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  #251  
Old 03-28-2019, 09:10 PM
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Public vehicles
Sometimes stall in cold weather
And get icicles.
  #252  
Old 03-29-2019, 08:45 AM
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Stall in cold weather
I don't like February
April is better
  #253  
Old 04-02-2019, 12:46 AM
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Like February,
March was meh. Now floods will fill
the tributaries.
  #254  
Old 04-02-2019, 08:47 AM
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Now March floods will fill
And flood all of our rivers
Though I like spring, still.
  #255  
Old 04-02-2019, 08:47 PM
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All our rivers flood,
Drench the land, receed and leave
What they have brought: Mud.
  #256  
Old 04-03-2019, 01:09 AM
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Drench, recede, and leave
just like Sheila did summer
last. I got ho-heave.
  #257  
Old 04-03-2019, 08:32 AM
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Shelia did Summer
A bad lesbian porn flick
Is a real bummer.
  #258  
Old 04-03-2019, 09:18 AM
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Bad lesbian porn
I'm excited to watch it
And then I'm forlorn
  #259  
Old 04-04-2019, 12:13 PM
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I'm excited to
Win twenty million dollars
Then, what would you do?
  #260  
Old 04-06-2019, 11:43 AM
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Win twenty dollars
Put a down payment on gold
Plated dog collars.
  #261  
Old 04-11-2019, 12:46 AM
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The Gold Down Put-On:
Worst porn movie ever. No
patron got wood-on.
  #262  
Old 04-11-2019, 08:23 AM
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Porn movie ever
Help you get laid? I bet the
Answer is "Never."
  #263  
Old 04-13-2019, 12:16 AM
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I bet you get laid
said the teen to a mother
of ten. She’s dismayed.
  #264  
Old 04-13-2019, 09:29 AM
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Teen to a mother
In two years. And the father
is her stepbrother.
  #265  
Old 04-13-2019, 01:14 PM
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And the father will
Treat his kids to movie thrills,
Such as Jack & Jill.
  #266  
Old 04-21-2019, 10:41 PM
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Kids treat movie thrills
- explosions and car crashes-
like so many pills.
  #267  
Old 04-22-2019, 04:15 AM
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Explosions, crashes
Make me terribly nauseous
In spurts and flashes.
  #268  
Old 04-22-2019, 08:06 AM
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Terribly nauseous
I have just thrown up enough
For the four of us.
  #269  
Old 05-01-2019, 01:31 AM
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I throw up enough
To turn my insides out. A
new costume. Real rough.
  #270  
Old 05-14-2019, 02:26 PM
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Turn my insides out
It's a gruesome sight, no doubt
Entrails slide about
  #271  
Old 05-14-2019, 05:25 PM
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A gruesome sight is
An MRI showing di-
verticulitis.
  #272  
Old 05-26-2019, 12:55 AM
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An MRI show
was highlight contraband at
the underground show.
  #273  
Old 05-26-2019, 10:37 AM
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Highlight contraband,
Twenty forged signatures in
The palm of my hand.
  #274  
Old 05-28-2019, 11:07 AM
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forged signatures in
Boss of the Year ballot box
Might get you a win
  #275  
Old 05-28-2019, 11:18 AM
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The Boss of the Year
Held monthly tavern raffles
And gave away beer.
  #276  
Old 05-28-2019, 11:25 AM
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Held monthly raffles
Giving away cheap prizes
The reason baffles.
  #277  
Old 05-29-2019, 11:17 AM
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I won cheap prizes
By playing cheap games guessing
Dollar Store sizes.
  #278  
Old 05-30-2019, 09:10 AM
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Playing guessing games
Makes the cops go ballistic
By not naming names.
  #279  
Old 05-30-2019, 11:19 AM
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Cops go ballistic
When they meet witnesses who
Are solipsistic.
  #280  
Old 06-01-2019, 11:02 PM
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Witnesses meet to
Decide who did what and then
Who did it to who.
  #281  
Old 06-02-2019, 11:45 AM
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Who did what and then
Tell them do it again and
They'll get five-to-ten.
  #282  
Old 06-19-2019, 12:49 AM
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Tell them to do it
And sure as hell you can bet
That they don’t do it.
  #283  
Old 06-19-2019, 12:21 PM
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Sure as hell you can
Give your triplets the names of
Lill, Nancy and Dan
  #284  
Old 06-19-2019, 02:01 PM
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Giving triplets names
So identifiable
Since they look the same.
  #285  
Old 06-20-2019, 08:48 AM
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So identified.
He's the one who killed them all
Furthermore--he lied!
  #286  
Old 06-20-2019, 09:32 AM
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He who killed them all
Wrote If I Did It as far
As I can recall.
  #287  
Old 06-20-2019, 11:41 AM
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Wrote If I Did It
OJ, time to go away
Put a lid on it!
  #288  
Old 06-20-2019, 06:35 PM
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Time to go away,
I am leaving forever,
Flouncing so they say.
  #289  
Old 06-22-2019, 09:15 AM
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Leaving forever
On a big jet airliner
My last endeavor.
  #290  
Old 06-22-2019, 11:05 PM
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A big jet airline
Squeezed in so tight I confused
My brow and hairline.
  #291  
Old Yesterday, 11:55 AM
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so tight I confused
Drano Liquid Drain Cleaner
And a fifth of booze.
  #292  
Old Yesterday, 12:12 PM
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Liquid drain cleaner
That looks just like Mountain Dew
Makes my sink greener.
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