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  #5301  
Old 06-06-2016, 08:48 AM
Elendil's Heir is offline
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Not at all, Vicar. You're our best customer [for sherry], after North America.
  #5302  
Old 06-06-2016, 12:42 PM
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No, no. That's the way it is, my loves. Blame the Catholic church for not letting me wear one of those little rubber things. Oh, they've done some wonderful things in their time. They preserved the might and majesty, the mystery of the Church of Rome, and the sanctity of the sacraments, the indivisible oneness of the Trinity, but if they'd let me wear one of those little rubber things on the end of my cock, we wouldn't be in the mess we are now.
  #5303  
Old 06-06-2016, 01:41 PM
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I took the liberty of examining this parrot, and discovered that the only reason he remained on his perch was that he'd been nailed there.
  #5304  
Old 06-08-2016, 01:56 AM
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It's handy for the shops and convenient for the West End.
  #5305  
Old 06-08-2016, 05:35 AM
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Lemon curry?!?
  #5306  
Old 06-08-2016, 10:47 AM
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It could be carried by an African swallow!
  #5307  
Old 06-08-2016, 08:49 PM
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And now for something completely different.
  #5308  
Old 06-08-2016, 10:50 PM
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Splunge!
  #5309  
Old 06-09-2016, 08:43 PM
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Ah, no you didn't. You came here for an argument.
  #5310  
Old 06-12-2016, 12:17 PM
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Er, no, freedom for me, actually.
  #5311  
Old 06-12-2016, 03:00 PM
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Mmmmmmm. Mm. [whump] Oh, my foot! Oh! Oh, damn, damn, damn! Oh, damn, damn, and blast it! Don't you 'shhhh' me. Eighteen years of total silence, and you 'shhhh' me! I've kept my vow for eighteen years. Not a single, recognisable, articulate sound has passed my lips. Oh, it doesn't matter now. I might as well enjoy myself. The times in the last eighteen years I've wanted to shout and sing and... scream my name out! Oh, I'm alive! Hava Nagila! Hava Nagila! Hava Nagila, ha ha ha! Look out. Oh, I'm alive! I'm alive! Hello birds! Hello trees! I'm alive! Get off. I'm alive! Hava Nagila. Hava n'ra n'--
  #5312  
Old 06-12-2016, 04:08 PM
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We could sit around here all day talking, passing resolutions, making clever speeches. It's not going to shift one Roman soldier!
  #5313  
Old 06-12-2016, 04:42 PM
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You see we piddle twiddle and resolve
not one damn thing do we solve
piddle twiddle and resolve
nothing's ever solved
in foul, fetid, fuming, foggy, filthy, Philadelphia.
  #5314  
Old 06-13-2016, 10:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Prof. Pepperwinkle View Post
You see we piddle twiddle and resolve
not one damn thing do we solve
piddle twiddle and resolve
nothing's ever solved
in foul, fetid, fuming, foggy, filthy, Philadelphia.
While Pythonesque, or more accurately Gilbert & Sulliven-esque I doubt Sherman Edwards would appreciate being included in a Monty Python thread
  #5315  
Old 06-13-2016, 11:34 AM
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We apologize again for the faults in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.
  #5316  
Old 06-13-2016, 11:57 AM
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The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked. The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute.

Executive Producer JOHN GOLDSTONE & "RALPH" The Wonder Llama Producer MARK FORSTATER Assisted By EARL J. LLAMA MIKE Q. LLAMA III SY LLAMA MERLE Z. LLAMA IX Directed By 40 SPECIALLY TRAINED ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS 6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS 142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS 14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS (CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA) REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON 76000 BATTERY LLAMAS FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY and TERRY GILLIAM & TERRY JONES
  #5317  
Old 06-15-2016, 02:33 PM
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Good evening. Tonight: molluscs. The mollusc is a soft-bodied, unsegmented invertebrate animal usually protected by a large shell. One of the most numerous groups of invertebrates, it is exceeded in number of species only by the arthropods.
  #5318  
Old 06-15-2016, 10:53 PM
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Spam spam spam spam spam spam....
  #5319  
Old 06-16-2016, 08:41 AM
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Dinsdale!
  #5320  
Old 06-16-2016, 08:49 AM
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Spam spam spam spam spam spam....
  #5321  
Old 06-16-2016, 08:57 AM
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Lemon curry?
  #5322  
Old 06-16-2016, 11:40 AM
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Have you got anything without spam?
  #5323  
Old 06-16-2016, 12:10 PM
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Rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding, or strawberry tart.
  #5324  
Old 06-17-2016, 02:06 PM
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Silence, foul temptress!
