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Old 04-08-2018, 10:56 PM
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How does love work?


I know my last one said it was overrated.

However the real question on my mind is how does it work exactly.

Different branches have a view as to what it is, from what I read:

Spirituality: Eastern such as buddhism sees it as attachment, some call it twoness and that the goal of some practices is to achieve oneness. My thoughts are that if they say love is "two" then being one with all would remove it. Is that good? Why do they value that state? That is also what they refer to as illusion.

There is the chemical aspect of love. Even in the last thread I posted how the guy said that you love the concept of maternity and not your mother. The same way it would suggest we love the traits people display but not them. Yet something about that doesn't seem accurate.

What do we love about ssomeone? WHy and how? Why is it important?
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Old 04-09-2018, 03:21 AM
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It doesn't work 'exactly'. There isn't a precise answer to your question.

It can be broken down into a big heap of pieces which will undoubtedly sometimes include fragments such as infatuation, reproductive/sexual urges, empathy/sympathy, social bonding, inertia of tradition, insecurity, protective instinct etc, but don't expect to understand it by taking it to pieces. It's a Gestalt phenomenon (IMO) - go look up Gestalt Psychology.

Last edited by Mangetout; 04-09-2018 at 03:23 AM.
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Old 04-09-2018, 05:52 AM
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Wait...Buddhism sees attachment as love? Er, um, this Buddhist says, NO it does not. Your understanding is way, WAY off. You should refrain from discussing things you fundamentally do not comprehend, such as the Buddhist concepts of attachment and oneness, neither of which have anything to do with romantic love.

(Your every thread reminds me of that Joni Mitchell quote, “It’s hip to be miserable when you’re young and intellectual.”)
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Old 04-09-2018, 06:52 AM
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To me personally, and what I get from scriptures, Love is God (1 John 4:8,16) and God is One (Mark 12:32, Gal 3:20), thus Love is One. Which means practically speaking that a person can notice the loving acts of others not as individual semi-random unrelated acts, but a coordinated effort, that all those individual acts of Love are that of a higher being working through different people and different events and the like (also animals).

God's ability to work through humans (or the Human Heart), had to do with the ability for God to enter the Human Heart and work through the person. To this there is a battle within the human heart (and the reason for suffering), Therefore God can only enter the hearts of those who via free will allow it. To the degree, or one may say percent, that God has entered that heart God's loving coordinated effort can work through that person, and that person is acting as God, Jesus, or whoever has allowed this including people of many faiths.

This is the basis of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Love is God's 'spirit', or essence, it becomes one with us and God with us and in us. This is from the Christian Faith, but I am only using it as a example as I know that the best, but others also have that including the Eastern word Namaste meaning the god in me greets the god in you. It is also the basis of the concept of the trinity, which is Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one in the same, as it is the same essence. Also this trinity, scripturally, should be 4 fold and include the church, as Jesus marries the church, thus the two become one via marriage, and that's the message of Jesus, we are God's children (thus the same spirit).

Practically speaking how does one experience this? Many times people have to put themselves (or be put into) in a different life situation to realize this One Love, that Love is coordinated and not separate, is to take a journey or pilgrimage (or some other ways including hardship life changes, etc.). One does not even have to consider that it is a pilgrimage to be a pilgrimage, but one has to be open to 'receiving' which God can force this situation of being willing to receive in some cases, if God wants to.

One such way I saw how coordinated Love is is when I was thru hiking the Appalachian Trail. There were many examples where Love appeared to be not random but directly coordinated. One of many examples is one time I was short 2-3 days of food needed to make my next resupply (reason: error buying enough + increase in appetite that happens at about the 3 week mark). This was the only time I was so short of food (2 times I was maybe a single meal off - those times also were made up for also). I did not ration as I knew God would provide (I was open to receive, knew I would somehow, and did not try to do it on my own). Next morning I met some college students who hiked up the mountain for a party the night before who were just getting up. They called me over and asked if I would do them a favor. They packed in lots of food for the party and were not looking forward to packing it out and asked if I needed any food If I would please take it. I got a full 3 day resupply in the middle of the woods at the single time that I messed up my food. It was also reciprocal as they were also very thankful as I was, so thanks goes to God for that coordination, for watching over me, seeing my error and correcting it by coordinating my route to be there at that exact time to receive His Love from hearts He can work through.

