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  #51  
Old 10-23-2019, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Dinsdale View Post
Fine. You choose to post in a public forum. You don't appreciate that I perceive your post as ignorant and/or whining. Welcome to the internet.
And yet I feel comfortable to continue posting. As do you. Which, to be clear, Iím fine with. Iím not the one who said you shouldnít give "a rat's ass" if Iím "disabled." That was you. By all means, keep on posting, and let us each take comfort in our own personal evaluation of who is likely to come off as the more "ignorant."
  #52  
Old 10-23-2019, 12:09 PM
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Fine. You choose to post in a public forum. You don't appreciate that I perceive your post as ignorant and/or whining. Welcome to the internet.
Wow. Time to chill maybe. I think we all get your point but complaining about bureaucracy is a national pastime.

Last edited by TriPolar; 10-23-2019 at 12:09 PM. Reason: Someday I'll learn to spell bureaucracy
  #53  
Old 10-23-2019, 12:21 PM
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Dinsdale, STFU. Please.

OP, I understand the system has to periodically review claims, but I also have sympathy for you. Probably because I possess the ability to imagine how it must feel to be dependent on a safety net that could be snatched away at any time for bullshit reasons.

I hope your review goes smoothly.

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  #54  
Old 10-23-2019, 12:45 PM
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I hope your review goes smoothly.
It did, thank you. It was yesterday. On the bright side, one of the ongoing frustrations that I’ve been dealing with, for many months, was also settled (or at least should be).

See, I actually have to navigate two government bureaucracies, both at the federal level (not the Social Security Administration: VA and DOD). For the last year and a half, one has been saying I’ve got one condition, the other has been saying I’ve got a different condition that I personally don’t believe I have. The disagreement is based off, you guessed it, a single one-hour session with a VA representative who, after I guess only reading the top page of a massive stack of papers documenting what was then over a year of history, decided to go a different route than what the DOD had already diagnosed and documented in my medical records.

Now, the two diagnoses are "close enough for government work," the disability ratings are the same between the two departments, and the benefits are the same, but this whole time I’ve been really concerned that, since I’ve transitioned to having my care managed by the DOD to having it managed by the VA, at some point the DOD is going to pull some bureaucratic nonsense and say "Oh, well, I see you’re no longer being treated for X, so I guess you’re no longer disabled." To which I fear my protestations of "but I am still disabled, it’s just that the VA is calling it Y instead of X: the treatment is the same." To which, knowing bureaucracies, I fear I’ll get the "Boo-freaking-hoo!" response (hat-tip Dinsdale).

Oh, and as an added bonus, since it’s a dual bureaucracy, I will still, at some as yet undetermined point, have to do a re-evaluation with the DOD, on top of the one I just did with the VA, and since they don’t seem to be following their own time table (my DOD re-evaluation should have been last month), I am too damn terrified to even leave my apartment for more than a couple days because god forbid I finally get a letter in the mail tomorrow telling me I’m to report for re-evaluation next week, but I don’t get it for a week and a day, because, oops! I decided to go on vacation. While I’m sure there’s a super-efficient and fair appeals process if that’s the case, in the meantime, as that appeal is pending, I suspect they'll just cut, cut, cut and come back with another "Boo-freaking-hoo!" (again, hat-tip Dinsdale).

Last edited by ASL v2.0; 10-23-2019 at 12:48 PM.
  #55  
Old 10-23-2019, 12:46 PM
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I've come across a more than a few people who believed that unless i was actively "fighting" against my spinal cord injury, every day, all day, then i had somehow "given up" on my life. This is so fucking grating and bass-ackwards. The idea that a life can be well-lived without standing on two feet is just utterly impossible for some to fathom.

And this impossible to fathom reality is done no favors by the mass media. Anytime a spinal cord injury is featured in a movie or show, etc., 9 times out of 10, it shows some person "not giving up" and "defying their doctors" and getting up and walking again! This just perpetuates the false notion that willpower can somehow "beat" a spinal cord injury. It can't. There currently is nothing that can beat one. The true grace lies in finding your place in life irrespective of physical constraints.
  #56  
Old 10-23-2019, 01:35 PM
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Dear, dear Nava,

The disabled, no matter what the disability, are always going to be treated like imbeciles. As a rule the ones who do the most and loudest "treating" are generally just a few IQ points above actual imbecility.

