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  #551  
Old 08-09-2018, 08:02 AM
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Dear Cottonelle, I am going to press charges if I catch you asking my little kid how her butthole feels.
  #552  
Old 08-09-2018, 03:00 PM
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Approximated transcript:
See? I made a metaphor! I'm very clever.

It's a simile, douchebag.

Well played.


I'm really beginning to hate that phrase as much as I hate that toolbag.
  #553  
Old 08-09-2018, 03:08 PM
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Approximated transcript:
See? I made a metaphor! I'm very clever.

It's a simile, douchebag.

Well played.


I'm really beginning to hate that phrase as much as I hate that toolbag.
What teenager is obsessed with European cinema?
  #554  
Old 08-09-2018, 03:14 PM
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What teenager is obsessed with European cinema?
The ones with boobies.
  #555  
Old 08-09-2018, 03:18 PM
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What is it about DirecTV and asshole football fans?

Get DirectTV & NFL Sunday Ticket and be assholes to your kids!
This one is even worse, for me:

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/dBVc/directv...t-life-lessons

It's a black man who starts out as if he is going to have "the talk" with his son. Instead, he mouths platitudes for about 15 seconds, so he can rush off and watch football. Something about it being a black man and his son just makes it multi times worse than it would have been otherwise.
  #556  
Old 08-09-2018, 03:24 PM
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Is it just me or is Go Your Own Way a slightly inappropriate song for COPD medication?
  #557  
Old 08-09-2018, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Dung Beetle View Post
Dear Cottonelle, I am going to press charges if I catch you asking my little kid how her butthole feels.
Yes, they're skating pretty close to the edge, there.

(By the way, your avatar is very nice--there was some anxiety about what it might turn out to be, in the "I turned on avatars today" thread in About This Message Board. https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...7#post21136167 )
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Last edited by Sherrerd; 08-09-2018 at 06:55 PM.
  #558  
Old 08-10-2018, 10:00 AM
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Ha! Thanks for pointing that out. They weren't wrong to be concerned.
  #559  
Old 08-10-2018, 05:44 PM
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This one is even worse, for me:

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/dBVc/directv...t-life-lessons

It's a black man who starts out as if he is going to have "the talk" with his son. Instead, he mouths platitudes for about 15 seconds, so he can rush off and watch football. Something about it being a black man and his son just makes it multi times worse than it would have been otherwise.
There's a variation with a woman who looks to be Hispanic or maybe Indian-from-India and her daughter, and they run to the living room and watch a movie.
  #560  
Old 08-13-2018, 08:38 AM
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Snuggle Fabric Softener, love doesn't stink unless you use the song from the J. Geils Band. You can't just bastardize a Nazareth song. Well, apparently you can, because you did, but I want you to know that I strenuously disapprove.
  #561  
Old 08-13-2018, 11:29 PM
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There's a Progressive (I think) ad where a group of people in white aprons are rehearsing "Heaven Is A Place On Earth". I haven't paid enough attention to find out what, if anything, that has to do with the ad.
  #562  
Old 08-13-2018, 11:35 PM
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There's a Progressive (I think) ad where a group of people in white aprons are rehearsing "Heaven Is A Place On Earth". I haven't paid enough attention to find out what, if anything, that has to do with the ad.
They don't sing to Jamie's level of appreciation till they hold on to the Progressive pricing tool.
  #563  
Old 08-14-2018, 09:35 AM
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Approximated transcript:
See? I made a metaphor! I'm very clever.

It's a simile, douchebag.

Well played.


I'm really beginning to hate that phrase as much as I hate that toolbag.
I just don't understand how they think that ratfaced asshole helps them sell their product.
  #564  
Old 08-14-2018, 09:47 AM
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Maybe this belongs in the Game Room, but there is some battery commercial where the guy's mouse battery dies while he is drafting his Fantasy Football team, and they go on and on about the horrors of automatically drafting a kicker...in the seventh round. I guess I'm not enough of a sports guy to understand why that's a bad thing.
  #565  
Old 08-14-2018, 11:57 AM
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Approximated transcript:
See? I made a metaphor! I'm very clever.

It's a simile, douchebag.

Well played.


I'm really beginning to hate that phrase as much as I hate that toolbag.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick Kitchen View Post
What teenager is obsessed with European cinema?
What the hell does phone service have to do with ice cream?
  #566  
Old 08-14-2018, 03:04 PM
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Maybe this belongs in the Game Room, but there is some battery commercial where the guy's mouse battery dies while he is drafting his Fantasy Football team, and they go on and on about the horrors of automatically drafting a kicker...in the seventh round. I guess I'm not enough of a sports guy to understand why that's a bad thing.
Most fantasy drafts go between 12-15 rounds (depending on the size of the league), so your drafting a dude that either is the last pick of the draft (or never drafted at all) right in the middle.

