Weird Houses on my way to work

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The Passing Show on my ay in always fascinates me. I’ve mentioned in the past the house with the sign that says “Warning – Do Not Enter While Alive”, which sounds like it should be a resty home for zombies. Now I have:
1.) The Fortress – on a little rise is a tiny, nondescript house. In fact, it’s downright tight and cramped and uncomfortable-looking. The owner has gone to a great deal of trouble to erect a stone wall completely around his backyard. It’s more than person-high, so even if he weren’t on a rise, you couldn’t see over it. This is not a pretty stone wall, like the Olde New England Stone Walls that Robert Frost wrote about. The kind that Make Good Neighbors. This is one designed to keep folks out. It’s an unartistic one that you can tel that someone without great skill in stonesetting put together out of local fieldstone and a few bags of cement without any help. The tops and edges are scraggly (but it ends on the sides of the house, so it locks in the backyard and won’t let you see. And finally, the crowning touch, the owner has gone so far as to put up no fewer than five – five – cameras on solid mounts overlooking this wall. He obviously hasn’t spent much money on the house or on the wall, even, but he put out big bucks for high tech surveillance. The metal supportsd for these cameras look as if they’ll stand up to a New England winter.

Ya gotta ask – why? What’s he trying to protect? Or what is he trying to keep in?
2.) The MiniVilla – There are a lot of folks with Italian backgrounds out here, and for some reason they seem particularly susceptible to the kind of homeownership that ends up with them erecting little mini-kingdoms, with wrought iron fences surrounding meticulous stone or brick-walled domains. (These folks have professional-looking walls. And I’ve never seen surveillance cameras on them.) They may have a couple of casrved stone lions guarding the entranceway, or a fountain, or some other indulgence.

But this one has definitely gone overboard. As I’ve driven by, he has added, in succession:

                a.) A min-Greek or -Roman Temple. With nothing in it.

                b.) A huge fountain, with a big rock in it...

                 c.) ....and a large Greek column not clearly associated with anything else. There's a teeny roof on top of it, as if he needs the keep the rain and snow off the capital.

                  d.) ... and a bronze statue of (presumably) a goddess, with one breast exposed.

                 e.) Further back, there's a white (marble? gypsum? Cement?) statue iof a goddess, also with one breast exposed.

                f.) A "For Sale" sign.

What? He spends all this time building this overlarded museum and then puts it up for sale? Does he want to start over again somewhere else? Or has the cost of statuary forced him to sell?

3.) The Mystery Building – There’s a very ordinary-looking house , but if you look through the driveway, you can see that, attached to the back is a huge brick building. It’s the size of a barn – at leastr three stories tall. And it has no windows. The doors are always closed. It’s creepy. It reminds me of the Deke Temple at Colgate University (where they hold initiations, apparently, and rumors abound about what’s actually inside.) I’m afraid to go and ask. I’m afraid I’d find a sign that says “Welcome! We’re the Whatelys!” and a ramp for cattle.

How about you folks?

2

Wow, your commute is a hell of a lot more interesting than mine.

I mostly notice the gardens, or what passes for them.

One day I was stuck at a particular point in the backup for a light I wish they’d change the timing on, and could see in through the corner of a yard that is screened from the road by tall arborvitae. There were a bunch of white critters grazing in this overgrown, weedy yard – and I couldn’t tell what they were. They were grazing, so I’d guess sheep – but they looked more like dogs. There were four or five of them. Do dogs ever “graze”?

Damn, I really do need to get my eyes checked.

3

Pictures would help, Cal.

4

Damn Cal you live in an interesting place. The strangest place I’ve ever seen was the family that lived across the street from my second house. They lived in a bus, they had painted it silver and added a smoke stack. The HOA had them removed late last year.

5

We had a mystery house. No one came in, no one went out. The curtains, always closed, never moved. The grass was overgrown, and the yard unkempt. There were piles of what seemed to be newspapers and other junk at the front door, piles that never diminished or changed. A truck was parked in the driveway with a couple of years’ worth of dropped needles from the trees dusting it. The yard and house were always in the shadows from overgrown trees and shrubbery, and it seemed menacing. I always stopped and peered into the yard while walking the dog past it, but I never saw signs of life. If I was a kid, there’s no way I’d have trick-or-treated at that door.

Then it was for sale! And the real estate agent’s website (yes, I’m a curious gal) said “a real mess inside”, which REALLY made me wonder, as real estate agents seem to always put the shiniest spin on things. And it was listed at over $300,000 which also boggled me.

I figure someone old and alone lived there.

