I am your better. Do as I say.

The BBQ Pit
1

Every day, I take the DC metro train to and from work. For those outsiders, the Metro system isn’t known for its, let’s say, “competence”. There are two ways to pay for the trip- either a paper fare card that you insert into the gate or a RFID card that connects to an online account. Most people use the latter SmarTrip card for various reasons. Well, mine quit working. It wouldn’t read at any of the gates.

So I had to mail it in for a replacement. It’s supposed to take 3-5 business days to get a new one. It’s been 7 so far. So I’m still using paper cards.

I go to get on the train today and find that it’ll arrive in 2 minutes. The next one isn’t even on the board yet, so it’ll be at least 15. I insert my paper ticket and it says I don’t have enough money left. Just $1.10 instead of the minimum $1.20 or whatever.

I run back to the ticket machines. First one- doesn’t accept bills. Second one- fare card slot isn’t working. Third one- says “out of service” which ironically makes it the best working one there. Fourth machine, the greatest malady of all- a flock of tourists. We’re talking 30 or 40 people all trying to use the same machine.

Train pulls into the station, so I say “screw it” and tailgate someone through the entry gate. I run to the escalators but, of course, there are tourists standing on the wrong side, blocking the walkers. I curtly say “excuse me”, surprised that I could curtail my rage enough to still use polite words, and barely hop on the train, whose doors still manage to smash me as I enter as if to say “fuck you again.”

Now so far it’s been machines and clueless people that have pissed me off. But then I encounter Power Trip Jamal, Metro Employee Extraordinaire (PTJMEE). I approach him.

Me - “Excuse me, sir (yes I did say that), the entry gates didn’t take my ticket.”
PTJMEE - “Didn’t take it? You came in with a bad card.” ::snatches my card::
Me - “No, no, it just doesn’t have enough money on it.”
PTJMEE - “Ah ha! How you get on the train then, hmm?!”
Me - “The machines weren’t working in [starting station].”
PTJMEE - “Ain’t none of the machines broken [there]. I’ve had people come through all day from there and non’a them be saying the machine’s broken.”
Me - * There are a million explanations for that, dolt.*
Me - “Yu huh, one’s not taking bills, one’s out of ser-”
PTJMEE - “What you did is called ‘fare evasion’.”
Me - No shit. That’s why I’m here now.
Me - “I just need to put more money on the card(, so let me through the gate).”
PTJMEE - “You needed to see the station manager at [start], not do this here. Go put your money in and come back.”

So I do that, enter the gate, exit the gate, and leave. But PTJMEE, fuck you and your lecture. Do I have a fanny pack and a bottle of water? No. Do I have a suitcase and a map, standing around looking lost? No. Am I wearing slacks and a tie? Yes. I’M NOT A FUCKING TOURIST. Yes, I evaded the fare…because your fucking machines don’t work, as usual. And don’t call me a liar when I tell you so because you know fucking well that those things are pieces of shit. You know your system thinks it does a good job when it goes a week without killing somebody. Here I am, trying to correct the situation and you’re reading me the riot act from your pedestal of moral superiority.

Listen carefully. I’m smarter than you, better at my job, and take care of myself better than you do. In other words, I am superior to you. So next time when I tell you I need to put money on the card, you say “OK” and let me do my thing. I don’t need to get in a pissing contest over $1.85 with you. I’m not some hood rat that’s trying to get out of paying for my ride. I’m just a guy on his way to work, trying to work with your fucked up system.

So again, fuck you, your machines, Metro, and all your racist, nose picking, sleeping-on-duty, GED-sporting, power-tripping coworkers.

Next week, I’m taking the helicopter.

2

I can see being somewhat annoyed and frustrated, but that’s some serious arrogance in that last bit.

3

If you’re so smart, maybe you could figure out a system where a line of tourists waiting to use the fare card machine doesn’t make you late for work.

4

“Yes, officer, I only broke the law because it was convenient for me.”
What an douche.

5

Quick, call James Randi. I’m psychic and want my million dollar prize. I predict this thread will not go well.

6

That would be SmarTrip. One-time $5 fee, no more waiting in line. When it works, it’s great. When it breaks, you end up dealing with the frightened-puppy tourists. I don’t usually mind. They’re a nuisance, sure, like a plague of locusts. But it’s not their fault anymore than it’s a baby’s fault that it cries. They just don’t know any better.

Metro employees, on the other hand, know better. Someone gave them a 3’x20’ little fiefdom and they’ll be DAMNED if someone’s going to fuck with them on their turf! At least the metro cops have badges and guns. The station workers just have neon vests and brooms. They’re like those 40-year old employees at McDonald’s- resentful, degraded, and looking for any opportunity to assert themselves just because they can, just to justify not having put a bullet in their skull the night before.

7

First of all, it’s more like “Yes, janitor…” and second of all, it’s only fare evasion if I evade the fare. Had I done that, I wouldn’t have had this conversation with PTJMEE.

8

I was thinking more along the lines of either showing up early enough at the train station to have time to load up your fare card, or doing it on the way out so that you’re ready for next time.

9

I came in here expecting the thread to be about someone who had the attitude encapsulated in the title. Imagine my surprise when I found the OP is the one professing that opinion, and, apparently, meaning it.

You got a jobsworth, who inconvenienced you. It happens. This does not mean you are superior to him.

10

Oh, this sounds like a tale that will be told … one way or another.

11

I’m just trying to figure out where racism fits into all this.

12

Power Trip Jamal, Metro Employee Extraordinaire (PTJMEE) did not recognize Chessic Sense as being of a superior race.

13

I’m trying to figure out why Chessic was telling all this to a Metro employee who was on the train. Was the guy carrying a spare ticket machine around with him?

14

Ah. I guess I was so impressed by the overt classism of the OP I was overlooking the implicit racism.

15

I’d reply to this thread, but as I am not a high-powered Big City whatever, I am obviously not qualified.

16

First of all, I know his name was Jamal because it was on his shirt. Secondly, I don’t know that he was necessarily racist, but a lot of them are. I do recall an incident when one proclaimed “See? This is what I hate about White people!” I’m not really sure what that was about, as I wasn’t a direct party to it. There have been other harder-to-prove incidences, and I never got around to Pitting them for it, so I figure I’ll just lump them all together here.

For those that don’t know, DC has a huge poor black population and a substantial Hispanic population. Northern Virginia has a substantial amount of both, but it’s a lot Whiter than the District. The metro employees, however, are at least 99% Black. I’m trying to think of a White employee that I’ve ever seen and I can’t think of one. Perhaps this is the source of the tension? I don’t know.

But I know I’m not alone when I say that the Metro system is a racist community.

17

He’s not on the train, he’s at the exit gates at my destination station. The ticket machines are on the outside of those gates, thus the impetus for our conversation. I needed him to let me through the emergency exit gate to get to the machines.

18

Well, Jamal was right. You did jump the fare. And even though he lectured you for it, he did let you out, and didn’t give you a ticket, because I think that is a pretty hefty fine. So, at least there’s that.

And let me say I hate that, when you just miss the train and the next one is 15 minutes off.

19

What station? And why didn’t you go to the station kiosk with your trouble? It’s been a few years since I lived there, but I seem to remember manned kiosks at just about every Metro station.

20

No shit and he didn’t even have to advocate for animal cruelty in this one. Yet.