I have been sorely tempted, when treated like a drooling idiot because of my hearing disability, to turn to the perpetuator and say, "Hey, I'll match IQs with you any day!"

My children just grab the back of my shirt, tug gently, and say, "C'mon, Mom, let's go."


~VOW
This fondly reminds of my first Halloween post-injury, 19 years ago. I was just a few months out of the hospital and already being overwhelmed by the way i was treated as if i was a drooling imbecile with the agency and brainpower of a mentally deficient 5 year old.

But my dark and sarcastic sense of humor was still alive and kicking and my idea for what i wanted to be for Halloween that year reflected the ways in which i felt i had been treated. I was going to be "Wheelchair Superman" (aka Retarded Superman). I was going to dress as the superhero, while being pushed by a "nurse" (a friends costume) and when i came to the door, I'd yell inappropriately loudly, "Twick ohh Tweeet!" And I'd get giant helpings of candy from people with giant smiles on their faces saying things like "oh well arent you an inspiration!"

Sadly, after attempting my lines a few times in practice, i realized i could not play the mentally deficient Superman with a straight face. I busted out laughing every time i tried the "Twick ohh tweeet!"
  #57  
Old 10-23-2019, 04:14 PM
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Fine. You choose to post in a public forum. You don't appreciate that I perceive your post as ignorant and/or whining. Welcome to the internet.

I also perceive our current "disability" systems - the programs themselves, not solely the misuse and abuse of them - as HUGELY problematic, yet insufficiently discussed. So post provided me the opportunity to express some of those views. You invited people to share their similar frustrations. Sorry my response is not what you desired. Again, welcome to the internet.

Hey, let me give you a scenario. I KNOW I'm a good driver. Some years ago, I passed some tests, and was given a license. Haven't gotten any tickets or in any accidents for some time. You know what is outrageous? Every once in a while I have to go back and get my license renewed! Sometimes, I even have to take a test, to justify that I still am capable of driving adequately! The horrors! And the administrative waste!
Where do you live that you have to retest for your driver's license?

In Texas, I haven't had to get re-tested yet, and it's been 42 years since I took the written test, and 41 years since I took the driving test.

I have to go in every few years, because my looks change (so they need to get a new picture), and my eyesight changes.

And yes, eventually, some people's ability to drive well erodes over time.

But do you want to walk into the DMV and have someone say that you can't drive because you drove around the parking lot with them, and they don't like the way you breathe? Or would you want to deny you a driver's license based on your eyesight, when your optometrist says your eyesight is good?

Would you like it if you were randomly pulled over and had a police officer give you a vision test?

How would you feel if a sixteen year old gave you your driving test?

I think these are closer to what ASL v2.0 and other people with disabilities who are constantly battling bureaucracies just to survive have to deal with.
  #58  
Old 10-23-2019, 05:18 PM
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Deafness is invisible. Too many people think the auditory nerve is somehow connected to the intellectual portion of the brain. (I don't remember that being taught in any anatomy class)
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Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
When I had the cast on my arm, people treated me like I was mentally disabled. I don't know how putting a cast on my arm would make my IQ get lowered by about 80 - 100 points.
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Originally Posted by dorvann View Post
My mom is elderly and has bad knees and back. So I usually have to push her around in a wheelchair when I take her to appointments and out in public. A lot of people address me when asking questions about her instead of her herself. They just assume because she is elderly and in a wheelchair that she must be senile or intellectually impaired. It's really annoying.
Welcome to my personal little slice of "heaven" any time I am in my wheelchair, whomever is with me gets spoken with over my head/past my face ... as if I were a 200 pound sack of cement being pushed around in a chair ...
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  #59  
Old 10-23-2019, 05:42 PM
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I've come across a more than a few people who believed that unless i was actively "fighting" against my spinal cord injury, every day, all day, then i had somehow "given up" on my life. This is so fucking grating and bass-ackwards. The idea that a life can be well-lived without standing on two feet is just utterly impossible for some to fathom.

