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  #151  
Old 04-17-2019, 04:56 PM
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I don't think Broomstick was ever rude. And personally after a second time of waking me up I would have no problem being rude myself. It sounds like she remained more polite through continued interactions than I would have remained.

I in no way defend the neighbor's behaviors as appropriate; they clearly are not. I read the op at least as the woman being a well intentioned idiot doing an idiotic thing. I just read it as a thing that was maybe sigh or eye-roll worthy but did not get why it, the initial op description, was grit your teeth annoying as fuck Pit-worthy.

Obviously others' MM and do V but the extreme reaction in response to that POV struck me as very wacky. And I think we are beating a dead horse here ... I hope no one is allergic to horses!
  #152  
Old 04-18-2019, 09:57 AM
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I don't think Broomstick was ever rude. And personally after a second time of waking me up I would have no problem being rude myself. It sounds like she remained more polite through continued interactions than I would have remained.
Problem is, that completely contradicts what you said before. You said that you would just accept the gift graciously and throw it away later. It was "bizarre" that anyone would get angry about this situation. It takes energy to get angry, and you're just a cool cucumber who doesn't waste time doing that.

Now you claim you would get angry enough to be rude to her. No more nonsense about accepting the gift with a smile. Instead of Broomstick being too angry, you think she's being more patient than you would be.

If you'd started with this second position instead of the first, I (and I suspect everyone else) would not have gotten upset at you.
  #153  
Old 04-18-2019, 05:36 PM
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I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this Broomstick

If it were me, sometime after the second time, I'd be asking if she was willing to take me to the hospital and pay my medical bills. Or, write "neighbor is a pushy bitch" on my arm with her offering and shove it in her face.

Ok, probably not, I just tend to fantasize about how to deal with assholes.
  #154  
Old 04-18-2019, 11:53 PM
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Maybe partly gendered as a thing but I don't think completely. My guess though is also that it has something to do with what sets off or does not set off buttons of hurt based on other past experiences
That's pretty much what SmartAleq said, except you're ignoring the part about women getting their boundaries ignored more often than men: that bit is the gendered part, with everything else being the non-gendered part. The past experiences bit is "boundaries being ignored" (again); in the case of Broomstick, specifically, "boundaries about food which can get me killed". Why anybody would be sensitive about behavior which might kill them and which has happened many times is apparently incomprehensible to you.
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Last edited by Nava; 04-18-2019 at 11:56 PM.
  #155  
Old 04-19-2019, 04:13 PM
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If the new neighbors had told you they were allergic/alcoholic, would you have come back the next day with more brownies and wine? Broomstick wasn't rude the first X times her neighbor offered her food.
And if they'd mentioned they work until midnight, I bet you wouldn't be pounding on their door at 6 am so that you can watch them wash down the allergic-to triple chocolate brownies with a big mouthful of dollar-store merlot.
  #156  
Old 04-25-2019, 03:16 PM
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To end on a happier note (even if this is the BBQ Pit)...

The Passover Seder was marvelous. The host was very conscientious, and was even careful to reserve some homemade soup to the side before she added tomato to it and made sure I knew which items had tomato and which didn't. No problems, no fuss, wonderful time had by all.
  #157  
Old 04-26-2019, 11:49 AM
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We're mostly vegetarian in my household. <snip> mom had made the most fucking enormous meatloaf I've ever encountered.<snip>Fast forward to the middle of the night when we're all awakened by super loud vomiting noises. <snip> It was probably a virus rather than allergy since she had a fever. But it did get us out of ever having to eat loaves of meat again.
I have zero food allergies or intolerances and I normally eat a lot of meat, but I have definitely had the problem where after long periods with not much meat, a meat-heavy meal (particularly a high-fat meat-heavy meal), my stomach just rebels. It goes away again within a couple meals. I think that when you're eating mostly veggies, your body just produces less of the meat and fat digesting enzymes and then freaks out when overloaded.
  #158  
Old 06-10-2019, 04:55 PM
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She's baaaaaack......

The Downstairs Neighbor was back today, trying to foist a container of food on me. I told her I appreciated the thought but really, please don't do this. I have too many food allergies.

Oh, she said, I have problems with MSG, I understand.

No, I said, I really can't. Please don't do this anymore. Too many allergies...

It's just chicken and vegetables she says. No tomatoes.

It's not just tomatoes I say, it's a lot of things. Please don't do this anymore. No tomatoes, lentils, peas -

It doesn't have any of that. Take it! Take it!

No, really, stop doing this. I do appreciate the thought, but no more food. Please stop doing this.

