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Old 02-15-2018, 12:40 PM
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Pancakes that make me feel like a man

Kodiak Cakes. Power Cakes. So friggin' manly, they couldn't contain the manliness in one name. There's a damn bear growling at you right on the front of the industrial-grade cardboard box, so don't wet yourself, Francis, when you see it on the counter next to my carpenters axe and blowtorch. It's a big black box, with two massive bags of protein-packed flapjack mix inside. Now listen up: This thing contains almost three-thousandths of a ton of Y-chromosome-polishing powder, so don't drop it on your floor, else you'll be doing some tile work this weekend, buddy boy. So how do you make these hair-growing hotcakes, you ask? You add some damn water, mix it up and pour it into a searing hot pan with oil, you pansy. No butter, no eggs, no "vanillia extracts" or milk.

Anybody else eat these things? They are my current go-to quick meal. I've been known to add any number of savory ingredients: diced onions, jalapenos, cilantro, basil, garlic, parmesan cheese, spinach, bacon, cheddar, chili powder, etc, and top them with sour cream, hot sauce, marinara, etc. Just mix equal parts powder and water (I tend to go a little heavy on the water to make them thinner and crispier), chop up my add-ins, and they're ready to go in under 10 minutes. You don't even have to be a man to enjoy them, but it doesn't hurt.
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Old 02-15-2018, 12:47 PM
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Basil? There's nothing manly about basil. Sounds like an effete Britisher.

But do they really taste better than Bisquik or Aunt Jemima?
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Old 02-15-2018, 12:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Just Asking Questions View Post
Basil? There's nothing manly about basil. Sounds like an effete Britisher.
Ripped straight from the jagged rocks right outside my backdoor.

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But do they really taste better than Bisquik or Aunt Jemima?
Does a bear that shits in the woods behind my house end up as a rug in my den? Yes, the answer is yes.

Last edited by Happy Lendervedder; 02-15-2018 at 12:53 PM.
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Old 02-15-2018, 12:55 PM
thelurkinghorror thelurkinghorror is online now
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Basil? More like brosil!

If they're really manly, they need a Powerthirst-like ad.
https://youtu.be/eQSGCPVhSJY
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Old 02-15-2018, 01:06 PM
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So how do you make these hair-growing hotcakes, you ask? You add some damn water, mix it up and pour it into a searing hot pan with oil, you pansy.
Sorry, I don't have time to go out into the woods and build a fire every time I want pancakes.

Because I assume that's how you have to heat the pan.
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Old 02-15-2018, 01:11 PM
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Manly men don’t eat PANCAKES, fer chrissakes. What’s wrong with throwing a big steak into that hot pan, and eating it with your hands bloody red rare?
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Old 02-15-2018, 01:23 PM
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Sorry, I don't have time to go out into the woods and build a fire every time I want pancakes.

Because I assume that's how you have to heat the pan.
Maybe if you spent less time manscaping your ball hair you'd have time for proper timber felling and fire maintenance.

Because you are correct about the campfire and pan heating thing. I forgot to mention that earlier.


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Manly men don’t eat PANCAKES, fer chrissakes. What’s wrong with throwing a big steak into that hot pan, and eating it with your hands bloody red rare?
What do you think I wash the flapjacks down with? Buttermilk and cinnamon? HELL NO! It's blood from a bull, squoze from a cut of meat I butchered my damn self.

And if you've never fixed your gaze upon a glistening hot cake fashioned with testosterone and soot, I feel sorry for you and your bald chest.


Seriously though, try these pancakes. There's a bear on the box! A bear! And they're friggin delicious.

Last edited by Happy Lendervedder; 02-15-2018 at 01:27 PM.
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Old 02-15-2018, 02:17 PM
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Ivylad LOVES these. He won't eat Bisquick pancakes any more.
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Old 02-15-2018, 02:24 PM
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I like them, but the recipe is greatly enhanced by an egg and a couple tablespoons of cream. Also add a pinch of salt, they are really bland otherwise. Why yes, I am a feminine-type person. How did you guess?