And this impossible to fathom reality is done no favors by the mass media. Anytime a spinal cord injury is featured in a movie or show, etc., 9 times out of 10, it shows some person "not giving up" and "defying their doctors" and getting up and walking again! This just perpetuates the false notion that willpower can somehow "beat" a spinal cord injury. It can't. There currently is nothing that can beat one. The true grace lies in finding your place in life irrespective of physical constraints.
I had a disabled employer for a bit who once replied to a patronising 'Awww, I'm sure you'll walk again soon!' with 'I hope not, this chair's brand new, and it was bloody expensive. I want my money's worth'. Their expression was priceless.


I think a lot of those people are basically just scared. The idea that someone could have a lifelong condition, especially one that could just happen suddenly) and there's nothing they can do about it is terrifying. Hence the fucking annoying idea that anyone with a lifelong condition could 'cure' it, but isn't trying hard enough. That way, people can reassure themselves that if it happened to them, they'd be able to fix it.
  #60  
Old 10-23-2019, 06:09 PM
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A couple days ago I had an elderly couple come through my check out line. They're a couple of my "regulars" and like to chat. The wife is on supplemental oxygen and, as we were having a LOT of power outages in the area due to a storm I said I hoped she had power. She said, oh, we have a back up generator and then we're off discussing that, I asked if she did her own maintenance or had a service... and then her husband, who happens to be respirator-dependent, rolls up in his wheelchair and says he'll start loading the cart. So I start handing him the bags of groceries (I already knew to pack them lightweight for these two) and he's loading the cart. Occasionally I have to lean closer to hear him because there's a lot of background noise in the store in the afternoons, his voice is soft, and to be honest my hearing isn't what it used to be. Which is fairly typical of these folks, but honestly, some folks wig out seeing a guy in a wheelchair hooked to a ventilator loading a shopping cart - even more so when he and his wife pile a few bags of groceries onto the footrest of his wheelchair and he can still proudly carry his wife's groceries out to the car for her but this week they had a little bit too much for that trick.

Which is sort of how things SHOULD be, but all too often aren't.

The problem isn't always the disabled person - it's not unusual for other people around them to be the obstacle. The attitude that oh, the guy in the wheelchair shouldn't be carrying the groceries. If he wants to and can do it then let him! First time someone in a chair or using a walker or crutches or other mobility aid comes through my line I'll ask if they need help getting their stuff to their car. Yes? I'll call someone. No? OK, go for it. And if someone who appears healthy says they need help I don't question it, I get them some help, because I can't diagnose a bad back or shoulder injury or whatever by eyeball.

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I think a lot of those people are basically just scared. The idea that someone could have a lifelong condition, especially one that could just happen suddenly) and there's nothing they can do about it is terrifying. Hence the fucking annoying idea that anyone with a lifelong condition could 'cure' it, but isn't trying hard enough. That way, people can reassure themselves that if it happened to them, they'd be able to fix it.
Yeah.

There's a lot of fear.

I've worked for deaf people and blind people. I married a guy with spinal damage. I don't want to be disabled, but I've absorbed the notion that it doesn't have to be the end of the world and in fact you can have a very good life even with extra obstacles and annoyances. Would a cure for X, Y or Z be great? Sure! But I don't see any gain from putting one's entire life on hold waiting for it. I think I would just HAVE to do something in the meanwhile other than just waiting.
  #61  
Old 10-24-2019, 09:39 AM
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Blah-blah-blah. You don't have to "justify your disability" - unless you are asking for something from someone. Who do you have to "justify your disability" to and for what? And how do you define "disability?"

I, for one, couldn't give a rat's ass whether you perceive yourself as "disabled" or not.
While you are generally free to express your opinion on the topic, this post and many of your subsequent post are taking things way too far, to the point where you are basically harassing the OP. This thread is about venting frustrations, it's not a debate about disabilities. Feel free to start your own thread if you'd like, but don't threadshit and don't belittle the OP.
  #62  
Old 10-24-2019, 09:41 AM
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Dinsdale, STFU. Please.
Don't tell others to STFU in MPSIMS. Even if you say Please.
  #63  
Old 10-24-2019, 09:57 AM
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I got the different reaction when I messed up my left hand. People were telling me to go for disability, based on the hand and my general quirkiness. Hey, it was my left hand and I've been weird all my life. I can work and I want to work, and you're telling me to live on the government's dime? One of the main things in my life that makes me feel good about myself is the ability to take care of myself by myself and you want to take that away? BULLSHIT!

