I am puzzled by te phenomenon of women marrying convicted criminals, who are residents in prisons.
First: if he was convicted of a violent crime, he is most likely, dangerous.
Second: if he’s in for 20-40 years, do you REALLY want to wait that long?
Third: he may well become a danger to you
Fourth: you will most likely, not be able to have a normal lif (when your husband is released). Many criminals are tracked by the police after release, so your post-prison life may not be very pleasant.
Finally: unless you are convinced that your husband is innocent/framed, there is a good chance that he will re-offend. Do you really want to go through what happens, if your husband commits another crime and gets caught?
You seem to have failed to make allowances for the number of wackos in any society.
Maybe it’s so the woman (it’s usually a woman) can say she’s “married,” and get the family off her back, without actually having to deal with a husband around the house. 
It’s just further evidence for the debates that periodically surface in MPSIMS about women like bad boys over nice guys: some women like really bad boys.
I’ve always assumed that it has to do with some people who are:
1.) Desperate, figuring that a felon spouse is better then “being lonely and unmarried”.
or
2.) have some kind of fixer-upper attitude. They see the felon as a “project” to mold and fix.
Maybe it’s partly because there are so many men in prison today that it’s creating a man shortage.
Here are some guesses of mine:
1- Because she feels like she’s the only one who *really * understands his soul.
2- Because she believes that the annoying men who ordinarily harass her will cease and desist when they find out she’s married to a violent criminal with prison connections. Some women have been harassed a great deal by men and just want it to stop!
3- Because she feels that much pressure from society and her peers to get married.
4- Because men in prison are less challenging than men who are free, in that they have so many fewer options.
5- Because she has such incredibly low self-esteem that she thinks only a man who hasn’t had a woman in years will find her attractive.
6- Because she has corresponded with the felon and he has bullshitted her so skillfully that she believes he truly loves her. It goes back to the low self-esteem so deeply inculcated into so many women in our society (and probably most societies).
7- Because she thinks it’s cool and has never stopped to consider the ramifications of it.
Just guesses. I personally would never do it.
Any ladies out there may wish to reconsider the attraction to the prisoner.
Prison pay is not very much, it amounts to pocket money for the most part, this is not enough to buy the drugs which they insist upon taking.
The result is that they either curtail their habit, or have money provided.
The way money is provided is ingenious, it never actually enters the prison, prisoner A who wants to pay for something, will instruct person B to send money from their home address to person C at another address.
Person C will confirm payment to the dealer - prisoner D - who is also inside the same prison and will pass on the drugs to prisoner A.
The drug dealer network spans several prisons, so moving prisoner A from one jail to another just means moving the account, which may be someone connected to prisoner D - the dealer- or the account may be sold the the dealer in the next jail - prisoner E.
What does this have to do with women writing to prisoners ?
Well prisoner A wants money, first and foremost, also he needs a contact that is not one of his usual associates, too easy to prison intelligence systems to watch and pass on to the police.
The woman will be used to provide money, or to pass on messages, to and from druggies, to and from dealers.
She may end up smuggling drugs into prison too.
The next thing the woman is used for is simply entertainment, letters may be passed between inmates, or just something to relieve the boredom of jail life.
She may well be used as an address to a formerly homeless prisoner, which then may allow him to apply for parole.
These relationships, such as they are, don’t last outside jail, rarely any longer than the ride home in her car from the prison release gates.
Why on earth would any woman want anything to do with a prisoner is beyond me, prisoners sharing needles is fairly routine, as a result HIV and Hep C are also common.
The prisoner is unlikely to be able to provide for himself, let alone another as genuine paid work is not easy to find for a released felon, and its not usually well paid, which often leads to the cycle of crime repeating.
Prisoners don’t have much in the way of personal assets to offer and not much in the way of prospects, they do offer disease, more crime, long absences and a very unstable lifestyle.
Broad brush I’m painting here I guess, but it comes with years of experience working with repeat offenders and at least two thirds are in jail for crimes surrounding drugs, selling, possessing, stealing to obtain the money to purchase or just stupidity caused whilst high.
Its also true that the education levels of prisoners are woeful, the majority stopped going to school before they were 12, and a recent report in the UK suggested that up to 80% of them have low level personality disorders.
Yes, you always get exceptions, mostly those in their mid to late 30’s who have become sickened off with jail in general and just want to get out of offending and settle down, however they haven’t the faculties to earn a reasonable income, and tend to struggle on through the rest of their lives, carrying the millstone around their necks that they fitted when 12 years old when they stopped attending education.
