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  #51  
Old 04-30-2018, 08:15 PM
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I don't believe it's uphill both ways.
Sure it is, and in the snow too.
  #52  
Old 05-07-2018, 10:56 AM
Poysyn Poysyn is offline
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Slow and steady, right? The ride to work (when I got the right way), is 14 miles - and today it took 1 hour 28 minutes (I did have a swampy part I had to walk my bike around). So far I have come almost face to face with a lovely doe and a family of geese (squee! yellow, fuzzy goslings!). I found it a bit less soul-destroying this morning, which is very nice since last week was really, really hard.

Tonight I will probably hit the pool a bit - I am really gaining a lot of speed (and I kicked the snot out of my workout partner). Tomorrow will be CrossFit and maybe a bike ride home. I am down TWO pants sizes, so officially in the single digits.
  #53  
Old 05-07-2018, 01:19 PM
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If you're going to come across cute baby animals then we're going to have to apply the rule...

Congrats on your progress to date!
  #54  
Old 05-07-2018, 05:15 PM
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The little geese are adorable, aren't they?

Keep up the good work!
  #55  
Old 05-08-2018, 12:50 PM
Poysyn Poysyn is offline
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The little geese are adorable, aren't they?

Keep up the good work!
They are! I will add, I tend to think "Don't worry Momma and Poppa, I am not going near your babies..."

I don't want to get flattened by an angry gander. I can't wait to see the hundreds of babies that will be out there soon - then I will definitely have to take a few pics.

I went swimming last night too, not too long about 30 minutes - I was tired. I also find the first few laps in the pool are always super panicky. The smell of the chlorine is very triggering. That is a little sad, since I used to associate that smell with fun swimming.

Anyway, I am hoping with more positive exposure, I can get it under control. No good to be having a panic attack in the pool!
  #56  
Old 05-08-2018, 03:41 PM
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I can't wait to see the hundreds of babies that will be out there soon ...
We in Northern Illinois, where they will take up permanent residence, don't share your enthusiasm.

I have faith that you can conquer your demons. Yay you!
  #57  
Old 05-09-2018, 06:45 AM
N9IWP N9IWP is offline
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I've been threatened by geese on the side of a bike trail. Hissed like mad and started to flap at me:

Something like this:
https://goo.gl/images/Y3KZv2

Brian
  #58  
Old 06-05-2018, 01:05 PM
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No new updates, sorry - I have been remiss. I started trying to bike to and from work - with the exception of the last leg home. I don't mind it as much on the way, but it's not a dedicated bike path, and it's rural, so I don't always feel very safe.

Luckily just before that stretch is a bus stop, so I can throw my bike on the rack and bus the last 4km. I am still pretty slow (my fastest time so far was about 20km in 1:17). I need to get that way down, obviously. So I will keep grinding and adding sprint training. I have been cursing less on my rides, so that is a marked improvement . No Geese have attacked, but I did have one of those little black and red birds fly directly in front of me the other day - not uncommon, I understand.

Archery - we are doing point of focus training which is both super frustrating and super encouraging. I am definitely getting more accurate (and badass), but like anything, it takes time. I am by nature not a super patient sort, but you can't rush this. It's all such tiny little adjustments. Once we get accurate at 18m, we move outside to work on it out there, which will start things a bit over again. This still remains the most likely place for me to medal.

Swimming - I have a wicked flutter kick and my technique seems really good, now I just need to build speed and endurance, so I am starting to work in the 50m pool at least once a week. This is my second best chance at a medal.

Wheelchair basketball - Still just SO fun.

