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Old 11-19-2001, 02:10 PM
Chef Troy Chef Troy is offline
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Dallas, Texas, USA
Posts: 3,904
Why has no one suggested prayer WRT the missing Purple Passion Penis? I suggest the 23rd Psalm... considering it contains the immortal phrase, ...thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me... it seems appropriate.

It's important to remember, however, that force will not be effective in returning the PPP to its rightful place in the nightmares of Boulder's literate children. As the saying almost goes, the penis mightier than the sword.
Old 11-19-2001, 02:16 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
Charter Member
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Lethbridge, AB.
Posts: 48,862
Re: I live in Boulder...

Originally posted by ModernRonin2
People who have lived in Boulder for a while eventually pick up this saying: "Only in Boulder." For instance:
- Only in Boulder... Do we have enough little plows to plow the bike paths in winter but not enough for the regular roads.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but this one is not true, because Calgary has the same problem. In a vast, sprawling city of ~850 000 people (and I do mean vast; Calgary is known for being a very spread out city), we have 3 snow plows (IIRC). We had a really snowy winter a couple of years ago, and people in the suburbs literally could not get into or out of their neighbourhoods for weeks at a time. But somehow, the bike paths are always clear.
"Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!"
- S. Bob
Old 11-20-2001, 09:03 AM
Fenris Fenris is offline
Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 12,991
Just when you think it can't get any weirder...

Another piece of "art" has been swiped (or, mutter the conspiracy theorists...hidden by the library)!!!!

A female torso roughly molded out of red clay (and apparently anatomically correct), is missing!

The statue, which I've dubbed Torso Van Moreso* has vanished. It, along with Purple Passion Penis, are the two exhibits missing from the porn-shop atmosphere of the Boulder County Library. (Some of the other "exhibits" designed to "raise awareness" of domestic violence, in addition to the severed penises and Torso Van Moreso include prettily decorated chain-mail and velvet chastity belts, and an "erotic" nude painting of a woman (the person who described it used the word "erotic" in a positive sense).

The Penis Artiste has claimed that she has had her First Ammendment Rights violated by El Penis Bandito, apparently not realizing that only a governmental agency can violate the First Ammendment. Apparently she's as wise as she is talented.

Four theories abound regarding the missing Torso Van Moreso
[li]That a copycat criminal kidnapped her
[li]That a pervert kidnapped her for carnal purposes!
[li]That the library staff swiped and hid her, to make El Penis Bandito look bad (the conspiracy theory)
[li]That she's been having a torrid affair of PASSION with the Purple Penis and they've run off together.[/list]
More reports from the front of this steamy controversy as new events occur!


*Name unapologetically swiped (and marginally modified) from "Angel and the Ape" by Howie Chaykin
Old 11-21-2001, 02:14 AM
Shyabrick Shyabrick is offline
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 30
Did the cops have to send a "special insertion" team to retrieve the stolen display?
Old 11-21-2001, 03:08 AM
december december is offline
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 7,493
From Elizabeth Mattern of the Daily Camera in Boulder, Co, as picked up by Scripps-Howard News Service
The phallic artwork has since been stolen, then recovered by police and will not be re-hung in the library.
(As pointed on at )
Old 11-24-2001, 01:46 AM
ņaņi ņaņi is offline
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 940

I haven't laughed this hard since Sept. 10 - my Birthday. This is without a doubt the funniest thread i have ever seen. keep me posted on every new development on this great Penis caper, Fenris!

Looking at all those penises... Loretta Bobitt musta cum to town...


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