I don’t know about you all, but even if I am truly and honestly ill, I feel like I’m lying when I call in. I never know what I should say, whether I should go into detail or keep it simple and just say I’m sick. Either way I always feel like I’m putting one over on them.
Maybe I’ve just faked too many times. 
I haven’t called in sick in years, but I’m the same way with the guilt. It’s from faking it so many times. I generally say something like, “I’m feeling like shit. I’m not sure what I have, but if I’m not better by tomorrow, I’m calling the doctor.”
I never lie about being sick. Having said that, I do sometimes wonder if someone might be thinking, “Ah. Another person faking an illness…”
What do I say? “Ahb sick!”
Actually, I more often than not communicate with my management by email as they’re several states away. If I’m not desparately ill, it also give me the opportunity to fill them in on my current workload and any projects that might need attention in the next day or two.
I don’t often fake it, maybe 1-2 times a year, right? But I still feel guilty as hell. And I don’t like it.
My office is not going to fall apart if I take a single day off. It really isn’t. And sometimes I desperately need to. But…still I feel guilty. Sometimes I don’t even enjoy the day fully.
When I’m really sick, I still feel guilty. I’m hoping this will stop though, as I took two days off for a cold early this year - and got over it in five days rather than two weeks. Got sick Wednesday, took off Thursday & Friday, was better Monday. So it really does make a difference.
For some reason, I always find myself starting to describe my symptoms to my boss’s voicemail.
“Hi, this is airblairxxx, I’m going to stay at home today, I’ve got a bad case of explosive diarrhea.”
Generally speaking, she does not wish to know that level of detail. I doubt that that is unusual among bosses.
I just send an email in to my group at work that says something like
Generally something like, “I feel terrible. I don’t think I’ll make it in today, but if I feel better in the afternoon, I’ll try to make it. I’m really sorry.”
And I do feel guilty, unless I’ve been to the doctor and been ordered to stay home for the day(s).
But I hate it when I get nagged by an ignorant boss to “demand antibiotics from my doctor,” when I’m 99% sure it’s a virus!!
Depends.
If my boss knows me, he knows that I wouldn’t be calling in sick unless I was. So with those bosses I don’t need to give explanations; I do give an estimated time for being back at work.
If he either doesn’t know me or simply refuses to believe there is such a thing as honesty (I’ve had several bosses belonging to this second species), then they start asking for details. In which case I do explain, and often they wish they’d bitten their tongues. Hard. I can be very good at descriptions.
Oh, right, the question was what do you say, not how do you feel. Normally I tell them the truth. My current boss is really good about it.
I just say, “I’m not feeling well today, so I’m afraid won’t be coming in.”
As for the details, I don’t figure anybody wants to hear it.
I don’t feel guilty about it, because I don’t call in unless I’m feeling like death warmed over, and I know I’d be no use to anyone at work, anyway. And I’ve never come back from a sickday and have my students tell me, “We missed you soooooo much! We’re so sad you cancelled class! We wanted to leeeeaaaaarrrrrrnnnnnnnnn!”
I’m in a position where I receive sick calls from the people I supervise. I specifically requested that they not give me details on their illnesses- I just said to them that I assume they’re adults and would not call off if they weren’t too sick to work, so if they can’t make it in, just call and say “I’m not well enough to make it to work today.” Why would I need more info then that? I don’t care if they’re too crampy, to poopy, sniffling, snotty, or whatever. Just say you’re not coming and if you know, when you expect to return. If it’s going to be an extended period of time, then we’ll talk more.
If I call off to MY boss, I say “Boss, I will not be in work on March 22, 2006. So and so will be covering my shift. I would like to use PTO to cover my hours for that shift. Thank you.” and leave it at that. She doesn’t ask and I don’t tell.
“Heeeyyy, Boss, I’m like really, really (dude, shut up I’m on the phone) uh, sick today. Uh, and, uh, I don’t think (dude, wait a second ok?!, geeze), uh, I don’t think I can make it in, so, uhhh, I, uhh (yea, get me one too – no, not a light, retard!) I’ll see you tomorrow, I hope! cough Uh, ok, bye. (whooo h-)” -click-
I always start vague and answer any questions they might have about the nature of the malady, but try to keep it non-TMI. I tend to use the phrase “digestive upset” if I’m puking and/or having the trots. That’s usually enough.
When I call in sick, I never specify. And I don’t fake a sick accent. If somebody asks, I tell them it’s that “24 hour polio” they just discovered.
Nothing specific. I just tell them that I won’t be in due to illness.
I’ve always pretty much said the same thing - “I’m not feeling well & can’t make it in today.”
For a while, I was in a job that didn’t track your sick time (as long as it didn’t get out of hand). I felt guilty calling in then.
Now my vacation & sick time are all the same time, so it’s coming to me no matter what. I have no guilt.
In my office, I’m the boss. I do report to an Asst. Superintendent though, so I have to make two calls.
To my assistant in my office, I generally leave a voice mail. I sneak in the back door of the voice mail instead of calling her line directly, and just say I won’t be in, I’m using a sick day.
Then I usually ask her to call my boss and pass the message.
Even if I am home sick, he knows I check the work e-mail during the day, and I have the cell phone. If he needs me, I answer. Sick or not.
Like several others here, I go the “I’m not well and won’t be in today”
I am always genuinely unwell, I’m quite susceptible to headcolds and flu (last winter I had three versions of the flu, hooray), so I always use up my sick leave quote (5 days per annum) leaving no room for sickies!
I very rarely called in sick when I was working. When I did it was usually because I had woken up with a migraine. The people in my office were well aware of how bad my migraines were. Call to my manager went something like, “Hi, it’s Rhiannon, I won’t be in” “Migraine?” “Yeah” “Well, feel better soon.”