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  #251  
Old 06-01-2017, 12:24 PM
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Because Oklahoma sucks.
  #252  
Old 06-01-2017, 04:41 PM
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So the devil told the blonde she could leave.
  #253  
Old 06-01-2017, 04:54 PM
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"Then why do you care?" replied the doctor.
  #254  
Old 06-01-2017, 10:56 PM
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To protect Canada from Iowans.
  #255  
Old 06-01-2017, 11:04 PM
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"I can see your house from up here!"
  #256  
Old 06-02-2017, 12:39 PM
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"she burned it answering the iron."
  #257  
Old 06-12-2017, 09:29 AM
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I was standing out in the middle of Utah going like this.
  #258  
Old 06-23-2017, 10:30 AM
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They can't find the #11.
  #259  
Old 06-23-2017, 11:15 AM
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He was charged with transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
  #260  
Old 06-26-2017, 09:03 PM
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Εὐριπίδης ?
Εὐμενίδες !
  #261  
Old 07-06-2017, 06:41 PM
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He's the bastard who killed my frog!
  #262  
Old 07-11-2017, 08:22 AM
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one of them shucks between fits
  #263  
Old 07-11-2017, 08:36 AM
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"Goldberg, iceberg, what's the difference?"


"Father, can I gargle some of that holy water before she sits in it?"


"And young lady, when you get to the Pearly Gates, St. Finger is going to shake his peter at you!"
  #264  
Old 07-11-2017, 09:21 AM
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OK, one more try:

DAMMIT, MISSED AGAIN!

Last edited by RTFirefly; 07-11-2017 at 09:23 AM.
  #265  
Old 07-13-2017, 05:17 PM
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..., if you don't, pull on it 345 times.
  #266  
Old 07-17-2017, 10:00 PM
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Tarzipan.
  #267  
Old 07-17-2017, 10:04 PM
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So the Rabbi says "I KNOW that's not Kosher!"
  #268  
Old 07-17-2017, 10:15 PM
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The rabbi replies: "Out of what?"
  #269  
Old 07-18-2017, 01:29 AM
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"Hey, at least it's not cancer!"
  #270  
Old 07-18-2017, 02:05 AM
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Because the spaghetti falls through the grill.
  #271  
Old 07-20-2017, 03:47 AM
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"Dammit! Some asshole has my pen!"
  #272  
Old 07-28-2017, 07:11 AM
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Because they couldn't find a virgin and three wise men.
  #273  
Old 07-28-2017, 09:32 AM
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WEll, Ya Can't have any, ya old fart, I'm savin' it for the wake

NO! First the Gibson, THEN the Fender.
  #274  
Old 07-28-2017, 09:33 AM
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"No, thanks, Father. I'll wait until after the police get here."
  #275  
Old 07-28-2017, 01:12 PM
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Because they fall through the holes in his hands.
  #276  
Old 07-28-2017, 03:31 PM
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You're kind of old to still believe in fairies, aren't you?
  #277  
Old 08-05-2017, 07:00 PM
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Turn it over.
  #278  
Old 08-05-2017, 08:27 PM
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They're in the attic!
  #279  
Old 08-05-2017, 09:07 PM
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She's on the roof.
  #280  
Old 08-06-2017, 03:01 PM
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Not so fast there, Jenkins!
  #281  
Old 08-14-2017, 05:32 PM
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My phone go green green, so I pink it up and say yellow.
  #282  
Old 08-23-2017, 11:50 AM
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A: a good start!
  #283  
Old 08-23-2017, 01:09 PM
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By the time you get home, you'll forget all about it!
  #284  
Old 08-23-2017, 11:49 PM
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He covers the phone, but she can still hear him yell, "Hey Charlie, I found the guy who took a crap in your tuba."
  #285  
Old 08-24-2017, 12:15 AM
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"What are you complaining about? I'm going have to walk back all alone."
  #286  
Old 08-24-2017, 12:39 AM
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Now we can all get some sleep.
  #287  
Old 08-24-2017, 01:56 AM
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"Watson, you idiot. It means someone has stolen our tent!"
  #288  
Old 08-24-2017, 04:04 AM
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Because she rolls her own tampons and kick-starts her vibrator!
  #289  
Old 08-24-2017, 07:11 AM
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if the fu shits wear it
  #290  
Old 08-25-2017, 05:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cardigan View Post
if the fu shits wear it
That was one I was thinking of as well.

- - -

Depends!
  #291  
Old 08-25-2017, 08:09 AM
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This guy is wearing skates!
  #292  
Old 08-25-2017, 09:16 AM
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Fo'get it, lady! Eff he's stuck in there thet far, he ain't neva comin out!
  #293  
Old 08-25-2017, 11:35 AM
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If he finds his way back home, don't fuck him.
  #294  
Old 08-25-2017, 12:56 PM
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We keep it in the office and use it as a fan.
  #295  
Old 08-25-2017, 03:52 PM
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I know, I know. But we have a lot of popes up here, and he's the first lawyer.
  #296  
Old 08-25-2017, 08:17 PM
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Just what you said, making sure he was dead!
  #297  
Old 08-25-2017, 11:27 PM
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OK, he's dead. What should I do next?

(Probably a different punchline to the same joke)
  #298  
Old 08-26-2017, 02:59 AM
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"But I'll be sober in the morning".
  #299  
Old 08-27-2017, 03:20 PM
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Yer screwed now, ba-by!
  #300  
Old 08-28-2017, 09:36 AM
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DAM!!!
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