Eventually she went away. She did look offended, but at this point I don't care. I am tired of this game. I really can NOT risk getting sick, or worse. I am tired of the containers of Mystery Food. I don't trust her in this regard. I am not going to take it and throw it out and lie, I shouldn't have to do that to salve her ego.
  #159  
Old 06-10-2019, 05:12 PM
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Sounds like you handled it well (or as well as she was letting you...). A little "being miffed" now is better than either of you exploding in anger later.

Ah, but will there BE a later? Or has Nutritionally Narcissistic Neighbor learned her lesson?
Feel free to let us in on any little interaction you have with her.
  #160  
Old 06-10-2019, 05:50 PM
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Broomie, ever read David Sedaris' book When you are engulfed in flames? In there, he describes a crazy neighbor (Helen) who insists on foisting food on people, him in particular. I think you'd appreciate that particular vignette, along with the rest of the book.
  #161  
Old 06-10-2019, 07:53 PM
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And if he's every in your area doing a talk and a reading, make the effort to see him. Well worth putting up with other people to see him live.
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  #162  
Old 07-19-2019, 05:52 PM
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She was back AGAIN today! 10 minutes ago banging on my door and giving me chocolate filled with peanuts (peanuts being on my Forbidden List). I told her this: "Please stop bringing me food. I have a medical problem and can not risk getting ill." She said nothing but looked PISSSSSSSED.

WTF? What the hell is wrong with this woman? I am happy to have interactions with her of many sorts but she's boiled it down to either "accept my food or I'm going to be angry with you". How many times does she need to hear "no"?
  #163  
Old 07-19-2019, 06:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Broomstick View Post
She was back AGAIN today! 10 minutes ago banging on my door and giving me chocolate filled with peanuts (peanuts being on my Forbidden List). I told her this: "Please stop bringing me food. I have a medical problem and can not risk getting ill." She said nothing but looked PISSSSSSSED.

WTF? What the hell is wrong with this woman? I am happy to have interactions with her of many sorts but she's boiled it down to either "accept my food or I'm going to be angry with you". How many times does she need to hear "no"?
I know you have had a lot of suggestions here already, so I'm just going to present what I would do. "Oh, that's so kind, but I can't eat this, and there's no-one else here to eat it" and hand it back to her. If she wanted to argue with me or demand reasons, I would just repeat, "I'm sorry, but I can't eat it." She might be just as angry, but you wouldn't have to try to keep thinking of new ways to say the same thing. She doesn't really deserve any more explanation than that anyway.

And on the chance that you are just venting and not looking for suggestions, I agree that she is a piece of work and probably mentally ill in some way.
  #164  
Old 07-19-2019, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Broomstick View Post
She was back AGAIN today! 10 minutes ago banging on my door and giving me chocolate filled with peanuts (peanuts being on my Forbidden List). I told her this: "Please stop bringing me food. I have a medical problem and can not risk getting ill." She said nothing but looked PISSSSSSSED.

WTF? What the hell is wrong with this woman? I am happy to have interactions with her of many sorts but she's boiled it down to either "accept my food or I'm going to be angry with you". How many times does she need to hear "no"?
Some people are hopeless. I once had this new roommate and she kept asking me if I liked her hair. I told her I did. She kept asking. Then one day she exploded at me over her goddamn hair, because I hadn’t cut and dyed my hair to match hers. Which proved I didn’t really like her hair—or didn’t like it enough, or something. For real.

This woman also took it very personally that I don’t drink iced tea and juice straight up, I mix it half and half with water. Because she had actually purchased a big bottle of iced tea for the house (about the only time she ever paid for anything,) IIRC. She “caught” me adding water to a glass of the iced tea that SHE had purchased.* This was, of course, a grievous and deep personal insult, my way of saying “you have crappy taste in iced tea and you are a horrible grocery shopper, I hate you. In fact, she called a freaking house meeting to confront me about it. I ended up moving out. Eventually the landlord had to evict her.

*I want to make clear I wasn’t altering the container of tea. I was pouring a half glass of tea, then filling the rest of the glass with tap water.
And it wasn’t like she felt it was “her tea”, she made lots of noise about how she had bought it for everyone. Which was a red flag on its own.

Some people are just crazy. And you can try and try, but they just won’t respond rationally. I bet that right this minute that woman is trying to think of something she can make for you that you won’t reject. She’s gonna keep trying.
  #165  
Old 07-19-2019, 08:52 PM
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Have you tried just not answering the door when she comes? If that doesn't work, quit being nice to her.

