View Poll Results: They want to know how you *really* feel about a particular subject
Yes, I tell them my mind 31 46.97%
No I don't 35 53.03%
Voters: 66. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 06-17-2019, 03:05 PM
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"I want to know your TRUE thoughts about this; I won't judge" - do you?


Suppose a journalist, or loved one, or someone from the opposing party or sexual orientation or a different religion, or whatnot says that they want to know what you really feel about a particular topic, and promise not to judge - and it's a viewpoint that you and they both know is likely to anger them - would you?



(Personally, I wouldn't; there are too many people who claim they won't judge but then promptly judge anyway)
  #2  
Old 06-17-2019, 03:16 PM
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If I thought they were actually listening, sure. But "what do you really think about X?" is different from "you really think this about X, don't you?"

See the famous Cathy Newman interview of Jordan Peterson for an example of the latter.

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  #3  
Old 06-17-2019, 03:26 PM
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I assume they will judge whatever they may say, and decide whether I care.
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Old 06-17-2019, 03:30 PM
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Naturally I speak my mind. (No surprise there.) Ninety-nine percent of the time, not only do I not care if they judge me, I hope they will.
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  #5  
Old 06-17-2019, 03:31 PM
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Somebody asks for my honesty I'll give it to them. What they do with it--judge me, laugh at me, ignore me--is their business. I don't give too much of a fuck what anyone thinks of my opinion anymore. I'm not ashamed of me.
  #6  
Old 06-17-2019, 03:32 PM
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I tell them, but I record the conversation to avoid doctoring.
  #7  
Old 06-17-2019, 03:37 PM
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I think the poll is flawed in that it needs more options. Telling something controversial to a random journalist that I won't see again is different than a close family member that I may live with or regularly see at holiday meals.
  #8  
Old 06-17-2019, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Spiderman View Post
I think the poll is flawed in that it needs more options. Telling something controversial to a random journalist that I won't see again...
What Czarcasm said--record those conversations. I got misquoted once and had to do some 'splainin. I don't talk to the press now--that's just lubing someone else's propaganda machine.

Last edited by Inigo Montoya; 06-17-2019 at 03:42 PM.
  #9  
Old 06-17-2019, 03:42 PM
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"Does this opinion make me look fat?"
  #10  
Old 06-17-2019, 07:13 PM
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If they are not a close friend to me, I don't particularly care if they judge me or get angry at me, unless they seem emotionally unstable.

If they are a loved one, I probably will care. So I probably would give them a sugarcoated version of my thoughts rather than the unvarnished truth.
  #11  
Old 06-17-2019, 07:56 PM
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If I'm going to answer at all, I'll tell the truth. But depending on the person, the circumstances, how the question is asked, and whether I'm supposed to fit my answer into one of a limited number of boxes none of which fit, I may not answer.

For instance, I didn't answer this poll, due to that last qualification: I don't think that really fits into a yes or no answer. But it might instead be a matter of saying something like 'dear relative, I think we'll have a happier family gathering if we stay off this subject altogether' or, to a reporter under some circumstances, the much briefer 'no comment'.
  #12  
Old 06-17-2019, 08:02 PM
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A journalist, no comment.

A friend or loved one, I'm honest.
  #13  
Old 06-17-2019, 08:08 PM
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Too many variables involved. There's no one-size-fits-all answer.

I have frank discussions with people whose views were different, but it was because we went out of the way to be respectful for each other. OTOH, I donít have the patience to deal with racists or homophobics so I donít engage.

Itís also possible to give a honest answer without being brutally honest. My wife does that with my weight gain. If I ask her if Iím too fat, she thinks about really fat people before answering that Iím not.
  #14  
Old 06-17-2019, 08:22 PM
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Too many variables involved. There's no one-size-fits-all answer.
This.
  #15  
Old 06-18-2019, 05:23 AM
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What's the point of answering questions if I'm not answering honestly?
  #16  
Old 06-18-2019, 05:56 AM
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A journalist? Of course not. After one experience being misquoted, I have refused to speak to any of them since. Silence is the only response for a "journalist".

