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Old 04-28-2019, 12:33 PM
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For Those who Know: How Satisfying is Prostitution?


I imagine some Dopers have experience with this.

Paying for sex. Is it fun and worth it? Or is it gross and disappointing?

Answers from male or female encouraged.
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Old 04-28-2019, 01:10 PM
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This thread by polar bear is an interesting place to start.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=625497
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Old 04-28-2019, 01:32 PM
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Here is another one.
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Old 04-28-2019, 02:24 PM
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Satisfying for whom? The payer? Or the one being paid?
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Old 04-28-2019, 02:37 PM
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Satisfying for whom? The payer? Or the one being paid?
The payer - at least that's how I parse the OP.
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Old 04-28-2019, 02:56 PM
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Sharing personal details of this kind on this board can be hazardous to one's mental health, but I'll supply the first substantive answer.

I paid for sex once. It wasn't bad, not that different from having picked up someone for a one-night stand.

Now that I am old and overweight and can afford it, and if I were single, I might see doing it again, with the right sort of person. Even if the contact is only physical and has no emotional content, I think it might help with the yearning for connection.
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Old 04-28-2019, 07:39 PM
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There are aspects of it that, under the right circumstances, kind of do push my buttons in a pleasant way.

Picture, if you will, a person plying that particular trade, who gets an enjoyable sense of power from getting a target sufficiently sexually arounsed and interested and enticed that they can't really remain committed to holding onto their money, and will go along with it.

When money isn't involved, but one party sets out to obtain sexual pleasure from another person without their initially being so inclined, but getting them there by recruiting the target's own sexuality to undermine their self-determination, we call it "seduction". But it has often been said that you can't seduce the willing. People of my sex are often considered to be always ready and rarely reluctant, and one consequence of that is that there is a scarcity of female people going around seducing reluctant guys.

Putting money into the situation creates the dynamic within which his readiness and willingness isn't necessarily to be assumed. Not all people in the profession get a kick out of turning a guy's sexual appetite into a crowbar to separate him from the contents of his wallet, but some do. Not all potential johns are all that uninterested or uninclined from the outset, of course, either.

I have residual concerns about exploitation and life in a marginalized lifestyle and immigrants and other vulnerable people being shuttled into prostitution, even with many professionals testifying that they do what they do by choice and enjoy the profession, to be comfortable playing with the above on purpose, seeking a repeat, but I can't deny that it was quite entertaining and exciting at the time to be put in that situation.
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Old 04-29-2019, 02:49 AM
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"If God exists, why is my ass the perfect height for kicking?"

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Old 04-29-2019, 08:51 AM
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"If God exists, why is my ass the perfect height for kicking?"
I'm curious what it said before you edited it, G.
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Old 04-29-2019, 09:31 AM
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I'd suspect that, if it was gross and disappointing, no one would ever go back. That's obviously not the case.
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Old 04-29-2019, 09:34 AM
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I'd suspect that, if it was gross and disappointing, no one would ever go back. That's obviously not the case.
I dunno. Applebee's is still in business.
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Old 04-29-2019, 09:37 AM
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I dunno. Applebee's is still in business.
*like
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Old 04-29-2019, 09:43 AM
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I dunno. Applebee's is still in business.
I cannot confirm nor deny that I had a certain casual dining restaurant (one whose name starts with "A" and ends with "bee's") as a client for years. However, this made me laugh, too.
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Old 04-29-2019, 12:07 PM
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I imagine some Dopers have experience with this.

Paying for sex. Is it fun and worth it? Or is it gross and disappointing?

Answers from male or female encouraged.

Depending on what urge you are exactly trying to satisfy, the answer to the question in the title can range from "Very" to "not at all".

What the questions in your post is concerned:

It can be fun and worth it, but that's not a given (and sort of depends on how much you spend and how much that money means to you).

It is just sex, if you sometimes find sex to be gross... that won't be different here. I have never seen anything to make this more gross than normal sex (but then again, I don't go to gang bangs).

Disappointing? Sure, that happens (and again depends on what you're looking for).

Last edited by polar bear; 04-29-2019 at 12:08 PM.
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Old 04-29-2019, 12:19 PM
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Decades ago, when I was going through a lonely period with low self-image, I paid for sex three times. I don't think I actually got sex on any of these, but they were interesting experiences nonetheless. They were too expensive for what I got.
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Old 04-29-2019, 12:28 PM
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I had a weird situation years ago where a woman approached me at a bar and we began chatting. A few drinks later and she mentioned she was starving. I was hungry too, and asked if she wanted to go somewhere for dinner. She suggested a place and off we went.