Also a question about soulmates or that one special person. Much of this I am still figuring out, but scriptures say Divorce is allowed because you hearts were hard (Matt 19:8). That hardness of heart is hardness of heart towards God, not really that partner, though also because both are children of God, would also be. In other words you didn't really know God, and didn't welcome God into you heart when you made the choice of partner, so you married the wrong person. But it also says 'it was not that way in the beginning' as with one spirit, you would marry correctly and there would be no need for divorce. This is why God hates divorce, not the act, but it meant that we, his own children' did't allow Father God into our lives and heart before making such a critical decision and that is a hurtful act towards a loving parent.

Just a further note, Although God can work through anyone, God will chose to work from hearts that have given themselves to Him (or to Love as that's the same), and many people have not truly opened their hearts, they don't freely give but expect compensation of some sort, or are reserved, but with practice experience a person can recognize those who freely give are the children of God and have God's spirit, and in Christian terms have seen Jesus, or God in us.
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Old 04-09-2018, 07:38 AM
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How does love work?


Baby do not hurt me,
baby do not hurt me,
any more.
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Old 04-09-2018, 08:10 AM
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neither of which have anything to do with romantic love.
It's not clear to me that the OP was singling out romantic love specifically.

There are different "kinds" of love, with different Greek words for the different kinds. Did the OP have one in particular in mind, or was he talking about "love" in all its various forms?
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Old 04-09-2018, 08:21 AM
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Do you want us to show you?

You know we can show you.
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Old 04-09-2018, 09:46 AM
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To me personally, and what I get from scriptures, Love is God (1 John 4:8,16) and God is One (Mark 12:32, Gal 3:20), thus Love is One.
Soooo...What about atheists who love? Just not as good in your eyes?
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Old 04-09-2018, 09:55 AM
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Do you want us to show you?

You know we can show you.
Not for free. But for $100 I can show you all kinds of love.
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Old 04-09-2018, 09:59 AM
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How does love "work?"

You like someone.

You really like them.

You really, really, really like them.


Next question?
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Old 04-09-2018, 12:19 PM
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Soooo...What about atheists who love? Just not as good in your eyes?
No they fine too, bless your heart.
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Old 04-09-2018, 12:24 PM
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No they fine too, bless your heart.
So it is possible to love someone without the assistance of any supernatural beings?
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Old 04-09-2018, 12:31 PM
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So it is possible to love someone without the assistance of any supernatural beings?
No, but it's possible to love without the knowledge of or belief in a supernatural being, but would require such assistance as that love is god.
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Old 04-09-2018, 12:34 PM
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No, but it's possible to love without the knowledge of or belief in a supernatural being, but would require such assistance as that love is god.
Got any evidence for this particular religious belief?
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Old 04-09-2018, 12:37 PM
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I'm sure neuroscientists have some good information about what happens in the brain when you feel love. However most of what I'm seeing is about romantic love.

I once read in a book about affective neuroscience that the neurology for love evolved from a reptilian sense of attachment to a good spot to lay eggs. So there is that.
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Old 04-09-2018, 12:42 PM
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No, but it's possible to love without the knowledge of or belief in a supernatural being, but would require such assistance as that love is god.
Assistance from god to love? So people who've lost that loving feeling... abandoned by god's assistance?

Do you have evidence for "love is god" or are you just witnessing?
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Old 04-09-2018, 01:00 PM
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Assistance from god to love? So people who've lost that loving feeling... abandoned by god's assistance?

Do you have evidence for "love is god" or are you just witnessing?
John witnessed God is Love in 1John 4:8,16. I'm just relaying his message. My witness is in my 5th paragraph of my first posting of this thread (post # n/a in reply mode). In my witness I have found that Love is not random of of the person, but coordinated effort of a being that links us all.

