Alright, I have seen enough of this. I’m sick of it.
IF - you have started to develop a double chin
IF - your shirt looks somewhat like it came from Abdul the Tentmaker
IF - you have grown a beard or goatee solely to define your jawline
IF - your neck is disappearing
IF - your wrist is indistinguishable from the rest of your arm and your hammy fist looks to jut straight out thence
You are NOT ‘about average’ for Match’s body type selection. You may be ‘about average’ for men in the Midwest, where I am, but that’s NOT what Match is asking for. So, choose ‘a few extra pounds’; it’s more subjective to the beholder and improves my opinion of you when you email me your profile w/ attached pictures showing above said physical features. If you think I’ll hold your size against you, why are you contacting me in the first place?? I’d prefer an honest, heavier guy over a liar of any shape any day - that’s why I’m on Match fer crissakes! If I wanted to choose a guy solely on looks, I’d get out into the tangible realm and do so.
And yes, for those who will flame me over taking notice of a person’s size, I’ve had great heavy boyfriends. So, thppht.
NOTE: If you’re lying to yourself about your size more so than me, I can’t help you.
Yes, I’ve noticed this bit of self-delusion on Match. I find it especially ironic when the guy in question is undeniably LARGE, HUGE, OBESE, and yet they consider themselves “a few extra pounds.” A few? Is 100 pounds a “few”? I don’t think so. But when they put down what they want in a date, it’s gotta be “slender” or “athletic and toned.” Oh yeah. They have a “few” (coughhundredcough) extra pounds, but by damned, the girls they date had all better be nice and slender. No “few” (coughhundredcough) extra pounds on the chicks, please. But of course, I am sure that if they were to think of a “few extra pounds” on a woman, they’d be thinking more along the lines of 20 extra pounds. Not a hundred. But when describing themselves, apparently a hundred extra pounds qualifies as “a few.”
I mean, I can understand that we all have our preferences, but their deluded self-image and deluded expectations are troubling.
Ah yes, something I have in common with my straight sisters, annoyance at the self-deluded men with borderline body dysmorphia who can’t or won’t be honest in their online profiles. Do these men, especially those who post pictures, not understand that should we look at those pictures or meet them in person we will be able to figure out at a glance that they have lied to us? Do they not understand that lying is not a healthy and productive way to start a potential relationship of any sort?
I’ve found a good rule of thumb is to review the body type chart and whatever category he puts himself in, move him one down. “Athletic” means “average.” “Average” means “a few extra pounds” and “chubby” means “has attracted several natural orbiting satelites.”
And if I may, to the gay men out there who call themselves “bears”? I applaud bears for carving out a niche identity for a class of gay men who have been largely ignored by the gym bunny segment of our communities, but let us please be realistic. Unless you are 6’6" or more, when you’re pushing the 350-400 pound mark or more, you’re not a bear. You have left behind the ursine and have moved squarely into the kingdom of the hairy cetacean.
See this is the key, a lot of guys are deluded about their weight. Particularly, if they were once fit, they just flatout don’t notice the pounds piling on and still pictures themselves the athletes fo yore.
I used to work for two engineers. Both had huge Texas dunlaps and were shortish (5’8"), large (250 lbs) men. Both had been athletes in college (soccer and baseball). Both confided to me privately that it was the other guy who was really overweight and that they themselves just had a little “athletic” fat. These are the guys who put “a few pounds overweight” on their ads. Deluded is right…
I’m an Australian Doper, 41 years of age. And I too have occasionally suffered from that very syndrome you mention - thankfully, to nowhere near as great a degree - but the syndrome was evident to be sure.
Mrs Boo Boo and I like to joke about “Stud Muffin Syndrome” - to wit, you’ll see some guy in his mid 40’s who has really piled the pounds on compared to when they were an active young man. Under that fat, there’s probably still a fair amount of the former musculature which was once so prominent - but when a victim of “Stud Muffin Syndrome” looks into the mirror, they don’t see a guy who has piled on a hundred extra pounds since they were 22 years old - nope. What they see is a living god. A perfect specimen. A VERITIBLE STUD MUFFIN!
