Child support amounts are out of control

Great Debates
1

I’m going to say upfront before anyone suggests that I don’t want to pay my share of the child support, I do, but I think you’ll see my my own example it makes life impossible for me.

That said a quick background. My wife left me a few months ago. She took our two children, 4 and 2, with her. I see them a few times a week and have them every other weekend. The examples I’m using are mine, though I’ve changed the numbers a bit to make them easier to work with.

I live in Montgomery county, MD, which is just outside of DC. I own a townhouse with a monthly payment of $1600. Both my wife and I make 100k a year and we have one child in day care which is $20000 a year and the oldest is in preschool which is $18000 a year.

Currently I get paid $2050 every two weeks, with $250 going to my 401k. The rest of my gross pay goes to taxes and insurance. I’m still listed as married with the kids as dependents which means soon my taxes will go up.

Now comes the child support part. My wife has not gone to court yet, my lawyer and I are still waiting for her lawyer to do the paperwork. However there is a formula that the state uses that one really can’t deviate from. My support will be $2300* a month, which is over half of my net pay and will leave me with about $2150 a month to live off of. After taking out my mortgage I’ll be left with about $550 a month, which doesn’t include any type of utilities or gas or even food.

Now of course you can tell me to move but rent in this area is $13-1400 a month for two rooms, or I could find a one room place for $1100. I could find a place with roommates for $8-900, but then that leaves no place for my children to stay. I could also get a roommate, but that would also leave no place for my children to stay.

After talking to my lawyer she has said there’s not much that can be done about it and that judges don’t like to deviate from what the program says.

I feel that these numbers are way out of whack. There’s no way that anyone should have to pay half of what they make in a month for child support, especially when the woman actually makes more. No loan officer would give you a loan for 50% of what you make.

There is no way I can live off of $550 a month and actually be able to do anything with my kids. I don’t have TV, Netflix, or any other non-necessity now except internet which I’ve cut back. I was told, by my lawyer no less, to sell my house, take any equity, move into a smaller place, and use the equity to pay for child support. I’m also supposed to not save as much, which right now is what they match, for retirement. So basically I’m supposed to drive myself to the poor house and not be able to retire with anything.

Again I know that the children need to be supported, but it seems to me that the law makers didn’t think it through fully. It seems that they bleed the payer dry and unable to have a life. I think there needs to be some more thought put into the system.

*The law here in Maryland is set to change 1 October. Before then payments would be $1650. Both amounts include child care, but not the preschool which has been paid for. And again I used my numbers, but rounded a bit so no nit picking on exact numbers that might be off by $25 or so.

2

By your own numbers, just schooling/childcare is 38,000 a year. At 2300 month, you’ll be paying 27,600 of that. Which leaves the mother to cover the other 10k schooling/care as well as all food, clothing, medical, and other expenses for the children. While I can understand and sympathize with your financial situation, the numbers given don’t sound like you’re being hugely taken advantage of.

As for the townhouse, perhaps it’s a bit unreasonable to expect that what could be afforded before is still affordable when the household income is cut in half.

Like I said, I do sympathize. You’re in a tough situation. However, you said your wife makes about the same as you do. So she has the same economics facing her as well. She most likely can’t shoulder more of the costs for the same reason you can’t. You’ll have to make sacrifices for your childrens sake.

3

Looks like you’re going to have to sell the house and get a one bedroom. That’s $500 right there. So, you’ll have $1150 a month, which is quite a bit of money for one guy with part-time kids.

4

Is there a reason your wife has custody of the kids? At a minimum you should fight for 50% custody. Would you still have CS in that case?

5

Hmmm… you’re in the DC area? Can you move to Virginia and file there? Are the laws any different?

Other than that, yes that sounds like a lot, but plenty of people live on $550 a month after rent. In fact for many of us, that would be a step up. I dunno. It seems weird to me that a judge would award the other parent basically 50% of your income when the other parent also has her own education/income. I wouldn’t think it was high if she’d been a SAHM throughout the marriage and had no education and no work experience or job skills that would enable her to support the children and maintain her standard of living.

6

$38000 a year for pre-school/daycare? Can’t you hire a live-in tutor for less than that?

7

You say you earn 100k/yr but only get $2050 every two weeks? Something does not add up.

8

Depends on how much he takes out for his 401k and his health plan if he is covering both kids and the wife (paying for the whole family). He also might have a flexible spending plan running as well to bring it down. Finally, he might be over-with holding for taxes.

9

I wonder about that number as well. :confused:

10

No, it’s $19000 for child care, the preschool is already paid for. It will not be paid for again as she can go to public school next year.

Any way I make less then 100k, but I went up to make the numbers easier. There’s also insurance for the whole family and my retirement. However, you have to remember there’s State taxes, county taxes and city taxes. We get back $2000 a year give or take, of which half would be mine if you want to go that way.

Dogzilla, you can live off of $550 a month after rent? How do you pay electric, which averages around $100 a month for me, water, HOA, car insurance etc. We have to do a worksheet here and with nothing else I’m in the hole by a couple of hundred every month.

However I don’t just want to talk about me, that’s what they pit is for. I’ve heard that this is common in this area. I don’t think that law makers take into account the cost of living in different areas. As I’ve said I’ve been told what some judges will say, sell your house, use the equity for child support, no more retirement right now. It sounds insane that you can bankrupt the payer almost totally.

11

I agree that child support amounts are out of control , but will your taxes go down once your status is single? I’m not a tax accountant, but isn’t this one of the cases where there is a “marriage penalty”, when there are two partners with a relatively high income, the combination of which puts them in a huge tax bracket?