Still stupid? Yup. But kinda logical at the same time
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  #567  
Old 08-14-2018, 04:09 PM
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Someone made an entire thread to ask about the kicker commercial.

Wherein I asked "Are there fantasy football pools where IF YOU DON'T CLICK YOUR MOUSE at an exact time, you'll be given a bad kicker?" Doesn't sound at all logical.
  #568  
Old 08-14-2018, 04:35 PM
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I want to thank Liberty Mutual Insurance for dialing the obnoxious up to 11 with their new "jingle":

Liberty liberty liberty.....

...Liberty


Now I never have to be worried about the temptation to buy an auto policy from them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Biggirl
Is it just me or is Go Your Own Way a slightly inappropriate song for COPD medication?
You wanted this instead?
  #569  
Old 08-14-2018, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Sir T-Cups View Post
Most fantasy drafts go between 12-15 rounds (depending on the size of the league), so your drafting a dude that either is the last pick of the draft (or never drafted at all) right in the middle.

Still stupid? Yup. But kinda logical at the same time
OK thanks. I had no idea how many rounds a draft was, and I thought 7 seemed far enough into it that drafting a kicker would be that big a deal. Now, automatically drafting a kicker in the second or third round, that I could see as a problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by digs View Post
Someone made an entire thread to ask about the kicker commercial.

Wherein I asked "Are there fantasy football pools where IF YOU DON'T CLICK YOUR MOUSE at an exact time, you'll be given a bad kicker?" Doesn't sound at all logical.
Thanks digs I didn't know there was a whole thread about that ad. I'll have to check that out.
  #570  
Old 08-14-2018, 05:13 PM
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I want to thank Liberty Mutual Insurance for dialing the obnoxious up to 11 with their new "jingle":

Liberty liberty liberty.....

...Liberty


?
You are not alone. In fact you are the third person in this thread to complain (I was the second).
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  #571  
Old 09-26-2018, 03:52 PM
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"It's possible to be injured during intercourse. If your erection is curved, you may have Peyronie's disease, which is treatable."

Thank you very much for that information on network TV.
  #572  
Old 09-26-2018, 06:51 PM
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Oh hey, it's a commercial featuring a female engineer!! Awesome!! Except that it's for a laxative. WTF???

Also, Chick-Fil-A can stop it with the family night commercials already. Yeah, it's a sweet and wholesome story, but it doesn't make up for the fact that the company has donated to some very bigoted causes.
  #573  
Old 09-26-2018, 07:43 PM
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That Chevy guy in all of the "these are real people" commercials has one of the top ten punchable smarmy faces in the world today. If there had been any chance of me getting a Chevy before, the association with him would have killed it anyway.

Last edited by wolfman; 09-26-2018 at 07:43 PM.
  #574  
Old 09-26-2018, 08:28 PM
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There’s a new hotels.com commercial with Captain Obvious where he’s got a pony and says “he’s just a little horse.” Oh, so we’re just going to straight up rip off Top Secret! now?
  #575  
Old 09-26-2018, 09:28 PM
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There’s a new hotels.com commercial with Captain Obvious where he’s got a pony and says “he’s just a little horse.” Oh, so we’re just going to straight up rip off Top Secret! now?
That joke has been around since about the 14th century. "Prithee, varlet, he is just a little horse".
  #576  
Old 09-26-2018, 10:21 PM
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That joke has been around since about the 14th century. "Prithee, varlet, he is just a little horse".
Doesn’t make it any less annoying for me.
  #577  
Old 09-26-2018, 11:52 PM
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That Chevy guy in all of the "these are real people" commercials has one of the top ten punchable smarmy faces in the world today. If there had been any chance of me getting a Chevy before, the association with him would have killed it anyway.
As opposed to fake people?
  #578  
Old 09-27-2018, 09:27 AM
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There's a variation with a woman who looks to be Hispanic or maybe Indian-from-India and her daughter, and they run to the living room and watch a movie.
Another stupid variation -- two kids are running a lemonade stand and mom comes out with a crazed expression on her face and pours all the lemonade into one giant cup so they can go inside and watch football. But the kicker is that it's an absolutely beautiful day and mom is dragging the kids inside to sit on the couch and watch TV. That's CPS level of bad parenting.
  #579  
Old 09-27-2018, 09:45 AM
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Another stupid variation -- two kids are running a lemonade stand and mom comes out with a crazed expression on her face and pours all the lemonade into one giant cup so they can go inside and watch football. But the kicker is that it's an absolutely beautiful day and mom is dragging the kids inside to sit on the couch and watch TV. That's CPS level of bad parenting.
I think about mentioning this one every time it comes on. It makes me mad. The two kids are doing something that will teach them about money, customer service and work. And something that doesn't involve electronics. And the mother wants to drag them inside to watch TV. Yeah, yeah, I get that the advertiser is a satellite provider, but it still ticks me off every time I see it.
  #580  
Old 09-27-2018, 11:59 AM
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Any commercial with a blaring trumpet/bugle playing reveille. Obnoxious.
  #581  
Old 09-27-2018, 07:31 PM
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How about annoying local commercials? First Citizens Bank has a series running now that features various bank executives talking about various topics, none of which I can remember because I'm so distracted by the extreme close-ups used to focus on the people. The camera is zoomed into each person that their face is only visible from the eyebrows to mid-neck. The commercials are otherwise well-produced, and are in a high enough definition that you can practically make out nose hairs.