After I paid the dinner check, I was ready to head home. I'd had an ok time, but I did not "feel a spark" and I thought neither had she. But, she suggested a nightcap at her place, which was close, so we ended up there. She made a first move and we spent some time in the bedroom.

I never saw or heard from her again. The next time I was in the bar where we'd met, a friend mentioned to me that the woman I'd left with that night was a professional, and was banned from the bar because of her occupation. I never figured out if she was taking the night off and we just ended up together, or if she felt she was thanking me for dinner, or something else.
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Old 04-29-2019, 01:15 PM
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.

It is just sex, if you sometimes find sex to be gross... that won't be different here. I have never seen anything to make this more gross than normal sex (but then again, I don't go to gang bangs).

Disappointing? Sure, that happens (and again depends on what you're looking for).
I'm curious about something. Sometimes sex is gross, but when you are with someone for a long time you can laugh it off. I'd think it would be worse with a professional. Ditto for performance anxiety. After all you are paying.
I'd guess that someone golfing with a pro is going to worry about his golf fundamentals more than someone golfing with some buddies.
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Old 04-29-2019, 01:28 PM
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I did visit some pretty "satisfying" lap dance places, and that was quite fun. The one time I have in Nevada in a legal place, it wasnt very fun.
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Old 04-29-2019, 01:41 PM
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I'm curious about something. Sometimes sex is gross, but when you are with someone for a long time you can laugh it off. I'd think it would be worse with a professional. Ditto for performance anxiety. After all you are paying.
I'd guess that someone golfing with a pro is going to worry about his golf fundamentals more than someone golfing with some buddies.
I would think it would be just the opposite. You don't have to try to impress the pro or make sure she orgasms or anything like that. I would imagine it makes it easier.
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Old 04-29-2019, 01:57 PM
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I'm curious about something. Sometimes sex is gross, but when you are with someone for a long time you can laugh it off. I'd think it would be worse with a professional. Ditto for performance anxiety. After all you are paying.
I'd guess that someone golfing with a pro is going to worry about his golf fundamentals more than someone golfing with some buddies.
Like with any other experience, it's going to depend on the person. I've done it once. I was in my early-20s, living in Budapest, was a bit bored, had a little too much to drink, my roommate was off in Albania so I was home by myself, and figured, "oh, what the hell...when in Rome...."

I learned that it wasn't for me. It was a very cold and awkward experience, and I didn't finish or anything. She kept asking me either if I was on drugs or if I had drugs (I didn't know enough Hungarian at the time to figure it out--I wasn't on drugs, nor did I have any.) At any rate, the experience didn't work with my personality and attitudes towards sex, and I found that out. Meanwhile, I had some friends who regularly partook and seemed to enjoy it (and they were types that could pick up girls at the bar if they wanted to, but they seemed to enjoy the straightforward, no-strings-attached nature of it, I guess. Or perhaps doing something slightly illicit satisfied a kink.)

I think that's as much of an answer as you can get: some find it satisfying; some don't, and sometimes it varies on other factors within an individual.
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Old 04-29-2019, 03:16 PM
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I'm curious about something. Sometimes sex is gross, but when you are with someone for a long time you can laugh it off. I'd think it would be worse with a professional. Ditto for performance anxiety. After all you are paying.
I'd guess that someone golfing with a pro is going to worry about his golf fundamentals more than someone golfing with some buddies.

Honestly, I can't recall anything in a sexual encounter (also with prostitutes) that I would consider gross. Mishaps and the like can be laughed off just as easily as well.

Also, in most cases you are just having sex with young women. The whole "pro" thing, often doesn't mean that much.
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Old 04-29-2019, 03:28 PM
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Perhaps I should clarify about grossness. I don't mean the act itself. I mean did you find the idea of putting it where dozens, perhaps hundreds have been before off-putting at all? Did possible STD's cross your mind, perhaps afterwards? Any guilt or regrets?
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Old 04-29-2019, 03:37 PM
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I mean did you find the idea of putting it where dozens, perhaps hundreds have been before off-putting at all?
How is this different from just picking up a woman at a bar?
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Old 04-29-2019, 03:46 PM
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I mean did you find the idea of putting it where dozens, perhaps hundreds have been before off-putting at all?
Heh, back in the day, that could have been said about me.
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Old 04-29-2019, 03:49 PM
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Perhaps I should clarify about grossness. I don't mean the act itself. I mean did you find the idea of putting it where dozens, perhaps hundreds have been before off-putting at all? Did possible STD's cross your mind, perhaps afterwards? Any guilt or regrets?