12

It’s $1512 a month for daycare, which is $18144 a year, school is just over $18000 a year, plus they have off a couple of weeks a year and she has to go somewhere. And no you couldn’t hire someone to watch for that much as the minimum wage in this area I think is $10 a hour. But no one will watch two children and teach them, for that kind of money.

This is the cost of living in the DC area.

13

Here’s the core of the problem:

How many people are more likely to vote for a politician who votes to cut back child support versus how many people are more likely to vote for one who votes to increase it? “Think of the children!!!”

Good luck.

14

Unless that preschool has Intro to Neurosurgery on its curriculum, $18k sounds pretty absurd.

15

:: sheepish ::

Well, not in the DC area, I couldn’t. I’m in different circumstances now, but maybe 10 years ago, that was probably about the amount I had for utilities (in this city, electric, trash, gas, water, sewer is all on the same bill) food, gas, insurances (car, renter’s), booze/play, cable/internet, etc. I live in North Florida. It’s relatively cheap here. I’m from Ohio, where I could live on $550 a month after rent easily (especially in my hometown). The closer you are to the epicenter of a huge thriving metropolis, the higher the costs of living are going to be.

However, moving to a rural small town isn’t necessarily the answer either because then the commuting costs outweigh the savings in other costs.

I’m just saying. Here we have an OP who makes 100K(ish) a year and he’s complaining about how little money he’ll have after his kids high-end spendy private schools and his McMansion and the his and hers SUVs are split up. (Okay, you didn’t exactly say all that, but y’all are not living in a trailer park on minimum wage working 75 hours a week either.) People make it on that or less. That’s all I’m saying. Most people who have to work at McDonald’s do not send their children to schools that cost nearly $40K a year. That just sounds like crazy talk to me.

Not possible to relocate and file in Virginia? Do the judges consider actual cost of living in Virginia, unlike MD?

16

The system is broken because the basic unit of humanity has broken down, that of family, you are just experiencing the harsh aftermath of that disaster. Like a survivor of any catastrophe there is a harsh period of survival till one gets on their way again and can rebuild.

Realize that you are being discouraged and put down emotionally and see very little options right now, but there is a way to overcome, and you have a choice of how to rebuild and learn from why your relationship failed to prevent repeating it.

Realizing there is a way for you to overcome is a big step, and a leap of faith, but what do you have to lose, because if there is no way then it doesn’t matter.

I believe there is a way to overcome all injustices of the state and others including out of control child support payments, transcend it, that is the way of Love.

I’d suggest watching ‘The Colony’ for this season and listen to the ‘expert’s advice’ on the radical change of lifestyle. Also a theme from the survivor shows, “just keep trying different things, see what works, what doesn’t, just don’t be afraid to try, and don’t get stuck trying things that may have worked at one time, move on”

Good luck!

17

They are not perfect, but then again, nothing really ever is. I should be receiving it, but am currently not.

There is one key factor you’ve over looked, as well as a lesser one.

Key factor - she doesn’t have to claim the CS as income, whereas he has to pay taxes on all his income - she’s basically getting that amount tax-free.

Lesser factor - if the children are living with her, then she will get to deduct them, whereas he won’t - unless they have an agreement where it trades off from year to year or each parent claims one child.

There’s a lot of things to consider.

18

First, the obvious way out of paying child support is to man up and fight for custody of your kids. Then let her pay child support.

That aside, the way to see if you are being asked to pay to much in child support is to figure out how much of your joint income was going to support the kids before. Add up the costs of preschool/daycare, food, clothes, insurance (which you should no longer be paying directly post divorce) saving for college, vacations, toys, gifts, haircuts, etc. Now add to that half of what you were paying for housing and see where you are at. If it is close to what you are being asked to pay in child support, then it is accurate.

Child support sucks because too many non custodial parents try to short change their kids. It is set assuming that the only money you will give them is what you are ordered by a court. That sucks and is unfair to most, but it is to protect the interests of the kids.

The fact is that keeping two households is more expensive than one. Usually it is the custodial parent who ends up taking it in the shorts and having to downgrade life style. But simple math means at least one of you, and most likely both of you will now have less disposable income. That’s just one of the drawbacks of divorce.

19

And this is why when people hear how much people can make they make assumptions. I live in a 1400 square foot townhouse, at least I think it’s that big. No where near a McMansion. My SUV cost $17000. As for the schooling, day care and school cost almost exactly the same, if my wife wanted to work, which she did, the kids had to go somewhere. The cheapest place for kids is around $300 per week per child, that comes out to just over $31000 a year.

I can make a comparison since the job I do is also done in Oklahoma City. Because I’m a fed the pay is the same. In order for me to make what they make there I would have to make an extra $40000 more then I do now. The cost of living difference is massive, even in the state it’s a huge difference.

And no I don’t think that moving to Virginia would help, even if it was less the judges know why I would be moving and wouldn’t allow it.

20

Do you think they’d be willing to factor in the healthcare premium you pay for your family as part of the monthly support payment? If not, I would likely ask that the wife move the kids (and herself, of course) to her insurance, which should free up some additional living money for yourself.

Additionally, if your wife is willing to be reasonable about the amount of support expected from you, she may be willing to do what my ex’s parents did with their kids. The mom was ordered to pay X amount of support, but truly could only afford half that. So the dad accepted the support check (through the courts, so it’s recorded) and gave the mom half of it back.

Granted, you’d need a pretty amicable divorce to make that work AND if she decided to stop doing it, you have no recourse.