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  #12001  
Old 09-25-2019, 09:42 AM
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The last straw was when Subway Sandwich Shops introduced a new Crazy Vagrant and Urine Smell sandwiches.
  #12002  
Old 09-25-2019, 09:50 AM
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The musical Urinetown was originally called "Urine Smell," and the producers wanted to use room spray that smelled like urine and sell it at the theater. Actors Equity peed on the idea.
  #12003  
Old 09-25-2019, 10:27 AM
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The sequel to Urinetown was Urine Trouble, which was a comedy about prostate problems.
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Old 09-25-2019, 05:55 PM
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This was part of a planned series of 26 plays that were all titled with puns on Urine/ You're In. However the anonymous playwrights, only known to their publisher by the pseudonyms "Sakkar Cox" and "Fagh Bashir" disappeared, with only a tentative title for the third installment, "Urine Over Your Head", as their legacy.
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Old 09-26-2019, 09:45 AM
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There was also supposed to be a crossover musical "Urine Avenue Q" but that one was X-ed out. And rumor has it the creative team tried to get the rights to "Urine Sesame Street" as a followup, claiming "It has a score by the man who wrote Frozen, and it has puppets." But Henson Productions replied "Are you F-ing Crazing?"
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Old 09-26-2019, 02:54 PM
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Sesame Street was a very different show when it premiered. Oscar was tomato red, Big Bird was white, with a brown beak, and Bert and Ernie were less ambiguously gay.
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Old 09-26-2019, 05:30 PM
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Tomatoes are poisonous. It took hundreds of years of people eating them and dying before we became immune to them.
  #12008  
Old 09-26-2019, 07:24 PM
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A tomato once turned me into a newt!










I got better.
  #12009  
Old 09-27-2019, 09:18 AM
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Newt Gringrinch is actually THE Grinch. (Wait a minute! This is FALSE trivia)

Donald Trump once turn Hillary Clinton into a lesbian. For twenty minutes.

She got better

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 09-27-2019 at 09:18 AM.
  #12010  
Old 09-27-2019, 10:19 AM
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During her 20 minutes as a lesbian, Hillary Clinton had an affair with Melania Trump. The resulting child, Melillarany, has been sequestered in the Clinton's attic ever since.
  #12011  
Old 09-27-2019, 10:43 AM
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Melillarany has company in the attic, Bilnica Lewinsky-Clinton is also there.
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  #12012  
Old 09-28-2019, 10:06 AM
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Donald Trump only acknowledges Ivana, Marla and Melania as his legal wives. He forgets about Chris, Cathy, Cary and Cory, the four Dollanganger quadruplets he married to get a hold of their Forworth fortune by declaring them dead, and then hiding them like Flowers in The Attic.
  #12013  
Old 09-28-2019, 10:35 AM
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Cory Dollanganger was the inventor of the electric pennywhistle stoat. It was never mass produced.
  #12014  
Old 09-28-2019, 12:25 PM
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Any product labelled "Mass Produced" has to be made in Massachusetts.
  #12015  
Old 09-28-2019, 04:17 PM
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The Massachusettes were a high-kicking men's chorus line that was the inspiration for New York's Rockettes.
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Old 09-28-2019, 08:49 PM
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The first Rockettes were launched in China by entertainment Mongol Chin Wag.

Last edited by Darkon; 09-28-2019 at 08:50 PM.
  #12017  
Old 09-29-2019, 08:45 AM
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Chin Wag himself was launched in 1377. He attained a height of 102 feet, then crashed and burned. And there was great celebration.

Last edited by Prof. Pepperwinkle; 09-29-2019 at 08:45 AM.
  #12018  
Old 09-29-2019, 10:43 PM
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Chin Wag is an actual medical condition caused by trying to sleep on airplanes.
  #12019  
Old 09-30-2019, 09:21 AM
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As it is said in Les Miserables: The laws are applied equally. Neither rich man or poor man can sleep under a bridge.