Now it’s an empty lot. I imagine a new house will be going up in its stead eventually.

That’s the only local mystery house in my very local neighbourhood.

6

There used to be a creepy-looking (abandoned? Certainly no one lived there) house off the Harrison pike, with cemetaries on both sides of the street. It reminded me of the house Stephen King wrote about in book 2 or 3 of his ‘Gunslinger’ series. It got bulldozed a year or two back, but while it stood I wouldn’t have gone up to it on a dare.

7

Mainstream suburban ranch house with a slightly larger than life Grim Reaper - complete with scythe & hooded robe - outside. The house also boasts a “Go Mets” banner & for a time had a dessicated Christmas wreath that hung on the door for over a year. Morris Plains, NJ.

VCNJ~

8

“slightly larger than life”? Like I know how tall the Grim Reaper is. :stuck_out_tongue:

VCNJ~

9

There is a very very very tiny ranch style house that sits on a huge lot with a virtual jungle on it. The first time I walked by, I thought it was a deserted vacant lot. Huge trees and grass. I don’t think the house could have more than four rooms.

There’s also a plant that looks like Morticia’s pet on The Adams Family. The one she was always feeding by hand. They are very popular in my parts. Huge green tube like stalks with many tiny, pretty white, pink and magenta flowers.

10

I would like to know what went through the heads of the three households on Eaton Avenue in Toronto who not only completely bricked in their front yards (a definite no-no in my book), but varnished the brick as well. And two of them have a low steplike retaining wall at the front of the yard, so they don’t even have the bad excuse of parking on it.

11

Dude! You’re in New Jersey! That’s like not fair in this fight. 'Jersey’s got so much weirdness to pick from.

:stuck_out_tongue:

-Geek, who lived in Kinnelon for 4 years.

12

In my rural area, I have noted a phenomenon along these lines. It seems the poorer and more trashy the property, the more “NO TRESPASSING!” signs you will see.

I remember once spying a tumble-down shack on a rural road which had legions of busted-up and broken down cars in their yard along with heaps of broken toys, wheel-less bicycles and scattered beer cans. The owners had put up at least a dozen signs in front of this place, tacked to every vertical surface: NO TRESPASSING! TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT!* and BEWARE OF DOG!

My only thought was, “Who would want to trespass there? Not without a tetnus shot!”

There are some very interesting houses along the way around here. There is an electric purple Victorian with pink and yellow trim. (Yeah, them Victorians loved bright colors, but I don’t think they had electric purple paint back in those days.)

There is also the “Fuck You House.” A big McHousing development went in a field behind this guy’s property, to which he apparently took gross offense. So, he painted his own house bright orange with big, sloppy blue splotches, and cut down all of the lovely big trees which used to surround it. (Juuust to make sure the McHouses had a really clear view of his orange monstrosity.)

Then, there’s the “House Which Was Never Finished.” When I was a kid, it was on my bus route. It was a one-story ranch which was being faced with stone. The back and sides had been finished, but not the front. The stones were piled up in the yard, ready to go, but for some reason, the job was never finished. All that seperated these folks from the elements was the silvery insulation board. The last time I saw it was when I was in eighth grade. Last year, we went to visit some friends who had moved to that road and, by gum, those stones were still in a pile and you could still see the insulation board. Not a lick of progress had been made in more than a decade.

*This was actually a novelty sign at one time: TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT. SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN, but the second line had been jaggedly broken off, presumably to remove any humor which might lead to doubts that they were serious.

13

A few more:

1.) On my old way to work, there was a house painted ugly green-blue with all the windows perpetually shaded or even boarded up. And a HUGE TV dish on the roof. I guess the guy didn’t like his view, but liked the TV.
2.) Back where I;m from in NJ there is a used car lot that I have NEVER seen anyone at. I’ve never seen customers, or salesmen, or anyone taking or delivering cars. The cars change, so if I were to stake the place out, presumably I’d see something. But I’ve never seen anyone there.

3.) Also in NJ, along US 1. There’s a hot and root beer stand near Menlo Park that I;ve never seen anyone at, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen open. But it’s not closed or abandoned. Similarly, on the same road, but closer to Princeton, there’s a tiny Mexican restaurant that seems to be in the same boat – not “closed” or abandoned, but never seems to be open or have customers. Pepper Mill and I always point these out when we pass them.