They really are a good mix, and about the only way I've found to kill a bread craving without tanking the protein/calorie ratio I'm trying to maintain. But I want to know where you bought that big box, because the only ones I'e found have way too little in them.
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Old 02-15-2018, 02:50 PM
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I thought this was going to be about silver dollar pancakes, that make your hands look big.
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Old 02-15-2018, 03:20 PM
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Man! I feel like a pancake!
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Old 02-15-2018, 04:11 PM
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At least you said spinach and not kale otherwise we would have to revoke your manly man card.
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Old 02-15-2018, 04:29 PM
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Yeah? I got your "pancakes" right here, pal.
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Old 02-15-2018, 04:30 PM
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Ivylad LOVES these. He won't eat Bisquick pancakes any more.
He's an ivyman now.

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Originally Posted by TruCelt View Post
I like them, but the recipe is greatly enhanced by an egg and a couple tablespoons of cream. Also add a pinch of salt, they are really bland otherwise. Why yes, I am a feminine-type person. How did you guess?

They really are a good mix, and about the only way I've found to kill a bread craving without tanking the protein/calorie ratio I'm trying to maintain. But I want to know where you bought that big box, because the only ones I'e found have way too little in them.
Costco.

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At least you said spinach and not kale otherwise we would have to revoke your manly man card.
Truth be told, have you ever had a mouth full of raw kale? Only a man-sized jawbone can tear through that level of roughage.

But yes, I get the optics.
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Old 02-15-2018, 04:37 PM
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I thought this was going to be about silver dollar pancakes, that make your hands look big.
I'm a man, not a Trump.
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Old 02-15-2018, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Dung Beetle View Post
Man! I feel like a pancake!
FTW! ROFL




Truth be told though, REAL men call them flapjacks, or griddle cakes.
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Old 02-15-2018, 04:56 PM
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I thought flapjack would be the manly word, because it sounds like lumberjack, the manliest profession and I won't have any Pythons Monty tell me otherwise. But the more I hear it in my head, "flapjack" sounds like the kind of word an old lady who calls pants "slacks" uses. She probably owns a Victrola that she listens to through an ear horn.
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Old 02-15-2018, 05:17 PM
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My wife buys and eats these all the time, because they're a bit lower carb and seem to be on sale often wherever she buys them. They're fine. They taste like pancakes.

There are my mancakes, though. (You've got the right idea with your second paragraph and the savory fixins', but cornmeal pancakes, not some froufrou whole grain, lower carb stuff. A real man takes his carbs! )

Last edited by pulykamell; 02-15-2018 at 05:17 PM.
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Old 02-15-2018, 05:27 PM
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I was trying to figure out where you got protein out of wheat flour. Thought perhaps you threw a hog leg in there! Turns out to have "Power Cakes Protein Blend" which contains whey. Whey, I tell yah. The runny, milksop, wimpy, fluid runoff from cheese making.

But damn, I bet it's a honkin' tough version of whey. Whey that could substitute for the potassium nitrate in black powder.

Dennis
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Old 02-15-2018, 05:42 PM
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Real men call them hotcakes or griddle cakes. Sissies call them pancakes.
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Old 02-15-2018, 05:50 PM
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I read the thread and immediately went and made fru fru crepes for lunch.
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Old 02-15-2018, 05:50 PM
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Real men call them hotcakes or griddle cakes. Sissies call them pancakes.
I didn't want to scare off the mamby-pambies with my thread title. Read my OP. It oozes with manhood.
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Old 02-15-2018, 06:06 PM
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Real (Danish) men eat Æbleskiver:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%86bleskiver

Like eating raw testikler. You will need an Æbleskiver pan, though.
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Old 02-15-2018, 06:35 PM
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There's a bear on the box! A bear!
Just noticed the two lions on my bottle of Grand Marnier. Like big kitties, so cute.

I do call my Crêpes Suzette Bronson Plates though.
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Old 02-15-2018, 08:34 PM
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Other products include bears. Peanut butter. Honey. Toilet paper. Two of these would improve your little cakes. Real men add habanero pepper to everything.