As for the first sentence, short answer is no. Medium answer is never, longer answer is too long for here.

But perhaps I used the wrong term, it's not God's assistance, but God, as God is Love and Love is also in the human heart as we are children of God, and one with God. God is also indivisible, so any love is of God.

But for those who are abandoned, or feel abandoned by love, there is still love, but we must be open to all it's forms, as god does not do things as we want, but as he wants. We so often block love because we thing it should come a certain way or from a certain person, but God uses whoever he choses as his instrument of love, the loss of someone tends to call attention to this, and the differnet forms of Love all which are God.
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Old 04-09-2018, 01:01 PM
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Got any evidence for this particular religious belief?
Witnessing is permitted in GD. I believe that quoting scripture also is acceptable.
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Old 04-09-2018, 01:18 PM
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I have managed to love a bunch without aid from above. Sometimes without even a living person knowing. Love is internal unless you chose to show it.
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Old 04-09-2018, 01:39 PM
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I know my last one said it was overrated.

However the real question on my mind is how does it work exactly.

Different branches have a view as to what it is, from what I read:

Spirituality: Eastern such as buddhism sees it as attachment, some call it twoness and that the goal of some practices is to achieve oneness. My thoughts are that if they say love is "two" then being one with all would remove it. Is that good? Why do they value that state? That is also what they refer to as illusion.

There is the chemical aspect of love. Even in the last thread I posted how the guy said that you love the concept of maternity and not your mother. The same way it would suggest we love the traits people display but not them. Yet something about that doesn't seem accurate.

What do we love about ssomeone? WHy and how? Why is it important?
There are many incompatible meanings of love, not just two or three.

Very often, when love goes bad, it's precisely because of this problem. People assume that each other is acting on the same definition of love when actually they're not, or one person suddenly switches definitions, or maybe more truthfully there are several definitions operating simultaneously and the focus just shifts a bit.

Even as basic as "Does love belong to the Feelings category or the Actions category?". The correct answer is "It can be either, or both at once".


Love is also a lot like legal issues. When you are doing business with someone and you both trust each other and good will and respect are at high levels on both sides, you might leave a lot of details unwritten, even unsaid. But if one of you suddenly becomes suspicious, then the relationship changes, and everyone is suddenly making sure every detail is in black and white with a signature at the bottom.

In business, it is often socially acceptable to say "Let's have everything in writing from the beginning so that we don't run into any snags later". Some people would say that's essential, but there are still those increasingly rare people who insist on a handshake and no more. Either they belong to an old-fashioned culture, or they're dishonest - or both.

Starting a first date with a contract, "so that we don't run into any snags later", is much less popular.
Partly this is because it's seen as stiflingly legalistic, but also I think it's an acknowledgment that writing a contract for love would feel limiting in exactly the wrong way, that one of the main reasons we "fall in love" is that we need to (at least temporarily) lose our psychological boundaries regarding this person, and contracts are for setting boundaries. Setting boundaries by written contract is the direct opposite of falling in love, not simply a distraction or a nuisance.

There's also the issue of presumption. Signing a contract would indicate A Relationship, and people don't want to start out by saying This Is A Relationship - they're not sure yet, and it's bad form to look desperate or to assume the other person is interested.
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Old 04-09-2018, 02:09 PM
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Witnessing is permitted in GD. I believe that quoting scripture also is acceptable.
I will accept religious witnessing for what it is(unsubstantiated opinion) and respond accordingly.
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Old 04-09-2018, 04:22 PM
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"Love" is a word with widely variant definitions. There was a point in my life where I tried to nail down what I thought the word meant, to me, and it was harder to do than I expected. Here's what I came up with:

Love is when the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

Yes, you can quibble with this - I could see replacing "essential to" with "facilitates", because it's possible to still be happy while somebody you live is unhappy, possibly by tuning it out or something. But in any case I'm of the opinion that love is when your emotional center has decided to invest itself in another person. (Or animal, I suppose.) It's basically a specific form of empathy.