Only trolls can do that, except in Massachusetts.
  #12020  
Old 09-30-2019, 12:25 PM
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Trolls began living under bridges after being banned from the Internet in 1377.
  #12021  
Old 09-30-2019, 12:49 PM
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Ambrose G. Troll has amassed a small fortune in marketing his subpontific condominiums. What is most remarkable is the high percentage of repeat customers he has.
  #12022  
Old 09-30-2019, 01:16 PM
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I. M. N. Ogre was not so successful with his line of body care products. Reviews claimed they mostly smelled like swamp gas.
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  #12023  
Old 09-30-2019, 07:08 PM
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The term 'subpontific' was first used in 1377 and its meaning has only become more obscure with time. I.M.N. Ogre tried using it in his body care advertising, and though not the main reason for his failure, it certainly played a part.
  #12024  
Old 10-01-2019, 10:10 AM
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Despite false history, Pete Best was not the first Beatle drummer. That role went to a Canadian named Green, but Brian Epstein said the group had to be made up of young men from Liverpool, fired Green and hired someone else. He also condemned Green for performing like he was "playing a part," and suggested he try acting.

Green was so upset at the act that he emigrated to America and vowed never to sing or play another musical instrument ever again. He starred in one of TV's first westerns, and would record a song where he spoke the idea of what he wanted to happen to the Beatles' new drummer, giving it a western theme (A dozen guns spit fire and lead/A moment later he lay dead).

Green and John used to talk about what they would do when they got rich and famous. Green wanted have a private jet and lots of real gems. John penned a song about that idea, calling it "Loren in the Sky With Diamonds."
  #12025  
Old 10-02-2019, 11:01 AM
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Lorne's regal English wife, Lady Monde Green, famously misheard lyrics and other speech and for many years thought her husband was starring in Banana.

Last edited by Prof. Pepperwinkle; 10-02-2019 at 11:01 AM.
  #12026  
Old 10-02-2019, 11:15 AM
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Banana was actually the original title for Gilligan's Island, but network execs thought the name was too suggestive.
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  #12027  
Old 10-02-2019, 11:28 AM
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One of the seven actors on Gilligan's Island was actually one of entertainment's first transsexuals, having been born as one sex and operated on to become the other. The only people who know which one it was have signed confidentiality statements not to reveal the name until all seven actors are dead (My bet is on Tina "Ginger Grant" Louis originally being Tim Louis.
  #12028  
Old 10-02-2019, 12:16 PM
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Universal Studios created a "Gilligan's Island resort" off the coast of Hawai'i back in the 1990s. Unfortunately, no one has ever come back from the trip.
  #12029  
Old 10-02-2019, 02:10 PM
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No one has ever come back from the Gilligan's Island Resort because no one has ever gone there. When potential guests learned that it would only be a three-hour stay, they all cancelled. Unfortunately, many of these people decided to stay at the Kīlauea Downslope Resort instead and have never been heard from again.
  #12030  
Old 10-03-2019, 09:15 AM
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There was an ending filmed to Gilligan's Island where, after embarking from the ship onto the island, the guest noticed some mushrooms that smelled delicious, ate them, and the whole island adventures were just a hallucination. It has never been shown on network TV due to drug references.

A group of porn actors got a hold of this film and made their own ending. Seven people can do a lot of acrobatics, if you know what I mean.
  #12031  
Old 10-03-2019, 09:40 AM
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The lesbian scenes between "Ann Marie" and "Cinnamon" were so acrobatic, it put both girls in traction for a month.
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  #12032  
Old 10-03-2019, 09:45 AM
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The scene between "Mr. & Mrs. Hourglass" that followed their witnessing the lesbian scene between "Ann Marie" and "Cinnamon" has caused more viewers to vomit than any scene in any porn film ever made.
  #12033  
Old 10-03-2019, 10:17 AM
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A poll of 167.2 Canadian Lesbians determined conclusively that the favorite fruit of a Canadian Lesbian is the cabbage.
  #12034  
Old 10-03-2019, 11:08 AM
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However, the color of the cabbage was evenly split between red, purple and white. And same results for their favorite vegetable, the grape.
  #12035  
Old 10-04-2019, 02:42 PM
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White Cabbage was sacred to the ancient and primitive Baldavians because they thought it repelled giraffes. It's red cabbage that does that.
  #12036  
Old 10-04-2019, 02:45 PM
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White Cabbage was Elizabeth Taylor's first foray into the perfume world. It repelled everyone.

