Background: My now ex-wife moved out in October of 2005. After she did, I took all of the pictures of us that were around the house and put them in a back closet with the intention of reusing the picture frames some day.
In January of this year I met someone new who will be moving in with me in a couple of months. My sister took a great picture of us that I wanted to frame and put in the living room. I figured that I’d use one of the previously mentioned old frames. My girlfriend said that that was not going to happen and that we would have to get new picture frames for any pictures of us.
I didn’t argue with her. If she wants new picture frames, I’ll get new picture frames. No big deal. I have to admit that it never occurred to me that it would have been an issue so I thought that this might make an interesting poll.
Would you mind reusing picture frames that had been previously sullied with your SOs ex?
Only after it having been brought up as a point of contention. It is like demanding of someone to not to think of a boat then polling them every once in a while about it. You know that is the first thing they are going to think of and it is only going to get worse over time.
Was there a like problem with the bathtub being sullied with her presence? Now THAT would suck to replace. And that wasn’t even a picture… that was her!
I married my hubby 3 years ago, and our home is the same one he and his ex-wife lived in - and raised their children in. Think about it - I’m using the same kitchen she cooked in, etc. I personally would not turn my nose up at using an ‘old’ picture frame. Matter of fact, when I was fixing up photos for my foyer I swapped around several - some photos look better in some frames, ya know? Some from my kids’ and some from his kids’ - made a photo wall with photos of all 4 kids using the photos we had and the frames from both households.
My stepdaughter has several knick-knack things which I display in the living areas which came from her mom and remind her of her mom - I don’t have a bit of problem with that. I think we even use some bedsheets from their old days. It doesn’t bother me. Some folks have issues with it, though, and it might be respectful of you to refrain from using them. Pick your battles, and all that.
I guess you coulda’ pretended like the frames came from Aunt Margie or something !
Just don’t ever let them find out. Theres a suspension of disbelief that this new person is taking up an entirely different and far more special place in your life than anyone previously…the same frame dispels that a bit.
Well, if the guy were to pull out a box and some silver polish and say that the silverware had been in storage since the day the ex moved out, I’d probably be a little uncomfortable. In this case I would feel like the guy is the one who ascribed “history” to the item by storing it away, even if this was not his intent. Given the specifics of the story, yeah, I’d say lets swing by TJMaxx for a new frame, the old ones can be used for pictures of Grandma or something.
What did you ex have cooties or something?
I vote to re-use the frames Actually someone demanding that I get new frames would probably irritate me more.
If the frames was engraved “Hajario and The-ex…two hearts forever joined as One” then I could see a problem with it.
I think the major problem was with letting the new girlfriend see the box of pictures in frames at the back of the closet. Ideally you should have just brought out the new picture in the old frame and she would have never seen what used to be in the frame. But since you apparently left all the old pictures in the frames when you stored them, and she saw them, now she has linked the two items in her brain.
I think for at least the first picture of the two of you together, a new frame is in order…sort of symbolic. And for any future wedding pictures. But if the old frames are great frames, I’d just empty them and use them eventually.
Hmm. I rarely if ever buy picture frames; most of the ones I have are gifts. So I really wouldn’t like to have to replace them. The ones people give me are nice, too.
I’d think it was a bit odd and you can add me to the list of people who wonder why she’s not asking you to replace the bed, for example. But I guess it’s a minor thing to do for her?
Tell her that if she wants new picture frames, then she can damn well buy them herself. And no, it’s not a question of the money, per se. It’s that she ought to be willing to make an effort if she’s the one with the problem.
It probably wouldn’t bother me in general, but if I saw you stripping out the old photos specifically to replace them with pictures of us, somehow that’d bug me a little. So, for example, if you had a box of old pictures sans frame sitting next to a box of frames that used to contain pictures, and pulled one of the frames out to use for the picture o’us, I would not be disturbed in the slightest. If I saw you unframe a picture o’you and the ex in order to replace it with a picture o’us, then I’d be weirded out. No, it’s not rational. No, I don’t care.
Let’s be clear. I’m not going to be re-using the frames even if the “vote” in this thread is 100 to zero in favor of “it’s ok to use them.” She doesn’t like them, I love her and I can afford new picture frames. I can’t believe anyone would think I should tell her to suck it up over something so trivial. I wasn’t asking if I should using them anyway. I was asking if it would bother you if you were in the same situation.
Yeah, we use the same bed and I’ll be damned if I’m going to point that out because there is no fucking way I am springing for a new $2500 temperpedic mattress.
kittenblue: There is no engraving on any of the frames. You did make me realize something though. There is a large cup in the kitchen which I use to hold the bigger kitchen utensils like wooden spoons and spatulas. If you turn it around it has painted on it “Haj and Ex - 4/4/93.” It was a wedding gift. I think that I will quietly buy a new cup very soon.
Yes it would worry me if the frames were silver ones bought for wedding pics or a anniversary/wedding present, or engraved with messages that are now inappropriate. Not so much if they were picked up at IKEA one rainy weekend.
But, horses for courses and all that, so if it bothers her and you’re happy to go along, well, good for you.
I’d buy a new cup sharpish, and break the old one first.
!
Actually someone demanding that I get new frames would probably irritate me more.