This is GUYBUD5 opens up his vulnerable inner side time:
I am active duty military, and with that comes the periodic uninalysis testing.
The military wants to be damn sure that I’m not trying anything funny, so there is someone watching the entire thing from the moment I’m handed the cup, through the unzipping, whizzing, and rezipping, and to the moment I hand the cup back.
Unfortunately, I get a bit… uh… “gunshy”
Somehow, no matter how horrible the urge to go is, when someone is watching me a tense up, and nary a drop is seen.
Would any of the awesome Teeming Millions know a pretty sure method for making myself release my yellow proof of teetotalerity for the eyes of the USAF?
Let me also point out that this is not a prudish thing. I really don’t care who sees my Johnny Rocket, and would much rather just piss and be done with it.
If you have a clue in advance that you’re going to be tested, drink oodles of water or your favorite beverage. If you have time to see a 2-hour movie, that ought to work.
If none of that applies, have them turn on a faucet in whatever nearby receptacle is handy.
If none of that applies, try sneezing, coughing and farting at the same time.
The water running plus shut your eyes and think about something else. Relax your legs as much as you can Practice with someone you know at home or just try to go in the barracks while other guys are in the Loo also.
I had to have an ultrasound once and had to have a full bladder. What they told me was to drink as much soda pop as I could. I’m no medical expert so don’t take this as gospel truth or anything but from what I gathered, there’s something about soda pop fills up the bladder quickly.
I remember wondering if it would be possible to hold it until they were finished with the ultrasound.
Drink all that coke but wait until you are about to explode. When you absolutely cannot wait, then wait a bit more. Then tell the “inspector” you are ready and go pee. If you still have shy bladder at that point I don’t know what to say. Maybe practice this a few times. I never really understood people with shy bladder but obviously it must be a puritanical hangup.
Since he said “no matter how horrible the urge to go is” he has this problem, most of these suggestions are worthless.
I also have a shy bladder, and the way I overcome it is to not think about peeing while I’m trying to pee. I never had to pee in front of someone, but I have the problem just when there’s someone on the urinal next to me.
So, if there’s a person in the next pisser, and I realize I’m having trouble starting the stream, I think about the things in my life I’m having trouble with, the stuff I usually try not to obsess about. This takes my mind off the immediate task, and then I find myself lettin’ go with the yellow flow.
I have the same problem, and I’ve found that just being well-hydrated seems to speed things along. Which you should be doing anyway. If I’m drinking a lot of water each day anyway, there’s no anxiety. Maybe the effects are more pronounced when dehydrated?