Last edited by burpo the wonder mutt; 10-04-2019 at 02:45 PM.
  #12037  
Old 10-07-2019, 09:50 AM
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Pauly Shore's Mock Turtle cologne was used as a riot deterrent in the Gulf War until the U.N. banned it as an unfair practice.
  #12038  
Old 10-07-2019, 12:11 PM
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PETA has demanded that Alice in Wonderland be taken off the classic children's literature list because of its unfair portrayals of white rabbits, mock turtles, March hares, doomice, flamingos, hedgehogs and porcupines. And that end scene where Alice probably causes Shaken Kitten Syndrome.
  #12039  
Old 10-07-2019, 03:17 PM
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Mock Turtles are in fact made of textured vegetable protein. PETA supporters are deeply divided over whether they should be protected or not.
  #12040  
Old 10-07-2019, 03:58 PM
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PETA has been embroiled in a multi-year trademark dispute with People Eating Tasty Animals, which claim to have a "first to use" dating back to 1961.
  #12041  
Old 10-08-2019, 12:40 AM
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PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) lost backing in 1981 when they published The Beagle Bagel Cookbook. Explained the author, “We at PETA could no longer hide from humanity the fact that certain breeds of dog are mighty mighty tasty.”
  #12042  
Old 10-08-2019, 09:17 AM
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Charle Sculz did a comic strip where Woodstock gives a copy of The Beagle Bagel Cookbook to Snoopy, thinking it's a cookbook of tasty treats for dogs. When Snoopy looks at it, he screams "It's A Cookbook," his ears fly up, and they both fall off the doghouse.
  #12043  
Old 10-08-2019, 02:22 PM
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Carle Sculz is not affiliated with the popular Peanuts comic line and has no relationship to its creator Charles Schultz, either personal or professional. After receiving numerous decease and desist letters from United Features Syndicate, Sculz is now attempting to trying his hand at writing Funky Winkerbean comics.
  #12044  
Old 10-09-2019, 09:25 AM
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Despite his minor attributes, Carle Sculz did star in a series of "Fucky Wankerbang" comics. The main plot of the series was that Les is Moore.
  #12045  
Old 10-10-2019, 12:40 AM
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Funky Wankerbang was a sorority girl at Les S. Moore State College in Manitoba. Every time she would meet a frat boy, she tended to retreat to the dorm in disgust.
  #12046  
Old 10-10-2019, 12:36 PM
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Les S. Moore College believes in "knowledge for knowledge's sake," and does not have tests, majors, required attendance, homework or anything else. All the students are required to do is pay tuition and come to lectures when they feel like it.
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Old 10-10-2019, 02:19 PM
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Les S. Moore College officials looked into opening an annex in Blawnox, Pa., but decided not to after three members of the site-selection committee came down with the clap.
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Old 10-10-2019, 03:46 PM
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Les Ismore was the first human to be conclusively diagnosed with the clap. He submitted himself to undergraduate research at Les S. Moore College, and through a set of circumstances, spent a regretful night in the arms of a rather unhygienic co-ed at the Roadside Motel in Blawnox, PA.
  #12049  
Old 10-10-2019, 03:54 PM
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The Roadside Motel in Blawnox, PA is kind of misnamed. Technically it is accessible via a frontage road off of highway 28 but in reality the frontage road turns into a winding gravel path, goes around "Old Oakey" the big oak tree, cuts through the corner of the Sunnyside Strip Mall parking lot, crosses a bumpy railroad track, and then goes past Farmer Joe's place before you can get to the motel. Despite this, the Roadside Hotel owners are reluctant to change its name because of tradition.
  #12050  
Old 10-10-2019, 04:03 PM
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Contrary to popular belief, "Old Oakey" was not named for its oakiness. Longtime Blawnox residents Walter and Martha Schneider vacationed in Florida in 1966, and on their way back to Pennsylvania on US1, visited the Okefenokee Swamp. They picked up an acorn, brought it back to Blawnox, and planted the tree, naming it "Old Oakey" after the swamp of its origin.
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