In my opinion.
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Old 04-09-2018, 04:26 PM
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I wanted to add to this thread, but this ear worm keeps coming back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsKVjfkipt0


Quote:
And if I may conjecture a further objection
Love is nothing to do with destined perfection
The connection is strengthened
The affection simply grows over time

Like a flower
Or a mushroom
Or a guinea pig
Or a vine
Or a sponge
Or bigotry
...or a banana

And love is made more powerful
By the ongoing drama of shared experience
And synergy, and symbiotic empathy, or something
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Old 04-09-2018, 05:32 PM
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John witnessed God is Love in 1John 4:8,16. I'm just relaying his message. My witness is in my 5th paragraph of my first posting of this thread (post # n/a in reply mode). In my witness I have found that Love is not random of of the person, but coordinated effort of a being that links us all.

As for the first sentence, short answer is no. Medium answer is never, longer answer is too long for here.

But perhaps I used the wrong term, it's not God's assistance, but God, as God is Love and Love is also in the human heart as we are children of God, and one with God. God is also indivisible, so any love is of God.

But for those who are abandoned, or feel abandoned by love, there is still love, but we must be open to all it's forms, as god does not do things as we want, but as he wants. We so often block love because we thing it should come a certain way or from a certain person, but God uses whoever he choses as his instrument of love, the loss of someone tends to call attention to this, and the differnet forms of Love all which are God.
If God is love, then God is not God, and we can just say Love instead, each time we would have said God.

It could clear up a lot of problems actually, such as a person thinking twice before saying "Love told me to bomb the stadium".
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Old 04-09-2018, 06:33 PM
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It's not clear to me that the OP was singling out romantic love specifically.

There are different "kinds" of love, with different Greek words for the different kinds. Did the OP have one in particular in mind, or was he talking about "love" in all its various forms?
I'm not sure. I know that the greeks had different forms of words for love, but I am referring to the love that is romantic or to be specific that in romantic partnerships.

When people say I love you, what does that mean exactly? What do they love? Thinking about it conjures bits I have read about selfhood, most of it from eastern philosophy. Of course it just leaves me confused.

I'm afraid all I have to go on for that sort of love is what you find in the books and media.
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Old 04-09-2018, 06:37 PM
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I'm not sure. I know that the greeks had different forms of words for love, but I am referring to the love that is romantic or to be specific that in romantic partnerships.

When people say I love you, what does that mean exactly? What do they love? Thinking about it conjures bits I have read about selfhood, most of it from eastern philosophy. Of course it just leaves me confused.

I'm afraid all I have to go on for that sort of love is what you find in the books and media.
"What do they love?" You. They just said they love you, so it's you that they love.

Having actually dabbled in love, I can say with some confidence that it actually occurs, and when it does it is directed toward the person it's directed towards.
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Old 04-09-2018, 06:38 PM
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John witnessed God is Love in 1John 4:8,16. I'm just relaying his message. My witness is in my 5th paragraph of my first posting of this thread (post # n/a in reply mode). In my witness I have found that Love is not random of of the person, but coordinated effort of a being that links us all.

As for the first sentence, short answer is no. Medium answer is never, longer answer is too long for here.

But perhaps I used the wrong term, it's not God's assistance, but God, as God is Love and Love is also in the human heart as we are children of God, and one with God. God is also indivisible, so any love is of God.

But for those who are abandoned, or feel abandoned by love, there is still love, but we must be open to all it's forms, as god does not do things as we want, but as he wants. We so often block love because we thing it should come a certain way or from a certain person, but God uses whoever he choses as his instrument of love, the loss of someone tends to call attention to this, and the differnet forms of Love all which are God.
...bless your heart.
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Old 04-09-2018, 06:47 PM
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"What do they love?" You. They just said they love you, so it's you that they love.