Generally, my days are working out, interrupted by daily life. It's nice to have gotten to a point where I can really pretty much eat what I want, but it turns out you don't want as much crap when you have just cycled 40kms
  #59  
Old 06-05-2018, 02:07 PM
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Awesome update. Thank you, and continued luck. We're proud of you.
  #60  
Old 06-19-2018, 12:09 AM
Spectre of Pithecanthropus Spectre of Pithecanthropus is offline
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  #61  
Old 06-19-2018, 12:13 AM
Spectre of Pithecanthropus Spectre of Pithecanthropus is offline
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Flip turns are a bitch.
They sure are. When I used to have access to a lap pool I could never really do them without getting water up my nose. I finally saw someone who was doing a sort of sideways half of a flip turn, so I started doing that. If you're only swimming for exercise purposes it's probably good enough.
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  #62  
Old 06-29-2018, 12:44 PM
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They sure are. When I used to have access to a lap pool I could never really do them without getting water up my nose. I finally saw someone who was doing a sort of sideways half of a flip turn, so I started doing that. If you're only swimming for exercise purposes it's probably good enough.
I gave up and got a nose plug. Thankfully no suicide turns needed for backstroke!

So, this is a bit of an update, some positive, some very sad. Two weeks ago, my Step-Dad, Brian (we called him Bubba), went into the hospital with exhaustion, heartburn, stomach upset - turns out he had a heart attack the week before. Since he had pericarditis in 2005, he had some nerve damage so he did not feel it the way one would normally - he thought he pulled a muscle golfing.

An EKG showed blockage in all arteries (100, 90 and 90) and they discussed a bypass. Since his pericardium had been removed, they opted for a stent procedure. He was in great spirits, and the last thing I said to him was that I had signed him up for the Manitoba Marathon that weekend, so he better heal FAST.

The doctors said they had never seen a stent procedure go that bad that quickly. He aspirated just prior to being woken up and was intubated. His heart just could not pump enough - his feet began getting mottled and black, within a few days, kidneys showed signs of failing, and he showed infection and sepsis. Every time they turned down the sedation, he would begin to arrest.

My Mom put a DNR in place, but discussed "giving him one more chance" when they attempted again to wake him up. They did, but it was no use. 13 June 2018, he passed away.

He was so much more than a Step-Dad. Some of you know that my former spouse was pretty toxic and mentally and emotionally abusive. Bubba was, in many ways, a surrogate Dad to my daughter. He loved her so much, and had been in her life since she was born.

This was a devastating loss.

Darby and I flew home 16 June, the service was 23 June. It was beautiful. We returned home to Ottawa this past Tuesday (26 June).

I did not train while I was away, although I intended to - it was just too hard to leave my Mom.

It was an incredibly hard few weeks, so much all at once (Darby had a very bad thing happen at school, I had some issues and dog issues). We are all exhausted - I even have a miserable summer cold!

Now, the good:

I will be back at this next week - I did pick up my new road bike yesterday. It is BEAUTIFUL. More updates next week.
  #63  
Old 06-29-2018, 01:18 PM
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I am so sorry about Bubba. Hugs to you and your family.

Now you're picking up right where you left off. He's so proud of you.
  #64  
Old 06-29-2018, 03:07 PM
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I'm so sorry about Bubba. My condolences to you and Darby.
  #65  
Old 06-29-2018, 10:22 PM
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My condolences about Bubba. I'm sure he is missed!
  #66  
Old 08-07-2018, 01:00 PM
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Training Camp 2 is DONE!

The good - the camp was in Halifax, and although I am a prairie girl, born and raised, there is something about the East Coast that just calls to me. Darby came with me, so this was her first trip to the East Coast, and luckily she also loved it.
We found out which supplier will be providing all of our team gear - UnderArmour - so that is awesome, since I have always liked their stuff. Another amazing thing is that Swimming Canada sent everyone on the swim team some gear, including caps with our name and the maple leaf for Canada. Got some chills getting that - guess it is too late to back out? They made a big point that we "got the same gear that the Olympians get" - hopefully some of that speed will rub off on us.
We were invited to a banquet at a nearby legion, and they had a bagpiper "pipe" us in, which is a very special honour. I also had a random lady approach me at a store and thank me for being on the team. There was a big media announcement for us, if you Google Invictus Canada, you should be able to pull some stories (my computer here won't let me link...).