At work? My motto is "the truth will set you free". Of your job, your income, your healthcare, and maybe even your home. Never, ever, use truth at work. Swallow the koolaid, parrot back the pablum of your masters, and don't lose any sleep over it. In the corporate juvenile-speak of "reaching out", and "engaging", and "leveraging", and (dear god I hate this one) "time frames", almost nothing is real except the money. If you keep your yap shut, you can accumulate quite a bit of it, and happily spend it outside the make-believe world.

As far as voicing my true opinion, only to a small number of people close to me. Anyone asking the OP's question outside that narrow group is doing so for reasons beside gaining information. My attitude is that I'm not changing their mind, and they're not changing mine, so why bother?

Last edited by pullin; 06-18-2019 at 05:58 AM.
  #17  
Old 06-18-2019, 06:10 AM
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Too many variables involved. There's no one-size-fits-all answer.
My vote.
  #18  
Old 06-18-2019, 08:31 AM
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I think I'm fairly good at distinguishing between people who can respectfully listen to dissenting viewpoints, and people who will get worked up and lecture you without bothering to listen. If the person has a history of being thoughtful, respectful, and a good listener, then yes, I'd go ahead and say it. If they don't, then no. If I don't have much history with the person, then it all comes down to body language and whether they seem to be open or defensive.
  #19  
Old 06-18-2019, 10:54 AM
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I deal in truth, buddy. If you want to know my opinion, expect to hear it. And I don't care what anyone says about me, as long as it's the truth.
  #20  
Old 06-18-2019, 02:57 PM
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Of course I wouldn't to a journalist who is a stranger. If we're not friends, the only reason they'd be asking is for an article, and I wouldn't know what it was about.

A loved one? Depends on what they ask, but chances are I can voice my opinion in a way that isn't insulting to them, since I know them.

Someone from the opposing party? Depends on context. The main issue would be them wanting to hurt me (physically or socially), so I have no problem anonymously online, but would have some problems elsewhere. But I could conceive of a situation where we're just talking politics and it would be okay.

Someone from a different religion? Sure, but largely because my beliefs aren't hateful. My answer to "will I go to hell" is "only God knows for sure." I've had many religious conversations, even in person. Though, of course, there are situations where I wouldn't, again based on danger.

And the one left over is moot, because there is no wrong sexual orientation.

Most of this is basically the same whether they include the "I won't judge you" disclaimer or not. This means little, as judging is automatic. At most, it means they will try to ignore their judgement, which is fine, but I have no idea how successful they will be.
  #21  
Old 06-18-2019, 03:30 PM
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Along the lines of other responses, but if it's a nuclear family member and not something personally sensitive then they don't have to say they want my TRUE thoughts or won't judge, they can just ask me and I'll tell them.

For extended family members I know have substantially different politics than I do, I give the softest possible version of my 'TRUE thoughts' if I can't just change the subject first or outright refuse, politely. It's not about them 'judging' me. They just won't listen and it's pointless. Older generation we are. Some people go careening off way to the left or right of where they used to be as they age but mostly people by then have their ideas, the general ones they've had, and that's it. Which is usually true of my internet 'friends' of presumably all ages here and elsewhere also, but this is just a way to kill a few spare minutes. Political discussions with extended family that get heated are a net negative, since nobody's mind is changed and people can get pissed off and embittered. One relative takes my suspected low opinion of one of the two major US parties (and it's as low as she suspects) personally, but I really do separate how I feel about that person and that party (and it's not like I have a high opinion of the other party).

I would not even consider sharing my personal views on controversial topics with strangers, in real life, in today's world. It doesn't matter at all how they asked.

Last edited by Corry El; 06-18-2019 at 03:34 PM.
  #22  
Old 06-18-2019, 03:34 PM
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I'm not inclined to lie, and I'm not inclined to stifle my opinions out of fear of judgement.

Also I know that everybody who says they won't judge is a liar.
  #23  
Old 06-18-2019, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pullin View Post
A journalist? Of course not. After one experience being misquoted, I have refused to speak to any of them since. Silence is the only response for a "journalist".