Having actually dabbled in love, I can say with some confidence that it actually occurs, and when it does it is directed toward the person it's directed towards.
But then my head wanders into what is "me". The looks of the body, certain characteristics and traits that I show at that time. Or perhaps the hobbies and interest someone else has. This is why i referenced eastern philosophy. What is the me they love, or is it more the ethereal concepts like kindness, strength, intelligence? If I don't have those traits then do they still love me? What if I change?

Even recent research into neuroscience and the self has me questioning the "you" they refer to.
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Old 04-09-2018, 06:56 PM
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But then my head wanders into what is "me". The looks of the body, certain characteristics and traits that I show at that time. Or perhaps the hobbies and interest someone else has. This is why i referenced eastern philosophy. What is the me they love, or is it more the ethereal concepts like kindness, strength, intelligence? If I don't have those traits then do they still love me? What if I change?

Even recent research into neuroscience and the self has me questioning the "you" they refer to.
Yeah, I figured this was where you were going with this.

There are three things to keep in mind. One: people aren't usually too closed-off, particularly if they're not trying to be. Your words, actions, and expressions reveal your inner self. So your inner self is generally exposed to viewers as part of the overall package.

Two: People don't change all that fast. If you're in reasonably frequent contact with a person their awareness of you will note and track with any changes to you, and they'll react accordingly.

Three: I dunno what anybody else means when they talk about love, but I'm talking about an empathic connection to the whole package. It's not about your hobbies or little details like that - it's more that 'unconditional' variety you hear mentioned now and then. Minor alterations to the person will not cause them to 'drift out of target' for that sort of affection, since it's not conditional like that.
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Old 04-09-2018, 07:02 PM
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I'm not sure. I know that the greeks had different forms of words for love, but I am referring to the love that is romantic or to be specific that in romantic partnerships.

When people say I love you, what does that mean exactly? What do they love? Thinking about it conjures bits I have read about selfhood, most of it from eastern philosophy. Of course it just leaves me confused.

I'm afraid all I have to go on for that sort of love is what you find in the books and media.

What they love is any number of qualities (tangible and non-tangible) that make up the whole of the person that is the object of one's affection/love.

More importantly, "romantic love" is a feeling. One of many aspects directly related to human experience of connection to another human. There are exceptions, of course. But those are rare. If you truly do not/have not/cannot feel love for another human, and if love is truly a foreign concept to you, then you may well be one of the anomalous exceptions destined to be confused by love, no matter what kind of explanation is offered for your consideration.

Now, do you really lack the capacity for feeling or understanding love? Or are you simply determined to dissect it into something more fundamental, like in a Biology101 lab class? Because if it's the latter then there is nothing new to be learned from another dissection, and the frog dies of it.
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Old 04-09-2018, 07:03 PM
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Yeah, I figured this was where you were going with this.

There are three things to keep in mind. One: people aren't usually too closed-off, particularly if they're not trying to be. Your words, actions, and expressions reveal your inner self. So your inner self is generally exposed to viewers as part of the overall package.

Two: People don't change all that fast. If you're in reasonably frequent contact with a person their awareness of you will note and track with any changes to you, and they'll react accordingly.

Three: I dunno what anybody else means when they talk about love, but I'm talking about an empathic connection to the whole package. It's not about your hobbies or little details like that - it's more that 'unconditional' variety you hear mentioned now and then. Minor alterations to the person will not cause them to 'drift out of target' for that sort of affection, since it's not conditional like that.
I don't think that gets at the heart of my concerns. More like how recent theories say that there is no core or "real" you. That the self is little more than brain activity or collection of mental states.

That sort of messes up the whole "I love you" bit for me.

Additionally, what do they mean by I love you. That they have feelings for me? But doesn't everyone have feelings? Why is that so valuable?

Isn't love also kind of selfish though? Also about it being unconditional, doesn't the fact that one has to work to get to that point mean it isn't?
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Old 04-09-2018, 07:09 PM
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But then my head wanders into what is "me". The looks of the body, certain characteristics and traits that I show at that time. Or perhaps the hobbies and interest someone else has. This is why i referenced eastern philosophy. What is the me they love, or is it more the ethereal concepts like kindness, strength, intelligence? If I don't have those traits then do they still love me? What if I change?