I make my own griddle cakes by adding protein powder to classic American griddle cakes (flour, egg, baking soda, lemon, salt, sugar, egg, melted butter, milk). It’s only somewhat manly. So I cook it on a hibachi. Over a firework display. I don’t add any bear logoed toppings.
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Old 02-15-2018, 10:08 PM
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This is the best thread ever.
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Old 02-15-2018, 10:13 PM
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And I don’t even EAT pancakes.
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Old 02-15-2018, 10:28 PM
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Real (Danish) men eat Æbleskiver:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%86bleskiver

Like eating raw testikler. You will need an Æbleskiver pan, though.
Your post just caused me to scare up my Æbleskiver pan. It's yonks since I made those.

In the spirit of the thread, I shall call them Cakes of Big Balls.

Maybe Bloody Big Balls, to account for the lingonberry preserves I don't have and usually substitute raspberry jam in its stead.
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Old 02-15-2018, 11:16 PM
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Originally Posted by pulykamell View Post
My wife buys and eats these all the time, because they're a bit lower carb and seem to be on sale often wherever she buys them. They're fine. They taste like pancakes.

There are my mancakes, though. (You've got the right idea with your second paragraph and the savory fixins', but cornmeal pancakes, not some froufrou whole grain, lower carb stuff. A real man takes his carbs! )
No real man could possibly sit through even 30 seconds of that guy's voice. Even my feminine-type eardrums beg for death at the sound of that high-pitched, sing-songy, whinge.
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Old 02-16-2018, 11:45 AM
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I totally read the first paragraph of the OP in a Dennis Leary voice. I imagine that's where the inspiration to write it came from? Other than the flapjackes themselves of course. They should hire Leary to do a commercial for them in the Ford F-150 commercial style.
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Old 02-16-2018, 12:30 PM
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Real men call them hotcakes or griddle cakes. Sissies call them pancakes.
What are you if you call them "hotscakes"?

I assume "pannycakes" is right out, then?
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Old 02-16-2018, 12:57 PM
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Man! I feel like a pancake!
Funny, you don't look like a pancake.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:18 PM
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Manly men don’t eat PANCAKES, fer chrissakes. What’s wrong with throwing a big steak into that hot pan, and eating it with your hands bloody red rare?
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Real men call them hotcakes or griddle cakes. Sissies call them pancakes.
Take that up with these guys.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:25 PM
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Are we not discussing the outfits? We're just going to let that slide then?

Oh, okay.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:33 PM
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I assume that you grease the skillet by having a bunch of guys strap sides of bacon to their feet and skate around on it?
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:55 PM
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I love pancakes, and have ever since I was a kid. When I was ~6 or 7, I used to ask for a large stack, and then I'd cut off a big section and chew it in the side of my mouth the way Popeye chewed spinach. Alas, they have fallen under the rubric of "bad carbs" and so I have them only rarely now. Come to think of it, it's been a few months. Hmmm. Pancakes for breakfast Sunday morning?? Perhaps with a side of grizzer b'ar steak.

Last edited by John Mace; 02-16-2018 at 01:56 PM.
  #37  
Old 02-16-2018, 02:02 PM
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Are we not discussing the outfits? We're just going to let that slide then?
They're professional wrestlers. The attire goes with the job. That and they're three fun loving black men whose entire gimmick is joking around and silliness, during Black History Month.

Those guys make far more money off merchandising than they make off their regular pay, and most of it is for silly stuff like strap on unicorn horns.
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Old 02-16-2018, 08:07 PM
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I went to COSTCO today. Every penny of that is your fault Happy.

Every. Penny.

Last edited by TruCelt; 02-16-2018 at 08:08 PM.
  #39  
Old 02-16-2018, 08:27 PM
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I apologize in advance for the thick blanket of tangled hair that's about to grow on your chest.
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Old 02-16-2018, 09:54 PM
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The manliness just overwhelms me. Or else just the pancakeness.

I'll pair with black coffee, no sugar, and will blend 100-proof bourbon in the mix. Just so the manliness overflows.

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This is the best thread ever.
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And I don’t even EAT pancakes.
Caaaaan yooouuu smeeeelll...
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:06 PM
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I was just thinking of the first time I saw the Coen Bros. film Fargo.