I've never been bothered about the amount of sex partners the girl has had, in the setting where I see the girls (clubs) I typically can even see how many she has had that day. Unless it is someone I know to be affected by how busy she is, I don't care. It is actually quite common to recommend girls to men you know/talk to. It is also quite common to have a whole group of friends go with the same girl during the day... although some clients can be jealous and some girls might even decline to go with friends of a regular (most probably to be sure there is no jealousy).

STDs... I guess they happen, but the chance of catching something is not really high (especially if you are safe). Definitely not something I think off much at all.


ETA what about the number of women I've been with? I don't consider myself to be physically or sexually defective (or ill, I get tested) after sex with so many women.

Last edited by polar bear; 04-29-2019 at 03:52 PM.
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Old 04-29-2019, 03:58 PM
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Back in my misspent youth when I was living somewhere that it was legal and regulated I partook a few times. I found it to be mechanical and cold. Better than masturbation but much worse than being with someone who wants to be with you. It would never be something I would do in place of real sex or something I would break the law for.
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Old 04-29-2019, 04:47 PM
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Decades ago, when I was going through a lonely period with low self-image, I paid for sex three times. I don't think I actually got sex on any of these . . .
You should have reported her to the Better Business Bureau.
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Old 04-29-2019, 04:57 PM
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I'm curious what it said before you edited it, G.
K and L are far too close on the keyboard, Right Gato? Just sayin'
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Old 04-29-2019, 05:32 PM
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Perhaps I should clarify about grossness. I don't mean the act itself. I mean did you find the idea of putting it where dozens, perhaps hundreds have been before off-putting at all? Did possible STD's cross your mind, perhaps afterwards? Any guilt or regrets?
Casual sex with a non- prostitute is more likely to result in an STD than sex with a sex worker.
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Old 04-29-2019, 05:34 PM
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How is this different from just picking up a woman at a bar?
The difference is it is less of a health risk. (streetwalker demographic notwithstanding).

Last edited by Ambivalid; 04-29-2019 at 05:34 PM.
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:04 PM
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I would think it would be just the opposite. You don't have to try to impress the pro or make sure she orgasms or anything like that. I would imagine it makes it easier.
What's the old joke about you don't pay for the blowjob, you pay for her to leave after it's finished?
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You should have reported her to the Better Business Bureau.
You don't know panache45 very well, do you?
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:39 PM
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Maybe she was a madam?
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:49 PM
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Try reading Chester Brown’s Paying For It, a graphic novel about paying for it (at age 40, after several romantic relationships).

I love Chester’s earlier stuff, especially Ed the Happy Clown, but this one struck me as dull and depressing, just as I imagine sex with a hooker would be.

https://www.amazon.com/Paying-Cheste...sr=1-1-catcorr
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Last edited by Ukulele Ike; 04-29-2019 at 07:50 PM. Reason: Link added
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Old 04-29-2019, 08:26 PM
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I seem to be the only woman responding.

I talked it over briefly with a male friend, one who I'm quite sure had no experience with prostitution himself. One concern he had was my physical safety, which I find amusing compared to going on a date.

It was OK and accomplished the intent. The only thing off-putting was the brevity of oral on his part and the somewhat aggressive move by him for reciprocation. Then again, I didn't take the buyer's prerogative of demurring. He brought his own condom and put it on without prompting. He started to chat me up afterward (I assume that most female clients like this) but quickly complied when I said that wasn't necessary or desired. As aptly stated upthread, the straightforwardness is the advantage, before and after. My immediate previous encounter basically amounted to, "Jeez, just get here and fuck me before I completely lose interest."

No interest in repeating. My one regret is that that was my last sexual encounter. Then again, better then the previous.
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Old 04-29-2019, 09:41 PM
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Thanks for the responses. I was looking at it from the perspective that a man in a somehow unsatisfactory relationship would have (like the famous people who have been caught) and not as a substitute for a one-night stand.
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Old 04-29-2019, 11:13 PM
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Perhaps I should clarify about grossness. I don't mean the act itself. I mean did you find the idea of putting it where dozens, perhaps hundreds have been before off-putting at all?
Shaking someone's hand is much more gross from this point of view. Think of all this hand has touched. Presumably it was very recently used to whip the person's ass. It has been in contact with genitals more often than the inside of a vagina has been. And the next time you kiss a woman romantically, don't forget that this very same mouth has sucked cocks.
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Old 04-29-2019, 11:27 PM
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Presumably it was very recently used to whip the person's ass.
You evidently move in circles different than the ones I do.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:00 AM
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You should have reported her to the Better Business Bureau.
Him. Actually, him and him and him.
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Old 04-30-2019, 07:40 AM
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Casual sex with a non- prostitute is more likely to result in an STD than sex with a sex worker.
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The difference is it is less of a health risk. (streetwalker demographic notwithstanding).
I'm not sure what you are saying with these two quotes.

