Miss Suzy Had A Steamboat

Cafe Society
1

Here’s a song I remember from my childhood. How do you remember it? Where did it come from?

Miss Suzy had a steamboat,
The steamboat had a bell,
When Suzy went to heaven,
The steamboat went to -
Hello operator,
Please give me number 9,
And if you disconnect me,
I’ll kick you in -
Behind the yellow curtain
There was a piece of glass,
Miss Suzy sat upon it,
And hurt her big fat -
Ask me no more questions,
I’ll tell you no more lies,
The boys are in the bathroom
Doing up their -
Flies are in the city,
The bees are in the park,
The boys and girls are having fun
And necking in the dark-dark-dark!

Alternate version (different tune):

Three Irishmen, three Irishmen
Were digging in a ditch
One called the other
A dirty son of a -
Beehive corn syrup
Five cents a glass
If you don’t like it
Shove it up your -
Ask me no questions
I’ll tell you no lies,
If you get hit with a bucket of shit
Be sure to close your eyes!

2

Sounds like one of a dozen or so semi-vulgar tunes that we 5th & 6th grade boys would sing on the schoolbus back in the late 70’s. Here’s another classic:

“Got a skeeter on my peter, whack it off!”

Lord only knows where these things get started.

3

Did you do a clapping game along with it? The version we used was similar to the first.

Lulu had a steamboat,
Her steamboat had a bell,
When Lulu went to Heaven,
That steamboat went to…

Hello operator,
Please give me number nine,
And if you disconnect me,
I’ll kick you right…

Behind the yellow curtain,
There was a peice of Glass,
When Lulu sat upon it,
She drove it up her…

Ask me no more questions,
I’ll tell you no more lies,
And that’s the end of Lulu,
And Steamboat #9!

‘They couldn’t hit an Elephant from this dist…!’

Last words of General John Sedgwick

4

Very similar to the first one, I learned it as:

Miss Molly had a steamboat,
The steamboat had a bell,
When Molly went to heaven,
The steamboat went to -
Hello operator,
Give me number 9,
And if you disconnect me,
I’ll kick your big -
Behind the old piano,
There was a piece of glass,
Miss Molly sat upon it,
And hurt her little -
Ask me no more questions,
I’ll tell you no more lies,
The boys are in the bathroom
Doing up their -
Flies are in the city,
The bees are in the park,
Miss Molly and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the d-a-r-k, d-a-r-k,
Dark, dark, dark!

I actually didn’t hear that version until grade 8, when I met a girl who went to a different elementary school. The version from my elementary school ended with:

Behind the old piano, [or sometimes ‘iron curtain’]
There was a piece of glass,
Miss Molly sat upon it,
And hurt her little -
Ask me for a muffin,
I’ll give you some dry bread,
And if you do not like it
You can go and soak your head.

No idea where it comes from, though.

5

Somebody did a PhD dissertation (of course) on these childhood rhyming things. I remember it much like Matt told it, but my seven year old daughter sings it (with the same clapping game) with a verse about plastic surgery I think. When she’s up I’ll get her version and post it here. Interestingly, in other English speaking countries you hear the same songs with slightly different versions too.

6

I heard this one this way:

Two Irishmen Two Irishmen
Were digging in a ditch.
One called the other one
A dirty son of a…

Peter Murphy had a dog,
A very fine dog was he.
He gave it to a lady friend
To keep her company.

She taught it, she taught it,
She taught it how to jump.
It jumped right up her panty hose
And bit her on the…

Country boy from Illinois
Was sitting on a rock,
Along came a bumblebee and
Stung him on the…

Cocktails, gingerale,
Five cents a glass.
And if you don’t believe me,
Shove it up your…
Ask me no more questions,
I’ll tell you no more lies.
And if you get hit with
A bucket of shit,
Be sure to close your eyes!

The déjà just keeps on vu-ing.

7

My version was about “Miss Lucy” and the glass was behind the refrigerator. Oh, and her “ask” was little, not big and fat.

8

Mine was the same as Lisa’s, but in addition,

the boys are in the bathroom,
making chocolate pies
and lemonaaaaaaaade . . .

And then there was

bo bo skee watten tatten
eh eh eh eh boom boom boom
itty bitty watten tatten
bo bo skee watten tatten
bo bo skee watten tatten
boom!

And I remember something about a rhyme where Miss Suzy had a baby, put him in the tub, the baby drank the water and ate the bathtub, whereupon, Miss Suzy called the doctor. Anyone remember that?

Will work for sig line.

9

My version was similar to Lisa’s but it was still Miss Susie. And the last verse went as follows:

The cows are in the meadows
Eating chocolate pies.
There is a new flavor
Cherry coconut
And if you do not like it
I’ll shove it up your…
Butt.