Last edited by Guinastasia; 07-19-2019 at 08:52 PM.
  #166  
Old 07-19-2019, 08:57 PM
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Do you know whether she does this to everyone, or is it just you? Have you talked to your neighbors about her?
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  #167  
Old 07-19-2019, 09:56 PM
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Wow, she is a piece of work.
  #168  
Old 07-19-2019, 10:45 PM
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Some people are just crazy. And you can try and try, but they just won’t respond rationally. I bet that right this minute that woman is trying to think of something she can make for you that you won’t reject. She’s gonna keep trying.
I wonder what would happen if Broomstick suggested a recipe and provided specific ingredients with instructions to not. Add. Anything.
  #169  
Old 07-20-2019, 12:28 AM
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I wonder what would happen if Broomstick suggested a recipe and provided specific ingredients with instructions to not. Add. Anything.
I’m pretty sure the neighbor would make it and. Add. Something. Because she’s crazy.
  #170  
Old 07-20-2019, 03:27 AM
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I am wondering if she is one of those people who thinks "I have a food allergy" means "I don't like that food" and is truly clueless that it is a genuine medical condition? I keep saying "I have a food allergy" and she keeps hearing "I think your food is shit"?

It still doesn't explain why months later she's still trying to foist food on me.

Last edited by Broomstick; 07-20-2019 at 03:27 AM.
  #171  
Old 07-20-2019, 07:43 AM
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Why would any sane person try to keep giving food to someone who thinks their cooking is shit?

Did you ever explicitly say, “please don’t ever bring me food again?” You’d think she’d have figured that out by now, but...
  #172  
Old 07-20-2019, 08:53 AM
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Did you ever explicitly say, “please don’t ever bring me food again?” You’d think she’d have figured that out by now, but...
I’m pretty sure this is a yes...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Broomstick View Post
I told her this: "Please stop bringing me food. I have a medical problem and can not risk getting ill." She said nothing but looked PISSSSSSSED.
  #173  
Old 07-20-2019, 09:10 AM
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Why would any sane person try to keep giving food to someone who thinks their cooking is shit?

Did you ever explicitly say, “please don’t ever bring me food again?” You’d think she’d have figured that out by now, but...
They wouldn't. I assume the bearer of food has some psychological issue.
  #174  
Old 07-20-2019, 03:25 PM
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I’m pretty sure this is a yes...
I wasn’t clear. I meant without giving an explanation. Offering the explanation leaves the door open, so to speak.

The chicken and vegetables incident suggests she is trying to accommodate Broom’s dietary needs. She may think that Broomstick will accept the food someday if only she “gets it right.”

In other words, she may be hearing, “I can’t eat this particular food,” rather than “I’m not going to eat any food that you bring me.”

It probably won’t make a difference, but hey
  #175  
Old 07-20-2019, 04:43 PM
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Yes, a couple of visits ago I switched to a blanket "don't bring me food". It seems to have had no effect.

At this point I will trust nothing she brings me as someone so disrespectful of my needs and boundaries is not, in my view, trustworthy.
  #176  
Old 07-21-2019, 06:29 PM
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Have you spoken to any of the other neighbors about her? I'm curious to know whether she brings food to everyone or just to you.
  #177  
Old 07-21-2019, 06:55 PM
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I haven't spoken to many neighbors, but i know she doesn't bring food to the Italian family (two brothers and their mother) next door to her. There's another family on the first floor who gets the kitchen stuff she apparently wins at the gambling boats (she tried foisting that on me - "you've got a blender? Here, have another one!". Never mind she complains I have too much stuff!). Apparently giving stuff away is a thing with her, but not necessarily a nice thing if you know what I mean. There's some passive-aggressive stuff going on I think.
  #178  
Old 07-21-2019, 07:29 PM
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Hmm, what if you print out a little card and tape it on (or next to) your door, saying:

SERIOUS FOOD ALLERGIES
Under Doctor's orders,
NO outside food may be consumed.

(Please do not feed the wild animals)
  #179  
Old 07-21-2019, 08:49 PM
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I haven't spoken to many neighbors, but i know she doesn't bring food to the Italian family (two brothers and their mother) next door to her. There's another family on the first floor who gets the kitchen stuff she apparently wins at the gambling boats (she tried foisting that on me - "you've got a blender? Here, have another one!". Never mind she complains I have too much stuff!). Apparently giving stuff away is a thing with her, but not necessarily a nice thing if you know what I mean. There's some passive-aggressive stuff going on I think.
The reason I'm curious is I've known people for whom being "liked" is defined as "being allowed to break your boundaries." They will never feel accepted or even comfortable with a person until they are constantly breaking boundaries and getting away with it.

They are, of course, completely toxic, in a passive-aggressive, victim-y sort of way.
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