Food Lion is running one now in which a young male cashier narrates an increasingly alarmed-looking woman's shopping trip, announcing each item to the store as she places it in her cart. It's never explained how he knows which items she's selecting.

Last edited by Jeep's Phoenix; 09-27-2018 at 07:33 PM. Reason: I watch local TV news in the morning during breakfast...they show a lot of ads.
  #582  
Old 09-27-2018, 09:26 PM
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Any Sprint commercial with those creepy robots that take everything literally.
  #583  
Old 09-28-2018, 07:14 PM
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The one that is bugging me lately is the one where the guy is on the top level of an (empty) parking garage then manages to bootstrap an entire car, starting with his earphones or sunglasses or something.

The song is catchy though, so I avert my eyes and just listen.
  #584  
Old 09-28-2018, 09:30 PM
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Any one of the series about Jack's Balls.. There are about five, and they're all the same lame assed joke.

Woohoo you almost said "balls". Wow, that might have been funny when I was in high school, but probably not. At least in the 70s you really couldn't say "balls" (in that context) on TV.
  #585  
Old 09-28-2018, 10:26 PM
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the Charmin commercial with the bears arguing who gonna pick up the kid bears ad the kid runs in picks them up and proceeds to do a dance around the room shaking his butt singing about how his heineys clean its Charmin clean ……..
  #586  
Old 09-28-2018, 10:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Just Asking Questions View Post
Any one of the series about Jack's Balls.. There are about five, and they're all the same lame assed joke.

Woohoo you almost said "balls". Wow, that might have been funny when I was in high school, but probably not. At least in the 70s you really couldn't say "balls" (in that context) on TV.
did you read the comments on the vid ?

heres a few gems :

"Good for Jack having the balls to put this bowls add up. Whole nation is a bunch of snowflake hyper-sensitive pussies. "

"Not the whole nation, just a minor group of really vocal hypersensitive snowflakes that literally haven't a sense of humour and would feel offended by the most benign stuff. The likes to dislikes ratio proves that. "

"Hilarious! Any overly-sensitive, handwringing, SJW ninnies that are actually "offended" by this humorous ad need to grow up, get a set of BOWLS yourself, and get a life! "
  #587  
Old 09-29-2018, 02:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Just Asking Questions
Any one of the series about Jack's Balls.. There are about five, and they're all the same lame assed joke.

Woohoo you almost said "balls". Wow, that might have been funny when I was in high school, but probably not. At least in the 70s you really couldn't say "balls" (in that context) on TV
.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nightshadea View Post
did you read the comments on the vid ?

heres a few gems :

"Good for Jack having the balls to put this bowls add up. Whole nation is a bunch of snowflake hyper-sensitive pussies. "

"Not the whole nation, just a minor group of really vocal hypersensitive snowflakes that literally haven't a sense of humour and would feel offended by the most benign stuff. The likes to dislikes ratio proves that. "

"Hilarious! Any overly-sensitive, handwringing, SJW ninnies that are actually "offended" by this humorous ad need to grow up, get a set of BOWLS yourself, and get a life! "
It could've been worse. The ads also could've had Jack trumpeting his revolutionary additions to his fast-food menu as a "bowl movement". (Maybe they'll do that in the next series of ads.)
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Old 09-29-2018, 12:10 PM
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the Charmin commercial with the bears arguing who gonna pick up the kid bears ad the kid runs in picks them up and proceeds to do a dance around the room shaking his butt singing about how his heineys clean its Charmin clean ……..
I like the ending of the one commercial with the bears sitting on the couch and caressing the Charmin' and one of the bears says, "OK, this is getting a little weird."
  #589  
Old 09-29-2018, 01:01 PM
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Keegan Michael Key being a dick to everyone while staring at his phone for ESPN+ is getting on my nerves.
  #590  
Old 09-30-2018, 02:27 AM
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did you read the comments on the vid ?

heres a few gems :

"Good for Jack having the balls to put this bowls add up. Whole nation is a bunch of snowflake hyper-sensitive pussies. "

"Not the whole nation, just a minor group of really vocal hypersensitive snowflakes that literally haven't a sense of humour and would feel offended by the most benign stuff. The likes to dislikes ratio proves that. "

"Hilarious! Any overly-sensitive, handwringing, SJW ninnies that are actually "offended" by this humorous ad need to grow up, get a set of BOWLS yourself, and get a life! "
Are you simply pointing out the utter uselessness of youtube comments, the coarsening of American culture, or are you calling me a hypersensitive snowflake?