The bad - I had no hot water to my shower the whole week - so it was either icy showers or shower at the gym. On Wednesday, one of my female teammates let us use hers. Shower rooms are a bit tricky for me, so this was the best option. My Archery coach changed EVERYTHING on me, glove to tab, add a sight, mouth anchor to chin anchor and carbon to aluminum arrows. This sucked because I was shooting pretty well, and then everything went into the toilet. I know I will adjust, but it was a bit of a blow to my confidence.

The ugly - wow, this trip was fraught with a lot of triggers and emotional lows. At first I thought it was just me, but asking around a LOT of people were feeling it. I guess realizing the Games are less than 100 days away (69 as of today) is a lot to hoist aboard. My right shoulder has been bugging me, so far not enough to derail anything, but it is getting a bit worse. I have an appointment to get it looked at. I had a complete breakdown in the pool (locker room, chlorine, all triggers), and I just kind of tried not to sob for a while. It was just overwhelming emotions, missing Bubba, feeling weak, already edgy...

So, now what?

I stepped up my training some more - gotta get the pool stuff under control. I FINALLY rode my Road Bike - I tried it a few weeks ago, and it scared the hell out of me. Yesterday, Darby and I went for a short ride (10kms), and I rode Poltergeist (that's what I call it, because she scared me). That sucker is so light - hills are about a million times easier! That said, those slicks are NOT made for gravel and I could not just zip the downhills on the path. I am excited to take it to work and see what it can do on the paved paths - but of course it is rainy the next few days (due to the lack of grip on the tires, rainy conditions are NOT optimal).
Brought CrossFit Endurance into the mix, so yesterday was:

Bike (10km)
Crossfit (mostly pull-ups and kettlebell stuff)
Swim (450m)

Hybrid (Benedict Arnold) is in getting a new chain, cassette and brakes . More biking in the immediate future. Archery tomorrow night. Crappy sleep last night - nightmares. Regular nightmares though, not PTSD nightmares - so still a win!
  #67  
Old 08-07-2018, 01:08 PM
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I've just been wondering how this is all going. I really empathize about the scary bits. Both the triggering and getting closer to the event. Have they given you any advice or counseling on how to get through that? Do you have any resources?

I am so proud of you. I intend to brag relentlessly, even though our connection is only through the Board.
  #68  
Old 08-07-2018, 01:10 PM
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Just following along and wishing you all the best.

You've got this nailed!
  #69  
Old 08-07-2018, 01:25 PM
Nawth Chucka Nawth Chucka is offline
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You're doing a fantastic job w/ all that's coming at you and then some! I also tend to nightmares in recent years and find that when I meditate myself to sleep rather than letting my mind wander into dozing I have fewer upsetting dreams (though a shorter sleep overall). Brains are funny things.
Keep up the hard work, I can't wait to hear how it pays off!
  #70  
Old 08-07-2018, 09:14 PM
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I've just been wondering how this is all going. I really empathize about the scary bits. Both the triggering and getting closer to the event. Have they given you any advice or counseling on how to get through that? Do you have any resources?

I am so proud of you. I intend to brag relentlessly, even though our connection is only through the Board.
My counselor and I are working on it - really I need to train physically as well as mentally anyway so I am committed to spending more time in the pool (HERE’S PRUNY FINGERS AND TOES!).

Happy to connect in real life - sort of...are we friends on FB? We can be - drop me a PM with your email.
  #71  
Old 08-18-2018, 03:25 PM
Northern Piper Northern Piper is online now
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Here's two articles about the Canadian contingent, including one big, blurry photo of Team Canada at Halifax. I assume Poysyn is in there somewhere!

Members of Team Canada announced for 2018 Invictus Games in Australia

Wounded soldiers gather on Parliament Hill for Invictus Games ceremony
  #72  
Old 08-21-2018, 11:01 AM
Poysyn Poysyn is offline
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I am!