My former sister-in-law left my brother to marry an incarcerated felon. I’ve never talked much with her about it, but perhaps a clue to her motivation is that her life’s work is operating a shelter for pit bulls. I think she is sure he is not guilty.
Possibly reminds her of Dear Old Dad.
Honestly, a dear friend of mine’s brother recently was released from prison and not three weeks later he had a girlfriend who was very shortly pregnant. What the hell was she thinking? I’ve never met the guy and I don’t know what he did, but when you’re 24 and been in the pokey for 10 years, you gotta figure it was something pretty good. Sounds like father-of-my-child material to me.
That’s depressing. They’re going to prision to find men instead of my house! I’d be happy to help with the national man-shortage crisis!
My husband works in a correctional institute, and we’ve discussed this issue quite extensively. Some of you had excellent points.
There is also a certain aspect of power and control in the relationship which is attractive to some women. They may have been emotionally/physically abused in the past, or have extremely low self-esteem. The relationship with the inmate may be the first time she has ever felt that she has power, or the dominant position in a relationship.
She knows where he is and what he’s doing (or at least she thinks she does.)
She controls when they meet, and when he can call her.
She controls (to a certain extent) his cash flow.
She’s flattered by the notion that all he has to do is think about her all day (a bit like a male harem, if you think about it.)
He can’t stop her from doing what she wants to do.
Most of the women are convinced that the men are either wholly innocent, or they were forced into committing their crimes by circumstance, or they blame the victim, or they flat-out just don’t care. Some of them actually support their men in their crimes-- sometimes in ways that I do not want to mention.
Another aspect of having a relationship with an inmate is that sometimes the inmate’s family will help support the woman. If her own family life is hell, it can be very attractive to have a “replacement” family supporting her decision to be involved with this man and encouraging her.
There are probably a lot of complex reasons why so many women seem to seek these kinds of relationships. In high school and my early 20’s I saw plenty of women date men who were scum bags. I’m not talking about jerks I’m talking about honest to god dirt bags for whom a night in jail, failing grades, and dishonesty were par for the course. Here are a few of the reasons I think some women are into the whole jailhouse romance thing.
#1. Many women feel as though they can change someone. He might be a dirt bag who murdered or raped someone but deep down inside he’s a good person who just needs someone he can open his heart to.
#2. Since the object of their affection is in jail they might feel that gives them power they wouldn’t otherwise have.
Marc
Well Ralph, what do you think? Or is this thread just another in your quest to be top OP in GD?
What do you think of the points Cadave and Lisa made? Are you less puzzled now?
Would YOU marry someone in prison?
Sin
I think marriage to an inmate is insane. It is a legal right, but how it could ever result in happiness is beyond me.
Of course, if you really believe that the inmate is innocent, perhaps.
But for someone with multiplelife sentences…no, makes no sense.
Anyway, I’m happy to report that I’ve never contemplated marriage to a prisoner.
The only woman I know who married an incarcerated felon had been convinced by him that he didn’t commit the murder. He merely went outside the bar with the guy, talked to him, came back into the bar, and later someone else knifed the guy in the alley behind the bar. When he was released and arrested four months later, he was once again innocent and six woman and four police officers were lying.
So I know that some guys can convince certain women of their innocence.
For those of you who don’t remember; Pam Smart was the NH HS teacher who conspired with 3 teenage boys to murder her husband. She is currently doing life plus 10 in the NH state prison…but has announced her intention to marry a prison guard!
Talk about wacky! So this murderer plans to have a child, via a person charged with her jailing. I wonder what kind of life such a child could look forward to:
(Mother’s Day at school): Little pamela, where’s your mother?
(Pamela): She’s in jail.
(Friend): What did she do?
(Pamela): She told a kid to shoot her husband.
Somehow, this doesn’t sound right.
I know the parents of the man who is the subject of this book, David Hendricks. He was convicted of the 1983 ax/knife murders of his wife and three children. He was married in prison to a woman who believed he was innocent and had started an organization (FAITH - Friends Against Injustice To Hendricks) dedicated to freeing him. She had two or three young kids. After spending 7 years in prison, Hendricks got a new trial and was found not guilty; however the marriage did not last. I don’t know thae particulars of that, but the marriage ended very soon after his release.
My friend married a guy who she started writing to as a favor to a friend. He wrote fantastic letters filled with romance, future plans, and blah, blah, blah.
He got out and they married very quickly. They were divorced within a year, and I hear he’s dead now.
Attraction is a funny thing. You just never know…