Hello. Long time lurker first time poster. I’ve got a concern that had lead me to take the plunge and register.
My oldest daughter has recently become completely enraptured by the game of volleyball. Indeed this is great news since we’d begun to worry that she hadn’t developed any real interests especially ones that require physical activity. Well she appears to have been bitten by “the bug” and now plays on the school’s volleyball team – not to be harsh but I guess they take just about anyone.
She’s as happy as a clam but my problem is with the uniform shorts. I honestly don’t know if this is unique or not but they appear to me to be about 2 sizes too small! They seem to leave very little to the imagination particularly in the crotch area. I hate to be so specific but the fact that there’s such a bulge in her crotch that’s just plainly visible to all makes me very uncomfortable. Of course she doesn’t seem to care or even notice and when I raised the issue with her she just rolls her eyes with the look of “Mom, why can’t you just relax”. Nevertheless I’m concerned and honestly I find it a bit in appropriate. Having no experience with volleyball and generally having avoided spandex all my life I just don’t know what to think. I’ve talked to some people and here’s what I’ve found out.
I’ve learned that volleyball shorts are sometime referred to as “bunhuggers” so maybe this isn’t so untypical. I’ve also been told that there is a purpose to tight spandex as a uniform in that it provides unhindered range of motion I guess.
I found out that the coach is absolutely OK with her wearing regular soccer style shorts over the standard shorts. When I brought this up she flatout refused saying that she’d be the only one on the team like that and would rather not play than be singled out like that by her mother. Not sure if I should push that issue.
On the other hand the coach says that for gamedays shirts must be tucked in. Frankly I think this just makes it worse.
OK I fully accept that I’m a more protective mother and perhaps prone to overreaction. Why should I care if she doesn’t? Well for one thing, at the last game I went to there were at least a dozen men all over the stands taking loads of pictures. Given the circumstances that creeps me out.
Ellephant Welcome to the boards. Glad you are here.
I don’t do Volleyball, but I do ride a bike. My bike shorts are spandex. They are tight, but they do allow for a complete range of motion. No binding or chafing. Compared to what I wore in Gym back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, spandex would have been heaven.
As far as the soccer shorts go, I would let this go unless the other parents agree. If you force your daughter to wear them and none of the other girls do, it will make her stand out. She will not like this. Do you really want to drive a wedge between you and your daughter over this?
Coaches want the team to look sharp. Shirts tucked in, etc. When I played HS football we had to wear dress shirts and ties on game days.
As far as the guys taking pictures go, could they have been the fathers of the players? If you say no, how do you know that?
Your daughter is participating in a sport, wearing the clothes that are appropriate for this sport. Would you post the same post if your daughter was a HS cheerleader? Same thing as this, just slightly different clothes. (don’t tell me that the cheerleaders are not just as exposed, I will tell you how the entire varsity team would turn around to watch the cheerleaders during some cheers :eek: )
Most kids now-a-days don’t get enough exercise. If I were you I would encourage her.
FTR, the best daughter in the world (mine) turns 21 in a couple of weeks. So I do have a little experience in these matters.
I’m not a parent, but I do think letting her be part of a team has to count for something. She’s probably right that it could separate her from her teammates in a bad way, even if you have good cause to worry about creeps.
I had lots of friends in high school who played volleyball. (I graduated in 2003.) They all wore the spandex shorts–we called them spankies. They always had to wear their uniform shirts tucked in too. Things were the same for all the visiting teams.
I can’t think of a single girl who wore soccer shorts over the spandex ones. Most the girls wore the same kind of shorts for gym class, too. I wore some pretty tight shorts for gym, and that never made me feel uncomfortable. My spankies were definitely more comfortable than soccer shorts when it came running around. They definitely didn’t ride up as much or expose as much bare skin up the legs. I felt more exposed in my swing choir uniform than in those things, and that skirt came down well past my knees.
Honestly, I felt worse for the girls out for cross country in one of the neighboring school districts who had to wear a running unitard. They weren’t even allowed to wear running tights under it. They always looked so cold at the end of October, running in basically a swimsuit. The massive wedgies they got couldn’t have been terribly comfortable, either.