I am the redhead in the skirt (that makes me sound very film noire).

I had a really, really bad day yesterday. Ride 37kms, but did not make it to the gym or the pool. Was ridiculously triggered and edgy all day. Got some really crummy news too - I had a few business friends that wanted to donate to help offset the cost of my equipment (about $3000 out of pocket). I was told that the not-for-profit we were working with did directed donations.

I asked back in March.

Yesterday I found out that nope, they don’t. I have been trying to find a solution, so far, no ideas...

Last edited by Poysyn; 08-21-2018 at 11:02 AM.
  #73  
Old 08-21-2018, 12:29 PM
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Go Fund Me - post it here and other places (after asking the mods, of course). I would be glad to chip in. I'm sure others would as well.
  #74  
Old 08-21-2018, 11:54 PM
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Go Fund Me - post it here and other places (after asking the mods, of course). I would be glad to chip in. I'm sure others would as well.
Awww - thanks!

It actually worked out - I have a sponsorship, so I am doing a triathlon with her company’s name on my shirt and will happily make a thank you video. Almost makes me feel like I am some big time pro or something .

Ultimately, I am still out of pocket - but that is okay. I don’t know if I would feel right asking the Dope for money. Dopers have, through the years, been a great and supportive online tribe. A few times that money was bad, they helped (once with an inflatable pool for my then-toddler when ours was stolen), and always with a listening ear (even if just to tell me I am being an idiot).

This isn’t like a medical bill or groceries. This is for my daughter and I to go on an amazing adventure. It would be wrong to ask you guys to fund it - like I would be taking advantage of that weird kinship.

I am young(ish) and reasonably healthy (PTSD aside), and I have nothing to whine about - that’s for sure.

Yesterday was a very low day. I had a few big triggers sweep in and take all of the wind out of my sails, so the money thing was the proverbial cherry.
  #75  
Old 09-25-2018, 05:23 PM
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Wow. I can’t believe in a month it will nearly be over. It is just so hard to wrap my brain around it even now.

So, last week was officially the first time in a 50m pool and boy is it different! I literally stopped and looked up thinking “Where is the f***ing wall?!” Yep, I was halfway. 50m is far. At first, I once again felt discouraged - Boy do I get DOWN on myself! But I was chatting with another teammate and he was struggling more than I was, he smiled and said “The way I look at it, my family gave up a lot so I could follow my dream and serve in the military. Now I am returning the favour with this trip. I want them to have an epically good time!”

I want my daughter to be proud of her Mom, and know that PTSD, while pretty devastating, can be managed.

The week or so has been intense. So much about rape and sexual assault rolling around. It’s good though - normally all of this thinking goes on inside, and if we want things to change, the conversation needs to happen.

I am putting the finishing touches on my proposal for the Canadians Armed Forces - I find out around the end of October if I was successful. That would mean a whole different job, and I would be creating a new training program. Very exciting stuff.

I am trying to both enjoy the experience and get ready for AFTER THE GAMES. I want to maximize my opportunity, and really get the most out of it, at the same time, I have made a ton of progress physically, I need to keep going! My waist is down about five inches, I am down three sizes. I am strong and I can do things. Things that seemed pretty impossible.

CBC came and did a three hour long interview with me. That will run sometime close to the Games, so if you ever had a burning desire to see what I look like and sound like (except Leaffan, since you know) this is your chance!