Of course, I proved them wrong by taking a temporary part-time holiday job as a store cashier six years ago. Yes, I am now permanent and full time.
  #64  
Old 10-24-2019, 12:32 PM
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My late spouse was told several times in his life he made a mistake by not going immediately onto disability but rather trying to work for a living. He was told this by people whose job it is do evaluate people for benefits. So... is it any wonder, with that sort of advice from professionals, that some people do opt for disability first and rehab second?

Meanwhile, my spouse is trying to get a job but getting turned down, setting up his own business when he couldn't get hired, and so on.... but still being told he's being a fool for doing so.

I think he was happier being employed, and later being an entrepreneur, even with all the downsides and problems.

Hey, you just can't win.
  #65  
Old 10-24-2019, 02:24 PM
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I've had customers who have stated "I don't want small talk" when I'm ringing them up. In which case I nod and say nothing other than "Here is your change, have a nice day" at the end of it all.
I'm sorry, I find this a little rude (not you, Broomstick, the customer). The cashier is performing a service for me, standing up for an eight-hour shift or whatever, the interaction is at most five minutes (unless it's the monthly grocery shopping), why can't the customer be at least a little nice? To dump your milk and eggs on the belt and brusquely tell the employee "No small talk" seems high-handed, like you're treating the cashier as a peon rather than a fellow human being. I've worked in retail. Getting snapped at by customers can be very draining. A little "Fine, thank you" and "Yes, I found everything" can go a long way.

It doesn't cost anything to be kind.
  #66  
Old 10-24-2019, 03:17 PM
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No, but some people can't bring themselves to expend even a minimal effort to be polite, much less kind. So I will try to get through the transaction with as little friction as possible.

Also rude are people who are talking on the phone the entire time to someone else. In fact, I can find them more irritating than people who are just silent.
  #67  
Old 10-24-2019, 03:27 PM
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I was going to be "Wheelchair Superman" (aka Retarded Superman). I was going to dress as the superhero, while being pushed by a "nurse" (a friends costume) and when i came to the door, I'd yell inappropriately loudly, "Twick ohh Tweeet!" And I'd get giant helpings of candy from people with giant smiles on their faces saying things like "oh well arent you an inspiration!"
Was this before Handi Man?
  #68  
Old 10-25-2019, 09:48 AM
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No, but some people can't bring themselves to expend even a minimal effort to be polite, much less kind. So I will try to get through the transaction with as little friction as possible.

Also rude are people who are talking on the phone the entire time to someone else. In fact, I can find them more irritating than people who are just silent.
I'm a store cashier who loves interacting with children. However, if the child doesn't respond, I immediately shut up. No sense forcing the kid to talk to me, basically a stranger.

As for the device junkies, I gave up that battle a long time ago. Some people are just addicted to technology, and cannot leave it alone for two minutes! I once had a customer complain to the manager because she was texting while standing on my line, and I called her to the register instead of patiently waiting for her to finish sending her '"important" text.
  #69  
Old 10-25-2019, 11:00 AM
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When I worked fast food a family came in one day with a child who.was in a wheelchair and had difficulties speaking. The kid was the only one ordering so I paid attention to the kid and after a bit of frowning on my part and requests to repeat the order I got it right. One of the adults came up to me later and thanked me for focussing on the kid and not turning to an adult and asking.

That made me re-evaluate how I dealt with disabled people before ( not the best) and made me much more aware of how I deal now. Although I still want to scream "out your damned hearing aids in!" to an elderly regular who we all know has hearing aids but refuses to wear them for whatever reason .
Major props to you for how you handled the kid.

I might subtract a few points on the hearing aid perception, though. I'll add them back in because you apparently kept your remarks to yourself.

Hearing aids do NOT correct hearing loss as effectively as glasses correct vision. With glasses, I can see 20/20. Without them, I run into walls.

I have the most powerful hearing aid on the market, and I'm still woefully hearing impaired. A hearing aid gives amplification, and I use the help along with lip reading and nonverbal cues. I still miss a lot.