Not to be harsh, but your little girl is going to grow up some day, and you’re not going to be able to stop it. That doesn’t mean you have to embrace it, but on the large scale, volleyball spankies aren’t all that important. It’s a sports uniform–how would you feel if she had gone out for wrestling? That’s an all Spandex, all the time sport. It could be much worse.
Hi Elephant. Welcome to the Boards, and well done for progressing beyond the ‘lurking’ stage. I think pretty much everyone here is going to be sympathetic to the fact that you, of course, care very much for your daughter’s welfare and safety, and I guess it’s a fine line between not being protective enough and over-doing it.
I don’t have any relevant experience to offer concerning the OP directly, but I’d just like to highlight your line about men taking photographs. I do understand and respect that you’re a concerned and protective Mom, and that’s great. I also understand that some men, in some circumstances, present a cause for concern. But please, please, please don’t jump to conclusions.
Fact check: (1) Lots of men are as well-behaved, as law-abiding, as harmless and as respectable as you. Lots of men would be the first in line to PROTECT your daughter, or any other woman, from any other guy who had a creepy or inappropriate interest. (2) Taking photographs isn’t usually an illegal or an immoral thing to do. (3) Lots of men take lots of photos at any and all sorts of public sports and entertainment events, and there’s nothing even remotely creepy about it. So do lots of women for that matter. (4) As others have pointed out, these men may be fathers or friends of some of the other girls participating in the game. (5) Men with creepy interests in young girls wearing tight-fitting outfits really don’t need to go to sports events and take their own (amteurish) pictures in public places. There’s this thing called the internet, and these individuals can get all the professional-quality images they want. (6) Generalised statements about women being (think of any derogatory attribute) aren’t very nice or helpful, either here on the Boards or in real life. Same goes for such statements about men. I am one, and – surprise surprise – some of us are really very nice, respectable, non-creepy types. Even if we have a camera.
Look at the bright side, Elephant, she could have joined the swim team.
I have a daughter who plays volleyball. In 7th grade she thought the shorts were weird and too tight as she was used to seeing the basketball player-style street-thug loose shorts everywhere else. She got used to it. In high school she was on a travel team and we’d go to tournaments. Over 3000 girls in a convention center- all wearing “bunhuggers”. There are thousands and thousands of women on college, recreational, and high school volleyball teams who all wear the same thing. While skin tight shorts are more revealing than manysports uniforms, they are less revealing than others…and by the vast majority of the population in this country they are not considered obscene.
In my daughter’s 8+ years of playing volleyball (she’s got 2 years left as she plays in college) I can’t say I’ve ever seen a bunch of men (or any man) sitting in the stands and taking lots of pictures. Men like seeing as much skin as possible at all times, true, but if one specifically wanted titilation, there are lots of places to see lots more skin than a girls volleyball game. Could they be proud fathers and nothing more?
Making your daughter wear loser shorts over the regulation uniform at best would make her feel uncomfortable and out of place for a while and at worst could well make her a laughingstock through her middle school and even high school years.
Hi Ellephant! Welcome to the world of teenage daughters! You know that your visible discomfort with this is driving the trend, don’t you? The next few years will involve a LOT of deep breathing exercises for you while she explores fashion trends, peer acceptance, the power of her own sexuality, and separation from her parents’ opinion in favor of her own. Being an enthusiastic participant in organized sports is a GOOD environment for all of this to happen in, but it will require a tightrope walk with no right or wrong for you as far as knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. Good luck!
I don’t like them either, but they’re a fair spot better than the preceding trend of wearing bottoms that looked like tankini bottoms. Those were unflattering to even the most fit person. At least they now have a leg to them.
I’ve been involved in volleyball for many years, as a player and a coach. I wrote to the parents that the uniform was a “solid black shorts, either soccert-type shorts or the lycra volleyball shorts).” I never made it an issue and neither did the girls. Half wore shorts; half wore the spandex shorts.
I can’t quite picture what these shorts look like, could you possibly….
just kidding
The fact is that despite appearances, spankies are less revealing than most other shorts. You can jump around, and they stay put. Back when I was in high school, girl’s soccer practice looked like a production of Oh! Calcutta.