14

I see these things all the time:

  1. a “Do-it-yourself” home improvement project (which is started but never finished). Equipment and materials scattered all over the place-and the guy either gives up or forgets about the whole thing.
  2. the “delusions of grandeur”. I saw a house (a small, humble ranch). The owner decided to face it with stone, put in greek columns, statues in the yard, etc. looks stupid!
  3. The slowly decaying look: house hasn’t been painted in 40 years-rotting clapboards, broken window frames. Very often, you can see tilting venetian blinds inside. Yard overgrown with weeds, assorted junk in backyard!
  4. Horribly mangled ‘restoration": owner decides to renovate “on the cheap”-winds up with mismatched doors, windows, and usually doesn’t bother fixing expensive stuff-like the "renovated’ house we looked at-which had a 70 year old furnace and leaky pipes!
15

Hubby and I looked at a house like this when we were house-shopping. It was a grand old sprawling twenty-room Victorian-- really a gorgeous old home but it had seen some hard times.

It seems the previous owner had been somewhat of a handyman and had nutrured illusions of buying the place on the cheap, fixing it up and making a fortune. Maybe he could have, but he apparently didn’t want to put the money into it that it needed.

You could actually see the progression of his work. The living room (one of them, anyway) was gorgeously restored. I mean, it was* lovely.* he had put a lot of time and effort into his craftsmanship. Then, slowly, the work started getting a little cheaper and more shoddy as you walked through. By the time you got to the kitchen, you could almost hear him saying, “Fuck this!” He had started on the bathroom beside the kitchen, but had apparently hurried along to get it somewhat finished so he could put it on the market. He had forgotten to install a sink!

Some people’s idea of “restoration” amounts to a coat of paint and re-staining the woodwork. A lot of old “restored” homes around here still have their original knob-and-tube wiring. (Our insurance company flatly refuses to cover any home which has it.) It’s hideously expensive to replace, because you often have to replace the old wires in the walls which can’t handle a higher load. Nine times out of ten, it hasn’t been done

16

:stuck_out_tongue: I think the Grim Reaper house even got a blurb in the mag.

I also didn’t mention the house that has a nice statue of Paddington Bear in the front yard. They dress it up appropriately at holidays - wings & an arrow for Valentine’s day; fatigues & a helmet for Memorial Day, etc. My favorite is Halloween - just a sheet over it with two eyeholes cut out. Cracks me up every year.

Other honorable mentions:

The house on Littleton Road that features a nice life-sized nativity scene at Christmas - complete with Santa landing his reindeer on top.

As far as yard ornamentation - I think Long Island (at least the Valley Stream area) takes the cake for cement yard decorations.

VCNJ~

17

You sure it wasn’t housing BC’s biggest cash crop? :wink:

To be fair, my parents lived across the street from a house like that, except that we knew what the situation was. Old lady, lived alone, when she wound up in extended care at the hospital her family just let the house slowly moulder until she passed away. Now the house is gone and a massive new one is going up in its place.

The most interesting house in my current neighbourhood is a big Victorian painted in the primary colours - bright blue with red and yellow trim. It’s got a life-sized doll leaning on the balcony railing, apparently taking in the view or something.

18

Two in our neighborhood that get me:

  1. The Fisher-Price A Frame: it’s actually not an A-frame house, it’s a two story farmhouse type house, and apparently at some point in what I can only assume was 1965, someone decided the easiest way to expand the house was to build an A-frame over the top of it. In places, you can still see the lines of the original house sticking through. It’s ugly, but almost endearing. In a weird way.

  2. The Really, Really, Really Enthusiastic House
    Painted on one side of the house is a long message about Jesus. It’s an upbeat Jesus message, about how awesome it’s going to be when Jesus comes again (as opposed to the hellfire/sinners/repent kind of Jesus message) On the other side is an equally fervent message about how awesome the local football team is going to be this season. It seems like Ned Flanders must live in that house, the all-around level of enthusiasm for things is so gosh darn high.

19

Your first one in the OP reminds me of a house I have only heard about, near here in Vermont. Castle, turrets, the whole nine except no moat. But the fence across the back is built out of empty(?) fifty-gallon drums. Purty.

I see only the usually farms, farm houses and newer developments on the way to work so visually it’s just pretty, not weird. Various fertilizers are used though, so olfactorily it is a new adventure every day.

20

That sounds pretty. Like that home out in LA that John McPhee qwrote about in “Control of Nature”.

This house I see every day ain’t pretty, by anyone’s standards. It’s a gritty little crowded house that seems to have that stone wall stuck on by someone with more enthusiasm than talent. It’s not a pretty wall. It’s ugly as hell. No turrets, or even a proper, leveled top. Stalag 17 in suburbia.