Even recent research into neuroscience and the self has me questioning the "you" they refer to.
Let's not do this. Let's not have that fucking conversation about the definition of "you" & "me".

If people change sufficiently, then it's entirely possible to fall out of love. Happens all the time.
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Old 04-09-2018, 07:41 PM
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Not for free. But for $100 I can show you all kinds of love.
Or, more accurately, you can show him a close approximation of the experience of love. In 30 minutes or less.

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Originally Posted by kanicbird View Post
John witnessed God is Love in 1John 4:8,16. I'm just relaying his message. My witness is in my 5th paragraph of my first posting of this thread (post # n/a in reply mode). In my witness I have found that Love is not random of of the person, but coordinated effort of a being that links us all.

As for the first sentence, short answer is no. Medium answer is never, longer answer is too long for here.

But perhaps I used the wrong term, it's not God's assistance, but God, as God is Love and Love is also in the human heart as we are children of God, and one with God. God is also indivisible, so any love is of God.

But for those who are abandoned, or feel abandoned by love, there is still love, but we must be open to all it's forms, as god does not do things as we want, but as he wants. We so often block love because we thing it should come a certain way or from a certain person, but God uses whoever he choses as his instrument of love, the loss of someone tends to call attention to this, and the differnet forms of Love all which are God.
To me it sounds like you are using the concept of "God" as a catch-all for concepts that are impossible for you to fully understand. Can't grok it? It's god. It's been the role (among others) of religion since it's inception.

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I'm not sure. I know that the greeks had different forms of words for love, but I am referring to the love that is romantic or to be specific that in romantic partnerships.

When people say I love you, what does that mean exactly? What do they love? Thinking about it conjures bits I have read about selfhood, most of it from eastern philosophy. Of course it just leaves me confused.

I'm afraid all I have to go on for that sort of love is what you find in the books and media.
I think one concrete difference in different forms of love comes in the "unconditional vs conditional" aspect. Familial love usually runs unconditionally, there isn't much a person could do to erase that love in the person's heart who loves them. But romantic love cannot and should not be unconditional. If you love your partner unconditionally, what does that say about your bond? There is nothing that could break that romantic love? What is the foundation of that romantic love then? I would never want a partner of mine to love me unconditionally as a romantic partner. That's not to say unconditional love isn't possible in a situation like this, it'd be like a couple who divorced but remained close friends afterwards.

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I don't think that gets at the heart of my concerns. More like how recent theories say that there is no core or "real" you. That the self is little more than brain activity or collection of mental states.

That sort of messes up the whole "I love you" bit for me.

Additionally, what do they mean by I love you. That they have feelings for me? But doesn't everyone have feelings? Why is that so valuable?

Isn't love also kind of selfish though? Also about it being unconditional, doesn't the fact that one has to work to get to that point mean it isn't?
I addressed this in my above comment but as far as the "real" you, how is it that because there is a neurological map that details the chemical and neurological activity that explains why you have the personal characteristics that you do, you somehow invalidate the concept of a "real" you? You're just as real and individual as you were before the science was able to explain the nuts and bolts of what goes on in your brain, and you remain that individual afterwards as well.
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Old 04-09-2018, 07:51 PM
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Let's not do this. Let's not have that fucking conversation about the definition of "you" & "me".

If people change sufficiently, then it's entirely possible to fall out of love. Happens all the time.
But it's a very important aspect of the whole bit on Love.
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Old 04-09-2018, 08:15 PM
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Or, more accurately, you can show him a close approximation of the experience of love. In 30 minutes or less.



To me it sounds like you are using the concept of "God" as a catch-all for concepts that are impossible for you to fully understand. Can't grok it? It's god. It's been the role (among others) of religion since it's inception.