My archery took a hit, since I had to re-configure for a tab, aluminum arrows, sight and anchor point. My bike had a mishap (front brake flew off mid-ride, I caught it like a GODDAMN NINJA), and swimming, well we will see. I felt super slow, but my 50m time, even super slow was 57secs. Not bad. :)

Staging camp is 14 October. I am planning for a spa day on the 13th. We will need it. :)
  #76  
Old 09-25-2018, 07:23 PM
Das Glasperlenspiel Das Glasperlenspiel is online now
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Well, there definitely has to be an Ottawa Dopefest when you return triumphant from the Games!
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  #77  
Old 09-25-2018, 08:39 PM
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Well, there definitely has to be an Ottawa Dopefest when you return triumphant from the Games!
Hear hear!
  #78  
Old 09-25-2018, 10:37 PM
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That would be wonderful
  #79  
Old 09-26-2018, 05:28 PM
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So happy for you!!
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Old 09-27-2018, 08:17 AM
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So, last week was officially the first time in a 50m pool and boy is it different! I literally stopped and looked up thinking “Where is the f***ing wall?!” Yep, I was halfway. 50m is far.
Yep, that's pretty much what everyone says when they get in to a 50m pool. Hell, I still say it for the first few laps in a 50m pool since I'm used to the 25m pool. It's even worse when you are doing butterfly or something else, but that usually changes to "Why the fuck did I decide to do this?"

So enjoy your "Why am I fucking doing this?" time at the games.
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Old 10-02-2018, 06:10 PM
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Last week was so hard. I didn’t really feel comfortable enough posting it super openly, so instead I am tucking this in here.

Ahem - so, a lot of you know that my injury (PTSD) was caused by sexual assaults. Yep. That is a plural. Most of them have happened in the time I have been in uniform. This does not mean, in any way, that the men (and women) I serve with are slathering rapists. On the contrary, the vast majority are consummate professionals, truly my brothers and sisters.

But. But...my path has unfortunately crossed with a few predators over the years. The ones that happened when I first joined, I did not report. There were many reasons, I did not think I would be believed, as well as I saw what happened to the women that reported. They were ostracized. They were blamed. They were pariahs.

It was easier, so I thought, to “roll with the punches”.

Last week, I saw an incredibly brave woman testify to a wall of men about a terrible and traumatic event. So many people asked, “Why did she wait so long?”

Because she did.

Because she felt she would not be supported before.

I know I waited. I waited until one was ready to make the jump to a very high rank, and another to a very high appointment. And then I came forward.

So last week was very hard.

I am master of my fate, I am captain of my soul.
  #82  
Old 10-02-2018, 06:36 PM
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You've been nothing but brave and professional as long as I've known you. You reached out to me when I was having trouble coping.

Through various posts here, on social media, and in private messages you've been a rock and an inspiration. I personally have learned much from you and feel I am a better person for having made your acquaintance. I have come to understand more clearly how victims of sexual assault feel and how very difficult it is to carry that weight.

I wish you success in everything in life.

Thank you.
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Old 10-02-2018, 06:53 PM
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Thank you
  #84  
Old 10-02-2018, 07:18 PM
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Hello super ninja! What you are doing is incredibly hard, physically and mentally. I admire you for putting yourself out there, and being open about an issue that is very personal. You are a role model for others that they can get through the dark times, whether or not they ever come forward.

Last week was horrid on so many, many levels. I empathize with how triggering it all was. I still feel like hiding and/or killing something, mixed with overwhelming despair.

Good for you for pushing forward. It makes me smile that this positive action is happening despite all of the negatives in the world right now. {{{hugs}}}
  #85  
Old 10-02-2018, 10:29 PM
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So last week was very hard.



I am master of my fate, I am captain of my soul.

You are also an inspiration.
  #86  
Old 10-02-2018, 10:37 PM
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Thank you
Thank you, for your strength and your heart.
  #87  
Old 10-17-2018, 02:13 AM
Northern Piper Northern Piper is online now
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Teams have started arriving in Sydney; I assume Team Canada and Poysyn are en route!

JORDAN, DENMARK AND UK TEAMS ARRIVE FOR INVICTUS GAMES
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Old 10-17-2018, 02:41 AM
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You've been nothing but brave and professional as long as I've known you. You reached out to me when I was having trouble coping.
Same here. Thank you again, Poysyn.

I saw the Canadian team on the news tonight. It was a wide shot, showing everybody, and all I could think of was "Poysyn's in there somewhere."