MOM!
I am not sure of the question here, but it has many earlier variations like many folk songs. The really strange thing about children’s dirty folk songs, is that children keep it alive passing it down to eachother rather than being taught to them by their parents or music teachers.

I remember the Bo bo skee watten totten (sp?). There were many others. Tracing the history of folk songs is oftentimes interesting. I play a lot of folk songs (around 200) and as you go around, the words and melodies aren’t always exactly the same, nor are the chords. They are all recognizable as the same song though. I could talk about this all day, but I would rather address Matt’s specific question, if he has one.

HUGS!
Sqrl

Gasoline: As an accompaniement to cereal it made a refreshing change. Glen Baxter

10

I Never heard this til my husband mentioned it,and then they did it on Rosanne(at the end credits)

11

The version I learned was basically the same as Matt’s, but it had two more verses:

… Dark is like a movie,
A movie’s like a show,
A show is like a program,
And this is what

I know, I know my mother
I know, I know my pa,
I know, I know my sister
With the eight-DD bra.

Oh, the memories…

12

Miss Suzy had a baby.
She named him Tiny Tim.
She put him in the bathtub
To see if he could swim.

He drank up all the water.
He ate up all the soap.
He tried to eat the bathtub,
But it wouldn’t go down his throat.

Miss Suzy called the doctor.
The doctor called the nurse.
The nurse called the lady
With the alligator purse.

“Mumps,” said the doctor.
“Measles,” said the nurse.
“Nothing,” said the lady
With the alligator purse.

13

Oops. Remembered one more verse. I’m not sure I’m remembering the exact money amounts. Does anybody know if there was some actual treatment between the previous verse I gave and this one?

A dollar for the doctor.
A nickel for the nurse.
Nothing for the lady
With the alligator purse.

14

You kids go play in MPSIMS.
AND STOP HITTING YOUR SISTER!!

15

From South Park:

Mrs. Landers was a health nut
She cooked food in a wok
Mr. Harris was her boyfriend
He had a great big
Cock a doodle doodle
The rooster just won’t sit
And I don’t want my breakfast
Because it tastes like
Shi-tzus make good housepets
They’re cuddily and sweet
Monkeys aren’t good to have
cause they like to beat
They’re meeting in the office
A meeting in the hall
The boss, he wants to see you
So you can suck his
Balzac was a writer
He lived with Alan Funt
Mrs. Roberts didn’t like him
but that’s cause she’s a
contaminated water can really make you sick
your bladder gets infected
and blood comes out your
dictate what I’m saying
Cause it will bring you luck
And if you all don’t like it
I don’t give a flying f-ck

16

Miss Susie had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Susie went to heaven and
The steamboat went to

Hello, Operator
Please give me #9
And if you disconnect me
I will chop of your

Behind the 'frigerator
There stood a piece of glass
Miss Susie sat upon it
And it went right up her

Ask me no more questions
I’ll tell you no more lies
The boys are in the girls room
Pulling down their

Flies are in the city
The bees are in the park
The boys and girls are kissing
in the D-A-R-K, dark

The dark is like a movie
A movie’s like a show
A show is like a TVset
With underwear below.

It was a clapping game, learned from other girls.

The baby who ate the soap & water was Mama’s baby (not Miss Suzy’s) and that was a jump roping thing, the doctor, nurse, and little old lady went in and then they came back out.

17

I woke up in my bedroom
I looked upon the wall
The beatles and the bed bugs
were playing a game of ball

The score was six to nothing
the beatles were ahead
the bedbugs hit a home run
and it knocked me out of bed

ask me no more questions
I’ll tell you no more lies
if you get hit with a bucket of shit
be sure to close you eyes

there was way more, my little sister used to sing this
Haj

18

Josepha Sherman, who is perhaps better known as a fantasy writer, actually wrote a book called “Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts” cataloguing the “subversive folklore of childhood.” Several versions of “Miss Suzy had a Steamboat” are located within it, as well.

If anyone else just can’t get enough of this silly stuff, they might want to find a copy at their local library. Besides, it makes good first-date conversation. :wink:

Corr

19

Miss Suzy had a steamboat,
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Suzy went to Heaven,
The steamboat went to -
Hello Operator,
Please give me number 9
And if you disconnect me,
I’ll kick you from -
Behind the 'frigerator,
There was a piece of glass
Miss Suzy sat upon it
And cut her little
Ask me no more questions
I’ll tell you no more lies
The cows are in the meadow
Making chocolate pies and lemonade!

20

Guess I’m the only poster who always heard it as Miss Suzy going to hell and the steamboat going to heaven (which always made me happy, heh).