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  #16451  
Old 05-13-2019, 05:39 PM
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You gotta think about it like the first time you got laid. You just gotta say: "Daddy, are you sure this is right?"
  #16452  
Old 05-13-2019, 08:08 PM
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Explain? What I'm doing in the bushes with a little boy? With my hands in his pockets? They'd give me 10-20 years.
  #16453  
Old 05-14-2019, 08:34 AM
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Fake laugh. Hiding real pain.
  #16454  
Old 05-14-2019, 12:40 PM
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Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”
  #16455  
Old 05-14-2019, 05:38 PM
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Chin up, chin up!
Put a little laughter in your eyes.
Brave it, save it,
Even though you’re feeling otherwise.
  #16456  
Old 05-14-2019, 07:25 PM
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Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh!
  #16457  
Old 05-14-2019, 07:55 PM
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Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
  #16458  
Old 05-15-2019, 10:09 AM
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I'm an escaped mental patient with a history of violence.
  #16459  
Old 05-15-2019, 04:22 PM
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You're fortunate you know yourself. I don't know who I am, or what I want.
  #16460  
Old 05-15-2019, 05:21 PM
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I really do wanna have a family and I need to be doing that with someone who's like... like ready to go there with me.
  #16461  
Old 05-15-2019, 05:31 PM
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Look into my eyes...
  #16462  
Old 05-16-2019, 05:56 AM
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Damn your eyes!
  #16463  
Old 05-16-2019, 09:01 AM
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Too late!
  #16464  
Old 05-16-2019, 03:33 PM
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He claimed to have the power to return from the dead.
  #16465  
Old 05-16-2019, 07:38 PM
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Yeah, they're dead. They're all messed up.
  #16466  
Old 05-16-2019, 09:04 PM
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Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you?
  #16467  
Old 05-17-2019, 07:45 AM
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You don't want to know from me. I'm not from this neighborhood. I'm from the west side of Chicago, here on vacation.
  #16468  
Old 05-17-2019, 08:48 AM
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Do you always take your gun on vacation?
  #16469  
Old 05-17-2019, 12:34 PM
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"Do you sleep with that thing under your pillow, or something?"
"I would if I slept."
  #16470  
Old 05-17-2019, 12:40 PM
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I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years.
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  #16471  
Old 05-17-2019, 01:30 PM
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Even when someone has the strength to discard me, my power is not diminished.
  #16472  
Old 05-17-2019, 02:51 PM
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His strength will never die, Saul. Men will tell his story for a thousand years.
  #16473  
Old 05-17-2019, 03:16 PM
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James, earn this... earn it.
  #16474  
Old 05-17-2019, 05:15 PM
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I'm going to have to fix that... one of these days.
  #16475  
Old 05-17-2019, 09:16 PM
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Take these three items, some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone.
  #16476  
Old 05-18-2019, 08:45 AM
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That's not a knife. THAT's a knife.
  #16477  
Old 05-18-2019, 09:16 AM
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Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little emotions. In... you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
  #16478  
Old 05-18-2019, 11:10 AM
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You'd do better to tell us everything. But to make sure it happens, I brought along a few tools. Just things you pick up along the way. At first I won't be able to trust you, but after I use this, you'll own up to a few things. When we get to these we'll have developed a... how can I put this? A closer bond, much like brothers. You'll see. And when we get to this one, I'll believe anything you tell me.
  #16479  
Old 05-18-2019, 12:06 PM
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Listen to me Anthony. I got your head in a fuckin' vise. I'll squash your head like a fuckin' grapefruit if you don't give me a name. Don't make me have to do this, please. Don't make me be a bad guy, come on.
  #16480  
Old 05-18-2019, 04:29 PM
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Look, Tony, I've never asked the time of day from a clock but I'm asking you, come to the dance tonight. I already told the gang you'd be there. If you don't show I'll be marked lousy.
  #16481  
Old 05-19-2019, 09:21 AM
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After all these years, Tony still has you picking up the dry cleaning.
  #16482  
Old 05-19-2019, 03:01 PM
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You have a wonderful sense of humor. I wish I had a sense of humor, but I can never think of the right thing to say until everybody's gone home.
  #16483  
Old 05-19-2019, 05:13 PM
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Son of a bitch ball, why don't you just GO HOME?! That's your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME?! ANSWER ME!

SUCK MY WHITE ASS, BALL!
  #16484  
Old 05-19-2019, 07:31 PM
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Look, I got my rights! This is my home! I just want a little peace and quiet. Now, just do me a favor, willya? Get the hell out of here!
  #16485  
Old 05-20-2019, 03:51 PM
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If you remember, McGyvers gave me 24 hours to close. I drew out my own money, paid off my boys... and I'm closed. You can't buy a drink or turn a card. I'm sitting here in my own house, minding my own business, playing my own piano. I don't think you can make a crime out of that.
  #16486  
Old 05-20-2019, 04:49 PM
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Sit down and shut up, will ya? Try not to live up to all my expectations.
  #16487  
Old 05-20-2019, 07:01 PM
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Dad, I may not be the best, but I come to believe that I got it in me to be somebody in this world. And it's not because I'm so different from you either, it's because I'm the same. I mean, I can be just as hard-headed, and just as tough. I only hope I can be as good a man as you.
  #16488  
Old 05-21-2019, 11:32 AM
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No, you wouldn't have you poncy little git! You're not the prawn of my loins, your mother's a bloody liar!
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  #16489  
Old 05-21-2019, 12:10 PM
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Sir, I... I have a confession to make to you. I'm an Irishman.
  #16490  
Old 05-21-2019, 01:48 PM
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Ah, yes. I knew your people, Sean. Your grandfather, he died in Australia, in a penal colony. And your father, he was a good man too.
  #16491  
Old 05-21-2019, 05:53 PM
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You know, we always called each other good fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody, "You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us." You understand? We were good fellas. Wiseguys.
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  #16492  
Old 05-21-2019, 07:56 PM
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Don't be a smartass!
  #16493  
Old 05-22-2019, 09:39 AM
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That's beautiful! Who said that?
  #16494  
Old 05-22-2019, 11:00 AM
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Jubilation T. Cornpone, a man who knew no fear.
  #16495  
Old 05-22-2019, 11:07 AM
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For some reason or another, you sounded a little taller on radio.
  #16496  
Old 05-22-2019, 11:35 AM
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That little whore makes me feel nine feet tall!
  #16497  
Old 05-22-2019, 05:01 PM
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Porsche. It's a little too small to get laid IN, but you get laid the minute you get out!
  #16498  
Old 05-22-2019, 07:31 PM
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I'm gonna take this car, and I'm gonna turn so that I block the whole highway sideways. And when they come, they're gonna have a choice, either to ditch it, or ram right straight into us.
  #16499  
Old 05-23-2019, 07:02 AM
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Fasten yourself in, partner. You ain't got nothin' to worry about. I got the nerve, and I got the touch.
  #16500  
Old 05-23-2019, 01:57 PM
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Peel out, I just love it when guys peel out.
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