Gosh, those first two paragraphs were easy, but I've spent that last fifteen minutes trying to compose a third. I've typed, and deleted, and typed and deleted, and it always comes out sounding trite and banal, so I've deleted again. So let me just say, "Good luck in the Games."
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Old 10-17-2018, 10:17 AM
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I was going to say "Good luck and make us proud!"

But you've already done that!

So, heaps of good luck and have fun!
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Old 10-18-2018, 05:03 AM
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Well...if you ever wondered what I look like, wonder no further. I will say the reporter had to lift two assaults form my story - one is still technically “an open” investigation, and the other, they did not have room. It is fine, the point is made.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calga...ames-1.4864833

We arrived in Sydney this morning and I think even my toenails are exhausted right now! I have held on all day and it is nearly time to go to bed!! I am SO EXCITED TO SLEEP IN A BED!!

I will post more about the first days tomorrow. Goodnight all
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Old 10-18-2018, 05:39 AM
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We arrived in Sydney this morning and I think even my toenails are exhausted right now! I have held on all day and it is nearly time to go to bed!! I am SO EXCITED TO SLEEP IN A BED!!
On more than one occasion, I flew Toronto-Honolulu-Sydney-Perth. Everything is exhausted. I saw my bed in Perth, and just went plop, basically for the next 12 hours.

Give it a couple of days, and you'll be fine. And if you can, enjoy Australia while you're there--it is a fascinating country, and one I would like to return to someday.
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Old 10-18-2018, 09:35 AM
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I know you can't hear them from Over There so I'm not going to try to yell loud enough, but count yourself cheered on from France, both for the Games and for your work with Operation Honour.

*give us a P...*
  #93  
Old 10-19-2018, 11:50 PM
Poysyn Poysyn is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 6,145
Opening ceremonies tonight, and I start off with cycling. I am super grateful that I signed up for it - I have developed a love for the bike commute, and, every so often, I do something like go down a hill or dodge an obstacle and my mind goes back to when I was a kid and riding your bike felt like freedom and my mind goes “WHEEEEEE!”

BUT...I won’t get a medal for my cycling. I am a probably average cyclist, and I understand at least one country has two former Olympians in their ranks.

FINAL BUT...I am so happy for remembering the “Wheeeee!” feeling, and I know next summer I will do a few triathlons, so cycling is a SUCCESS.

WHEEEEE!
  #94  
Old 10-20-2018, 01:31 AM
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Sunny Daze Sunny Daze is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Bay Area Urban Sprawl
Posts: 11,141
Best of luck! I'm rooting for you!
  #95  
Old 10-22-2018, 07:43 AM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Orlando(ish)
Posts: 21,775
So damn proud of you!
  #96  
Old 10-22-2018, 11:09 AM
Quartz Quartz is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home of the haggis
Posts: 29,626
Well done just for getting there and the very best of luck in the races.
  #97  
Old 10-24-2018, 08:24 PM
Poysyn Poysyn is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 6,145
So...my journey got cut short. My mom’s condition went downhill much faster than anyone anticipated, and they had to pull me back. I just got into Ottawa, and will be flying to Winnipeg tomorrow.
Fingers crossed I can make it in time.
  #98  
Old 10-24-2018, 08:31 PM
Typo Knig Typo Knig is online now
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Obama Northern VA
Posts: 2,372
Oh, Poysyn I am so sorry about your Mom's condition. I wish you and yours all the comfort and support you need.

We are all very proud of what you have accomplished. You and your fellow competitors represent the best.
  #99  
Old 10-24-2018, 08:36 PM
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Leaffan Leaffan is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 23,565
I'm very heartbroken for you. I have no words.

I'll be in touch by PM.

You've been an inspiration to us all, and will continue to be an inspiration. <3
  #100  
Old 10-24-2018, 11:04 PM
Nava Nava is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Hey! I'm located! WOOOOW!
Posts: 39,718
Sorry about your mom, Poysyn.
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