Older people suffering a hearing loss due to aging buy in to all the hype by hearing aid distributors. They may even shell out mega bucks to get the little bitsy ones that nobody can see. And far too many people get those snazzy numbers, put them in their ears, and find they do NOT hear like they did when they were eighteen.

So they throw them in the sock drawer and say the Hell with it.

Or they wear the hearing aids for a couple of days and find the damned things hurt. And they toss them in the sock drawer.

Added note: if your hearing aid hurts, go back to the dealer and get it adjusted. It can take several trips before it fits just right.

And for the love of everything holy, NEVER tell a person to "turn up your hearing aid." Instead, make sure you are facing the hearing-impaired person. Speak slowly, maybe raise your voice a little bit, don't chew gum while you are talking, and be patient.


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  #70  
Old 10-25-2019, 11:08 AM
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I'm a store cashier who loves interacting with children. However, if the child doesn't respond, I immediately shut up. No sense forcing the kid to talk to me, basically a stranger.
I agree, that's different. But the paying customer shouldn't be dismissive.
  #71  
Old 10-25-2019, 12:24 PM
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I agree, that's different. But the paying customer shouldn't be dismissive.
A customer doesn't owe the cashier small talk just because they need to buy something. It's just as rude to engage a captive audience in conversation as it is to let the engager know they'd rather not chat with a stranger. "And how's your day going today?" I answer "Fine". Then come more questions. Or commenting on my purchases. It's invasive. Sorry the corporate policy makes them do it, but I don't have to play along. I'm not rude about it, but I can see why people are.

Last edited by needscoffee; 10-25-2019 at 12:24 PM.
  #72  
Old 10-25-2019, 12:36 PM
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While it's not bad enough to count as a disability, I am slightly hard of hearing and have tinnitus. No one has any mercy for the slightly hard of hearing. SO many times when I ask for something to be repeated , someone gets huffy and says "I KNOW you heard me! Don't pretend otherwise!" Or I'll ask "what was the first part?" because people start talking and I have to focus to understand them, so I hear every word BUT their opening. Naturally they always repeat their last few words, never the part I specified. Or "You're not paying attention! You're lazy/don't love me/are disrespectful!"

It's minor, but people often literally refuse to believe I missed something for physical reasons and get mad at me.
  #73  
Old 10-25-2019, 01:08 PM
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Holy crap! Does the person who says "You don't love me!" know that you are slightly hard of hearing and have tinnitus?
  #74  
Old 10-25-2019, 01:54 PM
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Holy crap! Does the person who says "You don't love me!" know that you are slightly hard of hearing and have tinnitus?
They may not say it, but they sure ACT like it!

Even my own family members sometimes do the big sigh with eyeroll that says, "Oh here we go again!"

If I'm in a bad mood, I sometimes interject, "You know, I didn't create my hearing problem specifically to annoy the shit out of you!"


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  #75  
Old 10-25-2019, 04:15 PM
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We've discussed cashier interactions before. I'm not a big fan, but usually am able to avoid being rude. One problem at the grocery store is that cashiers do occasionally make mistakes. Some items get rung up twice, or the price is different than posted. Or, at least before cashe was dispensed via machines, they occasionally forgot to give us our cash-over-purchase. And sometimes baggers damage our purchases.

I tend to make an effort to smile and exchange pleasantries w/ strangers and/or store personnel. In fact, I am easily drawn into such chitchat. But right at checkout, I'm really most interested in getting out of the store quickly, with correct cash changing hands, and with my purchases in good shape.

I fully appreciate the challenge of a cashier whose employer requires that they do something that this customer does not welcome. I'm very happy to say, "Yes" when asked if I found everything I wanted. But Ireally don't want to discuss my weekend plans, some upcoming game, or really - even the weather.
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  #76  
Old 10-25-2019, 07:19 PM
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Holy crap! Does the person who says "You don't love me!" know that you are slightly hard of hearing and have tinnitus?
Hearing loss is an invisible disability and all too often if people can't see what's wrong they don't believe there's anything wrong.