Just asking.
  #591  
Old 09-30-2018, 02:38 AM
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the first two...….sorry I didn't specify ….
  #592  
Old 09-30-2018, 08:59 AM
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As opposed to fake people?
Progressive has an ad that pokes fun at those Chevy ads, starting with Jamie and a couple other folks in a small room and the caption "Real actors not people."
  #593  
Old 10-01-2018, 06:42 PM
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Quote:
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Liberty insurance's ads with people who don't know how insurance works lecturing us on it
Recent installment in the series: "Your insurance company raises your rates over a scratch so small you could fix it with a pen..." Laaadyyyy, if it's a scratch so small you could fix it with a pen, FIX IT WITH A PEN, don't file an insurance claim! Never heard of deductibles?



(and as mentioned before, "accident forgiveness" simply means you start off already paying an additional charge)

Last edited by JRDelirious; 10-01-2018 at 06:44 PM.
  #594  
Old 10-01-2018, 07:27 PM
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That fucking woman is still sneezing onto her friend's windshield. God, I hate that commercial.
  #595  
Old 10-02-2018, 03:23 PM
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Quote:
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Recent installment in the series: "Your insurance company raises your rates over a scratch so small you could fix it with a pen..." Laaadyyyy, if it's a scratch so small you could fix it with a pen, FIX IT WITH A PEN, don't file an insurance claim! Never heard of deductibles?



(and as mentioned before, "accident forgiveness" simply means you start off already paying an additional charge)
I hate those Liberty commercials, too, but my take on that one is that the OTHER car has the invisible scratch.
  #596  
Old 10-02-2018, 08:08 PM
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Yeah, that Liberty "just a scratch!" commercial always makes me go . I've been in one of those situations in which the offending party looked at my vehicle and said "Oh, you can't even tell it was hit, and it was low speed, so it's just fine!" Total damage, parts and labor: $900 (in 1999 or so).
  #597  
Old 10-03-2018, 01:57 PM
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Has anybody been watching those Gorilla Glue commercials with that giant CGI ape? It reminds me of Gorilla Grodd from The Flash.
  #598  
Old 10-08-2018, 03:29 AM
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I think I know now why I came from a cold, unloving family. We didn't pop open enough canned dough, sing Kumbaya around the kitchen table, smiles and giggles aplenty as we blew kisses at each other in a golden circle of light. Pillsbury Crescent Rolls are going to transform the place you live into a wonderland of a loving caring home. Who'd a thought?? This unctuous commercial really piles the schmaltz on!
  #599  
Old 10-08-2018, 08:39 AM
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I would love to see a realistic version of that commercial...

Whoever is making the biscuits spends several minutes beating the peeled can against the counter in a vain attempt at breaking the seal, then finally resorts to using a knife. Since the can wasn't opened correctly, the outer dough layers are damaged, and cannot be formed into perfect little crescent shapes. This becomes a problem during baking, as the damaged rolls are just thin enough that they finish baking too soon, and stick to the pan. Once this problem has been discovered, someone has to locate a suitably strong spatula to chisel the offending rolls off the pan; the spatula, apparently being made of something resembling leaf spring material, launches one of the biscuits into the air, which catches the attention of the family dog, who immediately bolts forward and grabs the hot biscuit in midair. Several minutes of shouting and wailing ensue as various family members are concerned that the dog has seriously injured herself on the hot food; the dog (who is just fine) is too focused on the oven to notice the commotion, and will from this point forward associate the appliance with food occasionally soaring into the air for her consumption.

Based on a true story.
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Old 10-08-2018, 09:03 AM
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The one that is currently driving me nuts is an animated ad for some brand of margarine where the mom comes home and the dad and kids are chowing down on the cookies she made for a bake sale. So she has to hurry up and bake another batch. The margarine in the ad is pre-softened to expedite her cookie baking, because y'know you can't just put a stick of marg in the microwave for 45 seconds on "soften" setting to soften it up. But then when she pulls the bake sale cookies out of the oven, dad and the kids yell "cookies!" Like they didn't already get enough from the first batch they ate, and have completely forgotten about the bake sale, and apparently think she made another batch just for them. Because, I don't know, they're brain damaged or something...?
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