I think one concrete difference in different forms of love comes in the "unconditional vs conditional" aspect. Familial love usually runs unconditionally, there isn't much a person could do to erase that love in the person's heart who loves them. But romantic love cannot and should not be unconditional. If you love your partner unconditionally, what does that say about your bond? There is nothing that could break that romantic love? What is the foundation of that romantic love then? I would never want a partner of mine to love me unconditionally as a romantic partner. That's not to say unconditional love isn't possible in a situation like this, it'd be like a couple who divorced but remained close friends afterwards.



I addressed this in my above comment but as far as the "real" you, how is it that because there is a neurological map that details the chemical and neurological activity that explains why you have the personal characteristics that you do, you somehow invalidate the concept of a "real" you? You're just as real and individual as you were before the science was able to explain the nuts and bolts of what goes on in your brain, and you remain that individual afterwards as well.
I'm not to sure about the unconditional love for family. Is that not based upon how they treat you? It's like the last thread, the remark on how someone would not love their mother if she was cruel.

BUt I'll bite on the self bit, yet what does it mean to love someone? I have heard a myriad answers to this, but is love just feelings, actions? what does it mean when someone says it?
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Old 04-09-2018, 08:36 PM
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They fall in love with how they feel around you. Could be they feel some vibe you’re putting out, trying to win them, or it could be that your two selves just jive in some way. Hence partners often remark how being with this person makes them into a better person. Maybe they feel loved, respected or valued or like to laugh. Maybe you just click, or go together well, or bring out the best in each other, or are opposites that balance each other in some way. Maybe they just get each other. Maybe there isn’t one word to cover it, but it’s a powerful connection notwithstanding.

But come down to it, I think you fall in love with how you feel, about yourself, when you’re around that person.

And, of course, through time, things can shift off into wild directions and those feelings can end. Relationships, love, can end.
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Old 04-09-2018, 08:44 PM
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If God is love, then God is not God, and we can just say Love instead, each time we would have said God.

It could clear up a lot of problems actually, such as a person thinking twice before saying "Love told me to bomb the stadium".
Basically yes, God and Love are interchangeable. Using Love instead of god in your example may be eye opening, however love has also been implicated in lots of bad stuff.
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Old 04-09-2018, 08:46 PM
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Basically yes, God and Love are interchangeable. Using Love instead of god in your example may be eye opening, however love has also been implicated in lots of bad stuff.
What a coincidence-so has God.
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Old 04-09-2018, 08:48 PM
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But come down to it, I think you fall in love with how you feel, about yourself, when youíre around that person.
Yeah and if you think about it, would anything other than this make any sense? Describing romantic love as selfish is jarring and instinctively wrong to many people but it very much is so a selfish thing. And there is nothing wrong with that. Sacrificing your own wants and desires in order to fulfill the wants/needs/desires of someone you love is something that causes good feelings, in both partners. The giver feels good because they feel as though they are capable of positively, tangibly impacting their partners life and the recipient feels good because they feel cared for and worthy of another person's personal sacrifice, as well as the positive feelings that come directly from the results of the giver's sacrifice. Now these are by no means the only feelings that can be involved in love, of course. I'm just using them as an example to show that love is a intertwined interaction of selfish feelings.
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Old 04-09-2018, 08:49 PM
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...


To me it sounds like you are using the concept of "God" as a catch-all for concepts that are impossible for you to fully understand. Can't grok it? It's god. It's been the role (among others) of religion since it's inception.

...

It is understanding via learning that I have written about, not that it's not understandable so it's God. But again no requirement to actually read the post I wrote and you are free to pull a tired old argument out of the atheists playbook and misapply it to a non-religious post.

Last edited by kanicbird; 04-09-2018 at 08:50 PM.
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Old 04-09-2018, 08:50 PM
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What a coincidence-so has God.
Your point?
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Old 04-09-2018, 09:05 PM
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I'm not to sure about the unconditional love for family. Is that not based upon how they treat you? It's like the last thread, the remark on how someone would not love their mother if she was cruel.