  #5325  
Old 06-17-2016, 02:37 PM
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Well, you'd be surprised, actually, sir. The Tudor economy's booming, ever since Sir Humphrey Gilbert opened up the Northwest passage to Cathay, and the Cabots' expansion in Canada, there's been a tremendous surge in exports, and trade with the Holy Roman Empire is going... no, quite right, it's no good at all.
  #5326  
Old 06-17-2016, 09:38 PM
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Shut up, Stebbins! I haven't finished. Oh, by the way, congratulations on winning the Italian Grand Prix at Monza.
  #5327  
Old 06-18-2016, 11:57 AM
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Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Riding through the land
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Without a merry band
He steals from the poor
And gives to the rich
Stupid bitch.
  #5328  
Old 06-18-2016, 01:20 PM
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I am not a loony!
  #5329  
Old 06-18-2016, 02:00 PM
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No, please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen to his death.
  #5330  
Old 06-18-2016, 02:01 PM
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The police are anxious to speak to anyone who saw the crime, ladies with large breasts, or just anyone who likes policemen.
  #5331  
Old 06-18-2016, 02:16 PM
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It's people like you what causes unrest!
  #5332  
Old 06-18-2016, 07:39 PM
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Right, Slit Eyes Yakomoto, I'm arresting you for the impersonation of Signor Luchino Visconti, famous Italian director of such movie classics as 'Ossessione' 1942, 'La Tetra Trema' 1948, and 'Bellissima' 1951 - a satisfying ironic slice-of-life drama. 1957 brought to the silver screen his 'I Bianche Notre' adapted by Dostoyevsky, a mannered and romantic melancholy of snow and mist and moonlit encounters on canal bridges. 'Boccaccio 70' followed five years later and the following year saw 'The Leopard'! So impressed was I with this motion picture treatment of the Risorgimento that I went along to Somerset House and changed me own name to Leopard, preferring it to me original handle, 'Panther'. I digress. 1969 saw 'The Damned', a Götterdämmerung epic of political and industrial shennanigans in good old Nazi Germany, starring Helmut Berger as a stinking transvestite what should have his face sawn off, the curvaceous Charlotte Rampling as a bit of tail, and the impeccable Dirk Bogarde as Von Essen. The association of the latter with Signor Visconti fructified with Dirk's magnificent portrayal of the elderly poof what expires in Venice. And so, Yakomoto... blimey, he gone! Never mind. I'll have you instead.
  #5333  
Old 06-18-2016, 11:04 PM
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What are you going to do, bleed on me?
  #5334  
Old 06-19-2016, 10:35 AM
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Blackitt! Blackie! Look at him. He worked on that cake like no one else I've ever know. Some nights it was so cold, we could hardly move, but Blackie'd be out there slicing the lemons, mixing the sugar and the almonds. I mean, you try trying to get butter to melt at fifteen degrees below zero! There's love in that cake. This man's love, and this man's care, and this m— [boom] Aaighh!
  #5335  
Old 06-19-2016, 05:36 PM
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Yes, m'lud. Twenty-three-year-old Abigail hails from down under, where they're upside down about her. Those Aussies certainly know a thing or two when it comes to beach belles. Bet some life-saver wouldn't mind giving her the kiss of life. So watch out for sharks, Abigail!
  #5336  
Old 06-20-2016, 12:02 AM
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We done passionfruit!
  #5337  
Old 06-23-2016, 08:37 PM
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Spam spam spam spam spam spam....
  #5338  
Old 06-24-2016, 05:54 AM
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Ni!
  #5339  
Old 06-24-2016, 08:20 AM
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I am not a loonie!!
  #5340  
Old 06-24-2016, 08:35 AM
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...spammity spam...
  #5341  
Old 06-24-2016, 03:37 PM
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I'll have a slice without so much rat in it.

Regards,
Shodan
  #5342  
Old 06-24-2016, 08:03 PM
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Hello, good evening and welcome to another edition of Blood, Devastation, Death War and Horror, and later on we'll be meeting a man who does gardening.
  #5343  
Old 06-25-2016, 09:03 PM
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...was WEAR-ing...
  #5344  
Old 06-26-2016, 12:19 AM
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Shut your festering gob, you tit!
  #5345  
Old 06-26-2016, 06:37 AM
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...spam spam spam spam spam spam....
  #5346  
Old 06-26-2016, 09:38 AM
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The cat's eaten it.
  #5347  
Old 06-26-2016, 01:06 PM
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Five shillings a dozen? That's ordinary cabbages, is it? And what about the bombs? Good lord, they are expensive.
  #5348  
Old 06-26-2016, 08:41 PM
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......Spam!
  #5349  
Old 06-26-2016, 09:09 PM
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Bingo! Bingo! Bingo! Housy! Housey! Bingo! Bingo!
  #5350  
Old 07-01-2016, 10:01 AM
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Yes, well, he's put me onto wattles.
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