Thankfully, I’m very involved in Road Cycling now at the coaching level (and I was a former representative cyclist back in the day) hence, I’m doing shitloads of miles now with some Olympic Tri-athletes and various Under 23 demons. This is no shit, but since November last year 30 pounds have just fallen off and I’m back to 175 pounds now - and I stand 6’1". So the scales don’t lie, you know? And yet, when I was hovering around the 200 pound mark, I still thought I looked just great.
My point is this - I don’t often buy into the Men Mars, Women Venus crap - but in this instance, the way men can dellude themselves regarding their physical appearance is way entertaining.
Apparently you don’t spend much time perusing the female ads section. I see plenty of it, myself, where overweight and even obese women are insisting on slender or buff men. Yeesh. No woman putting forth such double standards is worth my time.
…nor is any man, for that matter. I’m straight, but I can’t tolerate this sort of personality in anyone for any reason. My (male) boss is rather outspoken about it, revolting blob that he is.
You probably did. 25 pounds might be pushing the border of “a few,” but most of us have a range of tolerance. I know that if I like a guy otherwise, I’m not going to refuse to be in his presence because of that. 100 lbs.? I don’t consider myself terribly shadow, but I don’t want to be squished like a bug, either. But 200 lbs. for a 6’1” guy isn’t exactly obese.
The problem is that the guy sitting there trying to decide what to put for his weight is saying to himself, “Gee, I should probably lose 10 pounds, but if I put ‘a few extra pounds’, I’m lumped in with folks who are fat, but put ‘a few extra pounds’ down, which means I’m automatically filtered out of lots of peoples’ searches. Besides, 10 pounds overweight probably still reasonably falls under ‘average.’ I’ll put that down.”
So the guy who needs to lose a few pounds puts “average.” Similarly, the guy who’s actually “large” puts “a few extra pounds” because everyone knows that when you say “large” you mean “really really fat.” And so on.
The answers get inflated over time, so there are three distinct sets of people – the people who answer honestly and literally, the people who lie outright, and the people who technically give the wrong answer, but only because the meanings of the answers have shifted from their original (literal) meanings.
I was almost tempted to post my picture to give you a look at The Blue Eyed Living Adonis.
But just in time I thought about it that it could break your heart to realize that this Perfect Dreamguy is married…twice
The Perfect Impossible Situation that degrades Fatal Attraction to a child’s play.
I can’t do this… I can’t see a woman cry.
And even much more of a problem: I can’t defend myself against them.
Of course I can help you in an other way. Where is that “Match” thing located? I’m inclined to sacrifice myself by creating a fake-subscribtion in order to upgrade the deplorable standard you -apparently - rightfully complain about.
Salaam. A
Evidently my target weight is around 210 for a 6’4" man. I could reach that (maybe) with a bit of a diet (I could lose 10 pounds) and chopping off a leg. :rolleyes:
I suppose it’s not only guys who are deluded. I remember about three years after starting my first desk job thinking, “Why is the dryer shrinking all of my pants? I’d better hang them to dry from now on.” I really thought it was the dryer. And so began the accumulation of an extra 20 pounds it took me the last 16 months to shed. Carried it for about 5 years, cognizant of it for 2. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but that’s from 125 to 145 on a 5’ 7" frame. It showed where I could see. Now…I’m a happy size 6 for ther first time since I was 11!
It’s not even that you’re not attracted to very heavy men. I don’t give a fuck what you’re attracted to. But it was completely unnecessary to add the snidely implied “whale” comment. Completely unnecessary. And mean.
Don’t pretend that you’re that far separate from the acid-tongued twinkie queens. That paragraph simply demonstrates your kinship.
Oh, and fuck you. Again. By Ron Jeremy’s fatter brother.