My response was to the question of "I mean did you find the idea of putting it where dozens, perhaps hundreds have been before off-putting at all?"

Picking a girl up at a bar has the same idea, really. Who knows how many people she's slept with?
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Old 04-30-2019, 08:04 AM
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The one time I have in Nevada in a legal place, it wasnt very fun.
When I was living in Carson City I came across a guide to Nevada brothels in a bookstore. Curious, I flipped though it to Lyon county which had four right across the border on the east side from CC. One, the sketchiest-looking of the bunch, was described as the McDonald's of brothels: Fast, cheap, and you know what you're gonna get.
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Old 04-30-2019, 10:00 AM
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I recently had my first "happy ending" massage, and it was really fun!

The young woman was attractive and spoke almost no English, but she was friendly and seemed genuinely glad to have the business -- sort of like a chirpy server at a restaurant. During the massage she was very playful and seemed to be having fun with me, and she never stopped being friendly, even afterward.

I know the encounter wasn't sexually satisfying for her -- any more than delivering a good meal satisfies a server's appetite -- but I enjoyed every minute. And since it was hands-only contact, I never gave STDs a second thought. At $100 for 30 minutes ($40 fee, $60 tip) it was an extravagance but not a crazy one.

The only negative for me was wondering if she was working under her own free will, or if by my patronage I was supporting human trafficking. Anyone have thoughts on this?
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Old 04-30-2019, 11:33 AM
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The only negative for me was wondering if she was working under her own free will, or if by my patronage I was supporting human trafficking. Anyone have thoughts on this?
Were you in the country she was from?
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Old 04-30-2019, 11:36 AM
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Were you in the country she was from?
No, this was in the States, and she was Asian. (Sorry I can't be more specific than that.)
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Old 04-30-2019, 11:39 AM
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No, this was in the States, and she was Asian. (Sorry I can't be more specific than that.)
That's okay. Probably trafficked then. Don't go to those places.

Last edited by manson1972; 04-30-2019 at 11:39 AM.
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Old 04-30-2019, 11:48 AM
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That's okay. Probably trafficked then. Don't go to those places.
Aargh. Ignorance fought. I found this on the web and now feel utterly shitty about my good time.
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Old 04-30-2019, 01:27 PM
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I'm not sure what you are saying with these two quotes.

My response was to the question of "I mean did you find the idea of putting it where dozens, perhaps hundreds have been before off-putting at all?"

Picking a girl up at a bar has the same idea, really. Who knows how many people she's slept with?
Im saying compared to a drunken one-night stand, where condom use and judgment in general is often compromised, using a prostitute for a one-time encounter typically will be safer. Prostitutes are more likely to use condoms than are people engaged in one night stands. It's the prostitute's livelihood at stake after all.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:24 PM
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Im saying compared to a drunken one-night stand, where condom use and judgment in general is often compromised, using a prostitute for a one-time encounter typically will be safer. Prostitutes are more likely to use condoms than are people engaged in one night stands. It's the prostitute's livelihood at stake after all.
Cool, just wanted to make sure I understood you.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:55 PM
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"If God exists, why is my ass the perfect height for kicking?"
Even if God does exist, that does not mean He/She likes you or anybody else.
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Old 04-30-2019, 03:13 PM
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Even if God does exist, that does not mean He/She likes you or anybody else.
One of the few bumper stickers that make me chuckle: "Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole."
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Old 04-30-2019, 06:50 PM
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This is something I've kept to myself for a long time. Many, many years ago, I would occasionally drive to the part of town where I knew I could get a cheap quickie in my car at the end of a night out. Satisfying? I suppose, in the sense that those encounters provided me with exactly what I was craving at the time.

These days, a quickie in my car would not be what I crave, and I wouldn't do this now for a number of other reasons. But I have no moral objection to paying or being paid for sex. And were I to suddenly find myself single again, I can imagine a circumstance in which I might seek out an arrangement of some sort.
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