At work? My motto is "the truth will set you free". Of your job, your income, your healthcare, and maybe even your home. Never, ever, use truth at work. Swallow the koolaid, parrot back the pablum of your masters, and don't lose any sleep over it. In the corporate juvenile-speak of "reaching out", and "engaging", and "leveraging", and (dear god I hate this one) "time frames", almost nothing is real except the money. If you keep your yap shut, you can accumulate quite a bit of it, and happily spend it outside the make-believe world.

As far as voicing my true opinion, only to a small number of people close to me. Anyone asking the OP's question outside that narrow group is doing so for reasons beside gaining information. My attitude is that I'm not changing their mind, and they're not changing mine, so why bother?
Yeah, it's all about the context. I have had enough moments in my life where I have told the true-truth, and the universe shifted off it's axis. Once bitten, twice shy.
  #24  
Old 06-18-2019, 05:57 PM
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For many issues (especially when they're big picture issues like thoughts on religion or politics) I'm not going to lie about my opinion, but I'm probably going to try to deflect the question.

Because my TRUE thoughts are:
1. I don't feel there's any good reason for you to know what I think.
2. I don't feel like getting into a discussion about it. Life is too short.
3. Of course, you're going to judge me. In fact, right now, I'm judging you for asking the question in the first place.
4. No good can come from this.

So, my answer is not unlikely to be "hey, a squirrel!"


But, if it's something where my opinion is of potential use in the immediate (or near immediate) future - like "Do you think we should redo this section of the report?" then yes, I'll be honest (but hopefully tactful) and specific so that the person can fix the report.
  #25  
Old 06-19-2019, 03:13 PM
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They promise not to judge? "I'd hate to make you break a promise, so I'll stay silent."

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not to mine.
  #26  
Old 06-19-2019, 08:19 PM
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They are going to judge. Just the folks are.
  #27  
Old 06-20-2019, 06:20 AM
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It's the first thing they tell you: "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you." Good advice all around.
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  #28  
Old 06-22-2019, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Czarcasm View Post
I tell them, but I record the conversation to avoid doctoring.
You're being czarcastic, aren't you?
  #29  
Old 06-23-2019, 03:49 AM
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The more I know about you and the less you know about me, the better.
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Old 06-23-2019, 05:02 AM
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Anybody who feels the need to say that, I'm going to assume it's along the lines of Trump's "believe me" and keep as much distance between them and me as I possibly can. People who really want to know what do you think just say "what do you think?"
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Last edited by Nava; 06-23-2019 at 05:02 AM.
  #31  
Old 06-24-2019, 09:14 PM
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Back when the movie, “An Indecent Proposal”, came out, there was a news program that went around with mic and cameras asking people if they would take up the proposal (a rich man offers a million dollars to a couple for one night with the wife).

So some people are saying no. And some people are saying yes; on TV; and maybe pissing off their significant others. But none got even 1 sawbuck.

My friend commented, “I don’t answer hypothetical questions.”
  #32  
Old 06-25-2019, 09:37 PM
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Everyone judges everyone - it's our job as humans.
  #33  
Old 06-25-2019, 10:13 PM
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It does occur to me that, growing up in a smallish town might change my perceptions vs those of you in big cities. Because, to me, making someone angry will have social consequences, even if they are a stranger. Because they will know someone who knows me or my family.

This is less so as I've gotten older and the town I live in has gotten bigger, but it's still ingrained in me--that there will be social consequences.
  #34  
Old 06-25-2019, 10:36 PM
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Yes, I do, unless they're in a position of power over me. There's a reason why my landlady and landlord aren't Facebook friends of mine.
  #35  
Old 06-27-2019, 04:20 PM
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I would give an honest answer, but if I felt my answer would upset the person asking, I would explain the answer as I gave it to make it clear what the context of my answer is.

Lately I have been getting in tons of trouble because the news apparently just discovered that *shocker*, there are not enough resources for all the asylum seekers at the Southern border of the US and many people are having to wait in horrible conditions without enough food, shelter, etc. Naturally, this makes the US the same as Nazi Germany, putting people in death camps, right? Uh, not in my (unpopular) opinion, unless I missed the stories of the Jews spending their own money to walk across several countries and how were trying to become Nazis and waiting in concentration camps for their chance to do so. Tell that to your liberal friends in California who ask and see how well that goes...
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