BUt I'll bite on the self bit, yet what does it mean to love someone? I have heard a myriad answers to this, but is love just feelings, actions? what does it mean when someone says it?
Well I can't comment on individual circumstances, I mean, of course there are exceptions to every rule. But suffice to say a cruel mother is much more likely to continue to be loved by those who were the victims of her cruelty than a cruel partner. The love has different requirements in each circumstance. Emotional vulnerability, trust, emotional risk, etc. are much more prominent in romantic love than familial love.

And when someone says "I love you" as a partner, they mean "I love how life feels when I'm with you". That means different things for different people, but the foundation is always the same. I think hahaha. It's inherently selfish but it doesn't matter if it's a simulation or just a chemical cocktail manifestation, it's what we experience.

"I love you" as a family member, you know, I'm at a loss for words. I think that can be a complicated concept that I am currently having difficulty expressing. Let me think more about it.
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Old 04-09-2018, 10:01 PM
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Ok then, I have a follow up. Why do why love that things about someone? Well I’m not sure if it’s why or how.
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Old 04-09-2018, 11:25 PM
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Ok then, I have a follow up. Why do why love that things about someone? Well Iím not sure if itís why or how.
Why love certain characteristics? I thought that was the only easy part of the question - because I do, that's why!

If you mean how did I get to be the kind of person who loves the things I love about my wife - I don't have answers beyond general things like "genetics" and "experiences".
  #45  
Old 04-10-2018, 12:26 AM
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Love doesn't work. You work and your partner works to form a union, to form a family of two or more, to survive, to be happy (mostly), to prosper or at least get by. It's hard work and sometimes it doesn't work. But when it does its awesome (with random pitfalls and bad times).

sinjin, with the same guy since 1972.
  #46  
Old 04-10-2018, 05:24 AM
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But it's a very important aspect of the whole bit on Love.
Yes, you need a "you" and a "me/I" for an "I love you" to be meaningful. If you want to debate the meaning of those terms, start a different thread and have at it. For the purposes of this conversation, stick with your original question about the meaning of love.

BTW, I noticed you didn't answer my question about ever having experienced first hand the feeling called love.
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Old 04-10-2018, 06:08 AM
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Ok then, I have a follow up. Why do why love that things about someone? Well Iím not sure if itís why or how.
Are you seriously now asking why we love/enjoy the sensation of feeling good about ourselves when weíre around certain people?

This conversation just jumped the shark for me.

Good Luck with your carefully cultivated angst!
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Old 04-10-2018, 02:07 PM
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I'm not to sure about the unconditional love for family. Is that not based upon how they treat you? It's like the last thread, the remark on how someone would not love their mother if she was cruel.

BUt I'll bite on the self bit, yet what does it mean to love someone? I have heard a myriad answers to this, but is love just feelings, actions? what does it mean when someone says it?
Well, I already gave my definition of love earlier: it's when the happiness of another person is essential to your own happiness. Thus you want them to be happy, and you are happier knowing they're happy. So, yes, it's "just" feelings, or more specifically a way that their presence and status effects their feelings. A person can do actions due to their feelings of love and desire for the other person to be happy, but those actions are expressions of love, no the feeling of love itself.

When a person seriously says "I love you" they are attempting to convey to you their feelings, so you will understand that you're an important person to them. They may also be hoping to evoke a similar statement from you, or it could just be for your information and edification.

And unconditional love for family has been recorded as being likely to spring up in a parent upon seeing their child - though I won't say it *always* springs up. It can also gradually develop from prolonged amicable contact, as may-or-may-not happen among family members and close friends.
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Old 04-10-2018, 09:33 PM
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Are you seriously now asking why we love/enjoy the sensation of feeling good about ourselves when weíre around certain people?

This conversation just jumped the shark for me.

Good Luck with your carefully cultivated angst!
Not why like in "why bother" more like "why or how does it happen?"
  #50  
Old 04-11-2018, 07:25 AM
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How does love "work?"

You like someone.

You really like them.

You really, really, really like them.


Next question?
Thank you for checking in, Sally Field.


For me, romantic love is magic. It just happens. When it does happen, you know it but you can't explain it.
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