My best friend Blackjack would like to have an account on the board. I’m not sure how old he is chronologically, but he’s in his 70s or 80s in dog years. He can’t type very well because his paws are too big for the keys, but we have been using facilitated communication with some success. Some of his recent output:
“Can I have something to eat”
“My daddy is the best daddy in the world”
He has many interesting things to say, so I think he would be a useful addition to the board.
Is this for real?
No.
Or, to put it in terms he might understand, “Arf!”
Do we really want threads such as “What does your butt smell like?” or “What’s the most interesting thing you’ve thrown up and then eaten again?”
If so, well then, Woof!
For me, the problem isn’t the dog-it’s the so-called “facilitated communication”.
This is what animal Facebook pages are for. 
By coincidence, the last few months I have been contemplating a “Hannah” page on Facebook. The real Hannah is a canine companion to a whole Mental Wellness agency, although her strongest loyalty is to the director and her husband. They brought her in, and she is “theirs” on paper.
Harummmph!
In case you are wondering the identity of her third favorite human, it is of course the world’s best petting expert. And, yes, I blush.
I take it that there is no Facebook rule against having a personal page and another as the rep of a pet. Right? Because I would be Hannah’s mouthpiece, answering questions and comments the way I think she would. For example, “Everybody just get along! Forgive each other about getting stepped on!”
TFO, the “Boner of Salvation” and formerly known as…
True Blue Jack
Honestly, these would be no worse than some already seen.
In fact, without extensive searching, I wouldn’t guarantee that these topics have not appeared.
There’s at least one thread you could maybe get him to translate.
Can my friend Bucky join? He’s a plastic receptacle that I just got sick in.
Wait, dogs aren’t allowed?
Oh dear.
You know the rules. They apply to dogs and cats alike. We want pics.
And if your dog happens to be female, tell that bitch to show her boobs, or GTFO!
I have no problem with canine dopers…as long as they stay off my lawn.
No way. Next thing you know, we’ve got cats and dogs living together, and we all know what happens after that.
Kuppies and pittens all over the place?
Real biblical stuff.
How does he feel about declawing cats?
Also, I’m a squirrel. That’s not gonna be a problem, is it?
