03-2018, 01:06 AM
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...I wound up in jail for lewd acts.

After my second offense....
  #30  
Old 07-03-2018, 03:24 AM
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...I wound up in jail for lewd acts.

After my second offense....
I realized i needed to figure out better ways to conceal my drinking and driving.

Is that a banana in your pocket or are you...
  #31  
Old 07-03-2018, 08:52 AM
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... hugely endowed?

Is that a nose on your face or ...
  #32  
Old 07-03-2018, 11:11 AM
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are you a bird disguised as a human?

When I eat waffles...
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Old 07-03-2018, 11:55 AM
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I like to make sure each indent has its share of butter and syrup.

When the electricity goes out...
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  #34  
Old 07-03-2018, 01:44 PM
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... I stumble around in the dark, trying to find a flashlight.

While I was at the supermarket yesterday ...
  #35  
Old 07-03-2018, 01:49 PM
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...the limes and the coconuts were conspiring to overthrow the produce section.

One time, at band camp, ...
  #36  
Old 07-03-2018, 02:34 PM
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....someone dropped movie references that completely went by me.

If at first you don't succeed...
  #37  
Old 07-03-2018, 05:23 PM
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...then you suck at everything, you loser!

Asking randos on the internet has...
  #38  
Old 07-03-2018, 05:29 PM
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Led to an incurable STD, losing my home, my marriage and my car.

Nothing is better than...
  #39  
Old 07-03-2018, 06:12 PM
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^^^going to jail for a lewd act.




When I was on the witness stand__________.
  #40  
Old 07-03-2018, 06:20 PM
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...I threaten to kill the prosecutor, the jury, the bailiff, and the judge.

While in jail for contempt...
  #41  
Old 07-03-2018, 07:20 PM
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... I got a lecture from my lawyer.

It's pouring rain outside, and ...
  #42  
Old 07-03-2018, 07:27 PM
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I am going out there to play.



After I got all wet I____________.
  #43  
Old 04-22-2019, 04:03 AM
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contract pneumonia, be hospitalized for 2 months, and forced into bankruptcy.

Every other day of the week is bearable, but whenever Monday comes......
  #44  
Old 04-22-2019, 10:57 AM
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contract pneumonia, be hospitalized for 2 months, and forced into bankruptcy.

Every other day of the week is bearable, but whenever Monday comes......
I close my eyes and wish for Friday.

All my friends at the bowling alley think I'm ..........
  #45  
Old 04-22-2019, 01:18 PM
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wishing my life away.

Of course my friends at the bowling alley are all over 85 and
  #46  
Old 07-03-2018, 07:31 PM
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...contracted pneumonia, was hospitalized for 2 months, and forced into bankruptcy.


My childlike wonder has...
  #47  
Old 07-03-2018, 08:20 PM
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cost me many jobs and promotions.

When I’m near bubble wrap...
  #48  
Old 07-03-2018, 09:03 PM
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I feel compelled to pop every last damn one.

I was talking to Cecil Adams just the other day, and he told me, _______________
  #49  
Old 07-03-2018, 09:11 PM
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...to mind my own business, leave him alone, and for god's sake but on some god damn pants before he calls the cops.

My pants were...
  #50  
Old 07-03-2018, 09:39 PM
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...where they should be, which is more than I can say for yours!

The heat wave here is breaking, and ____
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