Welcome aboard Ellephant! I am a guy but my sister played volleyball from junior high school through college. Those bunhuggers happened to be one of the few pieces of clothing she wore that I did not object to. Spandex really does improve your range of motion and when lots of jumping is inolved it gives you extra “spring” in your maneuvers. In college track the men’s uniforms leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. Still, they are incredibly comfortable.
I would not push this issue to hard. Frosted Sister verified my suspicion that in certain tournaments, uniform codes may or may not allow her to wear standard shorts if the rest of her team is wearing the spandex uniform. I encountered this at every relay. If one person wanted to run with a shirt under their singlet (jersey) then at least one more person on the relay team had to wear a shirt of the same color under theirs.
You are a mother and its well within your rights to overreact; it keeps us out of trouble. Just remember, there are a lot of relatives who like to take pictures of their family members participating in sports. Most likely, these are fathers and brothers who are just trying to capture the memories.
Welcome. At that age, it’s important to fit in with the herd. So, it sounds like you have gone to the games- are your daughters shorts more or less in line with what the other girls wear? If so, then leave it alone.
Most of those men - in fact I’d guess that all of those men- are taking pic of their daughters, I’ll bet. Strike up a conversation with a couple- like “which one’s yours?” or “I’ll bet your daughter is happy to see her Dad at these kind of events”. (And if you’re a single Mom, and if one of those guys is a single Dad, well, then )
A google image search for “volleyball” reveals that this kind of short is pretty standard.
I wouldn’t worry about it. Context is important. A bikini is a totally appropriate and non sexualized thing to wear to the beach. But that same bikini at a nightclub would be an inappropriate and sexualized thing. To a kid on a volleyball teamn and her peers, it’s a volleyball uniform and nothing more.
Franky, I think you’d have more to worry about if she was uncomfortable in her body and hated the uniform for that reason.
Through these years, your daugter will face some uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous situations with men, both her own age and older. Her own brain is a much bigger protection against this than a pair of baggy shorts. You really can’t keep the men away- creepy guys are just a part of being a young woman, and they will bug everyone from the prom queen to the funny looking kid with big glasses who wears overalls all the time. The greatest skills you can teach her is how to be comfortable with herself and recognize bounderies. How to be assertive and say a solid “No. Go away.” and really mean it.
I strongly suggest that you encourage your daughter to enroll in a woman’s self-defence class. The goal isnt’ to become a karate master- no young girl is going to do that. But she will learn how to assert herself and warn off unwanted attention. 100% of predators are looking for easy prey, and they have numerous techniques they will use for finding the nice, polite, unconfident girls who will not fight back. A self defense class will teach her how not to pass those “tests”.
I thank you all so much for your replies (and wisdom). I’m totally convinced that as a whole the activity is totally benficial to her. I also accept the fact that the shorts are an integral part of the uniform as well as the sport.
To be honest that’s not really the issue. Yes all the other girls on the team are wearing the same shorts but they really don’t fit her the same way as they do them. To be blunt about it her crotch bulges way more than any of the others. This seems to gain her an inappropriate amount of attention. Trunk’s aweful website seems to futher that point.
As for the boys and men taking pictures I of course considered that they’re probably friends or family. But when I watched at least a few of them carefully I noticed that they seem to be focusing an aweful lot on my daughter whereas you’d expect they’d be more interested in their own kid.
It just creeps me out. And the fact that she doesn’t seem to care or believe me about any of this makes it worse. She thinks I’m overreacting or have some alterior motive.
At this point, I’d tend to agree with your daughter. I doubt that her body is outside of the range of normal. And even if her pubic bone was more pronounced than others, why in the world would you keep harping on it? It is her body and she can’t change it. It is your job as a parent to boost her self esteem, not make her feel like a freak.
Look at swimmers. Some girls have flat chests and others “bulge” out way more than others. So what? Most girls are focusing on the competition, and so should you. Quit sexualizing something that is not sexual.
Maybe she should be wearing the next size larger shorts?
I think everyone is on the right track, that these are the standard uniform for the sport and making an issue of it will not be helpful.
I personally have always had more of a curvy figure than an athletic figure, and have always had a hard time finding shorts that gave me a “professional” look rather than a “cute” look. Now, alas, I just look middle aged, but not to hijack your thread with my problems… But maybe your daughter has a similar issue needs to wear shorts that are a little looser?
:eek: )
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