http://www.ehow.com/how_2064554_kick-guy-balls.html
Note that this comes to us from “eHow’s Relationship and Family Editor.” :eek: Is she aware that a kick in the balls generally ends a relationship and can even jeopardize the kickee’s chance at a family?
I’d love to see the response to a similar article where the genders were reversed. Lovely. Does this mean the author is a misandrist?
Hmmm… maybe a companion article - How to Slap That Bitch a Good One when She’s Asking For It.
Had I an eHow account, I’d flag it as inappropriate. Ice Cream Man - the author might or might not be misandrist, but the article certainly is.
When I was a teenager me and this girl were horse playing in the pool. (We were trying to dunk each others heads under the water). For some reason this girl thought it would be funny to knee me in the balls.
I instinctively nailed her in the face. She ran home crying I limped home in pain.
The next day this girls father come pounding on my door. He’s bitching at my mother telling her what a prick I am. I got involved with the conversation and told him my side of the story. (or in other words the truth)
He acted as if it wasn’t a big deal and I should have shrugged it off. He changed his story real quick when I took him into the other room, dropped my pants and showed him the black and blue bruise I had on my nutsack.
I felt weired doing that but the fucker was pissing me off.
I bet he would have declined an invitation to demo that on him, though. :rolleyes:
When I was first in Japan, many, many, many moons ago, I was walking home about 10 at night, which took me through the night entertainment district. There was an inebriated couple, having a great time. The well-dressed, beautiful woman must have decided it would be hilarious to hit him in the balls. Without batting an eye, she brought her arm from a folded start and just nailed his balls. :eek:
I’ve never seen anyone drop to the pavement so quickly.
In the meanwhile, the woman keep on laughing. :eek: :eek:
Am I the only one who bothered to scroll down?
It’s a joke, folks. A similarly lighthearted article titled “How to Bitch Slap That Ho” would be equally as funny (to me, anyway).
Doesn’t the idiot know that you can’t kick a man in the balls with your knee. Kneeing a man in the balls is a whole different, more intimate, thing.
No, but why would I want to give it away?
Besides, the idea of a “Relationship and Family Editor” writing about kicking someone in the balls is priceless.
Actually–seriously–I have a factoid in my head from some “self-defense for women” magazine filler that says that if you’re gonna kick a guy in the balls, don’t aim your toecap for his nutsack the way you’d kick a soccer ball, because you might end up only kicking him in the upper thigh. Painful, yes, but not immobilizing. We were advised to think of it instead as kicking him with the ankle, IOW, bring your ankle up underneath his crotch, not your pointy ballerina toe.
A ballerina toe kick costs extra.
From the link:
“Dear Abby, I tried to build a bond of trust and a safe atmosphere before kicking him in the balls, but my boyfriend just won’t commit. Why are men so commitment-phobic? Signed, Rockette.”
This is also what my sensei (who teaches self-defense courses for college-aged women) recommends.
Of course, my sensei also recommends (depending on his knowledge of your aiming abilities) that, rather than kicking a man in the balls, you kick him in the knee. Better chance of immobilizing him, and less chance he’ll be able to effectively deflect or ward it off. Easier to block a balls-kick than a kneecap. Plus, if someone is trying to protect a knee, they almost have to bend over some - then you can just kick them in the face. Besides, a good, hard kick to the knee stands a pretty good chance of dislocating the joint. A guy might, possibly be able to chase you if you kick him in the sack (unlikely, but possible) if he’s drunk, stoned or angry enough. A person who’s just had their knee dislocated isn’t chasing anyone anywhere.
One of my friends from highschool was a complete tomboy, and prone to (jovially) punching, poking, and lightly kicking friends of either gender. Now she had learned early that the thighs and rearquarters of men tended to be really great targets, as they could absorb a lot of the impact without doing much permanent damage. Now, I should note that none of the guys she knew seemed to care, as she tended to have terrible aim.
Pay attention to that last part, because it’s going to be fairly important in a moment. As it turns out, on top of having terrible aim she and all of her fourteen years had apparently never seen a naked guy, or if she had she must’ve had a really terrible sense of spatial relations. In any event, she was unaware of the fact that if, upon being teased by a guy friend who has back to you, you try to kick him between the legs from behind as hard as you can, you have a significantly better chance of tagging him in the Benjamins than you do of getting anywhere near his actual rear.
To this day she insists it was an accident, but I always had my doubts. 
DEAR ROCKETTE: You need to stop and smell the coffee, dear. This man may have been hurt in the past, and is afraid to commit at the current time. If he does, he is likely to hurt you. You need to beat him to the punch. So stop and smell the coffee, then ask him to smell it as well. When he comes a little closer to do so, boom, introduce your Prada to his stones.
I have never had brusing result from a hit to the balls.
Then you clearly haven’t been doing it right. I advise you to re-read the article and practice at home.
Disclaimer: I do not advocate testicular violence for amusement or any other purpose than self-defense.
The article seems to have been disappeared.