I'm starting to get the age-related hearing loss (I joke my ears need bifocals) and it's frustrating. Background noise makes it very difficult to understand conversation at times, and I really have to focus. I focus so hard that sometimes I don't hear the PA system paging me. I've been telling folks that I'm starting to have trouble with this, but coworkers half my age just don't get it.

I've also learned how to turn on closed captions on Netflix, Amazon Video, and my TV.
  #77  
Old 10-25-2019, 09:00 PM
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Thank GAWD for captioning!


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  #78  
Old 10-26-2019, 04:15 AM
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IANA Hard of hearing, but I've had quite a few people get huffy at me or at other coworkers because they'd come up to us, stand in a location which was about as close or as far from several of us, started talking, and whomever was being addressed only realized we were being addressed when that mouthful of nothing ended in "...so what do you think, Nava?" "Uh... about? I'm sorry, I was preparing this document..."

The idea that "only because you decide to talk to me doesn't mean I've got a sudden urge to focus all my loving attention on you" seems to be incomprehensible to some people.
  #79  
Old 10-26-2019, 10:45 AM
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But there are situations, as Dinsdale points out, when the person with the disability is seeking an accommodation, benefits, etc. where there is a requirement to justify their position.
I think he/she gets that part; people with disabilities are still allowed to feel frustration, though. Having to explain why they need understanding or accommodation is a chore, and it never ends. And people with disabilities know that the people they're speaking to will never fully understand or appreciate the challenges they're going through.
  #80  
Old 10-28-2019, 02:42 PM
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Hearing loss is an invisible disability and all too often if people can't see what's wrong they don't believe there's anything wrong.
But if someone is in the position of saying "You don't love me!" it seems they would know of the hearing loss.
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Old 10-28-2019, 03:09 PM
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Originally Posted by manson1972 View Post
But if someone is in the position of saying "You don't love me!" it seems they would know of the hearing loss.
IME....
I wear my hearing aid all day, at work and at play. At home in the evening I like to take my shoes off and remove my hearing aid. It fits well, but it's a foreign object in my ear canal and it's relaxing to take it out and allow the canal to air out.

From my gf's POV it can seem like I don't care enough about what she is saying to wear it. From my POV if what she is saying is worth me hearing, she can turn up her volume a bit, from sotto voce to fortissimo.
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Old 10-28-2019, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
From my gf's POV it can seem like I don't care enough about what she is saying to wear it. From my POV if what she is saying is worth me hearing, she can turn up her volume a bit, from sotto voce to fortissimo.
Sure that seems similar. And if I were in your position and someone had the nerve to say "You don't care about me/you don't love me enough to wear your hearing aid", I'd just be out of there.

I don't need that kind of pressure
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Old 10-28-2019, 03:30 PM
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But if someone is in the position of saying "You don't love me!" it seems they would know of the hearing loss.
But again. They also have to believe the hearing loss is there. Some people are going to do anything to make themselves be on the victim side of the drama triangle including choosing to not believe when someone says they have hearing problems or other health issues.
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Old 10-28-2019, 04:05 PM
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But again. They also have to believe the hearing loss is there. Some people are going to do anything to make themselves be on the victim side of the drama triangle including choosing to not believe when someone says they have hearing problems or other health issues.
Fair enough. Thanks for the link too. It's interesting.
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Old 10-28-2019, 08:54 PM
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I've set a personal goal to be out of this dump by New Year's, come hell or high water. The management says, "No, we have to be sure that you can take care of yourself completely first. If you don't you will be doing it against medical advice and are likely to never be able to get into a nursing home ever again."

"So, I'll get to where I was a year ago, without the broken foot and and frostbite, and get a Hoveround for when I need to go longer distances, like at my daughter's wedding."

" No, we need you to be walking, not on a scooter. "o

Since I don't qualify for more physical therapy paid for by Medicaid/Medicare they are willing to infantilize me rather than allow me to plan my own future.
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Old 10-28-2019, 09:09 PM
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they infantilize me.
Consider it a super special elite club that you're in and it might be a bit easier to live with. 😕 Or it might not. That's when you start beginning each day with 100 repetitions of, "I am Dropzone and I am worth it", in front of your mirror. 😄
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Old 10-28-2019, 09:23 PM
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I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.
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