Steve Buscemi says “I wanna go someplace where I can get a shot and a beer. And a steak.” And Peter Stormare says “Pancakes.”
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:30 PM
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I was just thinking of the first time I saw the Coen Bros. film Fargo.

Steve Buscemi says “I wanna go someplace where I can get a shot and a beer. And a steak.” And Peter Stormare says “Pancakes.”
Gaear doesn't belong in a serious, manly discussion. Only effete intellectual types run their partners through a woodchipper. Real men use their bare hands.
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Old 02-17-2018, 05:11 AM
Face Intentionally Left Blank Face Intentionally Left Blank is offline
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Oh geez, I've been wanting pancakes with real maple syrup for months. Every time I look at the price of the syrup though, I put it back. I might cave soon. What is life without the occasional sinful indulgence?

Gotta be gluten-free pancakes though. Sigh. They're not too bad, actually. Usually thinner, not light and fluffy, but the taste is pretty decent. So much for sinful indulgence, but we do what we can.

And now, an earworm for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vijwYiGdGI
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Old 02-17-2018, 10:36 AM
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And now, an earworm for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vijwYiGdGI
I would have bet good money you linked to this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IXf3UAYvdM
  #45  
Old 02-17-2018, 10:41 AM
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Every time I look at the price of the syrup though, I put it back. I might cave soon. What is life without the occasional sinful indulgence?
The thing with real maple syrup is to use less of it. Once you see a plateful of expensive real maple syrup being washed down the sink, you start thinking 'Do I really need to pour that much over my pancakes and waste it like this?'

You can always pour more if you need it. You can't really pour it back in the bottle unless you're a total slob.
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Old 02-17-2018, 11:32 AM
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My wife buys and eats these all the time, because they're a bit lower carb and seem to be on sale often wherever she buys them. They're fine. They taste like pancakes.
That's exactly what my hubby said about them. We haven't tried the protein ones yet, because don't need my X chromosome polished and I like the girly honey-oat ones.
My own reaction? Who knew a water-only complete mix, especially with feel-goodly whole grains, could be so yummy?
  #47  
Old 02-17-2018, 12:28 PM
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The thing with real maple syrup is to use less of it. Once you see a plateful of expensive real maple syrup being washed down the sink, you start thinking 'Do I really need to pour that much over my pancakes and waste it like this?'

You can always pour more if you need it. You can't really pour it back in the bottle unless you're a total slob.
You can if you live alone.

KIDDING!! I just lick it off my plate.
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Old 02-17-2018, 01:30 PM
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I'm glad we've gotten around to syrup, because that watery honey-colored "Grade 'A'" crap really pisses me off. Real (wo)men use pure maple syrup that's been gathered by the crones of Vermont at the very end of the sugaring season, then boiled in a cast-iron cauldron until it's a deep amber color (aka "Grade 'B'").

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The thing with real maple syrup is to use less of it. Once you see a plateful of expensive real maple syrup being washed down the sink,
. . .
Real wo(men) let their wolf-dogs lick the plate.
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Old 02-17-2018, 03:00 PM
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I'm glad we've gotten around to syrup, because that watery honey-colored "Grade 'A'" crap really pisses me off. Real (wo)men use pure maple syrup that's been gathered by the crones of Vermont at the very end of the sugaring season, then boiled in a cast-iron cauldron until it's a deep amber color (aka "Grade 'B'")....
Vermonters had a hard time selling “Grade B” to the rubes down south, as they thought it meant second-rate. So several years ago some bright Brattleboro marketer changed the rating to “Grade A Amber.” Semantics is a powerful thing.
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Old 02-17-2018, 03:48 PM
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Originally Posted by TruCelt View Post
I'm glad we've gotten around to syrup, because that watery honey-colored "Grade 'A'" crap really pisses me off. Real (wo)men use pure maple syrup that's been gathered by the crones of Vermont at the very end of the sugaring season, then boiled in a cast-iron cauldron until it's a deep amber color (aka "Grade 'B'").



Real wo(men) let their wolf-dogs lick the plate.
Not if the wolf-dog weighs 10 pounds and risks diabetic shock by licking the plate. In which case, the wo(man)ly thing to do is to throw your own tongue in harm's way to bear the brunt of the impending threat.
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