Help Me With This Purple Prose...

My friend received this document from the Conecticutt UDepartment and I am shocked. Regardless of what her actual situation is, WHAT, exactly, does this paper say? Ihave never seen such a badly wriiten piece of gobbledegook in my life and I can’t believe that someone actually proof-read this thing and decided it was fine to send out to the general public. My god. Can anyone translate this into English?

To wit:

"Dear Sir or Madam:
You received benefits in your last benefit year and have not been paid wages from covered employment in the amount required by law since the beginning of that benefit year. The Connecticutt unemployment compensation law provides that an individual shall be ineligible for benefits if he received benefits in a prior benefit year and has not again become employed and been paid wages of covered employment of $300 or five times his benefit rate, whichever is greater, since the beginning of that benefit year. You will remain ineligible until you have been paid wages from covered employment which will bring your total wages since the beginninjg of your last benefit year up to $300 and are otherwise eligible. "

“Your unemployment ran out, bitch. Get a job that pays into Unemployment. When you’ve made $300 or five times your benefit, then you can get back on unemployment again, assuming you meet all the other requirements.”

Well, lets break it down:

That’s pretty clear. The person received unemployment benefits in the last year and haven’t been paid wages in the amount required by law since the beginning of that year.

Connecticut law says that if you received unemployment benefits in the past, you’re ineligible to apply for unemployment again until after you’ve become employed and paid wages of either $300 or five times your benefit rate…if you received unemployment compensation of $300 a week, for instance, you had to have over $1500 in wages to become eligible again.

You’re ineligible until you’ve been paid wages that will bring your total wages up to $300.

That’s how I read it, anyway.

Or, more simply, what Whynot said.

I’ll take a shot at it :smiley:

"Dear Sir or Madam:
You have received benefits in your last year in which benefits were available to you. During that year, wages from employment were not paid to you.

As you know, Connecticut unemployment compensation law requres that an individual who receives benefits during a year needs to be employed to receive such benefits, and that employment must pay at least $300 or 5 times your benefit rate, whichever is greater.

How you got the benefits we don’t know, but you are ineligible for benefits until you get a job and that job pays you the $300 (or 5X your benefit rate). Only then will you be eligible again."

PS. Our proofreader died

Well, then, there’s at least one job available.

It seems to me pretty straightforward as these things go. Sure, it could be reduced to a simpler form but that might leave ambiguities and it’s the purpose of official and legal prose to make sure there are no ambiguities.

Well, I thought the whole thing was ambiguous as it seemed to keep contradicting itself. But what the hell. I pretty much know what it said, but I was just so shocked at how it was said and that this thing was sent out to people.
Sheesh. Thanx for your input, I was just venting

Oh, it’s pretty terrible writing, no doubt. But one of the side effects of being poor is getting better at deciphering Bureaucratese. :smiley: